Hello. I’m Karina and I’m a slow processor. When I say slow, I mean, ridiculously slow. Think of molasses. When I’m hurt, forgiveness, for me, is the easy part. Forgiveness is an act of the will. I don’t necessarily have to feel it to do it.
It’s my feelings that are slow in catching up.
I am one of those highly sensitive people who just feel things deeply. I have a million and one feelings. And I have a million and one feelings about those feelings. I guess this is what makes me a good creative — my mind is always thinking, circling, and analyzing on a continuous loop.
I eventually get to a place of healing, wholeness, and possible restored fellowship, but it takes me a minute to get there. Oftentimes, it takes me more than just a minute.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t just quickly get over something that hurt me or frustrated me or angered me. But God created us all differently, and we process differently. We heal at different speeds. And that’s okay. There is no one way to journey with the Lord in this process. God’s desire is simply that we remain humble, teachable, and dependent on Him. It matters that the process is only unto His glory.
Now, I’ve had my fair share of friendship struggles. But a recent one hurt me deeper than I can adequately convey. I have spent the better part of 2024 and the first half of 2025 in a season of profound sadness. One of the causes for that sadness has been a great rift between me and a dear friend.
There was a string of circumstances where I felt left out, unwelcome, and unloved. Whether or not it was intentional or just my interpretation, those instances simply didn’t feel good. I was so grieved that I pulled back from our friendship. I was already overwhelmed by the season I was in. This proved too much of a weight to bear.
This was the first time in our seven-year friendship that we’d faced anything like this. I wasn’t sure if our friendship would survive. I imagined all the ways this situation could play out. I even wondered if the friendship was worth saving.
Sadly, some fractured relationships haven’t been saved. But I realized this one was most definitely worth it. She realized it was too.
I felt the Lord assuring me that this part of my season would be healed. I just wasn’t sure how. My friend took the first step and asked me to lunch. I took the next step and wrote her a letter. I’ve discovered that I work through conflict best by having time to write out my thoughts and feelings, followed by a conversation, versus having that conversation in the heat of a moment. I guess that’s the writer in me.
Our lunch was sort of an icebreaker. I filled her in on some of the hard I’ve been walking through, and she shared some of the highlights of her recent months. It felt good to reconnect a bit. It was a good start.
A few weeks later, we had another lengthy conversation. This one was more in-depth. My friend was able to respond to aspects of my letter. Misunderstandings were cleared up. Perspectives were shared. The truth of God’s Word was prayed. Prophetic declarations were released. And so many tears were shed.
Colossians 3:13 reminds us of the Lord’s forgiveness towards us. Because of that forgiveness, we are to bear with one another and forgive every grievance against another.
We forgive because we love God.
We forgive because we love others.
We forgive out of obedience.
We forgive because it sets us free.
I’m sure this won’t be the last time my friend and I will be confronted with hurt feelings, confusion, or misunderstandings. But now we have a stronger foundation built on God’s truth and love. Honesty, trust, and vulnerability are leading the way.
Working through conflict and discomfort and heartbreak are never the way I want a friendship to grow, but I am grateful that the Lord proves faithful at every step.
When we yield to the leading of the Holy Spirit, His love overflows. His grace sustains. His Spirit empowers. His peace floods.
I’d love for you to share a testimony of reconciliation! I want to join you in thanking God for this ministry!
I am walking through something like this now only with my mother. I have experienced years of verbal abuse and things being said out of anger. It’s like at least once or twice a year she does it and then I have to work through forgiving her, only as I’m healing she comes and re injure the wound that was healing. Then the healing has to start all over again. I know that all this is because of her own trauma within but she doesn’t think she needs any help. It’s going on a year now that she hasn’t been allowed at my house. I’ve forgiven her but I don’t want to be around her. I’m struggling with am I wrong for not wanting to be around her. She just thinks she can continue to do these things stay gone and then come back around as if all is well now. I love her but I don’t want a relationship any longer. Please pray for me as I strive to heal from this.
