I’m driving on a beautiful afternoon, the leaves just beginning to turn gold, orange, and crimson. I have my favorite playlist on, snacks in my bag, and a weekend away with friends to anticipate.
But my thoughts are in the past, circling an old situation like my car is stuck in a roundabout. I keep trying to exit by rewriting the ending of the story so that it will turn out the way I hoped, but I can’t change anything.
At breakfast with a dear friend last week, she shared that she felt the same way about a situation in her life. I asked her, “Why do we keep coming up with all of these alternate endings if we know they won’t ever happen?”
She paused for a moment and said, “Because we want to control. We want there to be something we can do about it.” She and I are both the action-taking type, and if there’s a way to fix something, then we are going for it.
I nodded my head in agreement with her words and said, “What we want is control, but what we really need is surrender.” I liked the way that sounded as I spoke it, but the reality of those words is not shiny or easy. Surrender is one the hardest things we do as humans.
As I drove, I thought about that conversation, then I paused and whispered a three-sentence prayer that helps when I’m worrying, “God, I release control and choose surrender. I give everyone and everything to you, especially this situation. What do you want me to say to myself when this comes to mind again?”
It seemed the quiet whisper I heard within my heart was this…
They were never yours to save.
Those words didn’t replace the grief of what happened with this person, but my soul did breathe a sigh of relief. I’d been telling myself that if I could have said the right thing, done the right thing, tried harder, loved better, then I could have made everything okay.
But there is only One who can save any of us, and it is okay to release those we love to Him. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care, that we don’t do everything we can, but it does mean that ultimately the outcome isn’t in our hands.
If you’re looking back at a situation, especially with someone you love, that you wish you could change, then I hope what my heart heard is a gentle release, a compassionate invitation for you too.
The God who spoke the world into being, who hung the stars in place, who came to a manger, and endured a cross, who knows every human heart, loves the people in our lives more than we ever could — we can give everyone and everything to Him. Again and again.
1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” What I worry about and care about the most are the people I love. So they are who I need to release, trusting that God not only cares about me — He cares about them too.
The same person has still come to my mind dozens of times since that moment in the car. What happened wasn’t small; it will be with me for years, even a lifetime. My three-sentence prayer didn’t give me instant closure, but it was a new starting place.
A starting place for deeper peace.
A starting place for letting go of control.
A starting place for surrender.
A starting place for finally moving forward.
“…what do You want me to say to myself next time I think of this situation?” What wonderful freeing words!A great place to start about anything crossing our minds. Go to God first rather than try to fix things first then go to God to fix my fix! Blessings (((0)))
Asking what God wants me to say. And surrendering. These are things I need to work on. As someone who likes to be in charge, letting go to God is a challenge but the times I remember to do so it is such a relief.
Hi Holley. I agree that the need for control is what we need to let go. And I too agree that it’s easier said than putting it to practice, but with God everything is possible. Thats my hope and comfort in life’s storms, which are constant and many. I wish I had the kind of friend in this story, one to whom You can talk freely and have a God centered conversation in everyday moments. I don’t have any, so I come here for that encouragement for years now. I pray that God keeps me close to Him even when life seems to much to bear (like right now) and for this ministry to keep reaching others in these hard times the world is facing. Love to You all!