I was sitting across the table from my daughter as we had pizza with my brother and his family. She is the oldest of the cousins and the only girl. I noticed at one point that both my nephews, who were sitting on either side of her, started to punch my daughter. They are 3 and 5 years of age, so they were just play-fighting with her. But something inside of me became annoyed and a little angry. I spoke up and told the boys to treat their cousin with kindness and to keep their hands to themselves. They listened and obeyed.
On our way home from that lunch, my daughter and I had a long conversation about the incident. I asked her why she allowed her little cousins to hit her. She responded, “It’s ok, they are little. They don’t know and it didn’t really hurt.” I told her that she was just making excuses for their negative behavior and that if she welcomed this behavior today, next time it could hurt. I continued educating her that it is her job to speak up for her body.
My daughter is a typical oldest child, a rule follower, and a people pleaser, so seeing that this incident upset me, she began to tear up. I took hold of her hand, squeezed it gently, and wiped the tears from her face. I reassured her that she was not in trouble.
I looked deep into her eyes and said, “You are my daughter, and I love you very much. To me, you are worth so much and I am only upset because I feel like you don’t see your true worth when you allow others to treat you like that.”
She nodded and leaned in for a hug. I cried as we held each other tight.
The Holy Spirit allowed that moment and conversation to remind me that my Heavenly Father feels the same way about me.
I am a recovering people pleaser. For most of my life, I allowed other people to gently push me around and dictate my worth. I would make excuses and ignore the punches so I could continue to sit at tables. I hid my Indian culture to fit in and make everyone else comfortable to have an illusion of belonging I desperately needed.
I would take on more than I could handle and never said “NO” because I wanted to be needed and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I would spend hours overthinking something I said and feel horrible if I ever did speak up for myself. I made myself small to make others feel important, thinking that is what it meant to be humble and kind. I let people belittle me and I stayed in toxic environments for too long because I thought that is what Jesus would do.
I know I am not the only Jesus-loving woman who has lived this way.
Can I be honest with you? I am annoyed and a little angry to see how many of us have allowed this pattern to be our story.
It’s time to realize that it hurts the heart of God when His daughters don’t see their worth.
And if you need a reminder, read and meditate on these verses:
“And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”
Matthew 10:30 (NIV)
“He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by his love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
“Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.”
Isaiah 43:4 (ESV)
Friend, it is time to stop settling for gentle punches and stop striving for the approval of people.
I pray that you sense God leaning in close to remind you today that you are worth so much. It is time to use your God-given voice, to rise up in the authority and position you have been given as the daughter of the King of Kings.
You are worth protecting and celebrating.
You are delighted in because you are His.
Well said, Simi. And I applaud you for having that conversation with your daughter. It is so important that young girls and women learn their value. And we, as the older generation of women, need to encourage them and remind them of that.
Amen, if we don’t someone else will and it won’t be a good thing!
As an oldest child who has these conversations with my firstborn daughter, I resonated with this so much. It’s amazing how much I still need the reminder to throw off people pleasing and lean into my identity as a daughter of God. And Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my anchor verses! Thank you for sharing this Simi!
Yesss sis!! It’s easier to see it happening to others and be blind and dismiss it when it happens to you- but God uses even those moments to open our eyes to His truth and grace!
Amen & Amen!
walk in your worth today, friend! Shine bright!
The power in these words gives me the chills!
Wow! Love hearing that friend!
AMEN! My Mama (Linda) and I could sure use some prayers.
Will pray friend!
Oh Simi, with tears in my eyes, I can’t even express how much this means to me. Just last night I found out about “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. I have struggled my whole life (many decades) and hating who I am. With God’s help the last few years, I’ve been able to make some progress, but I keep losing the battle. Your post seems like a sign to me that maybe I’m on the right path to be worth something. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are not just worth something, dear friend…you were worth the Son of God. Look to the cross, he came for YOU…left the 99 for YOU. You are so incredibly loved- more than you can imagine. Any voice that tells you different is not of God…so don’t trust it!
Thank you for this message that I desperately needed to hear.
