“I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.”
Isaiah 43:2 (CSB)
I’m standing on a stage in front of a crowd of women. I see teenagers with side ponytails, sweet mamas in skinny jeans, and lovely silver-haired seniors. I wish for the chance to have coffee with them all, to hear their stories one by one. So I do what I consider to be second-best — I tell mine.
I come to the part about how we all have bullies in our lives. Mine hassled my elementary friends and me after school, until one day he called me a word none of us were supposed to utter under any circumstances. At this point I decided to take matters into my own hands. Although the quiet and gentle type, I promptly pushed him down — without causing injury or serious concern from any adult authorities — and sat on his back until he promised to repent of his bully ways. The audience laughs at this, and I tell them I wish this was my only encounter with a bully. But I still fight them every day.
My grown-up bullies are anxiety and depression, two words we can be hesitant to say at church. Yet the psalmist freely confesses, “I am deeply depressed” (Psalm 42:6 CSB). Struggling with depression or anxiety doesn’t mean we are spiritual failures, we’ve disappointed God, or we’re not strong enough. This is what I have come to believe: we live in a fallen, broken world, and if we are in a battle, it simply means we are warriors.
I declare this to the women in the room, and after the session, one of the leaders says to me, “When you said those words, I could hear a collective sigh of relief.” After I finish speaking, a line of women that stretches almost out the door forms in front of me, and one after another says either “Me too” or “My daughter struggles with depression and anxiety.” If you’re reading this and you or someone you love is in this battle, know you’re not alone.
The hope in all this is that Jesus has promised us victory. I believe I will likely have to fight this battle as long as I’m on this spinning earth. But through a plan that includes every part of who I am — spiritual, emotional, social, physical, and mental — these days I’m winning more than I’m losing. I also have partners in the fight, including a counselor, a doctor, and good friends who speak truth to me on the days I can’t remember it. (When people ask me what to do next about their depression and anxiety, I always recommend starting with a trustworthy biblical counselor.)
What we don’t talk about, what we keep secret, where we let shame and guilt take hold are the places in our lives where we remain defeated and unhealed. So I’m speaking publicly about this struggle with you too.
Depression and anxiety are part of my life, but they’re not the boss of me. They’re also not my identity. I’m strong, brave, and loved. I’m a daughter of God who has been promised victory. So are you. There is no shame in being a warrior. Fight on.
Lord, like the psalmist, I long to freely confess my truth. I am deeply depressed. Yet even as I speak those words, the next to fly out of my mouth is the truth that as I fight, I am a warrior, and in that there is no shame. Thank You, Lord, for the victory of speaking up, of not keeping secrets, of healing and identity. Help me live into mine. Amen.
By Holley Gerth, from (in)courage’s book Take Heart: 100 Devotions to Seeing God When Life’s Not Okay
Take Heart: 100 Devotions to Seeing God When Life’s Not Okay is a collection of courageous stories from forty-four different authors is where you can find your story reflected — from struggling with weight, anxiety, and depression to suffering through miscarriage and grieving the death of a husband; from experiencing injustice and questioning our purpose to walking through church disappointments, loneliness, and infertility. Through these pages, you will know beyond a doubt that you are not alone and that you are (and always have been) loved.
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This book is an offering of hope, from one heart to another — sister to sister, friend to friend. We can’t wait to help you take heart.
I am amazed at the number of people, young and old who struggle with depression and anxiety these days. It’s discouraging. But this reminds me that this is not a new problem. The Bible is full of these stories. And oh how we need the Lord and loving friends and family to get through it all. Thanks Holly. Your writing is always encouraging.
You have no idea how much I needed this today. Thank you for this reminder.
Praising God for Hid perfect timing!
Thank you- as I became a widow after 53 years of marriage.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Judi. Praying the Lord’s comfort feels so very near today.
Holley, thank you for your honesty. Although I haven’t been treated for clinical depression for over 40 years, it still follows me around and threatens me. I have returned to counseling several times and couldn’t agree more that a faith-based counselor can be such an important part of healing. I’ve learned to recognize the signs that I’m at risk of going down the black hole. That is when my relationship with God has to be refocused and strengthened. I pray for you and all suffering from this struggle. It’s very real.
