Repentance Must Precede Restoration

Repentance Must Precede Restoration

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God, create a clean heart for me
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore the joy of your salvation to me,
and sustain me by giving me a willing spirit.
Then I will teach the rebellious your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
Psalm 51:10-13

I picture David face down, vulnerable before the Lord, as his guilt and sorrow pour out from his broken spirit. He was left with nothing but humility, recognizing how broken he was and how deeply he needed to be restored by God. He knew the type of sacrifice God required of him. God wanted his heart, a sacrifice of pride, for it is pride that keeps us from repentance. Repentance must precede restoration. Unlike me for far too long, David was fully aware of this. My pride kept me from a humbled, broken posture before the Lord.

Our world today makes it tough to appear anything but stoic, perfect, and in complete control. Peruse Facebook, and in seconds you’ll see this played out. But we know all too well that on the other side of that screen sits a nearly broken spirit — maybe that person is you. Perhaps you have been running and hiding from your repentance because of fear, doubt, or pride. Or, like me, you question whether God will forgive you.

God is far bigger than anything our minds can conceive. We were created to live fully. We must put our unbelief aside and choose to believe that God wants to restore us to a life full of His provision, blessing, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love. Are you desperate for restoration today? Do you believe that your humbled heart, laid out before Him in repentance, will bring restoration? Do you believe God wants to restore you?

Do you believe He will? I am praying that if you are in a place of needing restoration, you will run to the Father now and trust Him with your broken spirit and humbled heart.

This excerpt is by Tam Hodge, published in the (in)courage Devotional Bible. It has been edited from its original form.

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On Saturdays this summer, we’re sharing our favorite Psalms + several devotions from the (in)courage Devotional Bible. We’re loving our summer Saturdays (in) the Psalms with you!

When Your Answer Just Might Be a Question

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One of my daughters was struggling earlier this year to understand a decision her teacher made at school. All the feelings of confusion, frustration, and misunderstanding came tumbling out as she unpacked the details for me. This decision came at a cost to my daughter and to other students. My instinct was to call that teacher and give her a piece of my mind for the pain and embarrassment she had caused my girl. However, as a mama to three tween and teenage girls, it’s more important in this season of life to help them learn to respectfully articulate their concerns and to ask good questions.

Asking good questions is an art form and an advocacy tool. 

Questions can help us cultivate curiosity about other people and their perspectives. 

Questions can bring clarity and uncover nuances to a situation. 

Questions can provide an avenue to challenge an injustice we see or experience.

In the book of Numbers, there is a story that will remain indelible in my heart even though it’s not often preached about. This is the story of five sisters who are part of the nation of Israel, the daughters of Zelophehad. These women in Numbers 27 are named Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah. They walk a journey of deep grief and hardship when their father died, and they were left without provision. 

This sister squad put their heads together and decide to go to their leader Moses with a proposal. They start with a respectful, yet pointed question: “Why should the name of our father disappear from his clan just because he had no sons? Give us property along with the rest of our relatives” Numbers 27:4 (NLT).

These girls are asking for rights to their daddy’s property. Perhaps it seems a reasonable request in our context, but in those times daughters did not own property; Sons did. Daughters were given a dowry or monetary gift when they married, but did not inherit land. If a man had no sons, his estate would pass to the nearest male relative. By asking this courageous question, these daughters are challenging the traditional rules of society. So Moses hears their question and brings their case before the Lord. 

God’s response is compassionate: “The claim of the daughters of Zelophehad is legitimate. You must give them a grant of land along with their father’s relatives. Assign them the property that would have been given to their father. Numbers 27:7.

This story shows us God’s heart for women and the power of asking questions. The daughters of Zelophehad could have kept quiet. They also could have demanded the land with a sense of entitlement. Instead, they ask a question that changes history. God has Moses clarify the law so there is provision for these specific women and women in the future who might be in a similar predicament. 

Later, in the book of Joshua when the leaders are divvying up the Promised Land, these same sisters appear again. They go to Eleazar the priest, Joshua, and the other leaders to remind them of how the law was changed back in Numbers 27. 

Joshua gives them the land along with their uncles: “As a result, Manasseh’s total allocation came to ten parcels of land, in addition to the land of Gilead and Bashan across the Jordan River, because the female descendants of Manasseh received a grant of land along with the male descendants” (Joshua 17:5-6).

Friend, can you think of a time in your life when you were unsure of how to handle a situation? Have you ever experienced something frustrating or witnessed an injustice? Have you longed to overcome a rift in a relationship? Questions are a powerful way to engage others. 

Jesus is a master at asking purposeful questions. He uses questions to teach, to defend, to challenge, to make people think, and to help center the stories of those who often went unseen or unnoticed.

He asks a chronically sick man: “Would you like to get well?” (John 5:6, NLT), tending to his faith before healing him. 

He asks a lonely Samaritan woman at a well: “Will you give me a drink?” (John 4:7, NIV) and engages her in conversation, revealing Himself for the first time as the Messiah.

Jesus perceives the challenging thoughts of the scribes and Pharisees, and responds to them with a question: “Why do you question in your hearts? (Luke 5:22, ESV).

“But what about you?” Jesus asks His disciple Peter. “Who do you say I am?” in a poignant moment with His disciples before facing His death on the cross (Matthew 16:15, NIV)

He asks two unassuming men on the road to Emmaus: “What are you discussing so intently as you walk along?” (Luke 24:17, NLT).

Jesus models how to use thoughtful questions to foster understanding, build relationships, and deepen faith among the people. 

My daughter and I talked through the situation at school, shed some tears together, and finally prayed about how to respond. I have been mentoring my girls to advocate for themselves when they find themselves in tough situations. My daughter went to school the next day equipped with some honest questions for her teacher. These questions didn’t fix the situation necessarily, but they did help bring a greater understanding and clarity. Most importantly, my daughter found a sense of peace from the Holy Spirit and resolve that has helped propel her forward as a leader among her peers. 

Together we are remembering the daughters of Zelophehad who asked a brave question that changed history.

Where is God leading you to ask a question and courageously wait for an answer?

Dorina has a new children’s book, Chasing God’s Glory, that leads kids of all ages to discover God and His glory on life’s trails. Find details about the new book and subscribe to Dorina’s weekly Glorygram here!

 

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Living Our Best Year

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After three weeks of hospice care, my mother quietly passed away in her own bed, surrounded by friends and family, on my 38th birthday. She never met the youngest of our eight children, much less their future spouses and the great-grandchildren she could have known in a healthier life, with a healthier body.

I’m now the age she was when she died. My heart aches not only for the pain she endured but also for nineteen years worth of memories she’s missed.

