God Meets Me Through the Ocean Waves

God Meets Me Through the Ocean Waves

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My one request for my forty-fifth birthday was to go to the ocean. 

My husband Shawn and my three daughters took me to a little beach town along the central coast of California called Cambria. I didn’t realize until we arrived that this was the same town my late husband Ericlee took me for my birthday almost twenty years ago. 

The memories flooded back. We were barely married a month when Ericlee told me to pack a weekend bag because he had a surprise for me. We drove three hours and checked into the same quaint lodge near the coast.

Suddenly, I was a twenty-something married girl again, walking along the ocean hand-in-hand with my love. We had our whole lives ahead of us. We made footprints in the sand and dreamed of what our lives might be like in twenty years when we had kids, ministry, and full careers. I never imagined he would graduate to heaven ten years later.

Not long after he died, I went to the beach, and while my young daughters built sand castles, I watched the waves for hours. The rushing waters flowing in and out brought me surprising comfort. God welcomed my tears, my questions, and my fears as I burrowed my toes in the sand and wondered what my future would hold. 

The ocean has been my place of refuge since I was a young girl, when I would sit before the crashing waves and write poetry. Maybe it’s my Polynesian/Pacific Islander heritage or the fact that our family would make a point of going to the beach when we traveled for family vacations. The ocean has always been a place of grounding, a place where I feel most at home and closest to God. 

Psalm 19:1 tells us the heavens declare the glory of God, but I believe the ocean is part of that same symphony too. Somehow I always get lost in the swirl of colors — the dance of the deep navy swell with the turquoise waters before the ocean lifts her head to kiss the azure sky and melt back into the arms of the sapphire blue horizon. 

God meets us in the nuanced glory of the water and waves. 

The ocean speaks of God’s awesome power. The prophet Jeremiah reminds us: “This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar — the Lord Almighty is his name” (Jeremiah 31:35 NIV). This prophecy reminds us that God is the one who controls creation. He can stir up the waters and harness tsunamis because He created it all in the first place.

I can’t help but think about that story in the New Testament when Jesus was taking a nap in the boat on the Sea of Galilee. When a wild storm rears its ugly head on the water, the disciples wake Him trembling with fear.

Jesus responds, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then He gets up and rebukes the wind and waves, and suddenly there’s a great calm (Matthew 8:26 NLT). Jesus demonstrates His power over nature right after He heals several people.

God is at once the masterful Creator, our loving Father, the ultimate Judge, and our caring Shepherd. 

Back on the shore in Cambria for my forty-fifth birthday, I marveled at the ways God had met me through the years at the ocean and how my dreams had unfolded. My daughters, who are now ten, thirteen, and sixteen, napped and read books with me. They are ocean girls too — at home in the salty air and dancing in the waves. 

In many ways, I’m living the life I dreamed of twenty years ago, but the waters I had to navigate to get here were nothing like I’d imagined. 

God speaks in whispers, through the wind, and through the waves, and I’m deeply grateful for the ways God calls me to remember these moments and experience His presence every time I return to the ocean.

Friend, do you have a special place or a part of nature that helps you connect with God? Please share in the comments below!

For weekly stories and resources on how to discover more of God’s glory, subscribe to Dorina’s Glorygram here or follow her on Instagram.

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The Gift — and Superpower — of Being an Empath

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On a whim one Saturday afternoon, my husband and I decided to go see a movie — something we hadn’t done together in months. As we settled into our seats, I was already primed to thoroughly enjoy the experience. Between the excitement of a rare date night and my anticipation for a movie I’d looked forward to watching for months, odds were that I was going to have a good time.

What I didn’t expect, though, was how much more I would enjoy the movie because of the woman sitting next to me.

Right as the previews were starting, an older couple sat in the seats to my left. As each trailer wrapped up, the woman whispered loudly to the man next to her, “Do you want to see that one?” I’ll admit I started feeling nervous she might ruin the evening by talking through the movie, but I’m glad to say I didn’t need to worry.

Instead, my fellow movie-goer elevated the whole night by gasping in excitement and surprise and laughing loud and hard at every single joke. She had the best time, and I could almost feel her delight radiating in my direction. Sitting next to someone who so thoroughly enjoyed the movie made me like the movie that much more.

That evening has stuck with me and has come to mind several times since. And each time, I’ve felt thankful. I often pick up and absorb other people’s emotions, but it’s not always such a positive experience. As an empath (someone who detects and sometimes even takes on other people’s emotions more often and more intensely than others), I’ve at times found myself consumed by the negative emotions someone else is experiencing and unable to easily recalibrate my own feelings.

Having such little control over my emotions has actually been a source of shame for me — so much so that I’ve never talked or written about being an empath because I’ve believed it somehow made me weak. I remember reading once that it’s better to be a thermostat than a thermometer, that a woman following Jesus will set the temperature for the people around her, creating a calm, joyful, peaceful, content atmosphere rather than reacting to what’s going on around her and being tossed about by the whims of emotion.

In other words, somewhere along the way, I learned it was less godly to be influenced by feelings — and it seemed reasonable to assume that went doubly for feelings that weren’t even my own.

Maybe you’re reading this and wondering where on earth I got those ideas. Of course you can have lots of feelings! What a weird thing to feel bad about!

Or perhaps you don’t relate to someone experiencing intense emotions on a pretty regular basis. Wow, that must be exhausting to be so up and down all the time!

But for those who’ve ever felt ashamed of being too emotional or for getting too invested in someone else’s gladness or grief, I want to share what God’s been showing me.

As I’ve started learning more about empathy and being an empath, I’m realizing that this way that God has made me can’t be bad. He created me and you; therefore, all of our “wonderfully complex” (Psalm 139:14 NLT) and unique traits are His workmanship. Maybe, in fact, an ability to sense other people’s emotions and to feel them deeply is a gift.

When I go to Scripture for clarity about this, I find lots of reminders to stay rooted in and focused on God. He is our foundation, the thing that keeps us from truly spinning out of control. Yes, may it be so! But even while we abide in Him and build our lives on Him, instructions for loving others repeatedly require us to get our whole hearts (and our emotions) involved.

Both Ephesians 4:32 and 1 Peter 3:8 urge us to be tenderhearted with one another, and Colossians 3:12 says we must have compassionate hearts. We’re reminded in 1 Corinthians 12:26 that when one member of the body of Christ (the Church) suffers, all suffer. And Romans 12:15 puts it plainly: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

If that’s not a reason to embrace and practice empathy, I don’t know what is!

Rather than feeling guilty for being overly sensitive or too emotional, I’m seeing now that being perceptive and responsive can allow us to connect deeply with people and quickly desire to help when they’re in need. God can work through our empathy to make us safe spaces for people with heavy burdens. And being a real touchy thermostat, who’s also grounded in hope in the Lord, means we can pick up on cues that others may overlook and have the opportunity to care for those who may be neglected.

