In the attic of my mind, where dusty cobwebs sit tangled and untouched, I keep vivid snapshots of past Christmases, the ones celebrated with tinsel on trees and stockings stuffed with small surprises.
In my heart, I hold a home where I collect memories of Thanksgiving gatherings, all of us seated in a sacred circle around Grandma’s kitchen table.
Holding these memories feels like holding a snow globe. At first, they’re beautiful—perfect and pristine. But when you shake the globe, that small world becomes blurred and obscured in a storm of synthetic snow.
Three weeks from today, our calendars will call upon us, ringing with alarms to remind us that Thanksgiving has come . . . that, Thanksgiving is here. I will wake and roll to my bedside, fumble into my house slippers, and drag my two aching feet across the cold floor, until I reach the darkened room where I light my candles, my little corner of the world where I cast all my cares upon the only One who can carry them. I will sit slouched in the same chair that I’ve sat and slouched in for the last three months, and I will ponder what I should pray, asking the holy One how a human like me might hold all the tension of a day like Thanksgiving, a day painted thick with both the pain of the past and all the promise of the present.
I am a mixed woman and in my skin, I carry the stories of diverse descent — I am ever discovering facts about my family history, ever naming the nuanced narratives of Thanksgiving and what it means for my people, and ever juggling nostalgic traditions along with the sorrow that surrounds this holiday’s formation.
I am a seeking woman, ever in search of the truth about Christmas. I love the carols and the greeting cards that carry tidings of comfort, but I hate the promotional Christmas-themed content and commercials that have already inundated our social media and stores. I love the gesture of giving gifts, but not when consumerism comes at the expense of our planet, one of God’s greatest gifts to us.
I am not a grinch; I’m just a girl seeking out ways to honor these holy days.
I am not a scrooge; I’m just a woman wanting to truly see the sacred in this season.
I’m just a believer wishing it was all written out in the Bible, or spelled out in the sand, or whispered loud in the wind. I’m not content with making guesses; I just want God to tell me how to do all of this right. What does God think about Thanksgiving? What does God say about Christmas?
Do our Christmas pageants and homemade pies bring God pleasure? Are we breaking God’s heart when our plastic presents pile up on this here planet? How do we honor holidays that hold histories of harm while making space for how they stir up stories of hope? How do we celebrate with joy when grief feels greater? How do we move forward in festivities when we’ve often lost loved ones along the way? How do we slow down and savor this season though it always seems to slip right through our hands? How do we hold our traditions in tandem with truth? How do we believe that God, our Emmanuel, is near and not bound between the books of the Bible?
I have a love-hate relationship with the holidays, and I bet you do, too. I bet you feel as much jaded as you do joyful. Though we are filled with gratitude for all God has done, we are also filled with grief for the weariness of this world. Though we believe in the miracles, we are also baffled by the mystery. Though we long to celebrate, we also long for certainty and to know if we’re doing any of this right.
Every year about this time, when the trees shake naked and the wind blows cold, I begin my annual oscillation, shifting back and forth between belief and doubt, wonder and fear, asking God to show me how to hold the days ahead. And while this year feels no different, and though I cannot claim to have all the answers, here is what I sense the Spirit saying to me:
The holidays are simply holy days.
As with any ordinary day, God is the One who makes holy the messy, the mundane, the magical, and the mystery. The only right way to go about the holidays is the same way we go about any other ordinary day — we invite God into our every moment. As with any other ordinary day, we make a humble home for God in the messy, mundane manger of our hearts. In our rising and our falling, in our coming and our going, in our laughing and our weeping, in our celebrating and our seeking, we focus on God, forever.
No matter the tensions you carry about the holidays ahead, may you hear the whisper of God inviting you to see the holy in all of your days.
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Friends, I’d love to hold space for any tensions you may be carrying or facing as we enter the holidays. Comment below and share a little bit about what you’re going through — I’d love to encourage you.