I’m determined not to take these days for granted. Life is a gift. And so I’m dedicating this year to my mother, to living my best year — our best year — and doing all the things she could have done if she’d been healthier or if she were still here with us.

Recently I painted our dark kitchen cabinets white. On the second day, when I realized they required a minimum of six coats, I wanted to quit. Obviously, this wasn’t an option. A couple of things carried me through those two weeks of work: my husband’s help and encouragement and a new thought: I would dedicate the work to my mother’s memory and do it for both of us.

This year I’ll make a host of treasured memories, some anticipated, others unexpected, in her honor. Graduating my youngest daughter (my mom was too sick to attend my younger sister’s high school graduation). Taking a mother/daughter trip to Nashville to see a Taylor Swift concert. Attending some Braves home games (my mother was a faithful fan who kept her own scorebook during postseason games). Helping one of our daughters plan her wedding and enter the next stage of life.

My mother was a faithful member of the Doubleday Book Club; our den had a wall of bookcases filled with hardback fiction titles. I devoured them as a teen, which contributed to my lifelong love affair with a good story. Although I’ve released non-fiction books as both author and contributor, I read novels almost exclusively. I’ve found fiction easy to read but intimidating to write, but I’m working on something now and it’s fun to imagine my mother engrossed in a story I wrote for both of us.

Lately, I find myself playing more card and board games, or sitting on the couch watching baseball with the family. I’ve told my children I’ll go to the pool with them this summer, which I usually avoid (the pool, not the children). More than anything, I want to be present in the lives of my people. The effect of my mother’s absence in my life illustrates the importance of my presence.

My mother faced a series of medical decisions, some seemingly innocuous, that snowballed into a life marked by medical intervention and the quest for relief from pain and suffering. Dependence on doctors and pharmaceuticals dominated her existence; it stripped her of autonomy. Because of her experience, I don’t make health decisions lightly. Those chains that confined her purchased my freedom.

Yesterday I walked with my son and grandson on what we fondly call the Adventure Trail. My mother used a cane for years and had a disability parking permit; she joked that we drove her places to get a good parking space. She didn’t have the ability to do basic things, like grocery shop, without help. I want to walk my dog and hike our neighborhood trails knowing how happy my mother would be that I can. Lord, please don’t let me forget that mobility is a gift.

Although each day was a struggle, my mother lived with dignity. She was wise, outspoken, and honest. She was weak but not lazy. She had a sense of humor and laughed a lot. Her family was precious to her. She was always there for me. Always. She conserved energy, hoping she’d have the stamina to make it to church. Her faith sustained her.

She lived out lessons you can build a life on.

“My child, listen when your father corrects you.
Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.
What you learn from them will crown you with grace
 and be a chain of honor around your neck.”
Proverbs 1:8-9 (NLT)

I hope my story demonstrates the power of a mother’s influence. Our children gain an understanding of the world and how to function in it from us. It’s true that motherhood can be a thankless job. With young children, there’s much work and little recognition. With older children, you may feel forgotten or unneeded. My mother meant a lot to me, but I didn’t always tell her so. Remember: God sees you. He sees what you do. Your dedication to your family not only benefits them, but it honors Him.

My mother had faults; I learned from them too. Perfection isn’t possible this side of heaven. We do the best we can because it matters. Ripples of my mother’s influence linger, still spreading throughout my family years beyond her passing. This is the impact we have on our children’s lives.

We celebrate mothers in May, whether they’re here with us or live on in memory. Remembering what they stood for and what they taught us, let us honor them in an effort to embody their best.

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Make a Gracious Exit Without Making a Mess

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Endings are hard. Sometimes, we go out of our way to avoid them. At other times, we postpone them, like sliding our favorite worn-out jeans to the back of our closet because we don’t want to throw them away. Endings are often scary, awkward, and sad, even when we know that they are needed. How many of us remain in toxic job environments because we fear the uncertainty or uncomfortableness of leaving? Here’s a principle that we know, but don’t love: When we avoid timely endings, we often experience messy exits.

For years, I worked in ministry and encountered thousands of volunteers, church staff, and leaders nationwide. I noticed that people had difficulty admitting they were no longer passionate or interested in their serving role. Few people seemed to know how to say, “It’s been a pleasure serving with you, but it’s time for me to leave this role.”

While I understand that people don’t want to leave a ministry short-staffed, disappoint a manager, or suffer the ire of a toxic boss, we’re not doing anyone a favor by staying when our soul is screaming for us to go. Too many times over the years, I’ve witnessed what I call the “staff rapture.” This happens when a volunteer or staff member stayed too long out of duty, people-pleasing, pride, or stubbornness. Soon, they begin to resent showing up. Eventually, their pent up frustration explodes into angry words or accusations. The ugly finale happens when they storm out, never to be seen again. Then, the next weekend someone asks, “Hey, where’s Beth?” Someone else shrugs her shoulders. “We don’t know. She was here last week, and now she’s gone and not answering her phone.”

Perhaps you’ve seen this. Or, maybe it’s happened to you. Whether you stormed out or quietly faded away, the pain of a messy exit can sideline us from living out our purpose for months or years to come.

How do we gracefully exit a ministry, a job, or an organization sooner rather than later when we sense God or our heart telling us to move on?

The first step is giving ourselves permission to remember that we’re not assigned to any job or role forever. There’s an ebb and flow to our human experience that’s best summed up by the wisest man who ever lived:

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1

As believers, our eternal destiny with Christ will never change, but our earthly assignments will. This verse sets up the expectation that there will be starts and stops, so we need to prepare ourselves to handle both. This means that if you’ve been serving in a job or a volunteer role that is no longer serving you (or allowing you to serve others well), pray and ask God whether the season for your involvement has changed. Trust that God will answer you.

In early 2015, I sensed God calling me to let go of my staff role at the church where I’d worked for over thirteen years. I’d spent my early staff years in part-time children’s ministry. In later years, I served on the weekend teaching team and executive leadership team. Comfortable in my corner office, I was confronted with giving up what I’d worked so hard for. I was intimidated by the thought of starting over again. Surely, it would be easier to stay. One day, I prayed and asked, “God, can I stay?” Over the years, I’d witnessed God do great and mighty things that I was part of, and I didn’t want it to end.

God’s response to my question was this: “Do you believe that I have more for you?”

I didn’t know the answer. Actually, I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t sure if I believed that He had more for me. How could I give up what was comfortable and good when I didn’t know what was next? But, I chose to trust Him.

Over the next five months, I prepared and prayed while leaning into the wisdom of trusted friends and counselors. In time, I recognized that as much as I loved what I was a part of, God was calling me to leave, even though I didn’t have a clear picture of my future. I sat down with my colleagues, including our new lead pastor and shared my plans. In the months to come, there were many good-byes, celebrations, and tears. But thanks to God’s prompting, I gave myself the time to end well and experienced the blessing of peace with a grace-filled ending.