Feeling all my feelings — and sometimes yours too — is my superpower. What’s yours? How has God used empathy (or whatever your superpower is) to help you love others well?

 

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Let Scripture Be a Part of Your Every Day

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Scripture — we need it every day. Here at (in)courage, we love to share stories from our lives that have a gospel takeaway. That’s the basis of our articles, our podcast, our books and studies, and even our agenda planners. Scripture — and how we experience God’s Word in our lives — is the foundation of it all. We know you want your lives to be Scripture-based, and we want to help.

Friends, we have heard your love for planners. You’ve told us that you’re looking at your planner every day, using it for task organizing, to-do lists, meal plans, and even using it to connect with Jesus because our planners include Scripture on every page! Did you know our planner includes a Bible reading plan? Scripture on each monthly and weekly spreads? There are stickers reminding you to pray and stickers you can write prayer requests on. There’s even a whole page of beautiful tear-out prayer and Scripture memory cards you can share with a friend too!

In every month of the new (in)courage planner, you’ll be introduced to a different theme that reflects God’s heart for you, and you’ll get to read an excerpt of a story from a different (in)courage writer just like these:

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.
Romans 12:4-6 (ESV)

From Robin Dance: “God created us unique for a reason — His glory. Our differences and diversity reveal God’s complexity and imagination and the special ways He intends for us to reflect His goodness and grace and glory to a world in need. . . . The Body of Christ and our world need us to live our respective stories as each one of us is uniquely designed to fulfill.”

—

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. 
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

From Patricia Raybon: “We can run from the Bible, with both its whispers and roar, or we can stand in God’s story in the storms of life, learning to hear all of it, even when we just want quiet and rest. That respite is in there, for certain. But God invites us into His whole story, preparing us to hear each other’s — not just the bite-sized, easy-to-swallow versions but His whole story and our own, even when we may disagree. May the complexities of learning from every part of the Bible — and through the stories shared here — ignite our hearts to surrender. Then, we can love.”

—

 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.
John 1:14 (NLT)

From Michelle Reyes: “God didn’t give us gifts of color and culture so we would pretend they didn’t matter. Jesus with His brown skin, poor skin, lonely skin, targeted skin, villainized skin, arrested skin, wounded skin, and resurrected-but-still-scarred skin made every color and culture of humanity matter. He gave each of us our colors so we can learn how to recognize and discover the breadth and width of His perfect love in our diversity.”

This 2022-2023 agenda planner also provides classic DaySpring planner features like durable laminated cover and tabs, lay-flat design with continuous spiral, an interior pocket page, and generous space for noting your plans. No matter what season of life you are in, prioritizing and planning help make the most of your time.

You will be inspired by the beautiful monthly art spreads, weekly verses, and inspirational messages throughout. The notes section with lined pages will help you write down quick thoughts to come back to, the tear-out prayer and Scripture cards will encourage your heart, and again, there are three pages of cute stickers you can write on to help bring your planner some extra joy!

Plan and walk through your days with this Scripture-based planner, knowing that when we include His Word even in the cracks of our day, God multiplies its goodness in our hearts and lives.

Pick up your (in)courage One Heart for Jesus Agenda planner today!

 

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Put Your Expectation in God and You Won’t Be Disappointed in People

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I pull up to the microphone box and place my order. In the short distance to the drive-thru window, I anticipate that when I reach the window, a server will greet me, lean from the window towards my car, and deliver my food to me. The ask and anticipation is pretty standard. It’s the drive-thru norm. We order from the menu, then expect to receive what we asked for. We ask, then we anticipate. 

I am ninety-eight percent certain that the fast food server will deliver precisely what I asked for. However, I recently came to understand that I have far less confidence in God’s desire or ability to give me what I ask for. As with the drive-thru microphone box, I ask, yet my follow-up indicates that I’m not certain God will provide what has been promised. Yikes!

I noticed this unhealthy and harmful behavior as I watched a character on a TV show hustle, fight, scheme, and plot to manifest her dream, which happens to be similar to mine. I was reminded that I did not have to do any of what she had to do. Her struggle was extreme and excessive. In my case, not only did God offer me my dream, He also meticulously provided at every turn in order to manifest the dream. God was faithfully present in every detail, opening doors, sending people to help, and guiding me forward. 

As I reflected on God’s faithfulness, I saw how my lack of faith caused me to needlessly labor and suffer. Many times, instead of asking and then anticipating God to deliver, I attempted to forge my way forward. This is like asking at the microphone box, then getting out of my car, going inside to the kitchen, leaving the kitchen to run next door to the grocery store to pick up extra ingredients, returning to the restaurant, cooking my own food, and then serving it to myself. You see, I am great at ordering from God’s menu but need to get significantly better at expecting God to give me precisely what I asked for.

I have committed too much time and energy — that could have been devoted to resting, listening, and abundantly living — to trying to figure out the hows, whens, whos, and wheres. For example, I realized I put specific expectations on my husband to help me meet goals. As my life partner, I assume he would be eager to participate. When his support doesn’t look the way I think it should, I become disappointed in him and frustrated with him. As a result, resentment and criticism begin to cloud my vision. False expectations, disappointment, resentment, and criticism are never a part of what God offers or what I ask for, yet I invite them to my experience.

Jesus taught His disciples that when they are aligned with God’s will, they can ask and confidently anticipate that God will give them what they requested. He said in John 15:7, “But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!”

When we abide in Jesus and align ourselves with God’s will, then our requests will align with God’s vision for our lives. 

Abide.
Ask.
Anticipate. 

It’s just that simple — as simple as the drive-thru. According to Jesus, when I am ordering from God’s menu, I can expect my requests to be met. I place the order and anticipate that God will give me what I asked for. This is God’s normal. Surely, this can be my normal, too. 

I really want to have just as much, if not more, confidence in God’s willingness to give me what I ask for as I have in the drive-thru process. I want to leave behind the unhealthy and harmful behavior of asking for a God-sized dream then attempting to manifest it myself, while hurting others in the process. Instead of placing God-sized expectations on people, I want to always look to God for the ask and first for help. God is fully capable of providing for His vision for my life. He will even invite people to help me. When I put my expectation in God, I will not be disappointed in people. 

May we have more confidence in God’s faithfulness than we have in the drive-thru process. May we faithfully abide, ask, and anticipate so that we can rest in God’s assurance. May God’s normal be our normal.

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The Hard Work of Coming Back to Life

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Spring in Minnesota is kind of gross.

It seems that from March until May, Instagram is full of daffodils, cherry blossoms, sunshine, dewdrops, wildflowers blooming in green grass, playgrounds and soccer games, baseball fields and patio dinners.