I’m praying for the Holy Spirit to guide your mother to an openness of mind and heart to understand her harmful words are part of a cycle, which can be changed. May she be blessed with the newfound wisdom to do this. May God bless your wounded heart in healing. Amen.
Karina,
I loved your devotion. And I can relate because I had a similar experience. I think we need to build new good memories to “nudge” out the old bad memories. What’s important is that we talk to our friend not about them. We address it not bury it.
Sending you summer joy,
Lisa
Karina, I wish I could share a story of reconciliation, but the friendship I’m struggling with is still in shambles. I’m wondering if it’s salvageable or even worth salvaging. And this Is a 50+ year relationship! A girlfriend who was in my wedding. So…I’m still at the “praying about it” stage. And our rift happened last December. No movement on either side yet.
Karina,
Thank you for this today. It’s so easy to just cut people off and move on, but God is in the business of reconciliation and these are good stories to share. I too, was able to reconcile with a close friend after some hurt. It took letting several years pass but when we met over lunch for the first time in years, with tear-filled eyes, we agreed that the Lord was pleased with our decision to put the past behind and move forward. I’m so thankful.
Kellie
Karina thank your what you wrote. I know the importance of forgiving. As things happened in my Family to do with my Dad. I do his house for him Monday to Friday. He has the start of Dementia. My Dad is not saved. Things he did to our Family. I knew I had to forgive my Dad as it the right thing to do in the Lord eyes. Before I started doing his house for him and before he got diagnosed with Dementia. I told my Dad that if I not forgiven him and loved him I not be here doing his house for him as well as praying for him and his Salvation. I told God I had forgiven my Dad.Even thow he didn’t respond are say very much when I told him. I don’t know if he really cared that I had forgiven him and was praying for him and I still do. As he said when heard I was praying for him. Glad you believe thast stuff something along those lines and laughed. One thing when my Dad laughs like that it is my Dad saying without telling you in so many words he doesn’t believe what you have just told him. I told my Dad also I was doing his house for the Love of the Lord and him my Dad. I am glad I did and all my Dad did now doesn’t annoy me any more. All I do for my Dad I do it as I said for the love of the Lord and my Dad. One time it did get to me and annoy me that I couldn’t forgive my Dad. I see him very little maybe once a week for a short time. Then I think that my bit done at least I seen my Dad untill next week. Then one day my Dad began to need more help. I didn’t for some reason like his house being untidy. I would start tidying it for him when round seeing my Dad. As I thought my sister’s are at work they go at night to see him. For health reasons I can’t work. So I just go ahead after saying hello to my Dad when I went to visit him. Then start cleaning his house leave it tidy before I left. When I had it tidy I spend time chatting my Dad. This went on until it became a regular habit me doing this. Then my Dad started to get worse and eventually was diagnosed Dementia. I found out of no where myself doing his house more and more. Then it became the daily habit it is now my doing it Monday to Friday. God one day said to me Dawn I glad you forgive your Dad and our now doing his house for the Love of your Dad and me. If you not forgave your Dad it would have eat away at you. God said Dawn this was before we as family were told he has Demeantia. You might never get a sorry from your Dad for all the hurt in the past. But you can look at your Dad know you can do his house in Love for Me (God) and your Dad it doesn’t annoy you. It hasn’t since I forgave my Dad. Then God has throu it taught me to see my Dad as the Lord see him. That is as his child and we all are God’s Children he is our Heavenly Father. I will never forget what my Dad did. But now I see him in a different light and see him the way God’s want me too. I go do his house in Love glad I have for given my Dad. Continue to pray for his salvation. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Forgiveness and reconciliation are so powerful and important. I think one thing I need to work on is not internalizing things that are said, even if they are not meant in a hurtful way, sometimes I end up assuming the worst and that can lead to more hurt occasionally.
As you described yourself, it was like I was reading a biography of me! I am very much an introvert who takes a long time to process (I used to say I was a slow processor, but my Spiritual Director convinced me to reframe that to “thorough processor”). I, too, can put my feelings into words much better on paper than with my mouth, and have always thought I must be weird.
So, thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one wired this way:)