Endings are hard, but you don’t have to make them harder by refusing to move on. Is God leading you in a new direction in some area of your life? Give yourself the gift of embracing the end so you can embark on your new beginning without the memories of a messy ending.

 

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Sleep Psalms

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Sleeplessness is a problem for so many in our world today, but peaceful, deep, and restful sleep is possible. Friend, if you struggle with a racing mind, wakeful spirit, and troubled heart before bed, we have just the book for you. Sleep Psalms: Nightly Moments of Mindfulness and Rest by Pray.com will help calm your mind and re-center you on God. Throughout the 100 entries, you’ll discover deep peace and be reminded that God is in control. Each entry focuses on the lyrical poetry of the Psalms and also includes a short devotion and prayer. God is working for our good even as we sleep. Read on for an excerpt from Sleep Psalms:

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No matter what your day looks like, no matter what obstacles are in front of us, there is joy to be found here — yes, joy! We can have joy because of God’s strength that empowers us to help us, to guard us, to hold us, and to lead us to victory and rest. We will not face a single struggle on our own, and this is something to celebrate.

As you breathe in the hope you have in God, breathe out the stresses you carry. Open your heart to His love and allow Him to usher you into His peace and calm. Tonight, find rest in the goodness and faithfulness of God and let these verses lead you into the joy that is yours when your thoughts are focused on Him.

O LORD, the king rejoices in the strength You give;
he takes great delight in the deliverance You provide.
You grant him his heart’s desire;
You do not refuse his request. (Selah)
For You bring him rich blessings;
You place a golden crown on his head.
He asked You to sustain his life,
and You have granted him long life and an enduring dynasty. Your deliverance brings him great honor;
You give him majestic splendor.
For You grant him lasting blessings;
You give him great joy by allowing him into Your presence. For the king trusts in the LORD,
and because of the Most High’s faithfulness he is not shaken. You prevail over all Your enemies;
Your power is too great for those who hate You.
You bum them up like a fiery furnace when You appear. The LORD angrily devours them;
the fire consumes them.
You destroy their offspring from the earth,
their descendants from among the human race.
Yes, they intend to do You harm;
they dream up a scheme, but they do not succeed.
For You make them retreat
when You aim Your arrows at them. Rise up, O LORD, in strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.
Psalm 21

Worshiping God before you go to sleep can give you a new perspective on your day and help you focus on positive thoughts, calming your mind and relaxing your body. Reflect on His goodness and be reminded of His continual faithfulness in all the great things He has done, giving you deep, restful sleep.

Think of a time when God granted your prayers and answered your request for something, but you were moving too quickly to realize He helped you and answered your pleas. Take a moment to acknowledge that, ask for His forgiveness, and give Him the glory tonight!

Rejoice in God’s faithfulness. Praise God for the times He has answered your prayers and given you the desires of your heart. Praise Him for all the good things in your life.

Lord, I ask for healing of all the bruises I carry; restore my spirit and help me to remember Your mighty power. Surround me with Your soothing presence and receive my voice of praise for Your faithfulness to me. Thank You for loving me just as I am-let me rest in Your love tonight. Thank You for the gift of knowing that Your strength is mine to draw from in all the circumstances I face. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

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With 99 more devotions to help you wind down from your day and reconnect with God before you go to sleep, Sleep Psalms by Pray.com is a wonderful addition to your daily devotions.

Pray.com serves millions of Christians worldwide by helping people make prayer a priority in their life. Pray.com is driven by a mission to grow faith, cultivate community, and leave a legacy of helping others. Pray.com helps people hear the Bible come to life with world-class, faith-based audio content, make prayer a priority with inspiring daily devotions, and experience peace before they go to sleep with Bedtime Bible Stories narrated by celebrity voices.

Pick up your copy of Sleep Psalms today, and leave a comment below to enter to WIN one of five copies*!

Then listen in this weekend for a bonus episode of the (in)courage podcast as Ryan Beck, co-creator of Pray.com, talks with Becky Keife about Sleep Psalms!

 

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*Giveaway open to US addresses only and closes at 11:59 pm central on 5/30/23. Winners will be drawn at random and notified via email. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.

You Don’t Have to Figure it Out

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I walked while I listened to her gentle voice through my AirPods. I listened to her story, her desires, her longings. I listened as she described her calling. Her voice slowed down. I increased my speed on the gym treadmill. Her words fumbled around for minutes before they landed here, “I want to write a book.” This sentence was followed by disclaimers, all of her failed attempts, and cautious questions. I have had this conversation before. It wasn’t about writing a book, but it has always been about a dream of some sort. A dream of going back to school, starting a business, buying a camera, taking a class, stepping away from a 9–5 job. 

I kept walking.

I remember walking up and down the hills of my old neighborhood with a massive stroller. The baby wasn’t in the stroller, but wailing in my arms as I pushed it — empty. I was still far away from home. The weight of my loneliness was far greater than the weight of my child. I wanted a way out of this feeling. So in all the in between moments, I fantasized my way out of this life. I imagined careers that were creative and, of course, well paid. I imagined doing something meaningful like starting non-profits or a business that helped the displaced.  I imagined a life where I could escape the long days of breastfeeding and sleep training. I dreamed of doing something that could bring me into a better life. A life where I didn’t feel lonely or useless or tired. So, I dreamed. I dreamed of something I could do that could take me out of my pain.

I remember walking the aisles of the camera store, the Apple store, the art and design store. I walked between extremes of excitement and the fear of failure. If I was going to go anywhere with my dreams, I had to make it happen. I was anxious. I was afraid. I was desperate at times too. I felt pressure to work hard and the panic of not working hard enough. 

My pace on the treadmill was consistent now. In silence I listened to her navigate her desires as though she was in a dark room dodging a spotlight. Then I said, “You don’t have to figure it out.” I heard her almost exhale. That’s the biggest mistake I ever made with my dreams. I had a spark of inspiration and then I immediately started trying to figure out how to make it happen.

Every single dream I tried to figure out — failed. Every dream I walked by faith led to fruition in one form or another.

God gives us dreams not to take us out of our lives, our loneliness, our pain, our discouragement, or our anxiety. Rather, we are called to enter into our lives. By doing this, we enter our dreams too. God drops dreams into our imagination because He calls us to do art in the dark places. Write the book in the dim hours of morning light. Advocate for the poor out of your own poverty. Train your eyes to capture beauty before you ever pick up a camera. Become a wife not by desperately searching for the right man, but by becoming the woman God has designed you to be. The dream of a house doesn’t come by means of your good fortune, but by the hospitality God is growing in you every day.