Meanwhile, here in my beloved state of Minnesota, spring is . . . delayed. It’s cold, wet, gray.

My mudroom is laden with galoshes, raincoats, thick hats, winter boots, hoodies, puffy jackets, and mittens. We need all the things because in the span of a week (or a day) we will need combinations of all of the above. March brings a raw chill you feel in your bones; March is still winter. April brings showers, yes, but the gray, drizzly, cold kind that turns the ground, finally unearthed from snow cover, into thick, stodgy mud. April is Easter egg hunts indoors and parkas over taffeta dresses to church. May brings the hope of an even keel, and yet we can go from sixty-three degrees and rainy to ninety-two with tornadoes — in one day. It can snowstorm in May, and it can also be sunny and mild, beautiful like it was fifteen years ago on my May wedding day.

We just don’t know what the weather will bring, so we count on spring to arrive by June. June is when we join the rest of Instagram, four months too late, in sharing our wildflower and soccer game pictures. June is when we sit out on patios, dig our garden beds, and open up our pools. June is when we wash and put away the winter gear. Doing any of that before June is a wild act of defiant hope.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Minnesota. Our summers are hot and sunny, our autumns are breathtakingly beautiful and crisp, and our winters can be fun and cozy (In the winter, we like to live by the saying “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.”). But even with my love for our distinct four seasons, I have to admit our springs are just kind of gross.

Until June.

By June, the growing things have done the hard work of coming back to life. My hostas return, year after year, pushing up through barely unfrozen ground and old mulch and leaves left unraked from the fall. They’re such simple plants, but they truly amaze me with their persistence. I think of them wintering under snow and ice, soaking in the spring rains via the muddy ground, feeling the dry warmth of early summer, and up they come to bless us with their lush, green leaves. I don’t do a single thing to help them along, and maybe that’s why they blow me away each year.

And oh, what they teach me about returning, about faithfulness, about determination and purpose, about coming back and coming back to life.

Because it’s not linear, returning to life. The soul has to breathe, in and out, learning to trust and choose the light. It’s not a one-time happening. We have to choose coming back to life each and every day. Some of us have to choose each and every hour, minute, breath.

Jesus was — and is — in the business of bringing things back to life. Not just the actual dead people He resurrected, though those miracles are mind-blowing. He also raises us up when we feel buried, when our souls are quiet and our hearts barely beat.

The other day, I came across a quote that made my eyes well instantly. I’d read it before, underlined it in my old copy of a favorite book. But this time it made me think of my Jesus and His life-giving-ness.

Her fingers came back to life with tingling pain. “You’re hurting me!”
“Then you’re feeling again,” her father said quietly. “I’m afraid it is going to hurt, Meg.”
— Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

After a long, cold, snowy Minnesota winter, I had my first outdoor walk a couple of weeks ago. It felt like a small way I was coming back to life, and yet it hurt. My calf muscles burned, my breath was ragged, and as I rounded the corner to home I realized that even my feet were sore. And yet, it all felt like good pain, if there is such a thing. There is pain in coming back to life, but underneath it is a quiet and indefatigable joy.

It can hurt to be resurrected. Beauty from ashes hurts because fire first burns. I would wager that both Lazarus and Jairus’ daughter were not without scars from their deaths or fear from their resurrections.

We too can harbor old pain, wounds, and fears, but Jesus breathes new life, right into our very bones. And like my doggedly persistent hostas willing themselves through the ground once more to meet the light, we too can be brought back to life.

 

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Show Me, Don’t Just Tell Me

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Recently, I decided to get a personal trainer and commit to exercising regularly. The pandemic had hit me hard. I am an emotional eater so I’d had a lot of splurge nights. All of it had left me feeling tired, and I knew I needed more energy to keep up with my work, my ministry schedules, and my two kids.

I also knew I needed to invest in a trainer in order to fully commit and have accountability if my plan was going to last longer than all the other times I’d tried working out. But I am not a gym person, which is crazy because I basically work in a gym as a physical therapist. I know the benefits of exercise, and I prescribe exercise to people all day long. Even though I have a doctoral degree in physical therapy, I struggle to actually exercise. I don’t make time to work out because it’s never been a natural rhythm in my everyday life.

Growing up in an Indian home, exercise was not a value. I never played sports or saw my parents make time to prioritize exercise — probably because they never saw their parents do it either.

It makes sense though. In their generation, most people in India ate fresh produce and organic meat that they raised. They also walked everywhere. But after immigrating to America, their lifestyle and food choices changed, and unfortunately, they didn’t then incorporate the measures needed to maintain good health through exercise.

Here’s what I know: What I do, the patterns of my life, the values I hold, the rhythms I practice as a parent will directly impact the way my children will live. Knowledge isn’t enough; they need to see me live it out in order for them to desire and do it in their own lives.

God became man and dwelt among us to show us how to actually live out the commands of God. In the person of Jesus, God didn’t just come and tell us what to do; He came and showed us what to do and how to do it.

Jesus’ call to His disciples wasn’t simply to know His teachings and believe in Him. Rather, it was a call to follow Him. He invited them into His daily rhythms and routines. He didn’t just command them to love strangers and sinners; He took them with Him as He sat with prostitutes and tax collectors. He didn’t simply tell them to pray for the sick and minister to the poor; Jesus showed them how when He stopped for blind Bartimaeus and touched the lepers. Jesus didn’t just teach them to love their enemies; He put the ear that Peter had cut off back on the Roman soldier. He didn’t just tell them to care for their families; on the cross, He showed John that Mary was a priority to Him.

Knowing is not the same as doing. Teaching is not the same as practice.

So on Saturday mornings when I go to my workout sessions, I take my kids with me. I want them to see me practice and prioritize my health so that one day they will too.

As parents, discipling our children is one of the greatest privileges we get in life. Don’t simply offer them information to give them knowledge. In order for them to have a flourishing life, they need to gain wisdom by watching you practice what you say.

So what do you want to instill in your children or what do you want to change in the next generation? Is it making Christ a priority in their lives, infusing prayer into their daily rhythms, sitting with strangers to break bread, or asking for forgiveness when they fail? Do it first, then simply ask them to follow you.

I challenge you with this confident charge that Apostle Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 11:1:“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

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Church Is Not About Me

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In the beginning we sat near the back. I would have said it was because of our young son — just in case we needed to go to the nursery to check on him. But if I’m honest, it was because I wanted to be closer to the exit.

My husband and I were visiting a new church for the first time in many years. We’d been at our previous church for over a decade, and when we left, it had been under painful circumstances. As I considered joining — really joining — a new church, I couldn’t help but wonder, What if we commit ourselves here only to be hurt again?

