I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty, but I’m pretty sure my middle son’s first word was “Why?!” And certainly, if it wasn’t Elias’s very first word, it has been his most common.
Since he was a rosy-cheeked toddler, this child of mine has had an incessant need to know why. Why does that tree grow so tall and why is that rock so hard? Why do I have to go to bed, why are dinosaurs extinct, and why does that tool fix that thing? Why is broccoli good for me? Why do dogs run that way? Why are people homeless? Why is there war and drugs? Why did you say no and why won’t you answer all of my whys?
I can’t quantify the hours or energy I’ve spent over the last 14 years trying to satisfy his insatiable desire to understand the reasoning and working behind all the things. While curiosity is a wonderful thing to be nurtured and a very human instinct, there are many times I’ve also told my son, “I’m not going to explain the full why right now. You just need to trust that what I’m telling you or showing you or how I’m guiding you is enough for today.”
This is not what inquisitive toddlers or teenagers want to hear.
There are times I’ve squashed my kid’s questions because I’m just flat-out exhausted and I lost my patience somewhere between Costco, 87 emails, refereeing siblings, and my kitchen sink.
But many times, my redirecting comes from a place of care. As a loving parent, I recognize when it’s not appropriate or necessary for my son to know “why.” Sometimes the why is too complicated for his level of understanding. Sometimes it would be too heavy a burden to bear. Sometimes he needs to grow in patience or needs to be willing to wrestle in searching for the answer himself. Sometimes he’s a child who simply needs to trust that his parent is working for his ultimate safety, development, and wellbeing.
Oh, how like Elias we can be. Am I right?
We can come to our Heavenly Father and beg to know why. Why are You allowing this? Why do I have to wait for so long? Why don’t I see you working? Sometimes we call out from a place of joyful expectancy or innocent curiosity; other times we demand with impatient entitlement or because we’re desperate for control.
Lately, I’ve wanted to know why a teenage boy I know has cancer. Why a family member has to continually suffer. Why God’s rescue seems to tarry in a friend’s broken marriage. Why it feels like we’re all constantly taking two steps forward only for the floor to fall out under us, like we’re in my childhood game of Chutes and Ladders and suddenly we’re farther back than where we started.
I bet you have your own set of whys these days, too.
The thing that has made the biggest difference in my life is shifting from asking why to asking what. Instead of, “God, why is this happening?” I ask, “God, what do You want me to know about this?”
God is not obligated to explain His reasoning and strategy to His children, but in His kindness, He will always communicate His love and care for us.
So I ask: God, what do You want me to know about this unsettling situation?
God answers: I go before you and will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
I ask: God, what do You want me to know about the heaviness I feel?
God answers: I am close to the brokenhearted and I save those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
I ask: God, what do you want me to know today about who You are? About who I am?
God answers: I am the Good Shepherd. You are my sheep. I call my sheep by name and they know my voice. I carry you close to my heart. (John 10:11, Ezekiel 34:31, John 10:3-4, Isaiah 40:11)
Asking God why can create a wedge of disappointment and confusion. Asking God what will always lead you closer to His heart.
As my son grows in maturity, he is learning to trust that his dad and I can see a bigger picture that is beyond his current understanding. He’s learning to trust that we’re guiding him for his good. We always welcome his questions and desire to have honest conversations together, but that doesn’t mean he’ll get the answer he wants to every why.
It’s a happy day when my children receive what I’m telling them, trust my heart, and follow my instructions.
Daily we have to remember that this is a picture of exactly how God feels about us.
We may not understand the whys or ways of God, but we can always trust His heart. Ask God what He wants you to know today. Then listen. Receive. Respond. Surely He is working for your good.
Such wise advice, Becky! What do You want me to learn/grow in today? And I’ll add, how do You want me to respond to bring You glory? Great questions before my feet hit the floor each day. Blessings (((0)))
Amen!
Ruth, I love your question too! Oh how the world would be different if every one of us who follow Jesus asked AND LISTENED to God’s response. May it begin with us.
Good morning and thank you for your message Becky to trust God‘s heart and even though we may not know why and as you suggested to ask God What & after asking, listen and wait, trusting God‘s heart.
Thanks for being here, Mary. God bless you today as you listen to His voice and trust His ways.
Becky, this was so helpful. What instead of why makes such sense. Thank you.
I’m so glad it was helpful to you, Madeline!
Thank you Becky! Just a slight change in perspective makes all the difference in our day. You reminded us that instead of always having to be in control of everything, God wants us to simply let go and Trust Him. He is always more than enough.
He is always more than enough. Yes, and a thousand amens to that, Judy!
Thank you, Becky!
Sending you pre-Valentine’s Day JOY,
Lisa♥️
Thank you, Lisa!
Deut 31:8 was exactly the verse I needed this morning. Thank you.
It’s a verse the Lord speaks to my heart often! Such a good one to memorize and meditate on. Bless you, Pearl.
I think you are spot on with this comparison. You shared with us an easy way to see things and receive guidance with what this article says. Thank you for that.
You’re so welcome, Peggy. I’m glad you’re here.
Thank you Becky for your encouraging reminder. I suffer seasons of depression and anxiety and in one now. I am 78 and also have a debilitating back condition. But in all this I am so blessed with a wonderful loving husband and so much more. I’m not able to do much, but can pray for my husband, our family, friends and neighbors daily. I love the Lord and know He loves me. He is my everything! May the Lord bless you Becky and all of you! May He encourage your hearts and be the Lifter of your heads!
Donna, you are so precious to God’s heart. He hears your prayers and honors your faith. I pray He provides a fresh outpouring of His Spirit with all His peace, comfort, and strength for your day.
Thank you so very much! God’s richest blessings to you!
Becky,
Everyone wants to know why things are the way they are. We want life to make sense. When I’m frustrated in midst of trials I have often asked God what is to come of this? What are you teaching or doing to me? God didn’t promise us a rose garden.
John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Trust that God knows best!
Blessings 🙂
Thank you for this very uplifting reminder. I am an old lady and haveLOTS of questions but I think it’s always good to ask what He wants us to learn from our situation and to thank Him that He never wastes anything.
Dear Becky…..First, I apologize for not having time to read your words yesterday as there was much going on here where I live , but this morning I have read it and it is just what I needed to understand. I think I was always asking “why” instead of “What would you like me to know today, God.” It just never dawned on me that I was making a mistake. This situation has been going on for so many years now that I feel like I was so overwhelmed with what else can I do to move this along that I never thought that I was the problem. I have already asked my question today the way you guided me. I love you Becky. You are so wise and so kind and listen or read our comments. I fear it is too late and you will think I didn’t read your devotion, but as they say, “Better late than never”. Your (incourage) community of wonderful women have saved me so often from doing or saying the wrong thing. Many times I just say to Jesus or the Lord, “Please help me” which I also learned from one of you. Thank you Becky. I never tire from reading all the devotionals, but often I am trying to see where things stand in the heartbreaking thing I live with every day. Take care. Love again to you………….Betsy Basile
Betsy, you are never late or behind. You are always welcome to respond here and share your heart, but never obligated. So much love and grace to you, sister. I’m grateful these words resonated with you. What does God want you to know today? That He loves you and is with you. Always. Keep walking with Him. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Who the Son sets free is free indeed! Bless you.
Dear Becky,
I just read this today and it was what I really needed. My heart is heavy with a few serious “whys”questions. Today in morning prayer time as I went before my Heavenly Father with my whys, I asked Him to speak to me about this. I used Psalm 38:9 NLT Lord, my desire is before you; and my sighing is not hidden from you. My sighing being my whys. Then I found your devotional and while I read it, I was praising God for His presence.