I don’t dread bringing my kids to church, but I do view it as an adventure each week.
Who’s going to “whisper” the loudest during worship? How many times will that one kid “need” to go to the bathroom during the sermon? What will my toddler do this time?
Oh man, do I ever have stories of kids in church.
I grew up as the daughter of a church choir director, sitting in the choir loft each week. My siblings and I could tell church tales too. And for years and years, my husband was on church staff and worked during services, which left me on my own with two, then three, and eventually four kids in the pew on Sunday mornings. Those mornings always made me sweat.
There was the time that my two-year-old threw down her brand-new Bible and broke the binding, declaring (loudly) that it was too heavy.
There was the time I couldn’t find one of my kids… and eventually located him behind the front desk emptying the receptionist’s candy bowl as fast as he could.
Then there was the time my three-year-old hollered, “I want to goooo!” at an especially quiet moment in the middle of the service.
And many, many stories in between. I get sweaty just remembering the diaper blowouts mid-worship, the nursing in the pews, the hauling of toddlers and babies in car seats, and the diaper bags full of snacks and wipes. This picture was taken on my daughter’s baptism day and perfectly sums up how it felt to bring little ones to church during those early years.
My husband is no longer on church staff so he joins us once again in the pews, our kids are one step older now, and yet so far it’s still kind of stressful getting everyone to church. Whether it’s clothes that aren’t quite right, shoes that have gone missing, forgotten Bibles at home, zipping in late to Sunday School, monitoring the stand up/sit down parts of the liturgy, or shushing the toddler who does not wish to be confined to a row any longer. . . church can be a lot.
Thankfully, our church home welcomes the chaos of children, and it is so helpful to me as a mom when I remember that we’re welcome there, just as we are, in the fullness of who we are (because my kids are really good at being FULLY themselves). I fight with my inner monologue that prefers perfection, even though I know it’s but an illusion. So I breathe deeply. I find another toy or snack for the toddler. I encourage the bigger kids to stand at the proper times. I clap loudly when they play with the youth bell choir, grin broadly when they close each service by playing rhythm instruments along with the closing hymn, and give thanks the whole time that Jesus too welcomes us in all of our imperfection, loudness, questioning, and fidgeting.
He modeled it in so many ways but with kids, He was the best:
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”
Matthew 18:2-5 NIV
Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:13-14 NIV
Jesus knew exactly what He was doing when He invited the children to His side.
He’d been talking to the grownups for days, outside, likely in the heat and sweltering sun. He and His disciples had traveled from Capernaum at the tippy top of the region of Galilee, down to the region of Judea. This was an approximately 118-mile journey. . . likely made on foot. This was no small trek and yet in the Scriptures, it’s reduced to a single sentence in Matthew 19: “When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.”
When I am hot and sweaty, dirty and dusty, tired and hungry, the last thing I want to do is invite more children into my personal space. Listen, even when all of my basic needs are met and my baseline stress level is at a good place, I still don’t always want extra children over in my home or at my side.
And yet here is Jesus, who has been teaching and traveling and trekking many, many miles. . . and He reaches out for the kiddos. He has spent time answering difficult questions from difficult people, remaining calm and direct when the Pharisees tried to trip Him up, and giving answers not everyone was ready to hear. And in the context of all of that, He didn’t get stressed out by the presence of children. He welcomed them.
He’s been working hard, without a break, and then invites the kids to come up front.
When we invite children anywhere, we invite stickiness and crumbs. We invite sippy cups and loud whispering. We invite clapping during silence and heads thrown back to gaze at the ceiling. We invite questions and interruptions. We invite their parents and caring adults. We invite messes and challenges. We invite noisiness and clamor.
Kids only know one way to show up — just as they are. They bring their true selves to every situation and that’s exactly how Jesus invites us to approach Him.
So I’ll keep bringing my kids to church, making space for them just as they are — wiggles and yells and big feelings and all — even when it makes me sweat. I’ll breathe deep and remind myself that church makes space, and Jesus showed us how to do just that. May we do the same for one another.
Perfectly timed encouragement as our church struggles with the balance of welcoming children & the distraction of the child that cries louder than the speakers & is not taken to the nursery. May we choose to be like Jesus & not let Satan use the littles to distract us from whom we’re there to worship! Blessings! (((0)))
Thank you, Ruth. May we choose to be like Him indeed.
Ruth, piggy backing on your comment. My husband grew up in a very legalistic church environment. The children who spoke out or made any sort of sounds, aka, acting like kiddos, were told by the minister to leave immediately! Some were disciplined unfortunately. It pains me terribly as he still has triggers during worship when a little one acts out. It’s indeed a fine balance Anna. Your candor is refreshing to say the least!
Come unto me little children….the kingdom belongs to such as these!
Oh Dee, I’m sorry for your husband’s experience. Our pastor loves the sound of children in service so there is no judgement or punishment. The challenge is when the little one cries so loudly it overrides the volume of the message or music. I pray we will have the attitude that Jesus calls the little ones & calls us before AND during our misbehaviors and will be more tolerant of the cries!
Thank you Dee – the kingdom truly does!!
I so needed to read this today. We also have 4 kids and pour youngest has down syndrome. We have had some very interesting church adventures. Some days it stresses me out to no end and others its like hey this is who we are. I really appreciated reading this and to know I am not alone.
It is so HARD. Hang in there, leaning on the ‘hey this is who we are’-ness of it all! Nichole – really glad you dropped by today, and so glad we could connect.
I admire all families who even make it to church and get the little kids into the nursery and preschool cos I know just getting out the front door is a major hurdle! It’s been a long, long time since ours were young, and now I see my grown daughters learning to manage all of it with their little ones. I think most people are kind and understanding of the little ones in the church service, at least that is what I see in my church.
Thank you for reminding us of the beautiful example we see in Jesus and his attitude with the children.
I love that that’s been your experience as well! Such a gift, to be so welcomed. And yeah, it is a lot. Ha!
How i love reading your words today!!!!! i was smiling as i read, remembering our own kiddos seated beside us in the pew……….I was sweating then too.
Wished i had read your perspective way back then, so as to have made those morning services fit better into my reality. Loved your examples of Jesus always welcoming the children. And your confirmation that he welcomes us in just the same way in all our noise and messes. Thank YOU!
Thanks so much, Belinda! It’s a joyful noise, right??
I grew up attending a small country church. There was no nursery and there was six of us! We were taught to sit quietly and pay attention and no talking allowed. My baby sister was born and as a baby, she usually slept the whole time. When she began walking, there was times she would walk around, even up to the pulpit. The preacher would just pick her up and keep right on speaking. When she was ready to be put down, he would gently set her down, still speaking, and she would usually come on back to the pew. But it was a sweet thing, to see and it was never really disruptive. Of course as she aged along, she was taught to be still and quiet…and she was. I think its good for little ones to know there is a play time and a time to be quiet. Kids catch on fast and when we got into church, she loved the singing and then she knew to be quiet. I think its wonderful for kids to learn and be guided that church is a place for reverence. But so understand and enjoyed your post sooo much! Brought back so many memories! Blessings to your sweet children! I think children should be welcomed in any church with open arms by everyone!
Anna,
Kids can be a bit loud & rambunctious in church. Sure most parents try their best to wrangle their children & keep them quiet. It isn’t always easy. The church needs to make space for children. In doing so we are inviting the parents to hear the gospel & be with others. Jesus said children are the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessings 🙂