The end of the day and the end of my rope occurred simultaneously. Under the nighttime sky, I curled up in a chair, wrapped a blanket around me, and cried a desperate prayer during a desperate time. Help me. Nothing else to pray; nothing left to say.
Another fight with my husband left me empty, tired, hurt, and angry. He spoke ugly things and I retaliated. A volley of nasty remarks and finger-pointing accusations. Help me.
When the verbal barrage ended, we retreated to separate spaces. I sought refuge under the stars while my husband found sanctuary in front of the television. In the darkness, I felt sick and sad deep in my soul. Hard questions with no easy answers flooded my mind.
After years of marriage, why was communicating so hard?
Why were we constantly wounding each other with our words?
Why did we give Satan a foothold in our marriage through that ugly exchange?
I searched the sky for a rescue plan as the list of questions grew. The moon as my witness, maybe God would perform a marriage miracle. Maybe a shooting star would grant me a changed spouse. Maybe my husband would seek me out, tell me he was sorry, and declare his love. But none of those happened. There were no cosmic interventions. Help me.
Time on my deck provided an opportunity to replay the heated battle. As my tears fell, I hung my head in shame but no one was around to notice. Heartache stirred up a reminder from God’s marriage guide and I was guilty on all accounts. I had violated what God outlined in His love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
Love is patient instead of flying off the handle.
Love intentionally chooses kindness instead of being mean and snarky.
Love doesn’t boast by yelling louder than your spouse.
Love isn’t easily angered even when your hot button gets pushed.
Love keeps no record of wrongs, so destroy the notebook of your spouses’ missteps.
Conviction poked my heart; a gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit. My head knew to ask forgiveness for my displeasing part but my heart still hurt. I didn’t want to face him and possibly risk another confrontation. So, I ignored the Holy Spirit and plodded off to bed alone. I needed more time and space and sleep brought both. Battle-weary, I buried my heart and sadness under the blankets and hoped my dreams would reveal this was just a crazy nightmare. Help me.
The next morning, my husband was up early and gone before I woke. On the kitchen counter, I found a note with no apology. He wished me a good day and signed it, A and F.
Always and Forever.
Those two words sounded like hope; they felt like love. He chose to take a baby love-step to close the gap that we ripped open in our marriage. A small gesture, but I held that piece of paper like a precious olive branch extended in peace. It sparked a tiny flame of encouragement to keep on keeping on.
Always and Forever meant he was still in the marriage and we would figure out the rest. Yes, the sting was still there and the wounds still fresh. But, he was staying in the game and I resolved to do the same. No-one was skipping out, because . . . love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
God hears simple, desperate prayers like help me. Our Heavenly Father meets us in our dark, lonely places and loves us when we feel unloved and unlovable. His precious blood covers all our marital messiness . . . and more. If we hide His Word in our hearts, when we cry out in desperate times, He will whisper Holy reminders.
Our marriage is a work in progress — hard work and God will show us the way. We are two believers and two sinners living, working, and loving in a fallen world. Like many marriages, there may not be a fairy tale ending nor a happily ever after but small steps in the direction of each other instead of the door.
Help me grew into Help us.
And God will.
Leave a Comment
Thank you for your transparency. I am 2 days into y’all’s blog & I feel like family already. Your group sounds like my Bible study group. I think it’s important to reflect on our lives & not just sit & point fingers.
Back to marriage…I can relate & have many similar stories, but I sit here today & say that my husband & I have come to a point where those ugly events are far & few. And it’s all thanks to God. Thanks to God for a Christian counselor. Thanks to God for each of us getting to know God more intimately. Thanks to God for our surrender to Him & acknowledging our roles. And thanks to God for hope.
Hi Sue,
Thanks for sharing. So thankful that God is the Living Hope for our marriages.
Krista, thanks for this rendering, which I SORELY needed to read this morning. It’s NOT a marriage “Help me”, but an EVERYTHING “Help me” I am a believer, but have been feeling so overwhelmed lately as I try my best to avoid falling into that dark hole. Though I’ve searched for counseling/therapy, I seem not to be able to obtain resources that don’t cost more than I can afford. Your rendering at least gave me a safe space to land this morning. Enjoy your day and stay blessed.
