As a young woman, I was forged in the fire of productivity and achievement. In the 90s and early 2000s, when I was married and raising kids, hustle culture was king. Back then, if I wasn’t exhausted, then I believed I wasn’t working hard enough. Likewise, if I didn’t stay up far past my bedtime to finish my to-do list, then could I even call myself a good wife or mother? For years, I made an Olympic sport out of setting myself on fire to keep everything else warm. Back then, I believed self-care — like a nap or a good night’s sleep — had to be earned.
Fast forward three decades as a single-again, empty nester, and I’ve embarked upon the wild adventure of re-designing my life. Part of this new journey has been revisiting a question I began asking myself over fifteen years ago when I realized that self-care wasn’t selfish:
How do I care for myself to the glory of God, to be a benefit to others and a blessing to myself?
Over the past two decades, I’ve learned that if I don’t take care of myself, then no one else will. Also, since God takes care of me, I have permission to take care of myself.
Six months ago, I added a new lesson: When I’m too comfortable, I’m more likely to neglect self-care.
It’s our human condition to both crave comfort and for comfort to betray us. When we’re too comfortable, we can lose our sense of the need for God. For me, I’d fallen into a rut of eating the same things and participating in the same workouts. I was present, but not engaged. Comfort can be good, but it can also become dangerous. When we’re feeling too comfortable, it reduces our need for God.
There’s a story in Daniel 1, where Jewish exiles Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were selected as fine specimens to serve in the service of their captor, King Nebuchadnezzar. The four young men, either related to Judah’s royal family or other noble families, were brought to live in the king’s housing.
Early on, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego recognized that the king’s food was too rich and heavy. Chances are, the other young men in the king’s training program welcomed the luxurious foods. But Daniel discerned that the king’s food would not bless his body nor his spiritual self.
Rather than go along to get along, Daniel approached the chief of staff to request permission for an experiment:
“Please test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water. At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king’s food. Then make your decision in light of what you see.”
Daniel 1:12-13 NLT
At the end of this experiment, Daniel and the three other Jewish young men looked healthier than the other men who’d eaten the king’s rich food and wine.
What I appreciate about this story is that Daniel took a risk and asked to try something good, but different than what was being done. In his shrewdness, he didn’t ask for a complete lifestyle change, but rather a simple first step.
Though I’m not facing Daniel’s pressures, I love how his story reminds me that transformation doesn’t have to start big. It can begin with one small, intentional act of obedience and trust. This approach resonates with me. Too often, we fear the challenge of self-care because we think we must change everything at once.
Let’s leverage the power of small steps! What if there was one small healthy change you could make for ten days?
What if you tried one of the following for ten days:
- Taking a walk once a day
- Reading your Bible for five minutes
- Drinking an extra glass of water
- Going to bed an hour earlier
- Journaling five things you’re grateful for
- Eating an extra vegetable a day
Which one appeals to you? These may not seem like much, but one change can spark a fire in your transformative journey. My self-care journey began over twenty years ago with putting on one pair of earrings each day. That’s what God used to bring me along on that life-transforming journey slowly. He can do the same for you!
Again, you only need to pick one. Many of us feel overwhelmed by everything in our lives, so don’t stress yourself by overdoing a launch into self-care. It’s small changes that become the stepping stones to long-term change.
Over the years, God has taught me that caring for myself isn’t about chasing perfection or proving my worth. It’s about honoring the body and life He’s entrusted to me. What once drove me to exhaustion — my need to please, to produce, to prove — no longer holds power over me. God never asked us to burn out. He invites us to burn bright.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s sacred. It’s how we remember that our worth isn’t earned through exhaustion but anchored in God’s love. When we honor Him by caring for ourselves, we make space for His strength to shine through our surrendered lives.
I love this Barb! Self-care has been on that back burner for a couple decades for myself. Having been a single mom of two and working in the corporate world – there was no time for self-care, or at least I didn’t think so or acknowledge it and burning out is a real thing. As you noted, it only takes one change (one change at a time), to transform and burn bright for Him (and helping yourself along the way). I’m going for a walk.
Cheers to self-care.
I love the phrase you used “re-designing my life”. God is re-designing my life through circumstances! Sometimes when I pray, “Lord, change my circumstances, I hear Him say, “I am using these circumstances to change YOU!”