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It feels like my world is crashing. My husband recently had a stroke, my son and a big deer collided- totaling our car, my siblings live 400 miles away and I am missing my sister, and thoughts of how to find gifts- even small- for our 4 adult children & 21 g kids overwhelm me. And Thanksgiving? I’m trying to make it through today- one day at a time. Prayers? Does God listen to me? Hanging on to the only sliver of faith I have left. Thank you for your beautiful message. It touched- my heart and my very soul.
Mary, I am praying you will see God in the details of this hard path and that your faith roots will be growing deep & fat. May you know tangibly how loved you are.
♡
Mary, it is hard to buy for that many, or even if possible financially, it is a lot of work. I used to wear myself out doing all the searching, thinking, and wrapping…so I have stopped! It was definitely a love hate relationship about Christmas for me! Tell them u love them, and guide your family into a tradition!
So many have nothing at Christmas, so I tell everyone in lieu of buying presents for everyone, you can make a donation to church, a food pantry, etc. and tell them you just cant do all this anymore. I have learned to take the pressure off myself and enjoy my Christmas “Holy” days so much more! All we were doing, was pretty much switching candles anyway!!
♡
Mary, my heart goes out to you. Especially the grandmother in you that longs to gift each grandchild, so they know they are seen and loved. In the midst of all this loss, I hope you are able to see—in and around you—that love swells even greater. So glad these words spoke to you. Sending so much love.
In 2022 my husband had a severe heart attack. He was 2022. Unfortunately the Heart Attack went on for 3 days and he had some brain impact.
He no longer loves me after 40 years.
He is.verbally abusive to me everyday.
I am so miserable.
I know God doesn’t condone divorce but I just don’t know what to do
Virginia, May God clearly direct your steps and provide you with Godly wisdom & counsel in your options. May His Spirit remind you the abuse is not the husband you married but the disease and give you insight to combat the lies you are being told. May God touch your husband’s brain and remove the twisted logic now operating in him. May God be magnified in & through your journey. Sending hugs along with prayers.
♡
Virginia, I’m wrapping you up in a words-hug right now, hoping and trusting you’ll feel a rush of love and peace at the reading of these words. I echo Ruth’s prayer—may the Spirit speak to your heart, leading you into healing and hope. By God, you are seen and loved. So very much. Might that love aliven your heart, right this very moment. ♡
SO spot on, Rachel! I have several friends who were widowed within the last 5 months so walking with them through this time is hard yet highlights the loving kindness of our Lord in unexpected ways. We’re told the first of holidays after a death is supposed to be hard yet one of my widows says she knows it is not about the holiday but about the constant “he’s no longer here, I must cling to God as my husband now” so she is not dreading this coming holiday season any more than next Tuesday. (random day of the week). May we all practice gratitude & joy no matter our wealth or want & not let the media dictate how it “should” be! Blessings yall!
Your words are tugging and speaking to my heart. I’ve lost a dear friend in May, the independence to drive due to a painful neurological disease, and my husband’s mom diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s been a stressful last 8 months trying to help her as we noticed early stages of dementia starting.She has always been independent,so I know she is grieving too.Our holidays will be emotionally & physically painful. I also feel guilty because there are people dealing with more difficult issues. But your faith filled words are like a hug for my soul. God bless you! Keeping you and your readers in my prayers ♥️
Kathleen, your world seems a bit like mine—a snow globe, all shaken up. And I so know the anticipation of holidays being emotionally and physically painful. Grateful to hear these words felt like a hug…hoping you continue to feel and trust that you are wrapped up in the love of the One who sees your heart and is walking with you every step of the way. All my love.
Thank you ♥️♥️
Death of both parents 14 months apart, selling of our family home last year and family discord make holidays tough:(
Laura, sending love to you for every large … and little … grief that comes along with all these you shared. May you find some semblance of comfort and home wherever you find yourself this season. Prayers for peace for you, and your family.
Rachel,
You write so beautifully; I just had to share it on Twitter! You are gifted as a “Word Artisan!” and while I don’t have any pressing tensions this morning, I will pray for all those going through hard things. Sometimes they fall on us like snow.