Dear Holley…………….What beautiful words and stories I read today in your devotional. I have suffered with anxiety, depression and panic attacks since I was 3 years old. I am 77 now. Back in those days, mental health was never treated or helped by a counselor. When I started college in 1965, I was so very homesick and the girl that was to be my room mate did not show up so I was totally alone. All I wanted to do was go home, back with my parents and my pet. I did have an upper class person who talked to me shortly about what books I needed for my first semester, but that is all. I gradually met other boys and girls my age and that helped, but still no friends. I suffered though these things even into my marriage as my husband had raped me and got me pregnant. How could I tell my parents this? Well, I did not tell them that my date had raped me so I had no one to give me some advice. When I told him that I was pregnant, he said, well, you can just get an abortion, we break up and go our separate ways. I was not going to do that and I told him so. In the 60’s, there was such a thing of “shotgun marriages” where we HAD to get married due to how I got pregnant. Me, at 21 with a baby. I had no idea what I would do. There is so much more to this story, too much. My husband got violent dementia, tried to kill me and the doctors told me I had to get him out of our house and start to think about my safety. Talk about depression, anxiety and panic attacks. It never ended and so I knew from the Bible and church-going that I was not alone and I started to pray frequently for help from the Lord. He helped me and by that time mental health came to the fore front and I got medication to ease these problems. I am still at 77 going through some very serious and complicated problems. My son disowned me as he said his father was not sick, yet he never visited us with our 1 grandchild to see how his father really was. My son and his wife also will not allow me to see or speak to him. He was 11 then and now this year he will be 15. I don’t even know what he looks like or school or anything. I have had no communication for 4 years now and it hurts badly every day, but I still have hope that God will help me somehow. With all these problems and there are more, I really do feel like a warrior. I am so happy that your words told me that there is no shame in being a warrior. I will not give up and I trust in God and something beautiful will surely happen at some point, but it does not mean that at days, I don’t sit and cry, but I get over it somehow and move along. Thank you Holley and I would love to have your 5 devotions.I would like your book too, but right now, I am a little short on money. I send my prayers and love to you and wish you a blessed weekend………………Betsy Basile
Holley,
Just want to thank you and wish you the best Spring!
This is my daily battle. And some days I have victory and other days I feel exhausted. Our Father always walks with me, this I know. I also know that one day I will have complete freedom and peace.
Thank you for this post.
I suffer seasons of depression and anxiety and in another now. I am 78. I also have a debilitating back condition which prevents me from standing or even sitting for more than a few minutes. I take a medication for anxiety but antidepressants only make it worse. My husband has to do most everything for me. We had to leave our church after serving there for 20+ years as it became very controlling and condemning. I don’t have a biblical counselor and don’t know where to find one. The one thing I can do is lay on my back all day and night and pray for my husband, family, friends and neighbors. God’s richest blessings to you all!
I too struggle with depression and anxiety. I fight daily to get up and do something productive to help me feel more useful. There have been many days where I didn’t get dressed, I’d spend all day in my nightie, then feel awful about my husband having such a lazy wife. I’m 74 and spent most of my younger adult days raising three sons alone. I went back to college to be able to find a job that would support us all. Those were long hard days away from my boys. In 1999 I met my now husband. He’s my hero and has been the best person ever to me and my sons. He’s loving, kind, supportive and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
I think depression and anxiety have nagged me for most of my life. However it hit an all time high in 2017 when my youngest son was incarcerated. He was charged with vehicular manslaughter following a horrible car crash that killed a pedestrian. My world fell apart and I was unable to fight the anxiety and depression that shrouded my life in pain. For 5 years I stumbled through countless days of pain and grief. Then I was introduced to a group of women in a prison ministry. Their love for Jesus and the women who had been impacted by incarceration literally saved my life.
I still struggle but take my struggles to the only one who has been there with me since the day I was born! My Lord and Savior. I do go to counseling and still work on chasing away the monsters daily. Knowing I not a defective human, I am just like so many others, reminds me God created us all exactly, perfectly the way He wants us to be. It is in our imperfections that we shine the brightest!
Thank you for your writing. I would like a copy of your 5 devotions. Thanks so much.
Thank you for your writing. I would like a copy of your 5 devotions. Thanks so much. This is the first time I have made this comment.
Holley,
We are warriors. We are fighting daily against flesh & blood. Like you said we are also victors! God is with us!! This post reminded me of the song “Warrior” from War Room movie. Here is the chorus:
And I fall on my knees and I fight like a warrior
I am a warrior on my knees.
I call on the Name of the One Who is Conqueror
I’m more than a conqueror when I believe
The enemy trembles every time
‘Cause he knows the battle is no longer mine
When I fall on my knees and I fight like a warrior, like a warrior, oh, oh, oh
Blessings 🙂
I would love to have the 5 devotions sent to my inbox. I have struggled with the enemy of anxiety and depression throughout my life and with God’s help, I have been the warrior in the battle. My granddaughter is currently fighting the battle and I will be sharing these devotions with her. Thank you for being transparent. When we go through these battles, it is good to know that we are not alone; others are fighting a similar battle. There is a song I love with lyrics that say, “ I’m fighting a battle you’ve already won “. Thank you Jesus!