She sipped her tea, then set the cup down and asked, “Do you think it really matters in the big scheme of things?”

I stared back at her while clutching my coffee cup, realizing just how worried I’d become.

Having grown up with multiple moves from one state to another, and then even overseas and back, I constantly felt like I didn’t know what the rules were wherever we landed. I was always playing catch up — always breaking rules without meaning to, always feeling like there was another unspoken rule I’d missed. All the while, I held an enormous amount of rules in mind that transcended continents and cultures.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t learned any rules – there were just so many. And on the surface, they often conflicted with one another. Everywhere I went, the rules changed. What was important to say or do in one place was laughable in another. What held weight and meaning in one city, went unnoticed in another.

For example, in Korean culture, no one cares if you eat with your mouth open. Food is a love language and food is often shared. I grew up with my mom feeding me to say she loves me. My mom grew up knowing what it was like to be hungry. Small rules about whether one’s mouth is open or not seem silly with that context in mind. To prohibit any expression of love would be considered cold and rude. However, in Euro-centric settings, it’s heavily frowned upon to chew with one’s mouth open. To do so is considered something that makes others uncomfortable and therefore, it’s inhospitable.

I could list a million more examples from shoes to the right way to eat noodles. When you are an American who embodies more than one culture and was raised with values from more than one place and people group, as many Americans are, it can be difficult to decide what rules to follow. For me, it’s been tempting to throw out everything or to pick one way over the other, which ultimately leads to communicating that one people group or culture is better than another. And that can lead to even bigger problems in the long run.

I looked back at my friend that day over breakfast, and said, “I guess I’m worried that I’ll be judged by one group or another, according to their rules.”

As I said this, I thought about all the times Jesus was asked about the rules, whether with honest intention, curiosity, or ulterior motives. In response, Jesus often surprised those who questioned Him. Instead of affirming a hard and fast rule or condemning one group of people over another, Jesus told stories or directed His listeners to examine their hearts and His own.

When asked about the specifics of the law by those who prided themselves on their knowledge of it, Jesus led them back to His heartbeat.

One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: “Teacher, which command in God’s Law is the most important?”

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”
Matthew 22:34-40 The Messsage

Instead of picking a side or staying stuck in my cycle of worry over being judged, I moved in my mind to sit at Jesus’s feet. Jesus doesn’t ever ask us to choose a side or prove who’s on the right or wrong side. He tells those who judge to drop their stones, examine their hearts, and go home.

I left breakfast that morning a little lighter, a little more aware of the nearness of Jesus and the freedom I have to love with my whole heart and let that be my guide – it was enough.

Listen to today’s devotion below or wherever you stream podcasts.

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