Sending you autumn Joy,
Lisa
Lisa, your words are also art on the page. The image of hard things falling on us like snow, how I know that captures the weight of this season, even already. Thankful for your kind and intentional voice that meets so many women in this place, encouraging, sharing, and praying for all. Autumn joy, right back at you!
I love Christmas. The music. The lights on trees. The snow. The story…but I miss my sister who passed.
This year I may not have the lights, trees or my favorite decorations…because our house is being worked on. Upgraded electrical work per our insurance company! So everything must be moved, taken down and temporarily packed up. Dust dust and more dust…and the very respectful man doing the work also has another job and family! So we are on his schedule????
Sooooo I pray I may “hear the whisper of God inviting me to see the holy in all of my days”
— Thank you Rachel \0/
It would be nice if we all lived in a Hallmark Christmas movie! But life is hard no matter if its Christmas or any other holiday! It is the birthday of Jesus after all, and not about all the commercialism that is has come to be. I refuse to shop the so called “black Friday” and hate that term! Why use the word black as the official day to start shopping for the Holy day that is Christmas! And so many places arent allowed to even wish you Merry Christmas, they have to say Happy Holidays…i do not shop any of those stores! I celebrate Christmas as a Holy Day for Christ! I will not conform to this world’s way of anything that is not about God and His Son, Jesus!
♡
Janet, so sorry my comment got posted as a reply to you, instead of just a comment! Must have hit wrong button when I typed! And I can so relate to you! My house is chaos right now too! Home improvements are indeed dust, dust, and more dust! I didn’t even get any of my fall stuff out! I know I won’t be doing Christmas deco this year either! But my heart will enjoy my all my Holy days! Blessings to you!!
♡
Yes, yes, echoing your prayer and wishing you many moments of hearing the whisper of God…and heeding to it, too. May peace, patience, hope, joy, and healing be yours this season. Hoping you are able to honor the memory and life of your sister, somehow, someway ♡
Dear Rachel……You must have been reading my mind. I have felt this way for the last, at least 10 years, don’t get me wrong, when my son was much younger (He is 54 now), I guess because he is an only child, I went overboard with pleasing him at Christmas and making all his favorite food on Thanksgiving; however, I did worship and think before everyone arrived at our house about what was really important, and that was “Your words” It is a Holy day!! I would pray for a little while before relatives started showing up. I too wondered what God thought about all the celebrations and presents at these next two months. These are very difficult for me. Just to give you an example, my husband has had dementia for the last 6 years and is in denial. I stayed with him for 3+ years until his disease and his heavy drinking caused him to abuse me every night and eventually he almost killed me. I had to have him evicted from the house. All of his doctors said I had to stop worrying about him and thinking about my own safety.This did not go well. My son who was 52 at the time refused to believe me about his father and would not support me in trying to get him out of this denial and to top that off, one night he called me and told me I was a liar and it was only his old age. NO! I had taken him to the doctors. He finished what he wanted to say and that was to dismiss me as his Mother and told me I could never see or talk to (at that time) my 12 year old grandson who I love with all my heart. he hung up and at Christmas this year it will be 2 years since they have talked to me or seen me. The other heartbreaking thing also happened at Christmas years ago. My father was 58 and had cancer and Christmas was the last time he got out of bed and he died New Year’s Eve Day. Rachel, he was my best friend and I was only 21 years old. As more years went on my beloved relatives died one by one until the celebrations were over. Please know that I realized that my relatives were in Heaven with the Lord, but it doesn’t negate the feelings I had. I have been praying to God to please let me have some peace. I have my 2 other immediate family members but they will celebrate together without me. Rachel, I don’t know what else to do. I live in a facility of old people and even though I am 77, I really don’t have any serious problems and I had to sell our house of 40 years as both my husband and I needed money. I had nowhere to go. These places are expensive and I really don’t belong here. I could go on, but I have someone coming to check on me. Thank you Rachel for your Guest Post. I loved it and I will certainly read it again and I am hoping it will help me struggle through the next two months. Love and prayers to you and have wonderful “Holy Days” that can also be celebrations. I don’t think God would be mad about that……….Betsy
Betsy, it’s been ten years for me, too. Hugged to know I’m not alone…and I hope you feel the same. I appreciate your honesty and the bits of your story shared here. And, I will take you are your word. As I observe these Holy Days, I do hope to also make space for a little bit of celebration—somehow, someway. Grace to you, Betsy!
