But Thomas (called “Twin”), one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples were telling him, “We’ve seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “If I don’t see the mark of the nails in his hands, put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe.”
A week later his disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them. Even though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”
Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and look at my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Don’t be faithless, but believe.”
Thomas responded to him, “My Lord and my God!”
Jesus said, “Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.”
John 20:24-29 CSB
Years ago I was so certain about my faith. I could spit out answers to questions by mining a verse. I had ideas about what a “real” Christian looked like; based on behavior I felt like a reasonable judgment could be made regarding salvation. Never mind that Scripture teaches only God knows the heart of man (1 Kings 8:39). I may not have given voice to my thoughts, but my spirit sure was critical.
Somewhere along the way, questions began stirring in my mind, the kind that pushed against conventional teaching. I observed a disconnect between the values so many in the church were living (me included) and the way Jesus, His disciples, and the early church operated. Sunday school answers weren’t enough, and I realized I didn’t actually believe some of the things I had once professed.
I felt guilty — sinful — about my questions and doubts. My inner dialogue defeated me, but I didn’t feel like I had the freedom to question the status quo. That was heresy, right? Who was I to question?
And then the Lord spoke right to me through my pastor, a Sunday morning sermon that liberated my captive heart:
God isn’t offended by your doubts. You aren’t sinning if you ask questions. Questions and doubts might be evidence that God is wooing you, creating a path for you to know Him better (especially if you’re seeking Him for answers). God will exhaust any means to draw you to His side.
Instantly, I was released from a stronghold of guilt. My questions were the means by which God was calling me to a more intimate relationship with Him. There was a newfound freedom in my faith.
God didn’t want me to rely on the faith of anyone else — my husband, family, friends, or church leaders. To a degree, my faith was secondhand, an extension of the faith of others. He wanted me to know Him, personally and experientially.
This is one reason I love Thomas, a doubter and yet one of Jesus’ twelve apostles. I can identify with his need to see Jesus himself following the resurrection. He wasn’t content to rely on the testimony of others. He longed for first-hand faith.
Eight days after some of the disciples had seen the resurrected Christ return, He invited Thomas’ touch and urged him to believe. Thomas recognized Jesus for who He was and proclaimed Him as his Lord and God. Jesus revealed Himself to Thomas because He knew what Thomas needed.
Then Jesus did something incredible: He extended a blessing for those who believe, sight unseen. Yes, we can know Him through His Word, experience God in creation, and even see glimpses of Him in other believers, but the time to meet Him face to face hasn’t come . . . yet.
I can hardly wait.
Is yours a first-hand faith? Are you struggling with doubt and questions? Do you identify with Thomas and his need to experience Christ himself? I’d love for you to share how God has met you when you needed Him most!
Dear Robin,
I love each of your devotionals & feel if we lived near each other, we would be friends.
I grew up in a Jewish home in a suburb of Los Angeles. I was content in my faith but also hid I was Jewish because of the strong antisemitism in LA in the 60’s – 70’s. In Jr. High I became friends with 2 girls who were Christians & they invited me to a summer camp through their church. I thought this would be fun & didn’t realize they would be preaching about my Lord. The first year I went I was so impressed with the girls & entire camp being so nice to me! I listened to the preaching but because I’m Jewish I didn’t accept Christ. The 2nd year I went I opened my heart to the Lord & became a Hebrew Christian on August 30th, 1970. There were so many things that had led me in accepting Christ but that afternoon I felt the Holy Spirit come into me. I waited 4 months to tell my parents & of course they were very upset. Fast forward 2 years I met my husband who is 1/2 Jewish, raised Catholic who had also accepted the Lord 8 months before we met at his Uncle’s home. God is so good & I’m so thankful He opened my eyes to Him along with my husband & now we have a family with 3 children all following the Lord. In fact my oldest son started a Christian Camp in Central CA (LIFE Camp) for believing children to disciple them. He’s been doing this for 28 years taking his vacation time from his job to run the camp.
