It didn’t take long to determine the car wasn’t safe to drive. The tires were completely bald, and the internal metal wires were exposed. The tires could fail at any time, making it risky to drive. For now, the car needed to stay parked in the safety of the driveway. The only remedy? A brand new set of tires. Yep, FOUR of them. To the tune of $1,300.
Ouch.
My friend told me the story as we caught up on the events of the prior week. Her teenage son was dealing with one of the more difficult challenges of adult life—car maintenance. He needed the car for work, not to mention hanging out with his friends. But $1,300?! That price tag was difficult for a grown, full-time employed adult. But for a teenage boy working a part-time job, it felt near impossible. So she talked to him about working extra hours on the weekend and saving rather than spending for a few weeks. As difficult as it was to navigate, my friend knew these were important lessons for a young person — the value of hard work, delayed satisfaction, and caring for our belongings.
She didn’t, however, expect his response later that day.
“Mom, I found a used car for only $4,500.”
WHAT?!
“It’s got a lot of miles — over 100,000. And it needs some work. But it’s only $4,500. And if I sell my car and get a loan for the rest, it won’t be too much. I can’t afford new tires, so I’ll just get a different car.”
And that’s when my friend and I shared a laugh. This wasn’t the first time one of our teenagers wasn’t thinking clearly about the real cost of their decisions.
It doesn’t make sense, does it? Rather than save money and put in extra time and effort for a few weeks, he was willing to dump the car and spend three times as much for a used car that needed just as much work and a loan that would last for a couple of years. To him, it was easier to throw away what wasn’t working than to invest a little time in fixing what he already had.
I’m about to lay down some hard-to-hear truth. You ready?
Sometimes you and I have the maturity of a teenager when it comes to our relationships. We may not junk-yard a car because of bald tires, but how many times have I walked away from a relationship, a situation, a church, or faith because it grew a little worn around the edges? Rather than invest extra time working through a challenge, I’d rather drop it in a landfill of unaddressed issues and turn my attention to something easier.
I wonder: What is the long-term cost of my lack of resilience? What is the high price tag I’m paying by giving up when my character and maturity would be better served by digging in? I suspect I’m not the only one with a landfill full of learning opportunities I’ve missed simply because I preferred immediate relief.
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV
My friends, it’s time you and I grow up a little bit. It’s time to put our teenage ways behind us and start living and loving like those who know the long-term value of forgiveness, love, and faithfulness. Let’s stop junk-yarding people and problems just because they are difficult to manage. Instead, filled with the Holy Spirit and eternally loved by a faithful Heavenly Father, let’s bear with each other, showing extraordinary patience as we allow our challenges (and the Holy Spirit) to make us more like Jesus.
Yes, the immediate price tag can be a bit tough to take. Growth requires us to press in when we want to pull away, to persevere when we want to quit, to stay engaged and connected when we’re tempted to shut down. But the reward for today’s perseverance and patience is a life that grows up to look a little more mature (and a little more like Jesus) tomorrow.
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I needed to hear that today,. I was never one to give up. But the last few years.. well it has been easier to give up then to fix ..easier to emotionally walk away..
Thank you !
I get it. I can easily shut down and shut out, rather than lean in. Relationships are HARD! With you, sister.
Dear Michele, What a very interesting devotion for today. I loved reading it and I sat there and let it soak in. I am 77 years old so I have been through this season several times in my life. Most of them occurred during all the different jobs I had before I retired. I have to say that when I got out of college, I didn’t really think I wanted to be a teacher as that is what I studied. I prayed to Jesus and He along with my Holy Spirit helped me with one of Their lessons. I was told to start at the bottom and listen and observe all that is going on around you. You will see what happens in time. That lesson changed my life and I stopped for the most part from taking the ” teenager ” approach that I had been doing. Just one example, I will tell you, Michele. After starting out cleaning people’s houses I decided due to our financial situation, I needed to try and get a job that paid me more. I ended up as a receptionist at a Trucking Company. After 2 months and some problems in their payroll department, they asked me if I would like to move to that part of the company. There was a raise and so I said, ” Yes”. I trained for about a month and then they wanted me to start taking calls from the 300 truck drivers that worked at our company. The first call, I got a man who was screaming at me and cursing at me with every other word f***, Did not like that. I certainly knew that their paycheck was very important to them so I asked to put him on hold, and I sat there for 2 or so minutes and thought about how I should handle this. I got back on the phone with him and actually said to him, “If you do not stop F****** around with me as I am the one that can investigate what happened and if it was our fault, I would tell dispatch to give you an Emergency Advance and it would be fixed the next week. He seemed to be stunned that I used that language, but he changed his attitude. I said it could be the mail or we got your paperwork after the payroll cut-off, but as long as you respect me, I will take care of the issue. The real funny part of this story is that truck drivers meet each other at truck stops and they talk. I found out from one of the drivers who liked me that the other man told every one they saw, “If you call Payroll and get Betsy, be nice to her of she will not help you if you curse and yell at her. Believe it or not, this somehow got passed around to others and I never had that problem ever again and I was at this company for 10 years, was the Payroll Supervisor and learned so much about all kinds of people. Unfortunately, the company closed so off I went looking for another job. I had about 3 other jobs until , all of a sudden, my “dream job” asked me to interview. I did twice and I got the job and ended up 35 years there and a manager. So my point to all this is, there are quite a few people in this generation that thin if they go to college, they should start out at the top with the top salary and then if they don’t feel like going to work they just don’t and some don’t even call off. I have so much Gratitude to Jesus and my Holy Spirit for guiding me through my life and They were right to start off at the bottom and be respectful to the people you work for and be happy with yourself as it will come if you give it time and have observed what happened to all your different job. Had I been my “teenager self” after I got through college, I don’t know where I would have ended up. Thank you again, Michele. Sorry for the long reply, but it is all true. I enjoyed your words so much, I will read it again this afternoon. Have a Blessed Day……………Betsy Basile
Thank you for sharing your story and all you’ve learned with us! It was a joy to learn a little more about you and your life. Press on, friend! There is yet more life to live!
