After playing the last note to their duet, our then eight-year-old daughter shoved the music sheet back toward her big sister and forced herself to take a bow before stomping off the recital stage. As her sister proceeded to play her solo piece, our little girl cried in my arms, defeated and disappointed.
Though both girls performed their solos flawlessly, their duet didn’t go as well as they had hoped. After the recital, my husband and I tried to revive them with encouragement. We reminded them that it wasn’t about a one-time performance but about celebrating all they had accomplished throughout the year.
For weeks I had observed our girls practice their duet, watching them push and pull as they figured out their rhythm and flow together. The entire process was a symphony of struggle. Trial and toil harmonized with surrender and accomplishment. Conflict and strife played bass while fun and entertainment played treble. Tears were our low notes, and laughter were our high notes. There were days when notes and personalities clashed, and days when music was made. I cheered them on on the days when they got it right and coached them to persevere on the days when practice wasn’t making perfect.
But when my girls were deflated by their less-than-perfect performance, I realized I had taught them to celebrate success and had failed to teach them to appreciate struggle. I hadn’t emphasized the value of commitment to a challenge — the challenge of learning something new, of enduring through frustration, of resisting the urge to attack each other, of co-laboring, and not giving up. Come to think of it, acknowledging struggle is common. Less common is noting and appreciating all the gifts that challenges provide along the way.
I wish I had thrown a parade for my girls after each practice to mark the accomplishment of a struggle. I wish I had helped them understand that though the process is ugly, it is the perfect way to help them cultivate all kinds of beauty — beauty that looks like persistence, surrender, patience, grace, teamwork, and sisterhood regardless of their talent.
I wish I had taught them what I had learned when the church plant my husband and I had dreamed, planned, and toiled for failed. Planting a church had been the most grueling work we had ever done together, and after three years of struggling, we had very little to show for all that we’d given and all that we’d given up. In the trailing dust of defeat and discouragement, we couldn’t see how immensely the struggle had gifted us.
But now we can look back and clearly see God present and working through the struggle, providing immeasurable depth and breadth to our marriage, securing our foundation, and binding us together even more. While it has felt counter-intuitive (and probably socially unacceptable) to celebrate the struggles and failure of a church plant, I have learned to do just that!
When Israel was doubtful and discouraged during their struggle, through Isaiah the prophet, God encouraged them:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 NIV
Sometimes, in the midst of struggle, we lose sight of God’s presence, of what God is showing us about ourselves, of the divine purpose in the process. We don’t have to be afraid of struggle, nor do we have to struggle in fear. God has auspiciously entwined struggle, reward, and fruit. They are inseparable. I have learned to express gratitude for each. In so many of life’s circumstances, struggle can be the more significant and enduring reward.
I am getting better at celebrating in the midst of the struggle, and I am teaching my children to do the same. Fortunately, I’m sure life will give us many more opportunities to practice.
We all know struggle. We all know the disappointment of failed expectations. And we all have felt discouraged, defeated, and deflated when an outcome isn’t what we had hoped. But we can know that because God is with us in the midst of our struggle, we don’t have to be afraid and our labor is not in vain. We can face the struggle expecting to learn, grow, and gain immeasurably.
Diane Bailey says
Beautifully written. Thank you for this encouragement
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Diane!
Thank you for reading. May you recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.
Shalom,
LCB
Becky Keife says
Oof! This is so convicting and encouraging! I resist the struggle. Thank you for helping me reframe it. May we choose to wait expectantly for the good fruit God is producing in and through us!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Becky!
I am grateful that you resonate with my story.
Thank you for reading. May you recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.
