There is a lot I’ve done that I am not proud of.
Sometimes, in the stillness, memories rise up to the surface and I shudder, my shoulders pulling tight with the tension of all my should-not-haves. There is also all I still do that I am not proud of. Like the way I scowl at my kids when I am bone-tired, or the curse words I mouth, as if whispering makes them any less volcanic.
These are the things that make up the weight of all my wounds and weaknesses.
Then, there is everything I have not done.
In my weekly confession at church, the word “undone” sparks a shiver in my spine. I can’t help but rehearse all the could-haves that carry from week to week: The text I should have sent. The apology I should have offered. The smile I could have shared. The money I could have given.
These are the things that make up the weight of all my would-haves.
Deeper, still, is all I witness in the world around me.
My heart, all wrapped up in the worries that everyone feels and feeds into, pounds faster and louder and harder. Stress seizes me when I scroll on my phone and see the sorrow that seeps through every sentence shared on social media. The planes going down. The mortgage rates going up. The wildfires that continue to rage far and wide. The political unrest.
These are the things that make up the weight of the world.
Moment by moment, we bury burdens like seeds in the soil of our hearts. Relentlessly, we tend to our grief and grievances, letting them grow like flowers in a garden. And, yet, we wonder why we are consumed by all we carry.
We are knee-deep in need, in want, in faithlessness, in unforgiveness. We proclaim praises to God and, in the same breath, curse our brothers and sisters created in God’s image. We are quick to anger and even quicker to spew responses (in speech and on screens) devoid of gentleness and grace. Our words seethe with anger rather than drip with honey. We meditate on our worries rather than the Word of God.
What do you do when you want to worship God but instead you ruminate on the world’s weight and your own worries?
What do you do when you want to read your Bible but your vision is blurry from all your crying?
There is only one cure for the one wearing weariness. There is only one cure for the one carrying the weight of the world. There is only one way to help your heart hold onto hope, even in spite of all that weighs and wounds and worries you.
Confession can be a cure for all the burdens you carry. It is a kind of prayer that melts our pride and makes way for God’s perspective. It is a rope reaching out for hope and help — it is a thread stitching our hearts ever-so-together with God’s. Confession leads us to surrender, which paves the way for trust in the One who can carry everything we were never meant to.
When we cannot calm the chaos that surrounds us, we can confess our complicity in it.
When we cannot overlook the offenses done unto us, we can confess the offenses that we’ve done unto others.
Confession is not simply a sacrament; it is a balm for brokenness — it is a bridge to the mercy and grace of God. Confession is not a thing we do — it is a thing done to us and in us.
Over the last few years, my heart has been continually captivated by the following prayer of confession I heard at two different churches I’ve had the privilege of being a part of: Forgive us for what we’ve done, and for what we’ve left undone.
It’s been nothing short of a miracle watching my heart be transformed by this weekly confession. Every week, I am humbled by taking my eyes off the shortcomings of others and willingly remembering that I, myself, am the worst of all sinners. It’s been healing to go to God with all my shattered pieces in hand, and remember there is grace for all that is still being worked out in this world — and in me.
Our worries and our wounds remind us that God is not done yet.
The weight of this weary world reminds us that things are not quite the way God intended.
When we go to God in weekly, even momentary confession, we are reminded that God invites us to be a part of all that is being — and will someday, once and for all, be — redeemed and restored.
If you feel weighed down by your worries and by the weight of the world, confession may be a helpful practice to embrace or re-awaken. Lift your eyes, loosen your lips, and let honest, humble confessions pour out before God. God will hear you, and the forgiveness extended to you will fortify your faith, empowering you to extend forgiveness — unto others and unto yourself.
May you find peace in the presence of God as you pray this prayer . . .
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For yours is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.
Thank you so much for this devotion. It was exactly what I needed today. And to know I’m not the only one who feels these things and what to do to get past them. Thank you for your humbleness to share. Blessings to you!
Thank you Rachel, this was just beautiful and very well timed!
Rachel,
So beautifully written and so beautifully true!
Sending you spring-time joy,
Lisa
Amen!
Dear Rachel……..What an appropriate devotion you have sent us today and your words are so true, it brought tears to my eyes as I sit here with the news on and hear that the entire Department of Education is being destroyed. Those people that ave school age children or grandchildren must be crushed as many of them count on the help they get from there. Of course, he says that those things that were done there will be done in other areas. I know this man and the way he operates and that will not happen as they are tearing down everything else to just a small amount of employees. It just breaks my heart that all these thousands of people losing their jobs could end up losing everything. I pray for them. I must pray the Lord’s Prayer at least 5 or 6 times every day. Confession is important to me and if I do something wrong or say something inappropriate and I catch it, I pray to the Lord for forgiveness. Sometimes those words you shouldn’t say slip out and we know we shouldn’t use those words, but we are human beings and we make mistakes. Thank you Rachel. I always love when you give us the daily devotion that I read as soon as I get up in the morning. I could go on, but I do have an appointment this morning so I will wish you a blessed weekend and I certainly will read what you wrote many times. Love to all of you from (incourage) as you keep me on the right track and help a 77 year old woman to keep putting one foot in front of the other…….Betsy Basile
A much needed read for I am getting overwhelmed by trying to balance empathy with tuning out.