Lord bless you Robin for all you do for so many women!
Barbara
Wow, Barbara…thank you for sharing your life and experience. Since it would seem you’ve read my work before, I’m wondering if you know about *my* Jewish heritage :).
Regardless, it is beautiful to see how God has worked in your and your husband’s lives, and now family’s lives. Incredible stories that point to an amazing God. Sending you virtual hugs because of our sweet connection over the internets :).
Robin thank you for todays reading about it okay to be a doubting Thomas. As I can be one. I doubt most things before I do them. Say what do you mean. Doubt do I do this way and ask alot of questions before I do it to see if doing it right. Especially for God. I got from people and my Husband especially who is saved. Who are you trusting he say stop doubting and just do it. Or pray if of God to do it. If not don’t do it he say. If of God you’ll know. I can still doubt. I Husband would say God wants you do it. Just do it. If something I am to do. So I have to get more trust in God stop doubting. Thank you for today’s reading it has really spoke to me. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland cc
Dawn, I always pray to be obedient to what God asks of me, because apart from Him, I can do nothing in my own strength. I pray His Spirit ministers to you in a mighty way today and every day.
Dear Robin….What a wonderful devotional for Sunday, today. It is not often talked about so for me, it gave me much joy. I am not a doubter, but I do ask many questions of God. There are so many serious and heart breaking seasons in my life for the last 55 years. I am 76 years old. My husband has the “violent type of dementia and has been in denial for 6 years now. Because he would not do anything the doctors told him he must, one night after over 3 years of abuse every night, he finally in one of his “Dementia Rages” also much worse as he drank way too much. He really hurt me. The police came. The 911 dispatcher taped the whole thing as Jim did not look at the phone to see that my call went through. The heart breaking thing that happened that caused me to ask God or Jesus so many questions, is my 1 child (a 54 year old son) called me and said I was a liar and there was nothing wrong with Dad. I had been trying to convince him he needed to come and see me to support me to get his father out of denial and back to the doctors, but he said no and then, here came the bombshell. He said, “I no longer consider you my mother and you can’t ever see Carter (my 13 year old grandson) or talk to him ever again and he hung up. I cried for days and questions kept arising in my mind. Did I do something wrong to have this happen and was I being punished for something I wasn’t even aware of ? I still was not doubting God, just wondering. I will tell you why my Faith was still intact. Back in 2002, I had a very serious and complicated operation I had to have done by a cancer gynecologist as my regular doctor did not have the expertise to do it. I was on the operating room table for over 9 hours. I wasn’t in such good shape when I woke up. They left me in the recovery room over night in case something happened. The next day, I went back to my room and my husband was there and the Doctor that headed up this cancer department. He told the nurse to give me some medication (don’t know what) she did without questioning him. In less than 5 minutes I coded. My husband was shoved out of the room and every one came running. The next part I only know from what people told me. I ended up in ICU in a drug induced coma, as the doctor told my husband I would probably not survive the night. This is the part that happened that was never to shake my Faith the rest of my life. Jesus came to me and My Holy Spirit was there too. They urged me to fight for my life as I had so much to offer other people due to my personality. They gave me strength and everything around them was white. After the 2 weeks they started to bring me out of the Coma. The only thing I remembered was that Jesus and my Holy Spirit was there to help me. What happened though was I was so weak and had a very important job that I had to drive at least 45 minutes to, after awhile I tried to get back, but it didn’t work. I had used up all my sick days and at that point they would terminate you no matter how good you were. This way my “Dream job” I had started it on the bottom rung and just kept taking different jobs until I was certain that I could be a good manager. Another divine intervention which I call a “God -wink” as I watch many Hallmark movies and sometimes they are based on a real miracle that happened. A job came up at a place I had sent a resume to months before, but they saved it and called me as they thought that this job would be something that I would like. I went for 2 interviews and was hired. 35 years later, all of this other stuff happened. There is much more to the story, but I will not bore you. I loved that job and it was my saving Grace as my home life was so bad. Robin nothing has been settled since this for 16 months now. I know God works on His timeline, but do you think it is OK to continue to ask him questions? I don’t want to make him angry. I am so sorry that I went on and on but all these things you need to know so you can see what a struggle I am in. I am going through the (in Courage) book the second time “100 Days of Strength in any Struggle” and it is helping me again. Journaling is something that truly helps me, but if you have any advice or what you think, please tell me. Have a Blessed Day (Sunday) and thank you for this story.~~~~~~~~~~~A hug for you from me……………..Betsy Basile
Betsy,
First, thank you for trusting us with bits of your story. It is a hard one, and I am so, so sorry for your suffering and confusion. God is not angry with you or your questions; I feel certain I can say that. He knows your heart, and even if you didn’t admit your questions out loud or in prayer to Him, He knows. When my circumstances are bleak or pain-filled or chaotic, my desperate prayer is asking Him to reveal what He wants me to learn about him in the midst of the circumstances; or secondary, what change is He trying to accomplish in me?