Dreams aren’t fulfilled in boardrooms, better systems, or strategies, but in the quiet desperation of your own soul’s sanctuary. In the pew of continuous petition, in the slow cup of suffering, in the growling hunger for the Word, in the worship of the one true God, and in the baptism of all forms of idolatry and the rising of unexplainable freedom — this is where dreams grow breath and bones. 

Dreams, the ones you are really called to, don’t happen by magic, marketing tips, or sales numbers. They don’t happen by your genius, good time management, networking, or number crunching. Dreams certainly don’t come from your ability to figure them out. Because the dreams that matter most have little to do with results and everything to do with your formation. God is always, every time, and all the time about the formation of your heart to know His good, wide, and endless love. His dream for you is to be deeply formed by His expansive love. You, growing into your belovedness is God’s greatest desire for your life.

When a dream emerges, resist doing something to make.it.happen. Nowhere in Scripture does God say—try harder, do more, figure it out, make connections, it’s all on you, time is running out. Actually, the instructions God gives are quite the opposite. He says—Come to me, rest, abide, trust, you are not alone, I will be with you until the end of the ages, I will prepare a place for you.

Beware of the alluring temptations within your dreams. They will temp to take you away from the life God has given you. Even dreams for the Lord can take you from Him. Relieve yourself of the pressure to figure it out. Instead, step into your own soul, enter your life, be committed to the creativity you are called to, and trust the Lord is faithful. 

Most of all, walk in love.


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Take Note of This…

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“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
James 1:19-21

It’s as if James, the half-brother of Jesus, isn’t writing to first century believers but to 2023 Christians. It’s like he knows how quick jabs and angry tirades have become the cultural norm, even a sign of moral superiority (no matter your position or side). But while fast, lashing tongues (or typing) might be acceptable and applauded by the world, James reminds us that “human anger does NOT produce the righteousness that GOD desires.”

It’s a truth that transcends time and culture. Clearly the human condition needs the reminder again and again (and again) that we honor God and His image in others when we bite our tongue and train our ears to listen, really listen, before we ever speak. Anger is not a sin on it’s own — Jesus was flipping-tables angry when His Father’s temple was used like a shady marketplace to pad the pockets of the religious elite. But when anger is always our knee-jerk reaction, it’s time for some soul reflection. 

So sisters, let’s ask God today to help us humbly accept His Word planted in us. Let’s ask God to reveal areas of our lives — relationships, social media habits, hot button issues — that provoke us to spewing our opinions before consulting the Holy Spirit.

May God’s Living Water quench our need to be right, loud, and angry. May He instead refresh us with His wisdom so we can listen well and reply with humility when He says the time is right.

 

Let’s Spend Summer Saturdays (in) the Psalms

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It’s easy to spend summer weekends with lazy days strung together with glowing screens and blasting AC. Maybe you fill your weekends with activities that keep you even busier than the rest of the year. Or perhaps summer weekends mean the usual reprieve from a nine-to-five job or that same motherhood routine . . . and the only difference is the climbing heat.

Whatever your summer weekends look like, we know it takes intentionality to include more of Jesus in the rhythm of your days.

We can’t think of a better place to camp out this summer than in the Psalms.

The Psalms are known as fertile ground for connecting deeply with the heart of God. They are beautiful examples of what raw, honest, transparent communication with God looks like. Hopes and fears poured out. Hearts surrendered. Lives transformed. Through the Psalms, we see God’s love, compassion, and unshakable commitment to His people. We see God’s nearness, God’s with-ness.

On Saturdays this summer, we’ll share our favorite psalms + several devotions from the (in)courage Devotional Bible.

We can’t wait to spend summer Saturdays (in) the Psalms with you!

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“Let the whole earth shout triumphantly to the Lord!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Acknowledge that the Lord is God.
He made us, and we are his —
his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and bless his name.
For the Lord is good, and his faithful love endures forever;
his faithfulness, through all generations.”
Psalm 100

When stress and anxiety don’t let up, how do we shout triumphantly to the Lord? How do we come before Him with joyful songs? Joy isn’t easy to embrace when we’re overwhelmed and when grief and loss are closer companions on this journey than we’d like.

But verses 3 and 5 of Psalm 100 guide us toward joy. We acknowledge that the Lord is God, the One who made us and to whom we belong. We are in His care, shepherded by His strong hand, and His faithful love for us endures forever. God’s constancy is a reason for praise. With our hands and hearts open before Him, let’s enter into His presence singing songs of His faithfulness.

God, help us to remember the times You’ve walked with us and how You haven’t changed in the midst of all the changes happening around us. Fill us with Your joy. Amen.

We’d love to know — what’s your favorite Psalm?

 

The Still, Small, Wild Voice of the Lord

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Many, many years ago now, my husband and I followed what felt like a wild call from God. We left our steady jobs in the suburbs and moved to the plains of the Midwest to live and work at a Bible camp.

We had always been in and loved the work of ministry. We were a couple of young church enthusiasts, both of us former youth and camp program directors with degrees in family and youth ministry. When we learned  a camp (one with which we had a history) was hiring two people for program work, we jumped to apply. When we drove away from the interview, my husband was confident that this was our next calling.

I was a little less convinced but excited nonetheless. We’d only been married a couple of years, and this was a major move away from family and friends for both of us. But it was for work we were passionate about, and there was something romantic about living on the windy prairie for Jesus.

Our community, friends, and even our parents were surprised but not shocked. They knew our hearts, and they helped us pack. They thought it was a bit of a wild decision, but trusted us and the God who they knew led our way. We felt certain we were hearing the still, small voice of His leading.

And so, we packed up our whole life into a big U-Haul, drove ten hours west, and jumped in with both feet. We were excited to start this new stage in our life, and fully expected to live into it for quite some time. The camp provided housing, so we decorated the most adorable little house on the prairie. We met some people in the community, and I fell in love with the local coffee shop/antique store downtown. We were in the winter festival parade, loved getting to know groups who stayed at camp, and our families came to visit.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t weep when my mom drove away after her first visit. Because underneath the work I truly loved, I was miserable.

I cried a lot. I found myself unmotivated to do much of anything. This was before texting was a thing, so I spent evenings glued to the desktop computer in the office, following Twitter and reading blogs. The only friends I had lived behind that screen; due to the nature of the jobs we held, we weren’t really able to make many friends near camp. I was terribly lonely; even the new puppy we’d gotten to help, well, didn’t.

The cherry on top of the sadness sundae was that we were also experiencing infertility. To be so alone, both physically and emotionally, was simply too much.

Less than a year after we pulled onto the long dirt road to camp, we drove the truck back out and returned to the very city we’d just left.

