“I just don’t understand. Why?!”
She laid the question between us, stark and honest in all its ugly discomfort.
“Why didn’t God do something?”
She’d put a lot of thought into her question, and even more courage into vocalizing it. Not easy to do for someone who calls herself a Christian. I know firsthand. Are women who love Jesus, who claim to trust and follow Him with heart, soul, mind, and strength, allowed to ask such a defiant question? That is precisely what she asked next.
“Am I even allowed to say this out loud? Is it even helpful?” She raised her eyebrows, waiting on my answer.
I don’t think I answered the way she expected.
I nodded, communicating my empathy for the conundrum, and then I let out a long sigh.
“Whether it’s allowed and helpful is irrelevant,” I said. I hoped she could hear the compassion in my voice. “It’s the question we all ask. And, at some level, it’s the question we all need to ask, whether or not we get an answer.”
I wasn’t sure she was tracking, so I continued.
“Asking ‘why?’ is simply a normal human response to our deep need to find meaning in suffering. It’s what the heart wants when it’s hurting. Period. We need to know the pain won’t be wasted, even if it can’t be helped.”
With those words, something in her seemed to settle. I suspected she felt relief and also a measure of peace, which is exactly what I felt when I asked similar questions and arrived at this conclusion.
For much of my early faith journey, I thought that questioning God or even showing the slightest hint of dissatisfaction with Him or my circumstances was the surest way to get myself struck by divine lightning. I was taught that to question authority was to disrespect and dishonor authority. And I certainly didn’t want to mess around with that. So although my heart ached and raged against so many wrongs, I feared taking those big feelings to God Himself. I didn’t want to add “faithless” to my long list of flaws.
Although it’s healthy to share our suffering with each other, I now realize that God is the only One strong enough to bear my big emotions and my big questions and offer healing in the middle of them. I still don’t want to disrespect or dishonor God, but I no longer believe that my grief and questions are an affront to Him. In fact, the Bible provides plenty of evidence to the contrary:
“Why, Lord, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”
Psalm 10:1
The Sons of Korah voiced their agony with a similar complaint:
“I say to God my Rock,
‘Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?’
My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
‘Where is your God?’”
Psalm 42:9-10
Even Jesus asked the “why” question when the pain of His suffering, and God’s simultaneous rejection, as He carried the sin of the world overwhelmed Him:
“And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice,
‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’
(which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’).”
Mark 15:34
Yes, it’s okay to ask “why” when we suffer. It’s okay to take our questions and wounds to the God who sees and knows and loves, without limit. In fact, true worship demands it. I wrote these words in my recent book, A Faith That Will Not Fail:
“If I allow myself to grow silent in my suffering, grief wins. But if I sing from the place of my losses, if I turn my face to heaven and praise God for His goodness with a broken voice, then the losses are redeemed in the name of heaven.”
My friend, whatever it is you’re mourning today, don’t add silence and shame to your suffering. God already knows. Take Him your tears, your questions, your confusion, even your question of “why?”. Lay it all before Him, trusting His compassion to be an ocean that will soothe and heal your wounds, even if your circumstances and wounds remain. He’s not surprised by your big feelings or your big questions. He’s waiting for you to let Him help you carry them.
I certainly needed to hear this. I feel guilt asking why, as if I don’t trust God enough to care for me or understand. It is so unsettling for me. I appreciate your sharing these words today. These daily posts always provide comfort in knowing I am not alone in such thoughts.
I get that, Madeline. I’ve often wondered if my questions meant a lack of faith. I now know otherwise. You are not alone!
Amen! And so beautifully written. He knows & He’s the only one with all the answers. We discount His greatness when we don’t ask Him the big whys. It doesn’t bother Him to be asked. I think it’s similar to the toddler who asks why until his parent is exasperated. The toddler asks with full confidence the adult can answer. Big difference the parent may not know or have time to Google BUT GOD doesn’t need Google. HE KNOWS! Let’s be the confident toddler asking our Abba Father! Blessings.(((0)))
“He’s the only one with all the answers … It doesn’t bother Him to be asked.” Exactly! Well said, Ruth. So much wisdom in what you wrote. Thank you!