Cari, please look into resources in your local community and check with your local church. There are often resources available which you may not be aware of. I have been in the black hole and a Christian counselor has made all the difference in the world. Praying for you to find the help you need.
Thanks for sharing, Laurie. Excellent advice.
Hi Caro, I want to give you a big hug! Thank you for sharing. I resonate with feeling overwhelmed and teetering near the dark hole. You are not alone with those feelings. I battle the darkness by turning to His Word. God always leads me to verses that offer Hope and remind me of His big Love. Praying for you!
Hi, Caro.Sorry to hear about your tough times! And yes, perhaps your minister could help..or if not that, another source w/ little or no cost, as Laurie has suggested may be in your community!..
AND, I was also intrigued by your closing greeting”STAY BLESSED!! We have friends from Nigeria who would always use that phrase when they left you..AND I have always loved it, but NEVER heard anyone else use it until we bought furniture in Tucson about 5 yrs. ago!!(Yes, he was from Nigeria) and NOW!!!!! So, STAY BLESSED YOURSELF and many prayers that you WILL be able to find inexpensive counseling!
Krista thank you for your encouraging words. It reminded me of a time many years ago when I was married to my first husband. He had treated me very badly and I was in the bedroom crying. He was in the family room watching TV, with seeming no regrets. As I was crying the Lord spoke to me and told me to go apologize to him. I cried back to the Lord, “it’s not my fault”. The Lord answered to me….”it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, it’s the relationship that matters”. It wasn’t easy, but I obeyed the Lord. Maybe this might help some of you. The Lord Jesus bless you all!
Hi Donna,
I am sorry you had to experience that difficult situation. When we cry out to God, He hears us.
Thank you for sharing!
Krista,
I’ve been married 34 years… Many of those have been very, very tough. I appreciate it very much your devotional this morning and I shared it. As women of God, we need to uplift one another, especially during the hard times. I’m praying that you and your husband continue to step toward one another just as I am lifting my own marriage up in prayer!
Hi Lisa,
Congratulations on 34 years! Sometimes the most important step is that first baby step. Thank you so much!
Good morning. It’s so encouraging to know we serve a sovereign God that is always ahead of us. My husband and I have been dealing with marital issues for years and by God’s amazing grace we are still together. It’s difficult when not both parties are on the same page. Makes our marriage so hard.
We had our disagreement this morning and we both exchanged hurtful words. Great way to start the day.
I was here thinking what do I pray? I don’t even know what to say. I’ve prayed for this issue for years and no prayer works. Then I read this. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I needed this today.
Dear Yvonne,
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry your day started off with harsh words. Keep leaning towards God and He will meet you where you are. I will be praying for you.
Krista, your transparency is a profound gift to us all. Thank you.
Hi Becky,
Thank you so much for your kind words.
We are going through exactly the same thing at the moment. My husband has a muscle wasting disease and will take his frustration out on me and I am tending to retaliate. This was so helpful. I have been writing out quotes about the fruits of the Spirit, focusing on patience. God bless you xx
Hi Jenny,
Thank you for sharing your struggles. With God’s strength, we will keep on keeping on.
Jenny – I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and his health. It’s so hard when someone whom we love becomes a different person because of a disease. Hugs to you.