I am praying for all of you, that our Lord Jesus bring comfort and peace to all of you, that He would encourage your heart and be the lifter of your head, that our Lord Jehovah Jireh provide for your every need. I, too, dread the holidays, turning 78 right before Thanksgiving, suffering with depression and anxiety. But I look to the Lord, maker of heaven and earth and trust Him to bring us all through. He is faithful always!!!
We receive those prayers, Donna. May our God give you just what you’ve prayed for us. Wishing you the faith and hope to continue looking to God for all strength and joy. Indeed, we serve the faithful One. Much love! ♡
Thank you for this article and the
opportunity to share my thoughts. I pray for peace and calm as the new Thanksgiving Season approaches and the new Christmas Season also approaches.
As my memory recalls, my mother and my grandmother were always busy huddling at the table or on the porch discussing finances. And now I understand why. We were on the poverty line and I did not know it.
I’m not poor. Now God Helps me to see that my relationship with Him is my best asset in my life !
Being married for 44 years, I have been guilty of huddling at the table with my husband as our children grew up. Now we talk about bills that come with becoming 65 & helping to care for my mother.
Life is a journey and the value we place on our spiritual life and our family relationships outweigh the tension in balancing a budget.
Hide God’s Word in your hearts.
Brenda
Your Sister in Christ
Brenda, I so appreciate your words here. I, too, recall those huddles…and I, too, hold them myself now that I’m an adult and juggling the demands of living with the desire to want to give your children every good gift.
Love the truth you shared here: “The value we place on our spiritual life and our family relationships outweigh the tension in balancing a budget.”
May the road rise up to meet you, as you make decisions that do just that, Brenda ♡
Oh Rachel, what an invitation—to see these days as simply holy! Holidays have a way of reminding me what isn’t anymore (my growing-up family, all together), and I get the frustration with plastic everything (because maybe I made a mostly wood request when my girls were little in effort to protect our Montessori-ish space). Thankful for you and your thoughtful musings!!
Glad to hear I’m not the only one frustrated with all the plastic everything! So appreciate your heart, Twyla, and grateful to know this spoke to you. Wishing you boundless moments of tender invitations to see the holy in every minute of every day ♡
This was really good and with such thought provoking words.
Also, I just want to pray for all the people in the comments with their various prayer requests. I pray that you feel His presence with you throughout this season and into Christmas and the rest of the holiday season, no matter what that season may look like. I pray that He is near to you and that He surrounds you in His joy, peace and comfort throughout this season and many more to come.
Blessings.
Amen.
So grateful to hear how these words spoke to you, and so thankful for your prayer-filled words, lifting up all of us as we make our way into the days ahead. May you also feel and know and trust God surrounding you with joy.
My heart is heavy as I read of the loss and struggles of all these women. I am praying God will touch their hearts with a sense of being seen, known and loved by Him… peace, strength & someone to come alongside them.
As for the holiday season, I have moved towards giving gifts of time, experiences, and togetherness.
I wish I could invite you all over for a cup of comfort and a warm hug.
Rachel, you hit it on the head…..yes, inviting God into the mundane, and messy is what we need. So much of our world is broken, and the sadness tears at us. We want the joy of the Christmas we see in the children’s eyes, and yet, not fake materials things but a love for what the meaning of the holidays are. The thankfulness, and gratitude, and the joy of a Savior who cares for us so much that He died for us. That is what the holidays are, and I hope that that is our legacy for this next generation.