We continued to show up week after week, but I continued to plant one foot squarely by the door. Sure, on the outside I chatted warmly and even agreed to help lead a women’s Bible study. But on the inside I felt stiff — like I was wearing a suit of armor.

And then I met Jessica.

She was about my age with searching eyes, a gentle voice, and a set of difficult circumstances. She came to Bible study each week with an eagerness that was palpable. Jessica wanted to learn, and she knew she needed Jesus.

One week when we divided into smaller groups to discuss a passage from 1 Corinthians, one of the women stated how grateful she felt for the sanctification process. Most of the others nodded in agreement, except for Jessica. Her eyes clouded with confusion, and she began pouring over her Bible.

“Ladies, let’s back up a second,” I said. “Let’s clarify what sanctification means. Who would like to explain it to us?”

For the next few minutes, the women shared their understanding of the term, opening to different passages in the New Testament to illustrate. At first Jessica listened quietly, but then she began asking questions, and soon, a wave of understanding crossed her face. She smiled and left the study that morning with fresh confidence — in both her understanding of the Bible and in Christ’s promise to make her more and more like Him.

And that’s when it hit me: Church is not about me. It is about sharing the love of Jesus with others.

In my hurt and disappointment, I had made the church into a community that owed me something. If I pour out my time, energy, and heart, then I expect good in return. However, this was not Jesus’ approach at all. Rather, He chose to love the Church no matter the return.

And if I really wanted to be the Church — the very body of Christ to a broken world (1 Corinthians 12:27) — then I would need to love it as He did.

I drove home from Bible study with fresh eyes. Yes, there would be pain in the Church on this side of heaven, but I could trust Jesus to carry me through any circumstance. As Isaiah 49:10 declares, “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Piece by piece I began to lay down the walls of defense around my heart, asking Jesus to heal the tender places. And for the first time in a long while, I exhaled — not because I felt better, but because my awe in the goodness of God outweighed the hurt that had been holding me back.

Maybe you’ve experienced pain in the church, too. Maybe you find yourself reliving past hurts, reluctant to step wholeheartedly into new relationships or serving opportunities. If this is you, I encourage you to lay your wounds before our heavenly Father and lean on His promise to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3). You may need to meet with a counselor, seek to resolve a past hurt, or set a boundary for your safety. Whatever it takes, your brave work toward healing will be worth it.

And when you are ready, ask God to fill you with courage for the good work He has set before you (Ephesians 2:10). Stepping out may feel vulnerable and hard, but because of our Savior — the One who upholds us — we can choose lives of courageous love over self-protection.

The Sunday after Bible study that week, I slid into my usual pew toward the back of the sanctuary, but something in me felt lighter. I was free — not from the sting of hurt but from the weight of shielding myself from it. Trusting Jesus with my heart, I took a deep breath. Lord, I’m all in. 

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Holding Space for the Person You’ve Become

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The doctor looks up from her file and asks me how long it’s been since I’ve had blood work done. I don’t remember. I know it’s been more than six years since I went to the doctor regularly, and I tell her this as my shoulders slump. In the weeks leading up to finding a new doctor, I told my husband I couldn’t put a finger on why I avoided doing this tiny thing to care for myself for so long these past few years. On one hand, as a mom of three, there’s always something to do to care for others and this was often my mental excuse. Making an appointment repeatedly fell to the end of my to-do list. Hypocritically, while pushing it to the end of the list until it eventually fell off, I encouraged those I love to take care of themselves and to listen to their bodies. I cross my legs then uncross them as my new doctor types in notes on her computer. She is soft-spoken and petite; her gentle eyes speak for the rest of her face as we talk to each other through our masks. She asks if I’ve had a mammogram since I’m over forty and I think back to that milestone birthday, the summer before COVID, and how I had intended to make an appointment for one way back then. Our bodies being carried through the passage of time, experiences, and relationships is a dance of welcome, resistance, and surrender. Sometimes the dance feels beautiful, but most of the time, at least for me, it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and clumsy. The minute I feel comfortable in my own skin, it changes again. Last month, I went on a trip to Cabo with fellow (in)courage writers, and the weeks leading up to the trip, I was so anxious about being with so many people in a new place after becoming used to being at home with my immediate family for so long. In a message thread pre-trip, I shared how anxious I was feeling, and my friend Rachel wrote and said something like, “We are ready to see and be with you — and not just who you were before but who you’ve become.” Her words of welcome beckoned me to ask myself if I was ready to see and be with the person I’d become after the last two years. I realized that I didn’t want to schedule a doctor’s appointment and then be asked about blood work and mammograms because I hadn’t fully received who I’d become. I am not merely a woman facing midlife; I am a woman who’s faced nights without sleep, dark doubts, hurt, and anger. I am a woman who’s wrestled against bitterness throughout the last two years of church transitions, soul-sucking news headlines, changes in relationships, and changes within myself. I am a woman who is weary and unsure of how to welcome all of the weariness within me. I push my Nikes into the silver footrest protruding from the patient bed while the white paper crinkles under my weight, and I think about how many places my ever-changing body has taken me and how it’s carried me home again and again. I wiggle my toes to remind myself to be in my skin and to wake up to what is. I whisper a prayer, asking Jesus, our God who comes near, the master of being with us right where we are, “Help me welcome who I’ve become. Let me experience Your love for my body, mind, and heart right now.” I watch the blood work vials fill up, and I remember how Jesus offered His own blood not only to give me life but to welcome every part and year of me. I recall His words in Matthew 11:28 while sitting in the cold hospital room, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest,” as if He’s right there with me, arms wide open to all of midlife, pandemic-changed me. Jesus welcomes weariness. He knew we would become weary, and He knows what it’s like to feel the weariness we feel deep in our bones. He doesn’t chastise or shame us for it. Jesus never said, “Try harder, do better, or get back to who you were in body, mind, or spirit.” Instead, Jesus offers a consistent place to rest our weary hearts. Jesus, the one who often had nowhere to rest His own head, calls us towards Himself, welcomes who we have become, and says, “It’s okay. I see you. Let me feed you and give you rest.”

 How have you changed after the last few years and how can you give yourself space to be welcomed, loved, and cared for just as you are today?

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A Prayer for the Graduate and for the Mom of the Graduate

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A couple of months ago, someone asked me how I was doing in light of my baby girl graduating high school in May. Smiling weakly, I told her I’m doing okay more often than not, but the “not doing okay” parts felt mighty heavy.

If you know me at all, you know this isn’t my first graduation rodeo as my twin sons graduated high school four years ago. But it is my first graduation with the baby of the family, and I find that reality brings with it more complicated feelings. In the words of my good friend Aimée, “Sending your first born off is like picking at a Band-Aid, and then sending your baby out into the world rips the Band-Aid off all together.”