Dear Krista……..I just read your devotion for today and I am astounded by the whole story. I will start with your first name, I have a 28 year old PT women who helps me with my hands that were affected by Covid, last year so the doctors said it is long haul Covid and it probably will not go away. You may think that this is an odd thing to tell you, but I have my last session with her on Monday and she is so good to me and I am really going to be very sad when my insurance will not allow any more treatments. Krista, of all the different women that send me daily devotions, I got yours today. This woman’s name is Krista spelled exactly like your name. This is one of God’s miracles that He has sent me. I have prayed “Help Me” so many times, but I had not heard or gotten a sign until now. Sometimes we can miss His signs as they are not what we thought they would be, but this one today spoke loudly to me. That is not where the story ends. What you were speaking about with your husband and you also blends right into my story. I will say that there was no love between us, but one night back in the 60’s he date-raped me after I said “NO” 4 times and I fought like the devil, but I was no match for a guy who had just graduated college and had been an athlete there. Three weeks later, I knew I was pregnant. I was only 21 years old and had just gotten out of college. I was not ready for a baby or a husband, but Jim kept insisting I get an abortion and all would be well except for one thing. I was NOT going to do that. He was so angry and I am 77 years old now and back in the 60’s they always blamed the woman for this and we were forced to get married, “The Shotgun Marriage” is what they called it back then. My very big mistake was not telling my parents what had really happened. My mother did not speak to me for 2 weeks as she said, “Betsy, you knew better than that and don’t expect us to help you. You made your bed, now lie in it”. That is when I should have told them the real story. I was afraid my father would go to his house and tell his parents what happened. Fast forward many years……..6 years ago I noticed that Jim’s mind had started to fail and sure enough, he had dementia and he was in denial. He flushed the medication down the toilet and kept drinking even more than he had been. I stayed with him for 3+ years and every night after he was through drinking, be abused me terrible and he always made sure the phone was unplugged so I could not call 911, until and I will never forget this date April 20, 2023 when if I hadn’t had the phone in my hand and got the 911 call through and he did not notice that the call went through so the 911 dispatcher called the police and recorded all that was going on. As you can imagine, Krista, there is so much more to this story, but I have already bothered you too long. Just that the police and Jim’s doctors told me I had stayed with him so long and did every thing they told me to do as a Caregiver, the next thing he would do is kill me and 10 minutes later, he would wonder where I was. I did leave one more important thing out. The child that I had was a boy named Aron and he was 52 years old when all this happened. He kept telling me that I was a liar and there was nothing wrong with his father. He would not even come to our house to support me. The other heartbreaking thing Aron did was call me one night and tell me he no longer considered me his Mother and I would never be able to see or even speak to my 12 year old grandson and he hung up on me. “Help Me” But it is 2 years now in December that I haven’t seen or heard from Aron or my wonderful grandson. The beat goes on, but I have said enough. It is all true and the situation continues with my husband in a facility for whatever, but Krista I tell you all of this because what you sent me today was a Miracle and somehow God used it as his Sign. Thank you so very much. I will continue to say “Help Me”. I have repeated the whole story to He and Jesus. My Holy Spirit is with me all the time and helps me so much. You women are all Angels sent to us who are stumbling through life and wondering what we have done to have all these things happen. Please have a Blessed Weekend and I see you live in PA too. That is where I live. Love to you…………..Betsy
Dear Betsy,
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you have experienced so much heartache but I love what you wrote towards the end. The Holy Spirit is with me all the time and helps me so much. So true!
Kirsta thank you for todays reading. Everything you said so true. God just wants simple prayers form us. Not ones with big fancy words. You get some people today especially in Church and our Church prayer meetings. Feel I will get a bigger star in Heaven for letting other hear my prayers with the big words in Church and the prayer meetings. They show of thinking I said the best prayers not you. They go on and on when they pray don’t know when to stop when they started to pray. All God wants is simple short prayers that come from our hearts with not big fancy words. We have to remember when we pray make sure it comes from our hearts and we believe God will answer it in his own timing and his way not ours. As God knows What best for us and the prayers we pray. Not praying with big fancy words just simple prayers. No matter what we pray for or who we pray for. How true that is Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen CoFermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Hi Dawn
So true! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for the gentle reminder
Hi Karen,
Thanks for reading!
Just Beautiful!
Thanks, Lisa. Have a Blessed day!
Powerful loving words. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Courtney,
Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.
Krista, what a joy to share your words at (in)courage today. This piece was full of wisdom and compassion, and I trust it resonated with readers . . . just as it resonated with me. We’re grateful for you!
Thank you for sharing.