I grew up with my maternal grandmother. I never lived solely with my mother; she had tremendous issues and struggles that made it impossible for her to take care of a child.
Although my grandmother raised me, practically since birth, I never viewed her as my mother. I always knew that my mother existed but, for whatever reason, decided not to raise me. As you can imagine, this will mess with a child’s mind. I have been plagued with all manner of insecurities, unyielding feelings of unworthiness, and feelings of being unlovable. I often wondered if there was something wrong with me.
I spent most of my childhood with an unconscious desire to be mothered by my mother, but it never happened. She drifted in and out of my life like the ocean’s tides. Eventually, that became okay with me. She had her life and I had mine, and as time went by, our two lives rarely intersected.
As sad as all of this appears, this was my life. This is what I had always known.
But with the distance that time brings, as I reflect on my childhood, I can see clearly that the fingerprints of God were all over it! That lack of mothering actually drove me to seek out older women who would love and encourage me. Even before I knew Christ, during my junior high and high school years, God placed a couple of amazing teachers in my life who took time and invested in me.
Through the past twenty years of my following Jesus, He has been more than faithful to overflow my life with spiritual mothers. These women, these mothers have . . .
Loved me,
Encouraged me,
Blessed me,
Corrected me,
Taught me,
Wept with me,
Rejoiced with me,
Served me,
Prayed with me, and
Prayed for me.
Each and every one of them has in some way helped to shape my walk with the Lord. Scripture tells us that older women should instruct younger women in the ways of God. And now, in my late thirties and single, without biological kids of my own, I have the privilege of being a spiritual mom myself to some precious junior high and high school girls at my church. It is one of the deepest joys of my life.
As women, we are called to both mother and be mothered. This happens no matter how old you are or what season of life you are in. This call from the Lord transcends biology and even expectation. Whether you too know the pain that comes from being a motherless daughter, the ache that emerges from wishing for children to fill your home, or the joy that flows from being a spiritual mom, know that you are deeply loved by a God who is faithful to fill our empty spaces.
Story by Karina Allen and featured in A Mother’s Love.
As Mother’s Day approaches, we know that it is a complex day full of many emotions and experiences. Know that at (in)courage, we are praying for each of you in this season as you remember, celebrate, grieve, or enjoy motherhood and what it means to you. Every single woman who loves, encourages, and nurtures those who become part of the next generation is doing amazing work and is to be celebrated.
Above is an excerpt from our book, A Mother’s Love: Celebrating Every Kind of Mom, which is full of reflections on God’s heart. Featuring unique and diverse stories from the (in)courage community, A Mother’s Love offers heartfelt encouragement to all kinds of moms, whether they’re a mother in a traditional sense, a spiritual mother, or a mother-like figure who breaks the mold.
This book is sure to help any woman share a meaningful gift with someone who has been impactful in her life, a new mom learning the ropes, or a close loved one facing the joys and challenges of any stage and type of motherhood. Compiled with all women in mind so we can celebrate those who made us, shaped us, helped us grow, and loved us well, A Mother’s Love is a beautiful gift for the moms in your life.
Leave a Comment
Mary Laflamme says
Karina, Thank you for this piece on mothering in the Body of Christ and in the world around you. I have several dear friends and a niece who long to be Moms. One gal had a very dysfunctional mom and the other, my niece has an amazing Mom. So many layers of longing in each of their hearts, but I have seen them all finding supernatural provision and ministry in the same way you have detailed here in your testimony of God’s faithfulness. This article came as a preemptive strike on the Mother’s Day ahead and draws our attention for the need to be sensitive to those who are vulnerable at this time. My Mom was THE BEST and I miss her every day she has been in heaven. Also, having a son in heaven makes the day very precious to my heart. THANK YOU for sharing your heart and giving us a spiritual heads up as the day approaches and we find opportunities to minister and pray with those who find Mother’s Day a challenge.
Karina Allen says
Thank you Mary for sharing! Mother’s Day is holds so many emotions and layers for all of us. Praying the Lord floods us with His love and grace!
Madeline says
Such tender words. My mother was physically around but checked out when I was 2 after the death of my 9 year old sister. Thankfully we lived in my grandparents home and basically my grandmother raised me along with other older female relatives. Even today at age 69, I find I am fortunate enough to be supported by older friends. This became especially true when i became a widow 5 years ago. I knew at a young age the power of strong women. They may not all have had biological children but they were mothers just the same.
Karina Allen says
Amen Madeline! Praise God for His care and provision!
