We got in the car, and I immediately slumped into the passenger seat as if I’d just run a marathon. As my husband pulled out of the parking lot, I could feel my body slipping into a state of nausea and exhaustion — responding as if something disappointing or frustrating had happened. But we had just come from a really great meeting about my kids’ education. And the day before that, my husband and I had a good conversation that answered some personal prayers.
Yet my body was acting as if it had been in a fight and needed to recover.
Later that night, I experienced one of the most intense bouts of sickness I have ever had. It was so abrupt and draining that it took me days to recover. I wondered if I had picked up some kind of virus or perhaps food poisoning. But as I began to process this with the Lord and my husband, I recognized that there was something deeper going on.
Whenever I am in the midst of stressful circumstances, I don’t always feel that weight on my mind. I actually get really intentional about capturing any lies or negative thoughts. But many times I find that my body is saying something different. Even then, the physical symptoms don’t last very long.
This moment was a tipping point for me because my body wasn’t reacting to the increase of stress, but rather the release of it. I don’t think I fully comprehended how much my concern over my kids and provision for our family was affecting me internally. After those meetings, even my husband said he could literally see the relief on my face — and in the days that followed, it was as if my mind had finally exhaled, and my body followed suit.
Even though I was intentional about not letting stress take hold in my thoughts, it seemed I wasn’t as successful at keeping it out of the deeper places in my heart.
Somehow, there was a disconnect between what I was experiencing and what I was internalizing. Even as a child, I remember repeatedly asking God to tell me how I felt — so much so that I wrote a song with that question as the foundation of the lyrics:
Can you tell me how I feel?
Can you tell me what’s going on in my heart?
About every inch and every part, of me?
Can you tell me how I feel?
Even in my late childhood and early teenage years, I recognized there were areas within me that I couldn’t comprehend or discern with my natural mind. Places in my heart that struggled beyond the usual implications of puberty and growing adolescence. Words filled multiple journals, highlighting the multitude of cares that I needed to cast before the Lord. Yet I knew that at certain times, even the tip of my pen couldn’t dig deep enough to drag out what was bothering me.
This points to a level of inadequacy that is not a cause for condemnation. We can’t see all or know all in the world around us or in the many layers within us. Perhaps that is why Romans 8:26-27 (NIV) says:
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
That night, and the days after my post-meeting sickness, I knew that there were areas in me that I needed the Holy Spirit to uncover. I needed His peace at a cellular level. I needed His Word to divide between joint and marrow (Hebrews 4:12). I needed His Word to shine upon my steps and my path (Psalm 119:105). I needed to sit and be still at His feet (Luke 10:38-42), continually choosing Him as my one focus over all other pressing things. I needed Jesus to bring to light the things that have been afflicting my subconscious. I needed His gentle hands to loosen my grip on the worries I’d been holding so tightly to.
I needed the deep, soul-level rest that God offers to our entire being.
Rest isn’t just about physical stillness. We can, in fact, experience His rest in every part of our bodies, every part of our lives. We can abide in Jesus as He abides in us (John 15). His Word can dismantle all the obstacles that cause us to stumble and push out the lies we may incorrectly believe — even at the unseen, minute level.
This is the opportunity and joy of dwelling with the Lord and Him dwelling within us.
Today, you may not know the melody of my song, but maybe you, too, need the hum of those lyrics above. Ask the Lord to search your heart and bring peace to the places you cannot see.
As a way to practice slowing down and meditating on God’s Word, my friends and I created a resource that invites you to rest with Jesus: A Moment with Jesus: 10 Minute Prayer and Meditation.
I found as I was reading this I was holding my breath. I did not realize it until I exhaled at the very end. This really got to me. I have been so exhausted lately, more so than usual and now realize it is from the stress of financial worries. Even though on some level I know it will be ok, and I don’t think I am actively thinking about it, I guess deep down inside my body is. I keep praying and know that God is here for me, but somehow cannot let it all go. I appreciate you putting into words what my body is telling me.
Thank you for sharing your own struggle so openly. It always seems to surprise me how the body reacts when I am not actively thinking about something. I am grateful that the Holy Spirit promises to intercede in the midst of us. What has been helping me is as I pray, seeing myself tucked into his side, at his feet, or under his wings. And seeing myself open up my hands and letting him take those worries from me. And in exchange I remember his covenant with me to take care of my needs and that I am under His cover.
Jenny, thank you for this devotion!! I desperately needed this!! I store up so much in my heart and physical body that it truly is affecting my health. I need Jesus’ peace at the cellular level, but felt ill equipped on what to do! This is a great topic that needs to be addressed more!!!