That makes me happy!!
Amen! We so need to teach our young girls their value and worth in these current and trying times! They are being subjected and belittled being made to compete in sports with some who are born as boys and will always be boys, no matter what identity they claim. And the issue of even sharing bathrooms and locker rooms and being demeaned if they are not comfortable with it! There are many powerful women of the Bible, that went against the grain and God blessed them everyone! Praying for all of us, to instill in our daughters that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and are so very important to God and He loves all of them with all His heart!
We are who Jesus made us to be, and we must see ourselves the same- not based on how we feel, what others say or the labels culture places on us.
Amen. I can relate as I am a people pleaser. While I still carefully and prayerfully consider my words before confronting, I do stand up for myself more each decade.
How we “talk” to ourselves is also important. Growing up my mom would correct me when I said something negative about myself. She said God created me as a masterpiece and I should not criticize His creation. That has stuck with me and I use the same thought to help my daughter see her uniqueness and give thanks in gratitude.
Yes…self talk is so important in understanding our worth. Our mind is where the enemy often brings lies and narratives and we beat ourselves up….then we let others do it as well.
Thank you for this message. I believe it is so needed in the culture we are living today. May God’s love, mercy, and grace be shared with all children. Whether boy or girl, God loves us and wants us to love ourselves.
Amen and amen!
Thank you Simi for this wonderful message. Do we not know we a Daughter’s of king of kings. He loves us no matter what. If we read Psalm 139 some of it tells us how presious we are to Jesus. Worth so much the first two verses tell us “The Lord knows all about us our sitting down and rising up. You even as it says in Verses 13 to 16 thaty God formed us in our mother’s womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame was not hidden from God. It goes on to say how precious are God’s thoughts about me. We could not count them. So we are worth alot when God thinks that about us. So we are worth more than welcome will ever know. As that kids song say. Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. So true all this is. I could go on and on. Another good one. Jesus loves all the Children of the world red and yellow black and white. How true those songs are. They and those verses tell us our worth. Thank you for this read Simi John. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Yes, knowing we are loved is so vital to walking confident in our worth in this world.
Thank you Simi for such a beautiful message to pass on! I have 3 amazing, smart, strong and beautiful granddaughters and a sparkling niece. I pray they always remember how God made them and that they are confident in that making!!
….all those precious little boys too! \0/
Yes, helping a child see their worth and know their identity is the greatest part of being a parent/grandparent
Sitting here wondering how you came to know about my life patterns without ever having met me. You spoke openly and frankly about my life, who I am, and how it makes me feel to be this way. A people pleaser- oh yeah! Allowing others to berate and mistreat me as though I have no worth. Yep, that’s me. Avoiding confrontation that might hurt the abuser or cause alienation. Wow, you have my number.
I agree with you that God does not want anyone to live like that. To be critical of another is to say that God made a mistake when He made you. How heartbreaking that must be for God!! How it must grieve Him to see one being abusive to another while the other suffers in silence. Very sad.
Jesus was confrontational. He spoke the the truth… always. Then left His rebuke with them so they could ponder His words.
Hopefully, those of us who remain silent will remember who we are in Christ and tell the abuser, in love, how their words and actions hurt them. And perhaps, the abuser will appreciate their honesty and become more sensitive to their treatment of others.
Thank you for sharing your story. It has made a difference in my life.
– Diane
“ Jesus was confrontational. He spoke the the truth… always. ” YES! Love this! God is our defender when we trust Him with our heart and speak up…He is for us, we are not doing it alone!
Simi,
This is a much needed lesson for young women today. For years I didn’t see myself as beautiful or smart. My self talk was negative. Then I heard this “”God created you in His image. Thus what you call yourself you are calling Him”. Ouch! That got me to thinking. Every now & then I still have a little negative self talk. Mostly I realize that God loves me & sees me as beautiful inside out. I have an empathetic, loving & caring heart. Now if you speak ugly about me I will say “If you don’t like me or the way I am talk to God. He made me this way.”
Blessings 🙂
So glad God opened your eyes to the truth of who you are!