I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty, but I’m pretty sure my middle son’s first word was “Why?!” And certainly, if it wasn’t Elias’s very first word, it has been his most common.

Since he was a rosy-cheeked toddler, this child of mine has had an incessant need to know why. Why does that tree grow so tall and why is that rock so hard? Why do I have to go to bed, why are dinosaurs extinct, and why does that tool fix that thing? Why is broccoli good for me? Why do dogs run that way? Why are people homeless? Why is there war and drugs? Why did you say no and why won’t you answer all of my whys?

I can’t quantify the hours or energy I’ve spent over the last 14 years trying to satisfy his insatiable desire to understand the reasoning and working behind all the things. While curiosity is a wonderful thing to be nurtured and a very human instinct, there are many times I’ve also told my son, “I’m not going to explain the full why right now. You just need to trust that what I’m telling you or showing you or how I’m guiding you is enough for today.”

This is not what inquisitive toddlers or teenagers want to hear.

There are times I’ve squashed my kid’s questions because I’m just flat-out exhausted and I lost my patience somewhere between Costco, 87 emails, refereeing siblings, and my kitchen sink.

But many times, my redirecting comes from a place of care. As a loving parent, I recognize when it’s not appropriate or necessary for my son to know “why.” Sometimes the why is too complicated for his level of understanding. Sometimes it would be too heavy a burden to bear. Sometimes he needs to grow in patience or needs to be willing to wrestle in searching for the answer himself. Sometimes he’s a child who simply needs to trust that his parent is working for his ultimate safety, development, and wellbeing.

Oh, how like Elias we can be. Am I right?

We can come to our Heavenly Father and beg to know why. Why are You allowing this? Why do I have to wait for so long? Why don’t I see you working? Sometimes we call out from a place of joyful expectancy or innocent curiosity; other times we demand with impatient entitlement or because we’re desperate for control.

Lately, I’ve wanted to know why a teenage boy I know has cancer. Why a family member has to continually suffer. Why God’s rescue seems to tarry in a friend’s broken marriage. Why it feels like we’re all constantly taking two steps forward only for the floor to fall out under us, like we’re in my childhood game of Chutes and Ladders and suddenly we’re farther back than where we started.

I bet you have your own set of whys these days, too.

The thing that has made the biggest difference in my life is shifting from asking why to asking what. Instead of, “God, why is this happening?” I ask, “God, what do You want me to know about this?”

God is not obligated to explain His reasoning and strategy to His children, but in His kindness, He will always communicate His love and care for us.

So I ask: God, what do You want me to know about this unsettling situation?

God answers: I go before you and will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

I ask: God, what do You want me to know about the heaviness I feel?

God answers: I am close to the brokenhearted and I save those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

I ask: God, what do you want me to know today about who You are? About who I am?

God answers: I am the Good Shepherd. You are my sheep. I call my sheep by name and they know my voice. I carry you close to my heart. (John 10:11, Ezekiel 34:31, John 10:3-4, Isaiah 40:11)

Asking God why can create a wedge of disappointment and confusion. Asking God what will always lead you closer to His heart.

As my son grows in maturity, he is learning to trust that his dad and I can see a bigger picture that is beyond his current understanding. He’s learning to trust that we’re guiding him for his good. We always welcome his questions and desire to have honest conversations together, but that doesn’t mean he’ll get the answer he wants to every why.

It’s a happy day when my children receive what I’m telling them, trust my heart, and follow my instructions.

Daily we have to remember that this is a picture of exactly how God feels about us.

We may not understand the whys or ways of God, but we can always trust His heart. Ask God what He wants you to know today. Then listen. Receive. Respond. Surely He is working for your good.

 

Listen to Becky’s devotion below or wherever you stream podcasts.

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