We can all ask why? Especially if suffering a sickness or loss of someone close or a job. No matter what it is. We can all ask why God and where where you. Why did you let this happen to me. But if we stop and think about it. Sometimes God lets us go through things like this to see how strong our faith is in him. How much we trust him to help us through it. Sometimes if is a loss of someone close to us. God new best to take them if saved home to be with them. Than have them suffer any more or heal them to live another while on this earth. Yes it hard for us that are saved to understand. But we have to know God knew the bigger picture and knew what was best. We thought we might be annoyed at God. One day we see the bigger picture know God was right all alone. We sometimes things our problems are bad. When we look around us. No matter what we are going through and have been through. When we look around we can alway find that someone else’s problems are alot worse than our. We then stop say God why didn’t I trust you more. That person has lost alot more and their problems are alot worse than mine are. We should have in the first place instead of grumbling taken it to God in prayer and left in God hands. Trusted God to deal with it. Even if at the time we didn’t like the way God delt with it. But still trusted God he was doing what he knew what was best for us. We might not see at that time. But in due time we will see it. As every thing God does he does to help us. God knows what he is doing we just have to trust him. Not say why God. Take it all to him in prayer. Leave it with him. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx keeping you all in prayer incourage
It really does come down to trust, doesn’t it? Thanks for sharing, Dawn.
This is exactly what I’ve been feeling! Please keep my Mama and me in your prayers!
Jesus, I pray for AmaTha and her sweet mama, please heal and restore in your name, amen.
Sure identify with this – my Nana raised me in the home of my parents, and she was very
convincing that you just didn’t ask God “why” in any case about anything – so that was my
DNA.
Nos, I am housebound and everyone and everything is just waiting on me at this point – but my date has not arrived as yet (obviously). God is still washing my robe (and I know that). Recently, I was attacked by a dog running lose in the neighborhood. I was terrified to say the least. All of a sudden my neighbor pulled up in my driveway – jumped out – and got between me and the dog. Then the dog began working him over. We both survived without any blood, but it was not good. After all the foray was over and I was home alone and trying to stop crying and fussing, I did ask God why he allowed this to happen – He is all that I have and He says he is taking care of me: and what He conveyed to me was “you were scared, but you were not hurt and I brought someone unexpectedly and not prayed for to you just when you needed help – all to say you can believe that I will ALWAYS do that – you can rely on me no matter what the outcome, I am here for you.”
It is called a hard head that it takes a strong hand to convince me.
Bottom line: ask Him why, and what am I supposed to learn from this – and I am sure he will let you know. Nothing comes to you that has not come through His hands first.
Oh, Leesia! That sounds terrifying. I’m so very sorry for your suffering. What a grace that God provided just what you needed in the moment. Much love for you, sister.
I had breast cancer that eight years later became bone cancer, which I am getting treatment for plus I am having other issues so some days I wonder “Why”. I read a devotion that said when you are frustrated at so many things, go read the book of Job and see what his reaction was; then read it again and again.. good advice!
It makes sense that you would ask “why”, Frances. You’ve endured so much, too much. He hears your cries, sister. And He weeps with you. And one day, hallelujah, you WILL be made whole.
I do need to know the pain won’t be wasted! I’m trusting God to redeem this time!
Yes, yes, yes. I feel the same! I need to know He won’t let my suffering be in vain. Glory, HE WON’T!
I love how you just listened and empathized, that is so needed when our heart is shattered and confused. I love that the Lord not only allows us to poke our heads around the door and ask, “Why?” but He swings the door wide and invites us into His throneroom to cast our confusion and questions on Jesus, our burden bearer. There aren’t words for how thankful I am for His compassion and big heart!
Michele,
God is not upset with us when we ask why or other questions. He wants us to have a conversation with Him. Sometimes He will answer you right away & others He makes you wait. But take heart. He has all the answers. One day we will have all the answers to our questions.
Loved that you had empathy for your friend. Then with love & caring gave her the answer. You also provided scripture references to look up & see that others have asked why questions also.
Blessings 🙂
Your words were like a healing balm to my soul today! Thank you. Please pray for my broken family.
Praise God for Him meeting you through the article in your time of need! I can hear the hurt in your heart and am praying for wholeness and redemption for your family!