It would be an understatement to say people thought, at that time, that we were making a mistake. People were hurt, confused, and angry that we left. I understand their reactions, I really do. But what they didn’t know or see were the daily tears, the aching heart, and the long winding road (proverbial and actual) to figure out where home was.

They also didn’t know that the very week we left, we’d driven that same long road frantically to the hospital in the middle of the night as I miscarried our first baby. I can hardly recall our months at that place without tears because it culminated with such devastation and pain.

As we drove out for the last time, I left some hopes and dreams along that road. Of a long and happy time spent in ministry there. Of an easy transition into parenting. Of making new friends and loving a new call.

I also dropped a few other things off along that road. Caring immensely about what others think. The need to explain and defend myself. Feeling like a failure for not “sticking it out,” and even feelings of failure for the miscarriage. I launched those all out the window and left them there among the stalks of prairie grass.

Because even as our life seemed to crumble, and didn’t make sense to anyone (including us), we heard and heeded the still, small, wild voice of the Lord.

“The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”
1 Kings 19:11-13

We followed God’s whisper in, and we followed it right back out.

Sometimes it’s like that; a wild decision here, a seemingly scattered choice there. If you can look steadily beyond the shivering winds, the shattering earthquake, and the showy fire, God’s voice will ring clear and gentle. Throughout that year’s journey, through the pain and the loneliness, the fear and failures, the leaving and the leaving again… God remained.

He still does.

Maybe no one understands why your life looks the way it does. Maybe despite your faithfulness, things aren’t panning out as you’d expected, hoped, or planned. Maybe you’ve left a place, only to turn right around and return. Maybe you left a place and never did return.

But if you can hear the gentle whisper of the Lord, you’re never without a way home.

 

Listen to today’s article below or on your favorite podcast app. 

Make Scripture Part of Your Everyday

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Scripture — we need it every, single, day. Here at (in)courage, we love to share stories from our lives that have a gospel takeaway. That’s the basis of our articles, our podcasts, our books and Bible studies, and even our agenda planners. Scripture — and how we experience God’s Word in our lives — is the foundation of it all. We know you want your lives to be Scripture-based, and we want to help.

And friends! We also know your love for planners. We know you’re looking at your planner every day, using it for task organizing, to-do lists, meal plans, and even using it to connect with Jesus because our planners include Scripture on every page!

Did you know the (in)courage planner includes a Bible reading plan? Scripture on each monthly and weekly spread? Stickers reminding you to pray, and stickers you can write prayer requests on? All true, and all pointing you to the Lord each and every day.

And every month of the 2023-24 (in)courage Something New Agenda Planner features a story from (in)courage! You’ll get to read as one of our writers shares her heart for mercy, hope, wisdom, or peace… while always asking God to do something new. You can scan the QR code beside each excerpt or visit incourage.me/somethingnew to read the full devotions! But here, we’ll give you a sneak peek:

I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s faithful love, we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!
Lamentations 3:21-23 CSB

From Mary Carver: “If you’re afraid that you’ve missed your chance, that you’ve messed up too much, that you’ve wandered too far, that you’ve waited too long, know that God will never give up on you. He is here to give you another chance. Though the weeks and seasons and years come to an end, His mercies never do. Take heart. Our God is a God of second chances.”

–

Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:14-15 NIV

From Anjuli Paschall: “When someone doesn’t give or receive love the way you think they should, resist the temptation to believe they don’t love you. The easiest thing to do is to stop pouring out love. But don’t stop. There isn’t just one right way to love. There aren’t just five love languages but millions of ways we can love because we all have our own God-given love stories. We were each designed to love in our own way. I’m tempted to make love in a black-and-white way, but I’m learning it can be very fluid. It can bend, flex, and bleed different colors. Love requires wisdom.”

–

Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Luke 6:36 ESV

From Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young: “Through Jesus Christ, God displayed both mercy and justice. He sent His son to die on the cross as a substitute for you and me. He met us in our depravity with compassion, and His mercy continues to preserve us through the gifts of forgiveness and salvation. And as recipients of His mercy, we are called to emulate His mercy. Mercy is an invitation to align our hearts with the heart of God and to dignify those around us.”

This eighteen-month 2023-24 (in)courage agenda planner also provides the classic DaySpring planner features, including a durable laminated cover and tabs, a lay-flat design with continuous spiral, an interior pocket page, and generous space for noting your plans. Ooh, and we are giddy over the return of checkboxes on the weekly lined pages!

You will be inspired by the beautiful monthly art spreads, weekly verses, and inspirational devotions throughout. The notes section will help you write down quick thoughts to come back to, the pass-along prayer cards will encourage your heart (or the heart of a friend!), and again, there are even three pages of adorable stickers you can write on to help bring your planner some color and extra joy!

Plan out and walk through your days with this Scripture-based planner, knowing that when we include God’s Word even in the cracks of our day, He multiplies its goodness in our hearts and lives.

Pick up your (in)courage Something New Agenda planner today!

 

Listen to today’s article* at the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

 

*Please note, the devotional excerpts from the planner that are included above were not included in the audio version. We apologize, and hope you will read and be blessed by them!

For the Times You Carry More Dread Than Delight

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I birthed my daughter twenty years ago today — exactly ten days before my own 29th birthday. I’ve always loved that May means celebration time for the Strong girls. May is also the month when I (finally!) shake winter from my hands and hem and wear short-sleeved shirts for multiple days in a row. In Colorado, May is the gateway to the magical time known as “summer without crawling critters and humidity.”  May means school vacation and the growth of new, good things.

I’ve always, always loved May. That is, until last year.

Let me just say, for various reasons, last May was partly just plain terrible. In fact, my husband and I coined it, “The May of Suck.” That’s not to say May didn’t hold some glorious highs, like our daughter’s high school graduation. That was perfectly wonderful — bittersweet but wonderful. Yet, after welcoming momentous highs into our lives, we couldn’t close the door fast enough before corresponding lows snuck in behind.

By and by, summer released a little pressure on the cooker that felt like life, thank God. Late August brought more bittersweet significance when we moved our baby to college. Saying goodbye to her meant saying hello to Empty Nest-dom (or as we call it, our Changing Nest).  Fall came and then winter with its frosty temps and our frosty wariness that while things weren’t as bad as May, life wouldn’t let up, either.

As this marble called earth rotates through May once again, I’m a little tender and bruised from the memories of last May. I’ve been walking through this month hunched over and holding my breath as I wait for the other shoe to drop. I’m desperate for a sign of redemption to show itself, like the green shoots of my lilies growing through our hard, rocky dirt.

May, my former favorite month, comes with more dread than delight this year. That not only saddens me, but it’s a draining, demoralizing way to carry on.

