I sit in my neighbor’s living room. Watercolor landscapes and abstract canvases with bold colors grace each wall, evidence of her love of art and former life as an artist. Knickknacks and artifacts from around the world adorn bookcases and side tables. I’ve heard the story of the native woman carved in shiny driftwood and the Eskimo etched in soapstone. But there are so many treasures that tell pieces of my aged friend’s treasured past, places she’s lived, people she’s known.
Though we’ve spent time together regularly for the past three years, I sense there are still countless layers to her story I do not know.
I’ve brought over cups of tea – chamomile with a little sugar for her, decaf vanilla chai for me – and flaky butter croissants. I enjoy watching her enjoy.
She tells me a story I’ve heard more than once, but I don’t mind. She’s my first true friend from the Silent Generation, and I know it’s a gift to have earned her trust. Even with some stories that loop on repeat, I learn something new every time we’re together.
But perhaps the greatest thing I’ve learned from her is resiliency.
My friend grew up in Germany during World War II and she endured terrible conditions and witnessed horrific things. And it birthed in her resiliency. After high school, she moved to a different country and had to learn a new language and navigate a new culture. Her resiliency grew. She married a man from another country and they built their life together on the euphoria of young love and the pain of prejudice for being a mixed-race couple. Her resiliency solidified further.
Later she became an engineer and was often the first woman in her company to ever hold that position, which made her the target of both admiration and sexism… and yes, she became more resilient. Years later her ability to endure and overcome served her well as she battled a rare cancer. Indeed, through chemo and surgery and radiation, she was resilient.
Now she shifts on her burgundy tweed sofa and I can tell her back is still hurting from a recent fall. But she smiles. I know if I ask how she’s feeling she’ll give me the same answer she always gives, “Everything’s hunky-dory. I can’t complain!”
But the truth is, she could complain. (We all could complain, and often do.) She could complain about being lonely and not running or painting or traveling like she used to. She could complain about missing family across the globe and never being able to have children of her own. She could complain about how our street hasn’t been repaved in more than a decade or how California taxes just keep going up.
Instead, I look at my neighbor, who has become a friend who feels more like family, and I see a woman with deep wrinkles and papery skin who has chosen gratitude over grumbling and resiliency over resentment.
Her life reminds me that I can choose this beautiful narrow path too.
“I say my prayers and thank God every day. Life is an adventure,” she tells me. “You’ll meet a lot of interesting people and you won’t believe where life will take you if you’re not afraid of a challenge. I never took the easy path, and I was always grateful.”
Her eyes still twinkle beyond decades of great pain and sorrow, great joy and adventure.
I imagine Jesus sitting next to her on the textured couch, eyes twinkling too. I imagine Him beaming when she tells a story that tickles her memory and brings forth a school-girl laugh. I imagine Him bowing His head and tearing up when her mind flickers back to seasons of agony and heartbreak.
And I imagine Jesus leaning in close saying,
Yes, in all things my Father works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
Yes, daughters, do not grow weary or lose heart. I endured the cross so you can endure whatever you face. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Yes, don’t give up! In me you will never be overcome or crushed. Affliction and persecution will come but in Me you’ll find unending joy and unconditional love. (2 Corinthians 4:7-18)
In my mind’s eye, I look at Jesus and I know He isn’t advocating for us to shove hard things under the rug or slap on a mask of false positivity. No, He’s offering us the truth:
When we rely on God all things really are possible – and our capacity for resiliency is just one example.
We can allow disappointment and bitterness to choke out our zest for life and trust in God. Or we can let life’s hurdles and hardships be like arrows pointing us deeper to the heart of Jesus.
We have a Savior who knows every manner of suffering… and is living truth and proof that difficulty and death are not how the story ends.
Consider this and feel free to share in the comments:
- What would it look like to allow your suffering to increase your resiliency?
- How might God want to use your resiliency to increase your joy and encourage others?
Becky, God has certainly endowed you with the gift of words. “Gratitude over grumbling; resilience over resentment”: if each of us (if I!) could only greet each day with that mindset & heartset!
It is evident that when you see people, you really see them!
Continue to write, continue to share, continue to care. . . You are making a difference in this world.
I agree with you, Sharon!
Thanks, Kathleen! 🙂
Sharon, wow, your words are such a gift to my heart today. Thank you.
At age 11 I was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic & also had surgeries about 1 a year thru my teens for hernias & pilonidal cyst more than once. Health recoveries would torpedo the more active & involved I wished to be. I learned 2 valuable lessons thru that time frame. I can still be involved even if restricted to bed as a prayer warrior. And secondly to be flexible with how life unfolds. Take it as it comes not as you wish it would. Only God Himself can teach a teenager those lessons of resilience! Blessings (((0)))
Ruth, what beautiful lessons forged through your seasons of suffering. You inspire me!