Dear Barb……First, I was reading about you and I love your idea of eating dessert first. I love to do that too, but I have to watch my sugar. Your devotion related to me in a big way. I am 78 years old now, but in the 45 years that I worked, I felt and did the same things you mentioned. I always felt I had to get everything done that day on my to-do list. My job demanded extra hours when necessary and it was 45 minutes away from where we lived. Getting there, I left at 5:30am to avoid the traffic, but it also gave me time at my desk before our employees had to be at work. Getting home was another story. I had to work until 4:30pm as a manager we were expected to show our employees that we didn’t go home when we felt like it. The traffic was brutal and I had worked so many hours, I was already exhausted before I left. All the way home, I am thinking about all the things I had to do at home. I only had one child, but my Mother-in-Law lived with us for 17 years and had health problems and of course, the husband as soon as I walked through the door wanted to know what we were having for supper. WOW, I thought, how am I going to do this? This was an every day event. I knew that Jesus wanted us to take care of ourselves and if we needed to rest, we should. The Lord would not be angry if we did that. I really like your suggestions about taking small steps. I am retired and my personal life is less that good. My husband and I are divorced after 54 years of marriage and due to his dementia, we had to live separately as he was very abusive. I had to sell our home of 40 years and move to a Senior living facility ( a one bedroom apartment ). I can’t even tell you how many 1,000s of dollars of things that I had collected over 40 years. The auctioneer wanted me to sell all these things, but I couldn’t do that. I needed to donate these things so people that needed them and would use them as maybe they were going through a rough time. I needed once I moved in to get myself a routine that worked on the rules they have here. It has been 2 years in November that I have been here. Your devotion I feel will really help me to get this right. I love your suggestions to change one thing at a time and while I was typing this, I already decided to add a vegetable to my food. The food here is very unhealthy for people our age. It will give me something to change the same routine I set up when I got here, just like when I was working. I have always been a person that thought I needed to get everything done daily. So, Barb, thank you so much for giving me so many good ideas. I am alone with 100 residents here, but they are not the most friendly people due to the conditions here, but I have made friends with some, about 10 ans try to say “Hello” to everyone with a smile on my face. I wish you a blessed weekend and thank you again for your wise words. Love, Betsy Basile
Barb I needed to hear this. As I am the type of person who doesn’t that that much care for myself. I am the type of person who tries to keep everyone happy in my family for them to not say anything to me. People have said to me Dawn you have to think of yourself you do way too much for your family. It’s time for Dawn. You see my Sister’s in fact none of my family are saved. My Sister’s I know do there part in help our Dad were has the start of Dementia. They go after work to see him do things for him. I until I fractured my ankle. A few years ago broke the other needed sergury in it but thankfully this time I don’t in the one I fractured. I done his house Monday to Friday. For the Love of the Lord andcmy Dad who is also not saved. One of my Sister’s who have kids Teenagers said Dawn you look after your ankle don’t worry about Dad. Then as time has gone they say now I am resting to get the ankle better. Doing as I am told by the hospital. They are starting to say Dawn will you do this like just sit with Dad as we are at work. With My Dad and his Dementia he would and think I am back to do his house. Then they have said can your Raymie as my Husband Raymond is called when finished worked go light Dad’s fire. He starts early so is up early. If you say yes they are all nicey nicey to you. If don’t do it they can say that not being very Christian. Then if you say yes they think Dawn and Raymie will do it want something else done. Then the jobs can pile up. Someone said to me even my Husband if give them an inch they will take a mile. But not that me and my Husband mind doing it what they ask. But you have to People have told me draw the line and think of your Husband and yourself. Because in the past because of there demands I suffer seizures not that many thankfully. In the past I let the stress of there demands get to me and over done it. Then had more seizures. I done it to please them not have them say we are working we have kids the kids from 13 to 25 all of them to see to. You nothing else to do we have to do Dad tea when finished as days work. All you have to do is Dad’s house. I am the type of person if I do a job like tidying I like to do it well no short cuts and if doing it for someone like my Dad. I will go the extra mile as the saying goes for them. I will not think of me and my health just get on and do it. I don’t know if it God but I have felt since fractured my ankle to do less and only go to my Dad so many days a week to do his house not the five like I did before I fractured my ankle. I know if it is of God to do that and rest more. If I have to tell my Sister’s they will not like me for it. I know them inside out my Sister’s and they will say but what else are doing on the day or days I tell them I would not being Dad’s but the rest of the days. It will give you something to do and you can spend time with Dad too. So if this it is of God I have to really trust him to help me tell them and that they will see why I am cutting done only doing so many days for Dad to think of my health. People have told me I have to think of myself as my sisters at the same time even though go our Dad’s at night to help him. They do at the same time think of themselves and if invited somewhere they go and get someone to see to Dad if not me. We’re as I say can’t go as Dad needs if I was invited to something. So I have to experiment self-care of myself which I am not good at. I say to myself if asked to do something or my Husband Raymie let just do it for piece sake it easier. But as People have said to me I can’t let People walk all over me and use me. I have to learn to take self-care of in God’s love resting in him and not over doing it and pleasing People to keep them happy all the time. That exhaustion set in that I make myself ill. I have taken seizures then to keep my Sister’s happy and stop them saying anything to me, still that day after a few hours. Still not a hundred percent better went and done my Dad’s house. So Barb this devotional you wrote today has spoken to me. Thank you for it. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Part of my self-care is reading this blog every morning. It helps put me in a good frame of mind as I start my day.
I love this Barb. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and your beautiful Bible studies! Hugs and prayers ❤️
Barb,
I have been hearing about self care for a while now. I believe God is trying to tell me something. Self-care is vital to our mental, physical & spiritual well being. Loved your suggestions for simple 1 step changes. My journey includes walking 60 miles (120,000) steps a week, reading/listening to the Bible each week and exercising to Christian music. Going to add drinking more water each day & eating more vegetables.
The idea I love most is journaling what you are grateful for. Over the years when depression or sadness hits I make a thankful journal. My list includes over 100 items both big & small. It helps me to realize ALL that God has blessed me with.
Blessings 🙂
Thank you for this thoughtful article, Barb. Your point about starting with small, intentional steps really resonates with me. It reminds me of the importance of practical, actionable self-care strategies, especially during difficult life seasons. I recently came across a fantastic resource that delves deeper into this, specifically for those navigating health challenges like breast cancer. It’s called “Navigating Breast Cancer: An Insider’s Guide to Practical Self-Care” and it offers some incredibly insightful tips on managing side effects and building a real support system. You can find it here: https://avonbcc.org/navigating-breast-cancer-insiders-guide-to-practical-self-care. For anyone looking to apply these principles of starting small in a more specific context, it’s a great read. Has anyone else found that a focus on practical, daily steps made a bigger difference than grand gestures?
Good article! I need to work on my time management skills. Also, I think I could do better to move my body more each day, whether that be in the form of more steps or exercise. I try to at least stretch everyday in some way, shape or form because of the spasticity in my muscles due to my disability bit that doesn’t always happen.
Also, I need to get back on a better sleep schedule. I kind of feel like I have my days and nights a little mixed up right now.