I remember the thrill of just finding out I was pregnant. I went over to my parents’ house and my mother caught me smiling at nothing, “What is that smile about?” she inquired. I had no chill and exclaimed, “I guess I’m pregnant!” We laughed because I had only been married for one whole month.

But the excitement soon faded as I was so nauseous I couldn’t even go to work. I had to quit, as I was practically bedridden, emerging only when I needed gas station powdered donuts or a bean burrito at 10 a.m. from the local Mexican restaurant that quickly got to know my husband’s desperate voice. Then when the nausea passed, I was fine but way less mobile. I wasn’t going on runs anymore, that’s for sure.  My body was changing and growing rapidly. I frustratingly couldn’t do what I used to! And forget about the last trimester. It seemed like I was out of breath all the time due to the giant walrus sitting on my lungs. I was so tired.

This is what my first year in seminary has felt like. Excitement: I can conquer the world! To the wait-a-minute-moment: Um, I think I won’t be able to run like I used to. I’m exhausted! To the realization that I am sort of sitting on the couch at the moment, feeling the weight of something transitioning inside of me. It is exciting, it is challenging, and it comes with physical limits. That is why I have had to let go of some commitments during this season which includes writing here for the beloved (in)courage. 

There are seasons of running and seasons of sitting down, and recognizing that one is not greater than the other is helpful for me.

I think a lot about Jesus and His time before He came into His public ministry at age thirty: What was He doing before? We don’t have much to look at in the Gospels during this time but we do know Jesus was fully human with regular physical limits. Even in John 4:6 (ESV), it says:

“So Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well.”

Before He came into public ministry though, Jesus was probably doing sit-down stuff like memorizing the Torah, which was so incredibly key to Jewish culture and for Jesus’ future ministry. Or maybe for hours, He was learning from Joseph how to whittle wood so the joints made a perfect fit. We can use our imagination, but the Gospel of John makes it clear that Jesus had physical limitations of time and energy just like you and me. And while I certainly diverge from being God’s gift to man (HA!), I feel like I can relate to Jesus’s waiting season, His sit-down season, the times He got weary and needed to rest.

Those learning years weren’t big and flashy; it was probably tedious and interesting in the same breath. But it seems like this is my season, these next two years, to sit in the classroom, slow down, learn, and whittle away at some theology. 

And so while I leave a group that has been immensely encouraging (no pun intended), I am also encouraged that saying no to one thing means I can say yes to something else and trust that God will bring you new and fresh voices in this space. He will! Thank you for being with me, encouraging my work with your comments, and laughing at my often mediocre jokes. May God bless this ministry and those who benefit from it.   

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A note to our (in)courage Community: These goodbyes from a few writers have been so sad for us, but we’re also deeply grateful to have cultivated a community that cheers women on in whatever God has for them. His ways are higher. His gifts are always good. And speaking of good gifts, make sure you tune in NEXT FRIDAY for a happy-happy-joy-joy announcement you don’t want to miss!  -Your (in) Team

 

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