My youngest daughter isn’t a big reader, but she loves audiobooks — and, for now, she still enjoys listening with me. As a lifelong book nerd, I’ve happily embraced this, and lately we’ve been working through one of my favorite series.

When the eighth book finally came in from the library, we couldn’t hit play fast enough. But the moment the narrator started, we both groaned. The voice had changed! We’d loved the previous narrator, but this one… not so much.

Ever since, it’s been a slog to get through a story we were so eager to hear. When I asked my daughter if she was tired of the series, she shook her head. “No, it’s the narrator’s voice,” she said. “I want to hear the story — but not from him.”

It made me realize how much the voice of a story matters, and how often the way something is said determines whether we want to keep listening.

When I use my “mom voice” to lecture my oldest daughter about responsibility, again, she tunes me right out. But when her youth group leader speaks gently about how important it is for young adults to learn and demonstrate responsibility with chores and grades and relationships, well, she’s maybe not all ears but she’s considerably more receptive.

When the parents at my library’s storytime tell their toddlers to start picking up toys, they’re often met with resistance (or simply ignored). But as the librarian, when I hit play on our clean-up song (the one I play at the end of every single storytime) and say in my “Miss Mary voice” that it’s time to clean up, many of those same kiddos automatically begin putting away the cars, blocks, and pretend food.

When I come across a social media video of someone screaming or sneering about how obviously wrong the other side is (of whatever debate it might be), I almost always keep on scrolling. But when I find someone explaining their perspective calmly or – my preference – addressing the issue with humor or music, I’m a whole lot more likely to listen and perhaps even learn.

I’m sure you’ve noticed this too (it’s hard to miss). In today’s heated environment, it seems as if all we do is yell at one another – in comments and group chats, on bleachers and pews, from every platform we can climb onto and with every megaphone we can get our hands on. We talk fast and furious, determined to get our point out, even if doing it that way will never get our point across. We point fingers and list offenses; we take hits and get offended.

Scripture is full of reminders that this is not what God desires for us. Proverbs, in particular, points out how using harsh, hateful, or otherwise undesirable words is foolish and bound to end badly.

“A gentle answer deflects anger,
but harsh words make tempers flare.”
Proverbs 15:1 NLT

“Spouting off before listening to the facts
is both shameful and foolish.”
Proverbs 18:13 NLT

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t speak up. We’re surrounded by issues that absolutely require our passion, situations that demand our intervention, and people who are in desperate need of our defense. But sometimes the voices we use to do this good work keep us from doing any good at all.

To be clear, I struggle with this myself. I’m flippant in an effort to protect the heart that feels deeply. I’m furious and rage against every machine within reach. I’m sarcastic when a calm mind and thoughtful words fail me. My intentions are pure, but my delivery cancels out any benefit my words might have. I’ve spoken truth but without love or even kindness, and like that proverb promised, I’ve been shameful and foolish.

Maybe you can relate? Have you struggled to keep an open mind when someone shouted their message or used hurtful language or an offensive tone? Have you lashed out in anger fueled by zeal for what you were sure the other person had to learn or understand? Have you grieved the lack of civil conversation in so many areas of our lives right now?

It can feel impossible to change — either ourselves or others — when harsh and hateful speech seems to be the language of our times. But just as my daughter longed to hear a good story told by the right voice, the world is aching to hear truth spoken in a way that invites them in rather than tuning them out.

Paul gives us a roadmap for how to do this in his letter to the believers in Ephesus:

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 NLT

Will you join me in meditating on these words?

Let everything you say be good and helpful.
Let your words be an encouragement.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander.

The voice matters. The tone matters. The way we speak can make the difference between someone leaning in to listen or shutting down completely. We can’t control how others speak, but we can choose how we do.

So let’s be people whose words sound like grace — voices that carry the truth in kindness, that tell the story of God’s love in a way the world actually wants to hear.

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