Yep, that about sums it up.

Of course, I’ll miss Faith no more than her brothers. But when she leaves, her daddy and I will be ushered into a whole new stage of parenting known as Empty Nest-dom. All in all, I’m looking forward to this life change as it’s a very good one, yet my heart is tender toward the losses that come alongside the joys.

If that’s you too, mama, I offer you this:

A Prayer for the Graduate and for the Mom of the Graduate

Dear Father in Heaven,

No matter where my child is headed next — trade school, immediate employment, or college — I thank You that Your presence goes with her. Guide her thoughts, motivations, actions, and plans so they’re in line with Yours. Guide her heart to want to follow Yours.

Help her be a light that brightens the lives of those around her, so others may see You around them too.

When my child is stressed and discouraged, give her a hopeful vision of her future and a steadfast spirit in the present. Give her discerning wisdom beyond her still young years for every choice and decision.

Surround her with kind people who are for her, who love her and act in her best interest. Help her to be the same to others.

Give her favor among her professors, teachers, employers, and peers, and help her to be kind and strong.

Thank you that she can’t cross the street without Your presence crossing it with her.

And Lord, when the house feels much emptier than it did before, comfort me and show me Your goodness to come. Help me see my nest not as an empty (or emptier) nest but a changing nest. Help me see and name the good things You still have in mind for me in my new season.

Only You know every way I’ve showed up for her again and again through the years. While showing up for her may look different in this new season, help me keep showing up in the way she needs — no more, no less.

Lord, you know my regrets over the many times I’ve made mistakes in my parenting. When I wish for do-overs, remind me that Your grace fills my gaps and submerges my mistakes. I pray You bring to my mind and my child’s mind all the good memories made through the years, and may we keep them like treasured pebbles in our pockets.

May my child be acutely aware that while she no longer resides under our roof, she’ll always reside in my heart. (In other words, remind her to call her mama!)

Turn my sadness for this season into wonder for Your ways, for it holds wondrously good within it too. I shall see Your goodness in the land of the living. And thank you that no matter what change I experience, it comes with Your same promise of presence — for both me and my child.

In the unchanging name of Jesus,
Amen

If you’re a mama of a recent graduate who’s flitting the nest, Kristen has written The Changing Nest: A Devotional for the Mom of the Graduate just for you. Click here to learn more!

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Two Things That Changed Me Coming Out of the Pandemic

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Last summer I felt stuck, like a car in a muddy puddle, tires spinning without getting any traction. (Admittedly, that metaphor stems from some real life experience.) The pandemic had worn me down. I was apathetic and numb. I didn’t have much to give and needed a reset. 

September came like a promise the way it often does, bringing me feelings of a fresh start. At the same time I began two things: spiritual direction and attending a Monday night young adults service at a nearby church. 

I didn’t know it then, but both those things began to change me. To be fair, it’s more accurate to say Jesus started using those things to change me. He is the One who brings healing and freedom, but He happened to use two practices I’d resisted before: contemplation and community. 

I didn’t want to do spiritual direction. The spiritual director had set up some fairly strict parameters — we would practice nine months of prayer and meet bi-weekly on Tuesday nights on Zoom to talk about what God was doing in our lives. 

I’m not exaggerating when I say nine months is one of the longest commitments I’ve made (God is clearly still working in me). The thought terrified me. But my friend and I agreed to do it together. 

I began to pray each day, each morning, in the same chair with the same throw tucked around my legs. I opened the same books — words from Scripture and Saint Ignatius of Loyola — and I began to contemplate who Jesus is more than I’ve ever contemplated before. I began to pray, not just with words but with my life. I prayed in the mornings, in the kitchen while cooking, in the car while driving, in the moments before I met a friend for coffee, in the folds of each mundane day. My life, it seemed, began to become a prayer itself. 

Contemplation — spending focused time with Jesus in prayer, Scripture, and meditation — started to deeply change me. 

But Jesus didn’t just meet me in the mornings when He and I were alone. He also met me so graciously in community. 

I started to attend a Monday night young adults group at a church nearby. I was resistant to this too — mostly because I’m hardly a young adult anymore. I think the term to sum me up these days is simply an adult. But I was also resistant because community is challenging, and I’d gotten used to being inside my apartment alone for the last two years. 

I pushed through the resistance and went anyway. Then I went again. And again. Suddenly six months had gone by, and I realized I was seeing and encountering Jesus in new ways because I was seeing Him in the people around me. 

For some of us, spending time in contemplation with Jesus is easy. We love to wake early, splay open our Bibles, and soak in time with our Savior face-to-face. For others, it’s the community that comes more naturally. We see God more clearly when we’re shoulder-to-shoulder with others who love Him. 

Jesus didn’t change me only through contemplation, spending time alone with Him. Jesus didn’t change me only through community, seeing Him through others. Jesus changed me through both. 

He Himself practiced both these beautiful disciplines. He’d sneak away early in the morning, seeking the face of His Father. Over and over in Scripture, we see how Jesus made meeting with God a priority. (I often wonder: if this was so high on the Son of God’s priority list, shouldn’t it be the highest on mine?) But although Jesus was in constant contemplation, He also lived in community — and I imagine the disciples weren’t always the easiest to get along with.

Pastor Rich Villodas recently wrote, “Jesus lived in perpetual communion with the Father but still needed a community of brothers and sisters. We can’t do it alone.”

I am becoming more convinced that the two things we need as we slowly start to navigate our way out of the pandemic is contemplation and community. We need time with Jesus — abiding with Him every single day, deepening our roots into who He is. But we also need community — digging in deep with people who love Jesus and show us the facets of His character we don’t always see. 

We’re all in different stages and seasons, so this is going to look unique for each of us. Maybe you can’t get up early to pray because you have tiny children who wake up far earlier than you do. Maybe you haven’t found a safe church space yet, or you still need to be careful about going out in public. 

Regardless of where you find yourself today, may I urge you gently, kindly, friend to friend? 

However it may look for you, seek Jesus alone and seek Jesus in community. 

We need Him, and we need each other. 

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Let’s Study Hope Together!

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Have you ever felt hopeless? Perhaps you’re facing circumstances you never prepared for or even imagined. Maybe you’re looking for any hint of encouragement, any inkling that this — whatever your this might be — won’t last forever or destroy you. Maybe you’re afraid to hope, or perhaps you’re not even sure what hope is.

We get it.

This summer, let’s look for hope together!

Join our summer Online Bible Study and let’s go through Create in Me a Heart of Hope, the new (in)courage Bible study from DaySpring, written by Mary Carver and featuring stories from your favorite (in)courage writers.

