The blank pages of my new planner stared back at me, full of possibility and — if I’m honest — a bit of shame. Would this be the year I finally organize our chaotic, blended family life into neat little boxes? Another year of wondering if I’d ever get it “right.” I turned over the blank pages in my planner ready for a fresh start.

A new year. A new plan. A new perspective.

I kicked off that new year with a family meeting, my planner in hand. I confessed that I was a grump to live with most days. My desire for things to “go right” often outweighed my desire for our family to “be right.”

I told myself that this would be the year that I would get our home and schedule under control. I told myself if only the house was clean, I would be happy and content.  And, believe me, when the house is clean I am definitely more relaxed and easier to get along with. (My people agree.)

This seems like it should be enough motivation to keep a tidy home.  

It’s not.  

In just a few short hours, the satisfaction of a clean house was replaced with me feeling agitated and overwhelmed. From little league to band concerts and college visits, we bounced from one activity to the next, bringing a parade of paraphernalia in and out of the home.

Though outwardly I hustled to keep up with my responsibilities, inwardly there was a shouting match between my indignation with no one helping and my guilt of feeling inadequate. 

When I confessed my struggle to the nervous-looking faces at our family meeting, the silence was awkward. You could tell they weren’t sure what to say. My brave teenage stepdaughter went first. “I don’t work on Mondays, and I can cook dinner on that day.”  

Through the brave, “I’ll go first” of my bright-eyed girl, God was showing me that I’m only alone when I isolate myself in my struggles. In the year that followed, our home did not always stay clean and our schedule certainly didn’t slow down. But, I began to see shifts in my own perspective . . . and this, in turn, made our home a more peaceful place.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed in your home life, here are some truths that helped shift my perspective from my own inadequacy to God’s goodness. I hope these truths will help you, too.

• This is temporary. The years pass so quickly and family dynamics change. While the days are long, the years are short. It’s okay for me to give a little more or a little less than I feel I should. 
• This is lasting. Kids become adults, and then they have a choice of who I am in their life. If I want to be an influential part of their future, then I need to act in our present struggle like we are going to be loving each other for a lifetime. 
• I am privileged. I have people. (Some days too many people to keep up with.) I choose to remember the trust given to me by God and the privilege to have so much, even on the craziest days.
• Lighten up. Those harsh words I spoke years ago and carry guilt for? My kids often don’t even remember. When we mess up, it’s a chance to model asking for forgiveness and move on.
• Take it easy. This is the hardest for me because I love schedules, checklists, goals, and hard work. But my kids love me — not what I accomplish.
• Laugh. If I’m not laughing at our perpetual chaos then I’ve forgotten one of the above… 

My inadequacies are not an invitation for another year of self-improvement and strategies. My deficiencies are meant to point me to a God who can provide above and beyond who I am and what I even ask for. 

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being.”
Ephesians 3:14-16 NIV

Now, when I open my planner, I see more than just boxes to fill. I see Monday night dinners made with love by my stepdaughter. I see laundry getting done — sometimes perfectly folded, sometimes not. Most importantly, I see evidence of God’s grace in our beautiful mess.

Those blank pages aren’t waiting to be filled with my perfect plans anymore. They’re waiting to record the story of how everyone in our family ministers to one another, making room for Jesus right in the middle of our messy chaos.

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