It is 7 o’clock in the morning. I am parked in the car, rain pounding on the roof. One thousand cars pass me by and sirens wail without end — a tell-tale sign I’m in The City That Never Sleeps.

It is Sunday and I am with my kids. We have a sliver of time before the next thing. And, yes, I’m already thinking about the next thing after the next thing. This is my usual pattern. My mind rolls relentlessly. Like a book, bound with one billion pages. Like a to-do list, stamped with never-ending bullets. Like a calendar, an infinite grid with no end in sight.

Call it what you will. Mom brain. Executive function. Strategy. Stress. Survivor mentality. Being on top of things. Being human. Even as a young girl, I always existed more inside my head than in reality. I thought thoughts, planned plans, penned poems, and dreamed dreams — always thinking, always wondering, always pondering, always the metaphorical gears grinding.

But this morning, in the middle of my thinking about the next thing after the next thing, a pivotal thought came to me like light breaking through a dark cloud. Instead of wondering about what I am to do next, what if I welcomed the invitation to wonder: What is God doing now?

You see, I’m coming to find that there is a very thin line between wonder and worry. Inherently, they are not the same. But, seemingly inevitably, wonder without boundaries bleeds into worry. And I confess, this is the headspace heartspace I’ve found myself in lately. All my wonder is warped; most all my thoughts have turned and twisted into the scary shapes you see at night.

In this sobering but sacred moment, I’ve been reminded that no amount of my doing, or attempted undoings, can fix the fears, figure out the future, control the outcomes, stop the stress, halt the hurry, or wash away the worry. I am reminded, there is but one balm for the anxious mind; there is only one cure for the worried heart:

“That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord.”
Psalm 27:4 NIV

To dwell in the house of the Lord. To sit in the Lord’s presence. To assign my attention to the Lord, my affection to the Lord, my wondering and pondering all to the Lord. That is the cure, the spiritual practice that will bring peace to my soul.

I am a work in progress, still learning how to put down my propensity to plan and plot and ponder my way through life. I am still learning how reroute my rumination to reflect on God’s promises, still learning how to let myself wonder without giving way to worry. And, I don’t know what fears fill your head, or the thoughts that keep you up at night. I don’t know about the worries that rise to the surface in the sliver of moments when quiet comes to your door. I don’t know all the ways in which your pondering gives way to the kind of wonder that winds you deep into worry. But I do know this:

Instead of pondering the problems of life, we can ponder the beauty of the Lord. Instead of pondering our perfectly plotted plans, we can ponder the goodness of the Lord.

Instead of retreating to our minds and rehearsing our fears, schedules, needs, dreams, and intentions, we can turn our thoughts to the Lord our God, our strength, our refuge, our ever-present help. Instead of being overwhelmed with anxiety, we can be overcome with astonishment of God’s beauty, goodness, wonder, and light.

Here are a few reminders to help us all do just that:

• You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3
  
• Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10
• Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2
• I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. Psalm 119:15
• One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4-5
• Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Friends — I want to hold space for your story. Comment below and share how today’s article spoke to your pondering heart. I’d love to speak encouragement and peace over you.

 

 

Leave a Comment