In Scripture, Psalm 53:5 says, “But there they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread. God scattered the bones of those who attacked you; you put them to shame, for God despised them.”

Tim Keller writes in his book, The Songs of Jesus, how this passage is a message to believers about how God has defeated their enemies, so why dread what God has defeated? He goes on to say, “Dread is less specific than fear. It is an attitude that something is sure to go wrong, if it hasn’t already. Besides often being untrue, as the psalm says, it is an insult to our loving Savior, who will walk with us even if the worst does happen.”

I know this is true in my head, but I often act out of my heart’s unbelief.

During the Last Supper, Jesus tells His disciples to not let their hearts be troubled, which is extraordinary given what was coming. As I learned from Bible teacher, Andrew Hess, this is known as the greatest moment in Christian counseling. Dread filled that room because, for those present there, the circumstances were as bad as they could get. Yet, Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.” (John 14:1). The key to having peace, regardless of circumstances? Believe in God and believe also in Jesus.

Trust that even in the worst of times, God is for you and Jesus walks with you.

Instead of succumbing to the sticky, wobbly state of dread, I started doing small things to reflect a foundation of faith — regardless of my feelings. I’m a big feeler by nature (Enneagram 2 here!), and while those feelings get a say in things, they don’t get to boss my life. So, last month, I looked ahead to May to see in what ways I could act in a manner that leaned towards the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen — that leaned towards trust in God’s goodness. For me, this looked like buying a new dress for an event I hoped to attend. It looked like purchasing flowers that would attest to the fact that God grows good things. It looked like the moment I felt dread bubbling up saying out loud, “I am trusting You, Lord Jesus, trusting only You.”

I still don’t know how this May will work out. Will it be better than last year? Lord willing, it will. Either way, I don’t need to act like it’s a foregone conclusion that it will be The May of Suck II. I can trust that God moves from a place of abundance, not scarcity. Because He’s brought me through 100% of yesterday’s troubles, I can trust He’ll do the same for any that may arise today and tomorrow.

Dread is a storm cloud that borrows imaginary trouble from tomorrow to prevent us from seeing God’s overturned cup of blessings today. We can choose to either spend our time with a face turned toward hope or planted in the mire of dread. Putting our faith in action is not a magic formula that ensures things will work out to our liking. Rather, it’s a tangible way to operate in the belief that God, our Waymaker, will make a way for you and me to get where we’re supposed to be . . . in the month of May and beyond.

 

Listen to today’s article below or on your favorite podcast app!

Heart of Mercy Launch Party!

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We’re thrilled to tell you that our newest (in)courage Bible study, Create in Me a Heart of Mercy, is available TODAY! Cue the confetti! This Bible study completes the set of Create in Me a Heart of… studies. It features the real-life, going-first kind of stories you love from our (in)courage writers, and an in-depth yet accessible Scripture study — like the excerpt we’re sharing below, written by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young. Read on for a taste of Create in Me a Heart of Mercy:

And on the Sabbath day, we went outside the gate to the riverside, where we supposed there was a place of prayer, and we sat down and spoke to the women who had come together. One who heard us was a woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyatira, a seller of purple goods, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul. And after she was baptized, and her household as well, she urged us, saying, “If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house and stay.” And she prevailed upon us.
Acts 16:13–15 (ESV)

Lydia’s story serves as an example of how the gospel was spreading to new areas and how God in His mercy calls people from all walks of life to build His kingdom. Paul is traveling throughout Macedonia, Achaia, and Asia at this point in his missionary journey. He meets Lydia down by the river in Philippi, a Roman colony in Macedonia.

Lydia was a businesswoman from the city of Thyatira, which was in the Roman province of Lydda in Asia Minor, and was known for its production of purple dye and dyed goods. We learn from the text that Lydia was a “dealer in purple cloth,” a product that was extremely expensive and was purchased only by royalty and people of wealth. In other words, Lydia had connections and resources.

With careful reading, we learn that Lydia worships and fears God but doesn’t know the full picture of the gospel. The passage tells us that “the Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul” (Acts 16:14). This detail shows the way God was actively working in this situation and how His mercy brings another daughter into His family. When Lydia hears Paul share the good news about Jesus—His death, resurrection, and forgiveness of sins — she becomes a true believer. In fact, she becomes the first recorded convert to Christianity in Europe.

Let’s lean into the text to see what Lydia does after she makes a decision to believe in Jesus: “After she was baptized, and her household as well” (Acts 16:15). Immediately after believing in Jesus, Lydia decides to get baptized. (After all, they were down by the river, so why not?!) Lydia then proceeds to lead her entire household—including her servants and any family members old enough to comprehend — to believe in Jesus Christ and get baptized as well. God’s mercy extends not just to Lydia but to her entire clan.

After sharing her newfound belief with those closest to her, Lydia then uses her gift of hospitality and invites Paul to stay with her. Her home eventually becomes the base of operations for the church in Philippi. She is a prime example of a woman who uses her gifts of hospitality, leadership, and influence for God’s glory.

Hospitality at its basic level is the generous and gracious treatment of guests, and it’s one way we can show the kindness of God to others. I love hosting Bible study groups, my daughter’s track and field team, friends passing through town, our mom’s prayer group from school, and our church life group. Making them feel welcome and cared for allows me to pass on the mercy God has shown me.

Food is my love language, and nourishing people well at my table is a gift. Whether it’s cooking up an Italian meal using my mama’s manicotti recipe or grilling burgers and veggies, it’s important to me that food is abundant and people feel welcome. Through food, I can make people feel special and loved in the same way God reminds me that I’m wonderfully made and completely adored.

Although it often involves opening one’s home, hospitality doesn’t have to look a certain way. You don’t have to serve up fancy food or have a big house. You can take food on the road and bless people by delivering meals after they have a new baby or when they are sick or have buried a loved one. Hospitality is our opportunity to respond to God’s mercy by offering kindness and tender care to others.

Lydia opened her heart to the gospel and her whole family received God’s mercy. She in turn opened her home to the Philippi community, and many others had a space to form and grow in their faith.

Hebrews 13:2 reminds us, “Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!” (NLT). Who can you extend hospitality to by inviting them into your home or out for a cup of coffee? Maybe God has given you a home that has a guest room or a bigger yard where you can host a Bible study. Perhaps hospitality looks like inviting someone to sit next to you in class or striking up a conversation with someone on the bus. Whatever it looks like for you, consider allowing God to open your heart through hospitality as His mercy overflows to those around you.