God bless you Becky! Please keep writing. Your words always encourage me as I suffer from seasons of depression and anxiety and a debilitating back condition. But the wonderful Lord Jesus always brings me through. I am 77 and have no children of my own, but I have a loving and caring husband who does so much for me. I get very lonely sometimes, but I don’t complain, but speak my feelings only to the Lord. I know that He understands as no one else can. May the Lord bless you all, encourage your hearts and be the Lifter of your heads!!!
God gave me these scriptures for you Donna. 1 Peter 5:7 NJk Philippines 4:6-7. I said a prayer for you. You are precious Daughter of the King of Kings. That King is Jesus. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Beautiful, Dawn.
Donna, it’s such a joy to my heart to know that my words encourage you. I’m so sorry for all the ways you have and are suffering. Praying you know Jesus deeper every day; surely He is with you, closer than your next breath. Much love to you.
Becky how lovely to have a friend like that. Even though alot older than you. But that doesn’t matter. God can make you friends with anyone. I miss her my Neighbour who was in her 80s or so when she passed away. This neighbour in Glory now with Jesus. As she loved Jesus. I learnt so much from her as follower of Jesus. One thing she said to me. Dawn remember you are a precious child of God. No matter what anyone says about you. Don’t let it annoy you are get to you. As Satan the Devil would want that. I am not popular. I don’t want to be. But have one friend as the others I have live 86 miles away from me. But they text me and keep In touch with me they are so good to even if live so far away. I hardly ever see them. But I like a friend who is saved to talk about Jesus go for walks and coffee etc now and then. Who likes me for me. I have wonderful Husband God gave me. He do anything for me. I am his world. But he knows it important to have a friend who is saved. To do the things I said in this reply. Not every week but say once every month or two months. This lady that is Glory now. Taught me so much. To do with how Jesus loves me. Not to think why don’t I have a friend to do things with now and then that is saved likes me for me. Everyone else that I know that is saved. You hear them saying about their friends. They met for a walk or coffee. What fun they had. I used to say why not me. Why don’t I have a friend like that close to were I live. It got to me and got me down. This friend now in Glory alot older than me. With so much wisdom. Taught me how to not let that get to me. As she said Satan the Devil would want that. You make yourself ill over he would not care. You are beautiful in God’s eyes and his son cares about you too. She said one day. Remember you are special. She said alot more too. She would pray with me from time to time. For all she did for me I miss her but one day I went see her in Glory with Jesus again. Her not her today it has made me along with my last Salvation Army Offer the person I am today. Who told me Dawn you remember you are a precious Daughter of the King it Kings. That king is Jesus. He is your friend and the best Father you could have. I never forgot that too. Thank you for todays readings and what you all do incourage. They have blessed me so much helped grow closer to Jesus. Like the song what a friend we have in Jesus. So true that is. It a beautiful song. Thank you so much you are all in my prayers. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Dawn, I’m so glad you can hang onto those tender and true words spoken by your friend: “You are a precious Daughter of the King it Kings. That king is Jesus. He is your friend and the best Father you could have. I never forgot that too.” Amen!
One of my favorite devotions!
That means so much, Sharon!
Oh what a friend we DO have in Jesus as Dawn has shared with us!!!! We can bring all our griefs and sorrows to Him and then move forward in His strength to be a joy to others. I recently lost my Mom who I cared for for 10 years. I know she was a believer, but I grieve because she lived in constant complaining, anger, and frustration because of her difficult circumstances. I saw first hand the results of not trusting Jesus with our struggles; such unnecessary sorrow for her and those who tried to minister to her. Thank you Becky for this message which for me has been perfect timing….God’s timing. Blessings to all of you!!
Shar, you articulated your mom’s plight so well. Our salvation can be secure and yet we can still miss out on the fullness of life, hope, love, and joy God has for us. And yes, it’s all rooted in trusting Him! Thank you for sharing.
Becky,
I shared your devotion x2 because I think it’s incredibly important to listen to our elders-their generation has much to teach us.
Your story reminds me of an elderly gentleman I visited through my teen years after our youth group raked leaves for him. He was lonely and we grew to be friends. Now I have a church full of friends his age (which doesn’t seem quite so ancient now). They are an absolute delight. When we give our time to others in love we receive pressed down, shaken together and flowing over!
Sending you 1st day of SUMMER JOY,
Lisa Wilt
Lisa, I loved that this sparked that memory for you! Thanks so much for sharing this piece.
It is obvious Becky from these comments that you have touched many people here and people who have not commented. Thank you for your writings. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story that has obviously hit the hearts of many.