Create in Me a Heart of Hope looks at how God offers us hope — real, certain, unshakable hope. Looking at where that hope comes from and what it looks like in our lives will help us understand what hope is and what difference it makes. It will allow God to create in us a heart of hope.

The online study starts on Monday, June 6th, so you’ve still got time to join!

Here’s what you need to know:

  1. The study runs from June 6 to July 15.
  2. Every Monday you can start reading that week’s chapter, and we’ll share the memory verse for the week on our Instagram feed.
  3. On Thursdays, you can tune in on Instagram for “Ten Minutes of Hope with Mary” — a brief, inspiring live video that dives deeper into that week’s theme.
  4. Each week, we’ll send you an email with a memory verse lockscreen, Mary’s video, reflection questions, and other bonuses along the way.

You will need a copy of Create in Me a Heart of Hope to fully participate in the study. We will provide the reading guidelines, discussion questions, and video conversations! You’ll also need to officially sign up for the study (it’s free!). Click here to register, and when you do, we’ll send you the first week from Create in Me a Heart of Hope AND a printable page of Scripture memory bookmarks for FREE!

Invite a few friends to join you! If you’re looking for a way to connect with other women, this is a great way to do so. Simply read each week of Bible study, then gather to watch that week’s video, enjoy your own discussion, and close in prayer. Make sure to check out our FREE Leaders Guide for Create in Me a Heart of Hope for some extra tips.

That’s it! Fun and low-stress, right? We can’t wait to get started on Monday!

Whatever you’re facing, God’s unshakable hope can meet you there. Join us this summer as we seek a heart of hope.

Join the Online Bible Study today and get your FREE gifts!

 

 

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The Gift of Wisdom Comes Through Community

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Wisdom comes with age, or at least that’s what they say. I’ve learned that that’s not always the case. I’ve met teenagers who are wise beyond their years and older people who in many ways haven’t gained the wisdom their years would assume they would have. Wisdom doesn’t just naturally come with age.

God has much to say about wisdom. His Word is filled with verses about wisdom. Proverbs 2 tells us that God is the One who gives wisdom. When something is given, it is a gift. James 1 instructs us to ask God for wisdom if we are lacking it and it will be generously given. James 3 reminds us that humility comes from wisdom. Ephesians 1 says we receive the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, which enables us to know Christ better.

I often pride myself on being wise. I can associate it with the fact that I am forty-one or that I have overcome certain challenges. It could be because I have a ton of common sense or because I am incredibly independent. But that’s not enough to be wise. 

The Spirit of wisdom comes when we ask Him to come. He comes when we acknowledge our need, and often He comes through community.

Proverbs 13:20 commands us to “walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” When you look around at your life, are you surrounded by wise people? It matters who we are surrounded by, and I have found that to be true in my life even as I get older.

A few months ago, I reconnected with Sandra, an older woman whom I met a few years prior at a local Christian Women in Media meeting. Sitting around a table, we each shared a dream we had for our lives and what we felt was an obstacle to that dream. Afterwards, we exchanged contact information in order to cheer each other on and keep each other accountable. It was a beautiful time together, and I left feeling encouraged in my dream though I still had some doubt that it would ever happen.

Soon after the meeting, I received a call from Sandra. She and her husband have been in ministry for decades. She shared with me how the Lord spoke to her to do whatever she could to help me accomplish His calling for my life. Honestly, I was in a bit of disbelief. No one had ever taken that much of an interest in my life before. We began meeting almost weekly. I’ve broken bread with her and her husband. He’s spoken life and purpose into me, and Sandra has been a wealth of wisdom and the queen of testimonies.

She has repeatedly poured out her time, energy, resources, gifts, counsel, and prayer into my life. She has given freely and generously, and I couldn’t be more grateful to God for the treasure she has been to me.

We need wisdom in how we live our lives, how we parent, how we work, how we make decisions, and how we minister. God designed us to be in community so we can receive wisdom from each other; we were never meant to do life alone. No matter our age, season of life, or circumstances, we can all give and receive wisdom. This wisdom blesses not only our lives; it is meant to bless the lives of those around us.

If you are needing God’s wisdom in your life, share in the comments below — I’d love to pray for you!

 

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Facing My Coffee Addiction and What I Really Needed

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I had already been to my therapist. Now it was time to follow up with my doctor. As I nervously shifted on the crinkly white paper, I rehearsed how I was going to tell my doctor that my anxiety disorder was flaring up. I scrolled through all the questions in my mind about my medication, symptoms, and possible next steps. I had been really struggling for more than a month; I needed to know there was a way forward.

I’m grateful to have a healthcare provider who takes her time, listens closely, and really cares about me. She also knows Jesus, and her love for Him and others shines even when her face is masked. So once we started talking about my racing heart and intense fatigue, I felt a bit more at ease. We talked through adrenal issues and what happens when our cortisol gets all out of whack. We talked about supplements and sleep and temporarily increasing my anti-depressant dosage.

And then she suggested something I wasn’t expecting.

“Have you ever done an elimination fast?” she asked. “Eliminating caffeine, sugar, and refined carbohydrates for a period of time could help reset your nervous and digestive systems, bringing you back to a healthier baseline.”

She encouraged me to take some time to think and pray about choosing a nutritional reset as part of my treatment plan. But I didn’t need time to think or pray about it. I knew in my gut that was exactly what I needed to do. Because in my anxious, distracted, fatigued, foggy-brained state, I had been relying more and more on the temporary pick-me-up of coffee. When I couldn’t think straight for a work project or afternoon homework with my kids, I was also quick to reach for salty carbs or the comfort of sweets to push me through. The pick-me-ups and push-me-throughs were short-lived. I knew I needed something different.

The Monday following my doctor’s appointment, I started my reset. I brewed cups of lemon herbal tea instead of strong coffee and prepped veggie sticks to curb my munchies. When the afternoon lull hit and I couldn’t keep going, I let myself take a nap instead of hyping up on Doritos or handfuls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

But even as I purposed to make healthier choices, going against the current of my typical rhythm revealed how deeply dependent I had become on coffee and comfort foods. Like a baby relentlessly reaching for her soothing pacifier, I found myself automatically reaching for sugary granola bars. I had a relentless craving for afternoon coffee and evening ice cream.

All of it pointed to this truth: Not only did I need a physical reset, I also needed a spiritual reset. I needed to face my habit of turning to caffeine and sugar more than I turned to Jesus.

I had swallowed the socially acceptable lie that life (especially as a working mom) was meant to be fueled by endless cups of coffee and chocolate bars, that it was okay to wrap my peace and hope around the drinks and snacks I could reach for, rather than my Savior. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying your favorite latte or a thick slice of pie. But what we are really made to crave is the thick presence of God.

I was more worried about withdrawing from my caffeine and sugar addiction than recognizing God’s invitation to draw closer to Him.