Shalom,
LCB
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Thanks for this. I seen in my Niece’s and Nephews come out not happy one Saturday from playing the piano for a show for Parents and Grandparents. With other kids playing for their Parents and Grandparents too. My we sister their Mum asked me their Aunt along to see them play too. It something the Piano teacher had organised. For Parents and Grandparents to watch them play in front of them of how good they were doing at learning the Piano. My Nephew was not happy when finished what he was asked to play that day. Because he had with bring nervous playing in front of people made a few mistakes. I can remember his face saying why didn’t I get it right play perfect. I said to my Nephew you know it not about playing perfect. It is about the fact you tried your best to play in front of your Mum and Grandparents along with other kids Parents and their Grandparents watching you. Especially when you where nervous. That is all normal. The other kids would have felt the same. You know I said to my Nephew at least you tried and were brave enough to get up play in front of everyone. Everyone loves a trier. You did brilliant even if you did make a few mistakes. No one is perfect. You ask your Mum I said if she was up playing bet she made mistakes because of nervs. We all are proud of you because you were brave enough to get up and play in front of everyone. Including your Mum me and your Grandparents and others. That is an achievement in it self. So you be proud of that. My Nephew just replied thanks Dawn. I knew what I said made him feel better that day that he had tried his best. We were all proud of him for doing his best. That he was brave enough to play in front of everyone there that day. Like God he proud of us that we try to live right for him. Yes we will make mistakes. We will struggle to always stay to be rip fruit for God in the way we live for him every day. As we will get knocks and bruises from time to time and like fruit show thoes bruises. But we learn from them and if it is because we said or done something wrong. We can ask God to forgive us. Help us not to do it again be the fruit he wants us to be for him live the way God would have us. So we are not feel bad if we struggle with living right for God at times. God still loves us. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Dawn!
You are a gracious aunt. Your nieces and nephews are lucky to have you.
Thank you for reading my story. May you recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.
Shalom,
LCB
Ariel Krienke says
Positive message, thank you
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Ariel!
Thank you for reading my story. May you recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.
Shalom,
LCB
Dee Sid says
What a timely lesson for my life after endure a 43 day hospital stay with my daughter at the Children’s Hospital in our area.y daughter is medically fragile and medically complex. Life has more complex struggles now. I needed this.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Dee!
May you and your daughter know and tangibly feel God’s presence in the midst of this struggle. May you taste the sweetness of the fruit that flourishes during this time in your life. May you know His peace and comfort.
Thank you for reading my story.
Shalom,
LCB
Cheyla says
Thank you for this Lucretia! It’s been a long couple of years of many struggles for me and have been feeling so defeated. I’m having a very hard time believing lately that God loves me. It’s been a difficult concept for me to grasp, especially since I’m not terribly fond of myself right now. Your post spoke to something deep in my soul that maybe I’m not as alone as I’ve been feeling. Thank you for sharing your gift!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Cheyla.
I am so sorry that the number and length of your struggles seem unbearable. I can definitely relate. I am learning to get better at talking with God about the lessons and fruit in the struggle, and celebrating them. That way, as I go, I can see that I am growing. May you taste the sweetness of the fruit that flourishes during this time in your life. May you know His peace and comfort.
I am cheering for you! Go Cheyla! God’s got you.
Shalom
LCB
Beth Williams says
Lucretia,
Your story reminds me of the story of the butterfly & the cocoon. Butterflies must struggle in a cocoon before they emerge. We shouldn’t cut the cocoon open because it forces fluid from body into its wings. It is prepared for freedom once it earns its way out of cocoon. Life lesson: our struggles always give us strength. Sometimes the struggles we go through are exactly what we need to grow & develop. Who but God knows what we will need in the future?
A struggle I faced dealing with aging parents/dementia & psych issues years ago has prepared me for a clerical job in ICU at large hospital. You just never know what God is doing.
Blessings 🙂
#Story of a man who cut open a butterfly on youtube.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Beth!
Thank you for reminding me of the butterfly and chrysalis parallel. I’ve had the pleasure of teaching about that process. It’s so life-giving!
I love what you shared: “our struggles always give us strength.” I am reminded to recognize the strength that has been gifted.
Thank you for reading my story. May we recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.
Shalom,
LCB
fannetta h gore says
Beautiful. I know this and appreciate the reminder.
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Thanks mom! May we recognize God’s presence in the midst of the struggle.f
Shalom!