Karen,
I am experiencing what you describe and in complete agreement we need more guidance and insights about this topic. God bless you with being able, especially through your prayers, to look at what you’re storing up in a whole new way.
Peace,
Kathleen
Thank you for reading and I’m praying that God brings peace and release to every part of your heart and body. I just started diving into one of our (in)courage writer’s book, Stronger than Stress by Barb Roose. It may be a helpful resource along with prayer and reading the Word.
Jenny,
Thank you for sharing!
So grateful for The Holy Spirit and those who bring comfort who have the Holy Spirit living within them.
Sending you spring joy,
Lisa Wilt
Yes! So grateful the Holy Spirit searches our hearts and knows exactly what we need!
Dear Jenny….Your words today also affected me incredibly; however, I have problems of the cellular kind in my mind and my heart. I pray and I just asked God for help just as you said in your last words in the big box before the comments. These things have been worrying me now for 5 years, mostly emotional although my health is not taking it well. As a 77 year old woman living in a Senior Facility with 100 other people, it does not help me as it is supposed to be Independent Living and it isn’t. I would say that at least 90% or more have problems that should require more care which is not offered here. I am “the baby of the group.” as most are in their 80’s up to over 100. My ex-husband now is in a different place with the violent type of dementia and tried to kill me about 3+ years ago. He was a heavy drinker and the neurologists told him he had to stop all alcohol and take the medication they gave him. He refused and said there was nothing wrong with him. I ended up having to sell our house of 40 years as we both needed money. These facilities are very expensive and they often do not give you what they promised. The worst part of this is I have 1 son and 1 grandson ( who was 11 when this all happened) and now is 15. My son called me one night and he was 51 at the time and said he no longer considered me his mother because I was a liar. He said his father was just old and then said I would never ever be able to see or talk to my grandson again. With that he hung up on me and I collapsed in a ball of tears prayer to God for help. It has been 4 years now and I have had no communication from my son or grandson. They have blocked everything, phone, email and even mail from the post office. He and his wife get home before my grandson does from school. They quickly get the mail and if there is anything in there for my beloved grandson, they destroy it and throw it in the trash before he gets home. They also have told him I am an evil person. I just don’t even know what he looks like or anything else about him at his age of 15 now. They have ripped up so many cards I sent and many of them had money or I started to send checks and those were ripped up too. My Holy Spirit helps me to try and stay hopeful and I love him, but I have prayed so much all these years, I ask God, ” Will you be able to help me with this before I am gone from the Earth?” So far I have not gotten an answer. There is so much more to this story, but I have taken enough of your time and I am crying now. Thank you Jenny for your wise words. I will read your devotion again this afternoon when I can get myself calmed down. I have nobody. All my relatives are gone. So Jenny I wish you and your family a Blessed Memorial Day weekend and I send my love to you………………….Betsy Basile
I’m so sorry Betsy for all that you have been through and carried. I’m praying that you feel God’s tangible presence down to your toes. He loves you and sees you and though others may forsake you, Jesus doesn’t. B
Thank you so much for sharing. As I read this it brought me peace, because I to try to not allow stress to overtake me and in this season of my life with so much change I want to be excited for what is taking place (I am getting married) and I am, but it is also stressful all that needs done. I know I am doing what is pleasing to God, the transition is a little overwhelming for me.
Oh congrats on your upcoming marriage! I pray for peace from the inside out and that you would experience God’s joy overflowing! He’s got you in the midst of this transition and as you step into earthly covenant, I pray you feel God’s covenant over you.
Jenny,
I often ask God to search my heart & know my inmost being. See if there be any wickedness in me & cleanse me. This world is moving to fast & noisy. We all need to abide in Jesus. Take a day to rest, rejuvenate & restore our drained out souls. Put margin in your life where you make time to be still with God daily, if even for a few minutes. Try simple breath prayers. God help me(inhale) calm my soul (exhale).
Blessings 🙂
Thank you Beth for these incredible tips! What you shared gives all of us practical ways to abide and rest. We definitely need it in the era that we live in.
Hi Jenny,
I completely relate to your article. God has been opening my heart from past hurts and showing me feelings I didn’t know how to express at the time. I had buried something for so long, it took me a while to find the correct words to write in my journal. Over a year ago I participated in my first on-line journaling course which focuses on Jesus being right there with us in our past and our present. I am healing from many different feelings which the Holy Spirit has brought to light. My word for this year is “Shine” based on Psalm 119:105. Lamp or light immediately became Shine after a small prayer. !!!
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Shalom, Sandy
God is so faithful to lead us into complete freedom bit by bit. I agree about journaling, it is such a helpful practice to engage with God as he shines a light our hearts. Thank you for sharing with us and I pray that feel God’s cover over you as you continue to heal. Blessings!