This was an opportunity to embrace a different rhythm that would reset not only what my body craved but what my soul craved. I had to learn in my full embodied self that there wasn’t any food or drink or treat that I needed more than the presence of Jesus and to experience anew how the joy of the Lord is my strength, not the joy of java or Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream.

For three weeks I pressed into the discomfort, headaches, and irritability from eliminating the foods and stimulants my body had become dependent on. My anxiety didn’t go away instantly. But as the jittery buzzing in my body slowly waned, deep, unexpected peace slowly increased.

The world preaches reaching for the quick fix: Get that double-shot latte or Botox shot. Drive through for the milkshake or let another Amazon order make you feel better. The list of possibilities is endless, but nothing we can buy or eat or wear or do to fix ourselves will provide the soul relief we really need.

Nothing but Jesus.

Before Jesus departed, He told His closest friends, “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.” (John 14:27 NIV)

That peace is the Holy Spirit — the gift of a constant companion; a relentless source of hope, guidance, and strength; an assurance we can count on when our jolt of caffeine runs out. Jesus deposited His peace in each of our hearts. Sometimes we just have to let go of the things that are numbing us, distracting us, or disconnecting us from our awareness of His presence and how much we desperately need Him.

I’m grateful to say my three-week reset resulted in decreased anxiety, better sleep, and healthier patterns I’m working to maintain going forward. But even on days I choose to enjoy a cup of coffee or a chocolate chip cookie, I remember that the most satisfying and sustaining thing I can ever reach for — and savor — is my relationship with Jesus.

 

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How to Find Your Way Through the Middle of a Transition

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Recently, we sold our farm, and in the process, we downsized our belongings and re-homed our livestock and animals. We learned to loosen our grip and let God bring about change in our hearts to prepare the way for our move.

I could see God working out all the details in His timing with regards to this big change. First, my husband, my daughter, and I were all on board with it. That in itself was a miracle with three, completely different personalities and viewpoints. But we trusted God would change our circumstances when it was His time. Then, He brought a Jesus-loving family to purchase our farm. We were able to easily pass our farm to them and didn’t glance back with any regret. During that time, God also led us to purchase land in a very difficult market, where we will build our next home. Real estate makes me believe that God is in charge of every detail of our lives, otherwise how would it ever work?!

It hasn’t been easy, but it has been beautiful. It’s been a lot of change this year, and even though others might think I’m kind of weird for this, I actually like change when God is leading. I think it’s exciting!

For now, we are living in the middle, calling a rental in a neighborhood home for the time being. In the midst of all this transition, I was more concerned about making sure our family was comfortable and could continue on with our regular daily life that I didn’t expect to be the one to have the hardest time with the move.

I tried to analyze what my hang-up was. I grew up in a neighborhood in the ‘burbs. I was used to a small backyard and close neighbors. I didn’t have my identity wrapped up in owning versus renting, or even where we lived. I wasn’t feeling impatient about building since I know what a chore it truly is. I couldn’t figure out why I was struggling.

Even when it’s God’s idea and I’m excited about what He’s doing, transitions are not easy.

I think about good but hard transitions in God’s word. There are many, but the one I can really relate to lately is when Jesus’ followers were waiting for the arrival of the Holy Spirit.

God had worked a miracle — the biggest of them all: Jesus took the sins of the world away and conquered death. His followers had seen the entire progress of events, walked and talked with Him as a resurrected Savior, waved goodbye in astonishment as God lifted Jesus back to heaven, and now His followers had to wait on what Jesus had promised.

They were in the middle of a transition. They were wrapping up one chapter of their story, God’s story, and beginning a new one. They didn’t know what to expect. It must’ve been uncomfortable and not what they had imagined. They must’ve been nervous about what would come next while trying to process everything that had happened.

So, they waited and prayed.

Their waiting was necessary. They knew they couldn’t do anything in their own power. And there was no shame in waiting on God and not knowing when, how, or where the next step would be revealed.

When the winds of heaven came, the Holy Spirit filled the followers and enabled them. They were given God’s power to live out the vision Jesus had cast for them and the way was made to achieve what God had desired through them.

God didn’t chastise them for not understanding or being nervous about what was to come. He knew they needed time to process what they had experienced.

It takes time for each of us to catch up with God’s plans as they unfold in our lives, so we need to give ourselves space and time to process what He’s doing.

And that’s what was happening to me with our move. I realized my emotions and heart were trying to catch up with what had already happened. And I was waiting for God to show up because I couldn’t and didn’t want to do anything in my own power in the the middle of our story.

I didn’t want to make our rental feel like a home without His Spirit. I didn’t know how to build a home in the middle of all the post-pandemic issues without His powerful leading. I couldn’t understand God’s timing or what He was really up to in our lives without living in the power that He had already given me in the Holy Spirit.

The waiting in our lives is necessary so we can rely on God’s power and not our own.

Sitting in the middle of a transition and not fully understanding what is happening within you is just fine. Allow yourself to catch up with what God is doing. And know that as a Jesus follower we each need and have the power of the Holy Spirit in us no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in.

 

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The Power of Stepping in and Being Available

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If I walked out my door, down the hill, through a field of waist high weeds, jumped over a janky fence, and skipped past four houses, I would arrive at Debbie Daniel’s house.

Debbie had three kids and one of her daughter’s, Jenny, was my childhood friend. Debbie’s house was a central hangout growing up. Her home had high ceilings which contained all the love, and the barstools at the kitchen peninsula were always a revolving spot for conversation and company that felt like family.

Her house wasn’t perfect. It was lived in, and everyone was welcome. She would let the dishes pile up and let half-finished projects take over the dining room table for weeks. I think that’s why my friends and I congregated at her house week after week. It was easy to be there. No conversation was off-limits. With chips and seven layer dip always in the fridge, we could chat, cry, laugh, and watch Survivor. And we did this all the time.

We all had mothers and sisters and small group leaders at church, but Debbie was different. She listened without an agenda. She stepped in.

She stepped into a role she didn’t even know I needed filled. My mother was generous and good and kind, but God knew I needed another voice of love to help shape the rough edges of my soul.

Debbie was a high school counselor. When I’d walk into the administrative office, her face was the first one I’d see. Between breaks and after school, I always found myself pulling up a chair and parking myself right next to her desk. She was quick to offer a snack and chat about classes, family, friendships, and my school schedule. Those touch points throughout my day made me feel wanted, like a barista who knows your name and drink order by heart. It was as though she was always just waiting for me to walk right in. She was always available.

I’ll never forget a time during my junior year when I was so distraught about a boy I crumbled into the chair in Debbie’s office after third period. She looked at me with compassion and kindness in her eyes and asked, “Do you need to go home?” I nodded between blowing my nose. She wrote me an off-campus pass, and I went straight home, crawled into bed, and cried myself to sleep. She was quick to hold back judgments and offer gentleness.