In my work as a life plan advisor for a retirement community, I see the impact of dementia. Families are so often in denial because the behaviors can seem to come and go. With cognitive decline, I’ve often observed how the person who’s declining doesn’t understand that he/she is. Has your husband seen a neurologist? Ask that office or your primary care physician’s office for local resources for dealing with age-related issues. I’m so sorry, too, your son has rejected you. Perhaps he can’t handle his father’s decline. If you are in physical danger, please take steps to protect yourself! If your husband has advanced in his diagnosis, remember he’s not the same person he was before his decline. The disease impacts the brain which impacts behavior. A loss of control can trigger a host of other actions.
Please note that I’m not speaking with you as a professional healthcare provider; I work in marketing, so I’m not trained. BUT, I’ve gone through Lewy bodies with my father and alzheimer’s with my mother-in-law, and I DO observe cognitive decline in the some of the people I work with. So when I offer encouragement, it’s through the lens of “friend,” not professional advice. (I feel like that disclaimer is important to add :).)
Saying a prayer for you now, thanking God for the ultimate hope we have in Jesus.
Thank you Robin for your answer. Yes, he has been seen by a neurologist and a Psychoneurologist of which I have written reports from each with the same diagnosis. I had to have him evicted from the house and my son would not take him in and put him in an Independent Living Facility where he still has a car and can drive. His doctors both said he shouldn’t be driving. My son knows now that I was not lying to him, but now, he has to deal with his father which he does not want to do but last but not least is I have been trying to get the divorce for 16 months now as I need money and he never told me where, how much or wrote down any of the ID numbers or the Passwords for any of the account. My son doesn’t want me to get any of the money. He wants it and at the current moment, there is $1,000.000 sitting out there. Both attorneys are playing games to hold up proceedings. Although we have been married 55 years now, it was only because he date-raped me and I fought like heck but to no avail. He got what he wanted and I got pregnant. He wanted me to get an abortion and I said no. It was a very unhappy marriage and if it were not for me, my son would not be on this Earth. I have tried to divorce him, this is the 4th time over the years due to abuse and just plain nastiness on his part. Thank you again Robin for your prayer, your words an even just taking the time to read my extensive emails, but I have no one else. All the rest of my family are all with Jesus……..Betsy Basile
Robin,
It makes me smile to think that we will be blessed for believing.
Have a blessed first day of summer Sunday!☀️ I’m sharing your devotion now via Pinterest.
Lisa Wilt
God has met me with his unconditional love and grace. I believe he is teaching me to remember that time with Him is precious, any time, whether that be 5 minutes or an hour and that He isn’t wanting us to read a certain amount or pray a certain amount just to check a box of accomplishment, but to actually truly connect with Him. Also, to know that learning and connecting with Him can grow and change and it doesn’t have to be the same thing every day. While building habits of quiet time is truly important, it also is important to absorb the information we are reading in the Word or receiving from the Lord.