She walked in late to her physical therapy appointment, quickly apologizing, “I’m sorry, I’m having a rough day.” I leaned in and patted her on the shoulder as we walked towards the bike for her warm-up exercise. Assuming her back pain had flared up I asked her, “What’s going on?” She got on the bike and began to pedal as she told me that she had lost her mom recently, and today the grief was overwhelming. Throughout the session, she continued to share stories about her mom. I could tell that she loved her mom and they had a great relationship. Her mom lived a full life until she suddenly fell sick and passed.
Usually, I would have said some old Christian-ese phrase that we often say to those grieving the loss of a loved one like, “Well, she’s in a better place.” But the Holy Spirit gave me new words to speak over this woman: “I can tell you miss your mom and it probably feels unfair to have your best friend taken away.”
She suddenly looked up at me, reached for my hand, took it into hers, and her eyes began to well up. She said, “Thank you for saying that … everyone just keeps saying she’s in a better place and I’m tired of hearing that because I just want my mom here with me.”
In that moment I knew the Holy Spirit spoke through me because I chose to listen to this woman — not just to her words but to her pain. I think often, we as Christians are quick to slap a cliche statement over someone’s pain because we’re not really listening to them. Listening to someone unload their burden makes it heavy and uncomfortable for us, so selfishly we want to soothe them quickly, like sticking a pacifier in the mouth of a crying baby. But their pain needs a place to land.
Galatians 6: 2 teaches us to, “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” And the most practical way to live this out is through listening. We cannot save people or change their circumstances, but we can listen. If we are honest when we share our issues and pain with someone, we understand their limitations but we share anyway because we just need someone to listen.
I think one of the reasons people were drawn to Jesus was because He was a good listener. Jesus didn’t just teach and disciple people. He didn’t just touch and deliver people. So often Jesus gave people an opportunity to share their pain and put words to their wounds. He listened.
When blind Bartimaeus cried out, everyone tried to silence him. “Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet” Mark 10:48. The Bible tells us when He hears this blind beggar’s cry, Jesus stops. He listens. Can you imagine the Creator of time and space, the Alpha and Omega, standing still because of the cry of a man who lived on the side of the road?
The day Jesus meets the Samaritan woman He arrives at the well early. Jesus is waiting for her to get there and invites her into a conversation. In fact, this is the longest conversation recorded in the Bible that Jesus has — with this woman who had a wounded past. She walked at noon to that well alone as she always had because no one wanted to be associated with her; everyone in town knew her scandalous story. But Jesus, the Sovereign One, still sits, waiting to listen to her.
Jesus doesn’t spiritualize our pain or sweep it under the rug. He wants us to say it out loud to Him because He is the Savior and He has shared in our sufferings and empathizes with our deepest wounds. People wanted to be close to Jesus not just because He was a good teacher, but because He made space to listen to them. It amazes me that the God of the universe came to this world as a man to walk with us, talk with us, and listen to us.
Friend, Jesus wants to hear you.
I also pray that in our love for others, we would be quick to listen like Jesus, and that we would be people who make space for others to bring their wounds and words so that their burden feels just a little lighter. Let’s not silence people with our quick sticky statements or distance ourselves from them because their pain is too much.
It is true that we are the hands and feet of Jesus to go and do His work, but we are also the ears of Jesus to stop, wait, and listen.
Simi, thank you for those words. I do hesitate at “in a better place” since I am well aware, at the moment of grief, not many can really visualize the perfection of heaven.
Your post will stay with me.
As a pediatric PT, I always love seeing your writings. Thank you for your many talents.
Amen! Timing and tone matters when we speak, for sure.
I am so glad it spoke to you friend!
So true!!! I am growing in my capacity to listen without the “what am I going to say next” rhetoric running commentary in my head while another speaks. It’s ironic I get labeled a good advice giver the less I speak. Being heard is a gift we can give each other. I wonder who I need to bestow that gift to today & pray I will obedient to do just that. Blessings!
I love this! Yess! You heart to listen and willing to be present is a gift!
Beautiful, thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for reading! Have a great week!
Thank you, Simi! I am trying to be better at both these skills. I always need reminding.
Me too! And we have the Holy Spirit to help us so we don’t have to do it alone!
I have a person in my life who has been driving me nuts because there are ways to reduce some of their pain but they just… won’t… do the equivalent of going to PT and doing the work (in part, I think, because if some of their pain could be reduced, then maybe all of it would be seen as invalid or their fault somehow? Which is not the way reality is, but it is the way some people think), and I am very tired and I have a chronic illness that responds negatively to stress and I would *really* like it if other people could do what they can to reduce their load before putting their load into my life. (and it’s especially hard to be willing to carry extra weight when a chunk of it is junk weight – blaming the wrong people, being angry that expectations weren’t realized when the expectations were… a little excessive to begin with, idolizing other situations which *do* have perks that are missing from this situation but which have hazards and problems *also* missing from this situation, etc.) (and the weight translates into direct physical pain for me and I would rather have this person and the pain than not have the person and not have the pain, but when there are two separate mechanisms by which the pain would be *less* if work were put in or if reality were addressed, I have very much wanted to try to make things be less painful.)
But yes. You’re right. Listening. Not our job to fix people.
Thank you for this reminder.
I struggle with this also- but I have to recognize that I can’t carry it all, I just have to listen – that’s where healing begins for them, not when I give them things to fix and change to solve it. We are not meant to be their savior, rather we are called to sit with them.
Simi thank you for today’s reading. Yes Love is to stop and listen to what others are going through and not just think of ourselves all the time especially if saved. As Jesus always put others first before himself. He took time to listen to what they were going through and show he cared and even pray with them. That is what we are to do as his followers today. Show we care and show his love to others and be Jesus hand’s and feet in this world to a hurting world. Especially when people loose love ones close to them like a Mum Dad Brother or Sister. We might not know if they were saved. Until we if we are saved get to Glory to be with Jesus on day when we leave earth. But if we are saved all we can do if we don’t know if they are saved we can’t tell them they need to be saved as they tell us to keep all to ourselves what we believe. All we can do is pray for their Salvation. That they will see the Love of Jesus in us by the way we live our lives and then want what we have if not saved that is to know Jesus for themselves. Keep showing them the Love of Jesus by the way we live our lives if saved. I don’t know if my late Mum was saved. But I kept living my life for Jesus in front of her. Plus kept praying for her. I do hope to when my time up on earth to see her in Glory one day. That will make me so happy and then I know my prayers have been answered. Love today’s reading. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Yesss! Thank you for sharing! It is easier to speak and share…but listening helps us learn about the person and trust God to be their savior.
Simi,
Listening seems to be a lost art. No one wants to take the time to listen & really hear another. If we are to be Christlike in our interactions, then we must take the time & effort to truly hear others. Ask a few questions if necessary. Let them know that they have been heard. I have a few friends that I call & check on every now & then. When I call I must be ready for a lengthy conversation. They want to tell me all about their past & what’s going on now. These are older widowed women. I make time for them & allow them to talk & sometimes repeat themselves. It makes their day.
Blessings 🙂
Yesss! Love that!