DEAR JESUS, I’m humbled by the way You extended mercy and hospitality to me through Your sacrifice on the cross. Thank You for welcoming me into Your family when I didn’t deserve it. I’m longing to show hospitality to others like Lydia did. Open my heart and the doors of opportunity. Amen.

by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young, excerpted from the BRAND NEW Create in Me a Heart of Mercy Bible Study

The Create in Me a Heart of Mercy Bible Study is the fourth and final in our series of these studies, and it’s now available wherever books are sold! (You’ll love all four studies, but you don’t have to do them in any particular order! So feel free to jump right in with Heart of Mercy.)

And what would a launch day celebration be without a giveaway?!

To celebrate the release of Create in Me a Heart of Mercy, we’re giving away FIVE HUGE gift bundles!* Just leave a comment on this post telling us where you have seen mercy in your life recently and you’ll be entered to win a bundle that includes:

We’re thrilled that this Bible study is able to be in your hands. Get your copy and learn what God says about mercy. Sign up here and we’ll send you the first whole week of Create in Me a Heart of Mercy for FREE so you can start right away!

Let’s seek hearts of mercy — together. 

Join Becky Keife for a conversation with Dorina this weekend on the (in)courage podcast. AND stay tuned for details about our summer Online Bible Study featuring (you guessed it) Create in Me a Heart of Mercy. Don’t miss it!

Listen to today’s article below or wherever you stream podcasts!

When You Can’t Get Away

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Last week I watched a trailer for a new documentary series coming out soon. As I listened to the narrator explain how he hoped traveling around the world would help him finally find happiness, I tilted my head and squinted my eyes. Why was this so familiar? I wondered. I watch a lot of trailers and consume a lot of content about pop culture in general, but I was pretty sure I hadn’t heard of this show before.

Later, as I watched a different TV show about a couple going on a journey to find happiness, it hit me. The series being promoted in that trailer was new to me, but the concept was not. So many of our stories — both the ones we see in movies, television, and books and the ones we tell ourselves about our own lives — center around happiness only discovered by leaving home.

Don’t get me wrong. I love traveling and believe it can be educational, refreshing, and even transformative. I’ve heard from and connected with God many times during trips outside my town, my state, and my comfort zone. And sometimes I feel such an intense desire to get away, to be anywhere but here, that rather than drive straight home after work or errands or dropping my kids off at their schools, I take a detour and keep on driving for just a little bit longer.

But sometimes we can’t get away. We can’t escape the confusing or crushing or simply mundane. Sometimes our budgets or our responsibilities keep us at home. Meanwhile, the world seems to keep its most wonder-full experiences for anywhere but here. Sometimes we desperately need a break. We deeply crave a change of pace, and we ache for adventure or long for lounge chairs by the pool — but we don’t have vacation days or childcare or gas money. Sometimes we’re stuck at home because we can’t find a travel companion or the courage to go on our own. Sometimes we’re busy or we’re sick.

Sometimes we can’t get away.

So what then? Are we to assume that happiness is out of reach? Are we to accept our existence is somehow less than because we can’t travel the world like a rich actor or escape to a magical land like a movie character?

Obviously not.

Although, when I get that urge to run away from home — for an hour, for a day, for the rest of my life — this doesn’t seem so obvious. When I spend my time and energy looking outside and elsewhere for what I need, I can miss what’s possible, what might already be happening right here and now.

Last month I was supposed to go on a retreat with my fellow (in)courage writers. After a challenging and exhausting season, I was so ready to soak up every minute of beautiful scenery, delicious food, and nobody needing a thing from me for a few days. And, of course, I was nearly giddy with excitement to see my beloved friends who live annoyingly far away from my house. I fully anticipated connecting with them and with God as my cup overflowed with joy and gratitude once again. But then I got sick.

And did I immediately take a deep breath, look for the blessings in my broken plans, and thank God for . . . anything? Did I remember in that moment (or that entire weekend) that joy can be found wherever God is, and God is everywhere? Did I seek out ways to connect with Him and let Him renew my hope and fill up my cup right there in my bedroom or my backyard?

No, friends, I did not.

At least, not immediately. Because I’d gotten caught up in the idea that happiness was a plane ride away, that distance was the only solution for a lack of clarity, and that peace was only possible with solitude and silence and a complete break from my responsibilities.

Thankfully, God knows I watch many TV shows and He kindly connected the dots for me with real and fictional characters forgetting that life happens wherever we are. And with that, He reminded me that He offers us joy and hope and peace and purpose wherever we are, no matter how boring or stressful or hard. The Lord gently pointed me back to the truth that happiness isn’t out there.

Instead, joy is found in Him, right here.

“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.”
Psalm 16:8-9a

Getting away is a gift and can be a way for God to bless us or speak to us in a new way. But it’s not the only way for us to experience joy, to learn or grow, to be okay. Sometimes we can’t get away, and when that happens, we can remember that God—and all the joy, hope, peace, and love He offers us freely—is right here.

If you’re feeling weary or worried and wishing for a break, an escape, a way to get away, remember that no matter where you are, God is right there with you. He’s with us in our regular, everyday lives, offering fresh mercies and another step on the path He’s made for us. On the beach or on the phone with the doctor’s office, in a luxurious hotel or in traffic, taking in the sights or taking the kids to school — wherever we are, so is God. And where God is, so is our joy.

 

Listen to today’s article on the player below or wherever you stream podcasts.

When God Is in the Way of What You Want

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My husband stuck his phone under my nose, as I wearily entered the kitchen.

“Look what I caught outside,” he said. My moist eyes glanced down at the ribbons of green streaming across his photo of the sky.

I bundled up as quickly as I could against the cold that was about to accost me, eager to stand under the cover of the Northern Lights as they flowed above our house. A reminder to look up as I inwardly processed my daughter’s lingering grief.

I don’t know what to do with the struggle that comes after obedience. There are no easy answers to the fall-out of transition. Especially for those that don’t have a choice in the matter — like my kids.

A few minutes before I ended up outside, chasing rivers of light, I sat at my daughter’s bedside. And, like I’ve done many times before, I rubbed her back as she cried about the place that she missed.

We’ve lived in Iceland for over four years, with ebbs and flows of homesickness. My daughter’s recent melancholy was triggered by conversations with new friends over dinner. We shared the testimony of our journey with Jesus, of how the Lord provided for us in amazing ways. But as my daughter vocalized her heartache later that night, I realized that her struggle wasn’t one I could easily fix. God was in the way, because God was the one who had set the course before us.

In these times, I want to give her a boxed up answer — tied in a pretty bow — that will instantly take away her discomfort. I want to buy the plane ticket and fly her to where she wants to go and relieve the burden of her ache. But it is not a foe that we are fighting. It’s not even a wrong that needs to be made right. We are here in this country that we really adore because we are doing our best to walk in obedience.

These instances cannot be passed by so easily, because God oftentimes is in the way of what we think we want. But there is invitation to engage with the Lord as He steps into where we are. He’s fully aware of our grief and the limitations of our understanding, but He offers us the opportunity to know Him in a way that we wouldn’t otherwise.

