Expectations can be tricky. Admittedly, I’ve made some of my worst parenting and personal decisions based on societal pressure or what I thought was expected of me. (Sorry, kids!) I’ve allowed what I demand of myself or what I believe others want from me to mess with my head.
Did I properly celebrate a child or a friend’s birthday?
Do I give my kids what they want for Christmas?
Is my house clean enough or just embarrassingly dirty?
Will I ever manage those DIY gifts I’ve meant to make for years?
Do I talk to my children and extended family enough? Do they know how much I love them and what they mean to me?
Will twice-a-week occupational therapy appointments enable me to regain full use and mobility of my right arm after falling and having major surgery last summer?
Once I polish the manuscript of my first novel, will I get an agent and a publishing contract (my 2025 goal)?
In some circumstances, recent physical challenges have slowed me down. In others, they’ve taken my options off the table. I planned to finish my manuscript by October, but major surgery, brain fog from pain, and relearning to type with both hands and use my arm again delayed things. Life has felt upside down and all my expectations sideways. At one point I even forgot about my physical limitations and checked the calendar to see if I could work a shift with my church at the Operation Christmas Child warehouse in December — only to be disappointed in remembering my bum shoulder prevented me from that kind of service.
Lately, I’m frustrated, overwhelmed, and worried about disappointing people even more than usual. I emphasized lowered expectations so much at Christmas that it shocked my children when I handed them their traditional Christmas Eve pajamas. I’ve set the bar pretty low.
I don’t like to fail or to let people down, even myself. Who does?
Jesus understands what it’s like to bear the weight of expectations; it’s yet another way He can relate to us.
The Jews expected the Messiah to come as a military leader and fight their Roman invaders, liberating them and establishing an earthly kingdom. But Jesus focused on spiritual teachings, and on compassion, not might.
Others thought the Messiah would arrive as a prophet, like Moses. Surely, the Pharisees never imagined Jesus would challenge their teachings and traditions or undermine their authority. They continued to question Him, assuming they could trick Jesus into contradicting or breaking the law, or saying something that could be used against Him.
And what about the expectations of Jesus’ earthly family? He astonished Mary and Joseph by staying behind in Jerusalem as his family returned home after the Passover feast; they returned to find him among the teachers at the temple. (Luke 2:41-52) His family assumed Jesus would always attend to their needs first, but that wasn’t the case. (Matthew 12:46-49) His brothers and sisters must have believed their perfect big brother would eventually mess up like everyone else, right? (Wrong.)
Jesus taught that all life has value. He confused the disciples when He refused to ignore the Canaanite woman, whom the Jews would have considered a heathen. (Matthew 15:22-23)
I’ve been guilty of presuming Jesus will fix my problems like a genie in a bottle. Sometimes it takes years before I see the full picture, to understand that if God had granted my requests—though they seemed like a good idea (to me) at the time — they would have actually harmed me.
Jesus shattered the expectations of those around Him. He still does. Although He disappointed men, Jesus always remained true to what God the Father expected of Him.
If expectations run high and overwhelm you — especially at the start of a new year — extend grace to yourself and remember that Jesus understands. Follow Christ’s example by remaining true to God the Father, and you’ll never go wrong.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
Proverbs 19:21 ESV
Dawn,
I’m so sorry about your arm. And I can certainly relate to your shoulder. Thank you for sharing…
Sending you healing Joy in this new year,
Lisa Wilt
Thank you, Lisa!
Dear Dawn,
I am right there with you recovering from major back surgery back in October ’24. Today will be my last PT of 20 sessions & I’m feeling so much better after dealing with back pain for over 4 years. I’m more limited on hiking now & climbing stairs is a challenge without railing. But, I’m so thankful that I can actually walk without pain & not depend on my amazing husband to have to do so much for me anymore. Dawn, just take small baby steps in your recovery & rejoice over the new things you can add back into your family. To get Christmas PJ’s for 8+ family members is amazing!!!
Lord bless you & blessings on your new book!
Barbara from CA
Congrats on successful back surgery and finishing PT, Barbara! We instituted the policy of only doing PJs for the ones who are still at home, so I got by with three. 🙂
Dear Dawn………….Your words today are something I can relate to, perhaps in a different way, but still you reminded me of some things I may have forgotten. I like you had a very serious medical problem and the recovery was very slow and my job was very important to me. I couldn’t get there due to pain and weakness and a long drive just to get there. It was so bad that I used up all my sick days and long term disability (totaling 18 months ). I was very heartbreaking as the rules they had said no matter how good an employee was and I was one of the top managers, you were terminated. It had been my job for 35 years. I tried to pray and ask Jesus for help and he did , but it was already too late. I think I cried for 2 weeks straight. Your Proverbs 19 verse 21 is just what I need to keep going on when my plans are upside down and so am I. I will save your devotion today and savor the moments I read it again after lunch when my brain fog finally lifts. Thank you, Dawn for your story and I hope and pray your shoulder heals and you can go back to what you wish to do. I am 77 years old, so it is a little late for me, but my Holy Spirit whispers to me every day and actually does things that make me smile. All of you (in)courage women help me to think in the right way to help me through all the struggles I am experiencing now at this time of my life. When I was 40, I never even though what could happen when I got old. All the best to you, my friend…………..Betsy Basile
Betsy, I’m so sorry for the physical problems that cost you your job. I’m glad that verse speaks to you. Don’t count yourself out at 77! So many women in my family live into their 90s, so it sounds like you’ve got a lot of good years left!
Thank you, Dawn. Your words are wise. Depend on God to solve our problems in His time. And in the best way.
Thank you, Irene. His timing is different than ours—and always right!
Pitting you on my prayers for healing. I broke right arm at humerous and they wanted to am amputate ..Refusing , i tried everything even oil of healing by elders.. nope 8 months later by God’s miracle we heard of BLT pills and Comfrey Root .. wow then started the healing and then a rod put thru.. took 3 years but I got my right arm back to shape.
Then broke the right wrist badly., osteo .. but they managed to put it together ..a long recovery followed. Now age 75 and 3 torn shoulder tendons and rotator cuff separated and severe osteo arthritis in The humerus., But. Hey., God is faithful and walks with me daily still . Keep your eyes on Him looking up . We still have work to do for Him even in our pain. Hugs
Wow, what a blessing you didn’t have your arm amputated. It sounds like it drew you closer to God. I understand!