My son and I fight a lot. It’s not easy to admit, but we see the world so differently. He is strong. I am not. He is outspoken. I am not. He is opinionated. I am opinionated. Since he came screaming out of me sixteen years ago, he’s been a fighter. After all this time, I’m weary.
In my weariness, I get defensive. I get angry. I want to demand my voice be heard. I want to make him see my point of view and why it’s right.
I tend to force things. I can be stubborn. I want what I want. I’ve spent a lot of my life “forcing” things. I’ve done this with jobs I wanted. I push and push and push because I’m afraid of not getting what I want. I’ve done this with things, opportunities, and people.
When I’m afraid, I force my way forward.
I’m reminded of so many figures in the Bible who forced things too. Sarah was afraid of not conceiving and forced her husband to sleep with her servant, Hagar. Moses used force, Judah used force, and Peter used force — all when they were faced with a fearful situation. But, when I react to my fear by forcing my way forward, I usually end up hurting myself or others.
Life doesn’t have to be a battle. We don’t have to fight to get ahead or fear falling behind. Instead, we can surrender. We can let go of life on our terms. As fear rises, we can refuse to put on our boxing gloves and instead lean on Jesus.
I usually deal with my fear by using my own strength. When I sense my soul tensing up for a fight, I’ve learned to listen to the invitation to relax. I can enter my fear with Jesus. Like a litany, I live these words: soul, be still.
Don’t force the doors of opportunity to open. Don’t force people to relate in ways that only work for you. Don’t push to get your way. Trust that the Lord is always present and will always lead you to love and be loved.
“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.”
Isaiah 12:2 NIV
by Anjuli Paschall, as published in 100 Days of Strength in Any Struggle
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Anjuli, your article makes my heart ache. Love and accept your son in the way that he will know he is loved by you. God made him as he is to use him as He planned.
Anjuli,
Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability, which helped me understand my dear husband a bit better. “Soul, be still” shows the power and might three simple words can hold.
I will share these with him, and pray them when my own soul stirs and needs guided and soothed.
Kathleen
Oh Anjuli, thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone! I too experience the same emotions in my weariness of taking care of my parents and working a full time job. It’s been a particularly difficult year so far (on top of a very challenging five+ years), and this devotion came at the perfect time. Praise God for putting up with me and giving me the resources I need. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And blessings to you and your family!
Thank you Anjuli. My daughter is going through this with her teenagers right now as we speak! Her husband is losing it even louder than she is! They are a family of 7, so there is a lot of opinions and personalities. Their loud voices are drowning out God.
Please pray for surrender, renewal and transformation and putting down the boxing gloves of the tongue.
This book will help put God back in the middle. Thank you \0/
Oh how I can relate remembering back to when my son was at home. He wanted to be the alpha. I wanted him to be obedient. It certainly was a struggle.
I love the Biblical approach to “be still”.
“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.”
Isaiah 12:2 NIV
Anjuli- This is so timely. I have been thinking about this lately. As a child, student, young adult, employee I tried to manipulate circumstances to get what I thought I wanted/deserved out of fear that it wouldn’t happen. Sadly most of the time it DIDN’T happen because I was relying on my strength and not Jesus. The enemy loves to remind me about these things but I’m learning to give the memories over to God.
Anjuli,
Thank you for being so open & sharing your vulnerability. My sister once told me that you have to pick your fights with kids. Some things aren’t worth the effort. Life shouldn’t be a constant battle. “Trust that the Lord is always present and will always lead you to love and be loved.” Yes & Amen. Let’s try telling our souls to be still.
Blessings 🙂