I appreciate you, Susen!
I have a neighbor like yours. She’s from Scotland and will be 78 this year. I’ve heard countless stories about her life and I know it was hard. She came to the US about 20 years ago after meeting a retired sailor. They married, and he died a few years later from cancer. She could have gone home, but she stayed, she says, to be close to her husband. Life here has not be easy for her either. I wish we could all be so lucky to have women like this in our lives.
Yes, we are the lucky ones! I’m sure your friendship means so much to your neighbor too, Angela.
Dear Becky…..I was extremely happy when I saw that you had given us the devotional for today. You have been so kind to me in the past so I read your story with tears in my eyes as it had me searching back in my life to see if I had any resiliency and I have I just never connected it with that word. You are just marvelous with your words. You know some of my story, but I would like to tell you one thing I didn’t tell you as it was a really hard thing for me to deal with and I ended up losing my “Dream Job” as I used up all my sick days. I have had 15 operations over my life. 76 years so far. 10 of them were very complicated, and so serious that they had to call in special doctors. The one I will tell you happened in 2000. I had been plagued with it for years, first a complete hysterectomy when I was 45. My gynecologist thought it went fine and due to my age at that time, they put me on a drug so that I would not go into menopause. Unfortunately they did not know back then that this drug fed any endo that might have been missed. I continued to have really bad pain and my doctor didn’t understand. This led to my going to a urologist in Philadelphia and they discovered I had endo wrapped around both my ureters which were choking off my kidneys. Operation and my surgeon did not tell me that he wasn’t going to do the surgery, but a resident and he did not check that “trainee’s work”. Continued with the same pain. The main surgeon was forced to tell me I had to have the operation as there had been mistakes. I told him that I would only agree to have it done if HE did the surgery and I wanted a paper that he signed. He did and off I went. He did do the surgery, but because the mistakes were so bad I lost that one kidney. It does not function. I am sorry for going on, but you need to know what happened before the 2000 operation. Here goes, the pain continued and my gynecologist said he needed to send me to a Cancer Doctor. What he discovered was there was a huge ball of endometriosis behind my vaginal cuff that only a cancer doctor had the expertise to do. It was going to be at least 9 hours on the operating room table and if I wanted to be able to be intimate with my husband I would have to have a plastic surgeon redo my vagina. That was going to add at least 3 more hours on the table. My husband said “No, she has been through too much already”. Operation done and spent a day in their recovery able as I was not too well. Next day, back to my room and the surgeon was there and my husband. This doctor told the nurse to give me some medication. 5 minutes later I coded and they pushed my husband out and everyone came running. I ended up in ICU as the surgeon told Jim that I probably would not survive. He gave me the wrong med and caused the coding. I did survive, but they placed me in a drug-induced coma for 2 weeks. This is where and this is true, I knew that Jesus was with me and was encouraging me to fight and gave me the strength to do it. My Holy Spirit was with me too. He is wonderful and to this day still helps me to put one foot in front of the other. I actually saw Jesus at least I thought it was as I was still in this coma. When they began to take me out of the coma and I was very confused and questioning everything. The finally took me back to my regular room for another 2 weeks. Home then. Becky, I fought so hard. I just wanted to get back to work, but a year and a half later, I had run out of sick days and that always meant termination. Another heart-breaking time for me. My husband was getting really nasty and my job was my “Safety Place”. I am so sorry I have written all this, but I am sure if you have time to read it, you can see why. To end, your story has shown me about resiliency throughout my life I just didn’t connect that wonderful word with what Jesus had been doing. Thank you Becky and your friend sounds like a wonderful woman. Where I live, a woman, today turns 103 years old and they are having a big party for her at lunch. Becky….To me, you are an angel sent to me from Jesus or I would call it a God-Wink as I watch many Hallmark Movies some based on true stories. Please forgive me for all this, but I trust you so much. Blessed Day to you and your family…………………Betsy Basile
Oh Betsy! You have been through so much! I pray that God’s love will sustain you and give you grace and guidance. And Becky’s devotion continue to encourage you.
Hugs and prayers ❤️
Dear Terri…What a nice email you sent me. I thank you so much. I send the hugs and prayers for you as well. As I am alone, these messages are very special to me. They also definitely encourage me as well. Thanks again. I just got back from lunch and it was a big party for a woman that lives here. Today is her 103rd Birthday. She is incredible. Betsy
Dearest Betsy, I fully believe you saw Jesus in those dark days of coding and the coma. You’ve endured so much trauma and yet your Savior and His Spirit have never left you. Not for a minute. Indeed, the fact that you are still hear and still trusting the Lord and relying on His strength shows that you are resilient! Praying for His healing and goodness in your life.