Years later, I was fortunate enough to work on staff with Debbie at our church. We were also both enrolled in seminary together. Our lives overlapped and intertwined yet again. We spent hours carpooling, dreaming, crying, figuring out life, ministry, and our souls. It was a rich time, and Debbie walked beside me.

I don’t see Debbie very much anymore. Our lives have long walked separate paths. But I do know this, if I needed her right now, she would be here. She would do what she does best, step in — step in with food, a listening heart, and Christ-centered counsel.

I didn’t even know how much I needed her all those years, but again and again, she was there. She didn’t push herself into my life but stepped in at just the right moments.

Debbie’s presence in my life was a clear example of Christ’s love for me. She mothered me when I needed it. She was a counselor when I didn’t have one. She was a friend when I needed support. When I look at Scripture (Titus 2:3), older women are instructed to care for young women. Debbie did this for me. She filled in the gaps and gave me space to fumble and figure things out.

There is so much power in stepping in for others. It doesn’t require us to take on more responsibilities. It only requires us to see who’s right in front of us. Everyday we brush past people, young and old. Our lives intersect with others all the time. What does it look like for you to step in and offer Christ’s love right where you are today? Who will you see, talk to, or hug?

All those places are opportunities to give your love away, to step in. Because when you do, it changes lives.

How can you be hospitable, available, and gentle with others? How can you step in and walk with them?

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Let’s See Each Other Through Race-Wise Lenses

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“What’s so wrong about being colorblind? Why can’t we just focus on each other’s hearts?”

I was on the phone with a dear friend and fellow parent — a sweet, kind, loving sister in Christ — who was feeling utterly distraught about the issue of colorblindness. Her question was sincere. She wanted to raise Jesus-loving children who saw people’s hearts and not just their skin color. “Isn’t that the goal?” she wondered.

I sat with my friend’s question for some time. Was it possible to see someone’s heart without seeing their skin color? I wasn’t too sure, but I understood the sentiment of wanting to focus on a person’s inner qualities instead of  their external features.

People are shaped by their place in history, and even my friend’s perspective had historical roots. She had been raised in the aftermath of the civil rights era, a time that heralded the idea of being colorblind as a new and healthier way forward for race relations. In fact, the term colorblind is borrowed right from the last part of Dr. King’s speech where he says he wants people to see his children for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. A lot of well-meaning Christians, like my friend, ran with that term in the seventies and eighties, wanting to prove that they weren’t using skin color as justification to treat people unequally, and they taught their children to hold a similar posture.

But now the pendulum has shifted. In 2022, Black and Brown folks are raising their voices and pleading for others to see the color of their skin, and a lot of Christian parents don’t understand why. Why should we see color? Why should Christian parents talk about color with their kids? Is it biblical to make a big deal about skin tones and different cultural and racialized experiences?

What I’ve found in my own life as a second-generation, bicultural, Indian American woman is that one of the unintended consequences for well-meaning folks who strive to be colorblind is that they become blind to my lived experiences as an ethnic minority. In an attempt to treat us all the same vis-à-vis not seeing Black, Brown, or white, people’s racialized experiences of everything from profiling, micro aggressions, racism, police brutality, and more get swept under the rug. It’s easy for folks who say “I don’t see color” to also not see the laws, policies, and zoning that create gaps in education and wealth equality along racial lines. In other words, when I say, “See the color of my skin,” what I’m asking you to see is my racialized experiences of suffering and pain.

Undoubtedly, I am more than my flesh, but I am not less than my skin color. God created me on purpose as a brown-skinned woman, and my cultural identity reflects God’s image in the world. Moreover, I operate in a brown-skinned body every day, and people treat me as a brown-skinned person. So, if you want to understand my heart, my story, and all of who I am, you have to see the totality of my life’s experiences.

The thing is, when we believe that colorblindness is the way and teach our children to be colorblind, we miss out on a fundamental part of who God is. God is El Roi, the God who sees (Genesis 16:13). God sees all of us — our skin color, our culture, our pains, our joys. If we want our children to see people like God does, we must see in color. God designed us to be “color-blessed,” in the words of Pastor Derwin Gray. To see the world in color is a blessing. God created us diverse on purpose. Each of us, in our unique and vibrant hues, reflects the image of God in the world. We get to acknowledge each other’s color as part of how we celebrate the beautiful God-given uniqueness of each individual. In other words, seeing color is the portal into people’s lived realities. Seeing color is the portal into their hearts. When we see color, we begin to recognize the full humanity in each other, and how glorious it is!

Seeing someone’s heart and seeing the color of their skin isn’t an either/or but a both/and.

Perhaps this wasn’t what you were taught growing up. Perhaps this feels totally new and uncomfortable. I want to assure you that that’s okay. This is an invitation for all of us to become race-wise as followers of Jesus and to lean into a more Spirit-led understanding of skin color and race-related issues that resonates with God’s heart for all His image bearers. Being race-wise, for us as individuals and as families, simply means bringing issues like the question of being colorblind before the Lord and asking for His help to move forward in wisdom, clarity, and love. So, let’s keep striving to get to know each other fully, especially our friends, neighbors, and coworkers of other cultures. Let’s teach our children to see each other’s hearts, to celebrate the full humanity of one another, and let’s use gospel-centered, race-wise lenses to do so.

—

The Race-Wise Family: Ten Postures to Becoming Households of Healing and Hope is a timely resource by Helen Lee and (in)courage contributor Michelle Ami Reyes. It will equip Christian parents to better understand the roots of racism and provide practical guidance on addressing issues of race within their families. Practical and engaging, The Race-Wise Family offers immediately applicable action steps to help you raise kingdom-minded kids who will stand against racial injustice as an outpouring of their relationship with God. Deeply rooted in Scripture, the book includes:

• key biblical insights for understanding a theology of race
• discussion questions, prayers, and conversation starters for your whole family
• age-appropriate ideas for discussing current events with your kids and teens
• guidance for addressing the roots of racial bias in the world and your own heart
• activities and resources you can use with kids of all ages to be part of hope and healing in your community

The Race-Wise Family will help you and your kids celebrate the diversity of God’s kingdom as you take small steps that will make a difference in the world for generations. Enter to WIN one of five copies today! Just leave a comment today with what this book could mean to you!

Then join Michelle and (in)courage community manager Becky Keife for a discussion all about The Race-Wise Family! Tune in tomorrow, 5/18/22, on our Facebook page at 11am CST for their conversation.

Giveaway open to US addresses only and closes on 5/20/22 at 11:59pm CST.

Listen to today’s article below or stream on your favorite podcast player!