Illonda says
Truly blessed by your devotional,thanks for sharing! I lost my mom 39 years ago and always felt alone and a desire to be loved, nurture and longing for my mother. And although I was blessed with my father as a dual parent. The void was always there. But God did the same for me as you,He blessed me with spiritual mothers,an awesome mother in law who was as close to a mother figure. I miss her dearly but I cherish our moments together and instill in my children all the wisdom and love she poured out. It’s at times like Mother’s Day that I truly reflect, grieve and memorialize my mother, mother in law, paternal grandmother and even my father. Their earthly vessels are gone but they are never forgotten. Because without God placing them in my life, I could not be the mother I am today. Thanks for sharing!
Karina Allen says
Thank you Illonda for sharing! God is so good and faithful and gracious to us!
Beth Williams says
Karina,
My mom was a good mom. By the time I came around she already had 13, 9 & 7 year old girls to raise. She did a decent job. She has been gone 14 years now. So basically mothers’ day doesn’t mean much to me. Like you Karina I seek out older women. Most of my friends are older. I love helping them out & doing nice things for them. They make me laugh & enjoy life when it gets tough. Thanking God for Christian older women who mentor & love on us!
Blessings 🙂
Karina Allen says
Amen and Amen Beth! I am so grateful for the gifts they have been in my life!
Dawn says
I am mentoring a 6th grade girl who is motherless as well. I am happy to do so because God placed several older women in my life who helped me as I grew up. Having come from a dysfunctional family, it was so kind of Him to place me in their path. Now I am seeing that Brittney has been placed in mine. I’d like to encourage everyone to look for those young ladies in YOURS!
Karina Allen says
Yes Dawn! I love this! That is beautiful!!! God is so strategic in placing people in our lives. May God bless this relationship with His love, wisdom and direction.
Denise J. says
Karina, thank you for sharing your story. Our times are surely in the Lord’s hands, (Psalm 31:5). So thankful to the Lord for His hand in your life! I too was not raised by my mom. She suffered from mental illness, so at seven years of age, I was sent to an orphanage, a group home, then a foster family. I came to know the Lord at age ten, but did not follow him until my freshman year of college. At fourteen, I began to care for my mom the best I could! By God’s grace, the Lord brought people in our lives for a season, to help along the way, (Hebrews 13:2). Sharing my story gives me a moment to reflect on the Lord’s grace & mercy in my life! Continue to trust in Him with all of your heart! (Proverbs 3:5-6). Abundant blessings to you!
D.J.
Karina Allen says
Praise God for His love and care in your life! He is so good to us!
Leesia says
I just have one thing to say after reading this: I thought someone had creeped into my head and
was writing my story. Lots more details and “life” to tell, but I have been there, done that, and I too, thank Father God for bringing lots of older women into my life to help me – I probably didn’t
always realize it at the time or conform as they would have liked, but I could feel their concern and love and that was what was important at the time. And now, I am the “older” women and God has given me so many people, men and women, to be my extended family – he is so busy!
Karina Allen says
I love that Leesia! He is so kind to provide for us in our times of need! He never leaves us alone.
Irene says
Thank you, Karina! My mom’s been gone over 20 years now. I do have 3 daughters. May God bless your wonderful ministry!
Karina Allen says
Thank you so much Irene! May the Lord bless you as well!
Ruth Mills says
AMEN! I was blessed with a godly mom but no kids of our own yet I get hugs from former 3-4th graders from my Sunday school class. My husband & minister to college kids with home cooked meals & texted prayers. And I’m a “mom” in our church’s Titus 2 Ministry. I assure you I am more blessed than if we’d had kids the traditional way!
2 of our college kids honored us as honorary parents in their wedding. I told the groom’s dad we have this parenting thing figured out. I didn’t birth them, we didn’t change diapers or pay for college. Love poured out is it’s own reward!
Karina Allen says
Yes and Amen Ruth! I love all of this! The work of God is beautiful in your life!
Diane Bailey says
You are so precious to me, Karina. You are always loving in your greeting each time we meet. You show the love of Christ that many of we learned from our moms. But you, precious woman, learned it firsthand from your Father. John 14:26
Karina Allen says
Diane! Your words are so treasured my friend! Thank you! I praise god for the work He has done in and through me!
Tammy says
My mom is 86 and has been suffering from althzheimers for the last 15 years. For 5 years before that she was diagnosed with dementia and depression. In the last few months she is totally dependent on help for everything and barely recognizes my dad and I. Many older women in my congregation are wonderful at mothering me. It’s what being part of a family is about.
Karina Allen says
Your’re so right Tammy! Praise God for His care!
Marinalva Sickler says
Sad. I raised one grandson and continue raising another, 8 years old. Sons of my daughter. It is sad to hear them talking about their mother.