The baby drifted off in his bouncy seat as my toddler played on the rug with his favorite toy train. I opened the microwave to reheat my morning coffee and found yesterday’s forgotten mug.

Waiting for 120 seconds of warmth, I glanced over my shoulder at my precious little boys. My heart ached. It ached for the gift of being their mom. Ached for the desperate loneliness I felt in this season. Ached with gratitude for the life I was living — and the life I wondered if I would ever get to live. I ached in sheer exhaustion.

I sat down with my coffee and laptop, bracing for my son’s cries to cancel this rare quiet moment. I opened the tab to one of my favorite blogs, looking to get lost in someone else’s life. After a few paragraphs, it said, “Click over to (in)courage to read the rest of the story.”

What was (in)courage? l clicked.

I read the rest of Lisa Leonard’s post. Then I read another story by another woman. And another. I handed my toddler his cup of goldfish crackers and read another story. The baby slept, but the tears came… mine. With every word I read, a resounding truth rose in my heart:

There are other women like me.

In a season where I felt swallowed by motherhood, disatsified in my own stagnant faith, and disappointed in the Christian mediocrity around me, (in)courage showed me that I wasn’t alone. There were other women who wrestled with motherhood and marriage, who felt deeply and dreamed bravely, who knew Jesus wasn’t meant for a stale box on Sundays but to influence and invade every corner of our lives with the intimacy and power of His presence.

Finding (in)courage was like finding home. A place to be seen, nurtured, challenged, encouraged.

That was in 2010. (in)courage has felt like home ever since.

I came through the proverbial front door of (in)courage every day for six years before coming on staff in 2016. Being a reader was a profound gift, exactly when God knew I needed it. But serving behind the scenes —from coordinating guest posts to overseeing daily editorial to becoming the community manager — has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

And after nine years, it’s now my time to say goodbye.

Today I feel a different kind of ache. I feel the ache of deepest gratitude. The ache of milestones and memories stacked up as an altar of God’s “more than I could ask or imagine” faithfulness. I feel the ache of having loved a place and its people so fully that it’s tempting to want to freeze-frame time and think the best is here or behind us, so I’d better dig in my heels and resist the necessity of good chapters coming to a close so new stories can begin.

Yet when I look at Scripture, I see a God who doesn’t resist change but invites growth. He continually offers new life: to the Israelites in the desert, to the disciples in the upper room, to you and me today.

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19 NIV

But here’s the thing: knowing God is doing something new doesn’t make it comfortable. Trusting His goodness for today and tomorrow doesn’t mean the path is without obstacles. New things are not absent of growing pains and grief. Are you nodding along with me, thinking about your own shifting situation or changing season?

Recently, I was processing this with Jesus. He said so clearly to my spirit, “Stop focusing on the how and the what. Focus on the with and the where.”

Maybe that’s a word for you, too. Because isn’t it easy to fixate on how things are happening and what we wish were different? To dwell on how circumstances make us feel and be anxious over what the future will hold?

But the call of Jesus is to remember that He is with us and He knows where we are going.

It’s one of the most beautiful refrains in Scripture:

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.” Genesis 28:15

“Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

“And surely I am with you always.” Matthew 28:20

I could write a whole book about what I’ve seen God do throughout the history of (in)courage. I’d be delighted to tell you about each remarkable writer and staff member I’ve had the honor of learning from and linking arms with. It’d be my joy to recount the ways your presence, dear reader, has made this community so much richer.

There is great purpose in looking back. The thin time between the end of one year and the beginning of another invites this kind of reflection. Remembering how God has carried us through what’s behind fuels our faith for how He will carry us forward. Remembering is necessary. So often God’s people find themselves staring at a rushing river, an expansive desert, or a jar with but a drop of oil, and lament because forward feels impossible.

But we have the same God who breathed new life into dried-up bones, who fed his messenger with ravens, who used a boy to conquer a giant, who resurrected His Son after a brutal death, and who sent the Holy Spirit to be our moment-by-moment guide and advocate — yes, He’s an expert at impossible.

So take heart, friend. Wherever you are today, God is with you — and He knows where you’re going.

Our peace is in His presence.

My baby and toddler are now teenagers who tower over me. Soon they will leave our home — and that good goodbye will hurt. But they will always have a home in my heart.

It’s been an absolute honor to share stories and shepherd this community for nearly a decade. My highest esteem for those who continue to serve behind the scenes and for the writers whose words will continue to make us all feel at home and less alone.

Stay in touch with Becky on Instagram or by subscribing to her Substack. And if you’re feeling anxious about the unknowns in your life, find a path of peace in Becky’s new book, A Verse a Day for the Anxious Soul.

 

 

*Friends, we have an important update for you. After four incredible years and over 1.2 million downloads, the (in)courage podcast is coming to a close. The podcast episodes will not be available after the 1^st of the year. We hope you’ll continue to join us for inspiration and encouragement for your heart at incourage.me. Thanks for listening.

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