All throughout scripture, we see the stories of those who had God burst in on their paths: 

These were spectacular displays of God interrupting the lives of His people. And, like our brothers and sisters of old, God has set us on the path to something more. Maybe higher than we can understand or comprehend. But always better.

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 
Psalm 139:5-6 (NIV) 

In the moments when He hems me in, I’m unable to appease the ache of my children with simple answers. But I can show them, through my own grasping, what it means to cling to Jesus. I can guide their hands not to material things, but to grab ahold of the hand placed upon them.  

As I tuck my daughter in at night, I pray she will experience the Holy Spirit as her comforter. Even though I’m afraid she’ll blame God, I want to hold her hand as she encounters Him. I want her to know that even in this moment, it may not be comfortable, but she is covered.

When I looked up at the sky above me that night, it felt like the sweetest kiss of color and light. I lifted my hands and whispered prayers into the ridiculous cold as I watched sun particles bursting through the atmosphere — interrupting the inky darkness with a dazzling display.

It was a reminder of what it looks like for God to be in our way — to be invited to seek out not what is easy, but what is higher, deeper, wider than we can comprehend. 

We surrender what we want…for everything that is His.  

And we trust that it will be glorious. 

However You Feel About Mother’s Day . . .

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She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:25-26

We know this day is a complex one full of many emotions and experiences, so we are praying for each of you today as you remember, celebrate, grieve, or enjoy motherhood and what that means to you. Every single woman who loves, encourages, nurtures, and releases those who become part of the next generation is doing an amazing work and is to be celebrated today.

Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do.

 

The Beauty of a Do-Over and Loving Your Mother-in-Law

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I was in my early thirties, established in my career, and comfortable in my skin, but I was still nervous when the time came to meet my future mother-in-law. Would she like me as a person, approve of me as a daughter-in-law, and accept me into the family, even with my bad-girl past?

Our first meeting was cordial, and she always made me welcome in her home. But as each year went by, I became less certain of my place in her heart and held her at arm’s length emotionally. Yes, I dutifully sent flowers each Mother’s Day, made her favorite dish for Thanksgiving, and showered her with presents at Christmas. But whether it was pride, anxiety, or insecurity, something kept me from building a nest for her in my heart.

Then I studied the book of Ruth. Undone by the loving-kindness Ruth showed her mother-in-law, Naomi, I realized something had to change in my life — and that something was me.

A phone call to my mother-in-law seemed the place to begin. My hand shook as I punched in the numbers. I had no real plan, trusting God to give me the words to say: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Can we begin again?

When my mother-in-law answered the phone, an overwhelming sense of peace washed over me. Whatever fears I’d harbored — of rejection, of losing her as I’d lost my own mother, of not measuring up — were gone. Nothing was left but love.

The next time we visited my in-law’s house, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her my first real hug. Our last five years together were sweeter than all the years that came before then, combined. I have Ruth the Moabitess to thank for that, and the Lord she vowed to follow.

When Naomi started for home after ten years in the far country of Moab, she urged her two daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth, to return to Moab and to their gods. Orpah was convinced; Ruth was not. She told Naomi, “Don’t plead with me to abandon you or to return and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God” (Ruth 1:16).

Ruth was determined not to go back to her false gods. We can’t say for sure, but sometimes I wonder if the Spirit of God moved through Ruth like living water in that moment — cleansing her, filling her, making her altogether new. One thing we can know is that Ruth wasn’t merely making a choice to follow her mother-in-law. Her decision included a commitment to the Lord Himself, the God of the Israelites.

God alone ordained and orchestrated this sacred moment. Ruth’s great-grandson would one day write, “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of his heart from generation to generation” (Psalm 33:11). Naomi and Ruth are woven into those plans. So are you, beloved. Long before Naomi and Ruth walked the earth, God’s plans for you were already in place.

Before Naomi could respond that day, Ruth made a bold vow: “For wherever you go, I will go.” More than one dewy-eyed bride has repeated Ruth’s words while gazing into her bridegroom’s handsome face. But Ruth wasn’t talking to or about a man. She was speaking to and about her mother-in-law, who by all appearances didn’t want her daughter-in-law along for the ride.

Ruth’s second vow is equally powerful: “…and wherever you live, I will live”. She’d never been to Bethlehem, yet seemed to care little about where she was going, as long as she was with Naomi. She continued, “Your people will be my people.” It’s one thing to leave your house and quite another to leave your country. Ruth promised to adopt the laws, traditions, dialect, foods, customs, folklore, and history of Israel, turning her back on the only life she knew and embracing a world she had yet to experience.

We’ve seen Ruth’s courage and commitment on display. Next comes her extraordinary leap of faith: “And your God will be my God.” Over the years, Naomi had plenty of time to teach her daughter-in-law about the covenant with Abraham and the exodus with Moses. She’d also had countless Sabbaths to show Ruth what a life devoted to the one true God looked like. Yet, in the end, it was God at work in Ruth’s heart that made her confession of faith possible.

If you have a mother-in-law, Ruth’s brave example shows how you can strengthen or rebuild your one-of-a-kind relationship. Perhaps some of these practical ideas might help:

  • Praise her good points. Just as you may wonder if your mother-in-law likes you, she may think you don’t like her. So, praise her every chance you get and help put her unspoken fears to rest.
  • Brag about her son. At any age, mothers long to know they did a good job. Sincerely compliment your husband’s fine character or commendable actions, then watch his mother light up.
  • Request a favorite recipe. Gourmet or otherwise, her home-cooked meals fed your growing husband. Find out his favorite dish and ask his mother to share the recipe.
  • Give thanks. Show your gratitude for the woman who raised the man you love. She wasn’t a perfect mother, but she was his mother. She still is, and always will be.

As relationships go, this one can be complicated, which means it also has the potential to go deep and wide. Open your heart, friend. Let her in.

Story by Liz Curtis Higgs, as featured in A Mother’s Love.

Above is an excerpt from our book, A Mother’s Love: Celebrating Every Kind of Mom, which is full of reflections on God’s heart. Featuring unique and diverse stories from the (in)courage community, A Mother’s Love offers heartfelt encouragement to all kinds of moms, whether they’re a mother in a traditional sense, a spiritual mother, or a mother-like figure who breaks the mold.

This book is sure to help any woman share a meaningful gift with someone who has been impactful in her life, a new mom learning the ropes, or a close loved one facing the joys and challenges of any stage and type of motherhood. Compiled with all women in mind so we can celebrate those who made us, shaped us, helped us grow, and loved us well, A Mother’s Love is a beautiful gift for the moms in your life.