This is lovely, Becky! Much food for thought and reflection. And self examination.
Thanks for being here, Irene.
I am reminded of my parents who also endured WWII living in occupied Holland. My Dad fled numerous times. My Mom’s family experienced food deprivation. My parents came to America in 1948. They fully adopted the language, customs, and American citizenship as soon as they were able.
I do not know very many stories of their experiences during the war as they refused to remember them. I do know that they also became resilient and strong as they experienced people making fun of their accent and incorrect word choices as they learned English.
I learned resiliency from my Dad who taught me to look for opportunity in both good and challenging situations. My Oma (grandmother) came to America at the age of 52 leaving all except her immediate family behind. She never complained and baked the best butter cookies ever. When I start complaining I think of her sweet smile and contented look.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful relationship you have and listening to her stories.
Annette, wow, what a legacy of resiliency your family has. I’m so sorry for all the ways your parents and their family members suffered during the war. I wish we could enjoy a plate of your Oma’s butter cookies together.
Dear Becky,
Thank you for this devotional, it really lifted my spirits reminding me of the multiple times I would sit with my mother-in-law & listen to her stories of growing up during the depression & how her family struggled. I used to clean her little assisted living apartment & afterwards would stay & visit with her. She had 5 children, but I think I know more about her past than they did spending that precious time with her. I was the one who also took her to her doctor’s appointments, hair & shopping trips. I would always end it with a treat at an In-N-Out or something she enjoyed. She lived to be 1 month shy of 102! Every year from 90 years on we would give her a special party!
Becky, you are the daughter that your friend never had! You are someone who takes the time to spend with her & allowing her to reminisce about her past. Bringing her tea & sweets probably means the world to her. I’m sure she loves to hear about your son’s as well. As Eunice got older she also wasn’t as easy with her words towards me & it’s been hard to deal with that since she passed in ‘2022. My brother passed away 6 months after her so that was a rough year for me. I just didn’t understand why she would lash out at me when I was the one there for her & she loved my older sister-in-law regardless of what she did for her. She had favorites with her children & her oldest son was her favorite & so I think that was why she favored this sister-in-law. My husband was 3rd born & the scape goat throughout his life regardless of everything he did for her. He ended up doing everything for her & we were faithful to visit on a regular basis. Some things we just don’t understand I guess but it teaches us as parents & in-laws for our children.
I also live in CA & deal with all of the high prices & challenges with electricity between 4-9 & water usage. We live in Central CA with the wonderful hiking trails & beaches.
Lord bless you Becky for your devotionals & encouraging words!
Barb, thank you for sharing that piece of your story. I hear the mingle of joy and pain. So often we are called to love when it is not easy. Sounds like you and your husband were faithful to do so. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words today.
And I love parts of Central California! One of my sisters lives in Atascadero. We’re down in So Cal.
Oh, so good! Thank you ❤️
Thank you, Julie!
Thank you for this story, Becky. A long life well lived is a beautiful thing, indeed, and a friend who shares her wisdom gained from trusting God through hardship is a treasure. You’ve reminded us all through your friend’s example that we have a choice in our response to trouble and pain, and that the more difficult option of choosing gratitude and resiliency brings the greater reward, not just to us, but also to those who look up to us. Blessings and best wishes to you.
Beautifully said, Suzanne!
I think the word that comes to mind when thinking about the first discussion question asked is: trust.
We have to trust that through the suffering God is good and that there is goodness to be found in the suffering. I’m 24 and having been living with Cerebral Palsy my whole life, I think I’m still learning this lesson. Sometimes I have good days and some bad, but I do know that God is with me through it all.
I know He has gifted me with some resilience in my life because I have been told a lot of can’t to do this or that and I have had to learn to walk again twice after surgeries. I seemed to be adaptable and I think that is the biggest thing I can carry with and share with others, is that it is okay to be different and sometimes you do have to adapt and do things differently than others, but that it doesn’t make you less than. You are loved regardless. ❤️
Courtney, what beautiful lessons you are living and modeling for those lucky to know you. I think adaptability is a huge strength. Bless you as you keep trusting Jesus for the strength and grace to take the next step. So glad you’re here!
Loved your statement: Gratitude over Grumbling and Resiliency over Resentment. Printing that out and putting it where I can be reminded of it on a regular basis. Blessings!
Becky,
I’ve dealt with foot pain for two years. Adding to that I now have left upper arm pain from a fall. Sure it hurts, sometimes more than others. I put cream on, take ibuprofen & move on. There are people out there with more pain than I could imagine. My motto I tell my patients is “it could be much worse”. “God’s got this”.
Blessings 🙂