Michele, I think this is a message we need to hear. It’s easy to dump friends because there is “too much drama”, but maybe we were meant to stand by those friends and be a listener and supporter. Even if it’s painful. We don’t have to fix things, but we can be encouragers!
Yes, I think so Irene. Boundaries are important in situations that are highly toxic and unhealthy. But I fear we (I!) have, at times, allowed that to become a default position rather than the exception. Makes me think of Colossians 3:12-14, which should be our posture with one another:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
NOT EASY! Spirit, help us to live this out, in Jesus’ name!
Such important life lessons! I shared your devotion Michele!
Sending you autumn joy,
Lisa Wilt
I’m so glad it encouraged, Lisa. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Michele, for speaking the truth in love so well, as you always do. This is a message we all need to hear.
Thanks, Suzanne. As they say, writers write what they still need to learn. 😉
Hi, wow I was looking at this from the other side today. My husband left 10 months ago. He has told friends he still loves and cares about me but wants to be single. Yes we had some issues but nothing an other couple does not have. You just don’t crumple up your relationship of 31 years because you don’t want to work on it any longer. There is so much other damage that you then have to start dealing with.
I have prayed, worked on myself and prayed, prayed and prayed. Trying to deal with the fault out of this but it just keeps coming as he lives his best life. Trying to find God in this storm. He will calm it at some point praying for that day to come soon.
Oh, Kim. I’m so very sorry, heartbroken with you. Don’t stop praying, friend. And may our God bring you comfort, healing, and wholeness that only he can. You are not alone! Thank you for allowing us to bear this with you today.
But…. spin it this way.
Humor is truly a gift, and when used appropriately, in this case from a teenager, it is medicine! Proverbs 17:22
Sometimes a terrible idea is just the dosage we need to keep from taking things to seriously.
It’s 40F tonight, and my teenage need went to a concert wearing a skirt and tank top. I told her to put on a coat! lol!
Dear Michelle
Your story made me smile
It’s a story I will want to share with my small family church-group. It’s too easy to ignore those who are different from us, and miss the goodness and grace our God our Lord puts in our midst to strengthen, uplift our mind heart spirit, and to sweeten our soul.
You are greatly blessed,
Cindy
Michael love all you wrote. Excellent and can relate to your friend and her son’s car. Even though don’t have kids. One time we had car it give nothing but bother. It was bigger than the we car we drive at moment. It was a Peugeot 2008 Diesel .We went back to garage were bought it. I knew it was going to a car that would keep on giving bother. There was lady she wasn’t the one sold cars she worked in the office part you saw her if car needed service or something wrong with it. We had not got the car that long when it gives so much bother every soften. So we knew we have to change give the car up. To buy another one. The guy that sold us the car in the first place said the only car I have at the moment a petrol Peugeot 208 1000 cc engine. We always my Husband before this drove diesel cars. My Husband said I like a 1.2 engine with a bit more power. It a bit small he said to us. We got so much towards the 2008. The lady in the office said there is only the two of you what to want a bigger car like 2008. She you know petrol just a good as diesel for the driving. It will not be hard on petrol. You think because of all the driving back and forward round the toilets for your job the diseal would be better than a petrol car. As my Husband cleans the public toilets as job were with live. This lady said it a lovely we car the 208 Peugeot. There’s only the two of you. Even though it only a 1000cc engine. I said to my Husband I agree with her. I felt God say buy it. My Husband still was not 100 re cent happy to buy it. Then God said have patience it will be ok. Yes she smaller but big enough for the two of you. My Husband said I hope you’re right. The. We bought her. God said Dawn it will be ok. But your Husband not so sure saying he used to driving a bit bigger car and diesel. Trust me the Lord said. I know now to this day over 3 years ago. My Husband loves it. It easy on petrol and he fell in love with it after a few weeks. He said what was I thinking it would be two small and hard on petrol. But it very easy on petrol and easy taxed. He said I just love it. The lady that said there is only the two of us what do we want bigger car for. We trusted God. Since that day we never looked back. Thank you for what you said all so true. Sharing about your friends son Love Dawn xx