It was painful, and I contemplated why they chose not to attend my wedding. To me, it felt like a boycott — against this new season of my life, against my decision to hold the wedding in Iowa instead of my home state of North Carolina, against my husband being White. My spiral into an abyss of despair was abruptly interrupted by my brother.
“Let’s not be worried about who is not here. Let’s focus on who is here. The people who are here deserve the bride’s attention,” he demanded.
He was absolutely right. And not only did I need to be fully aware of those who chose to witness the beginning of our union and pay money to plan, travel, and lavish us with gifts, my wedding guests needed to see me reveling in the celebration. My brother’s interruption snatched me off the path to negative nowhere and welcomed me back to the big picture. While it was okay for me to be disappointed that a few people who I counted on to show up to such a special occasion chose to stay home, it was unacceptable for me to allow that to define the day or become the whole story.
Why do I do this? I settle into brewing over something that hurts, while the joy of accomplishment, celebration, and goodness in general evades me. It’s like allowing nine hours of nighttime to cause me to miss out on fifteen hours of a sunny day. It seems ridiculous and unnatural. I learned, however, that it is quite natural and common to fixate on negative experiences, like mistakes, insults, and disappointments. Brain studies show that there is greater neural processing in the brain in response to negative stimuli, which is why negative events have a greater impact on our brains than positive ones. The sting of a rebuke is more weighty than affirmation and joy. Past traumas linger long past their expiration dates. Bad news demands more of our attention than good. Criticisms overshadow compliments.
But better than understanding my wiring is knowing God’s desire for me to experience the fullness of His glory. God understands why it’s easy for me to focus on the negative but offers a way for me to revel in the positive.
Paul writes, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV).
God helped me see how gratitude overrides the propensity for negativity and allows me to embody the joy of the bigger picture. For example, when I expressed gratitude for the wedding guests in attendance, my mood shifted immediately! I saw the sacrifices that people made to join in our celebration. I saw people who came to witness our new beginning. I saw people investing in our future. I had to rejoice. I had no time for disappointment. My bridal cup runneth-ed over with joy!
Practicing gratitude helps me see the story unfolding from God’s perspective. It helps me anticipate and recognize God’s grace.
Jesus gave thanks in every situation — when prayers were answered, as He performed miracles, in the midst of suffering, at His last supper with the disciples — and He was able to tap into the joy of God’s bigger picture. Inspired by His expression of gratitude, I decided to create my own daily practice.
In the morning, I express gratitude for all the great things that are coming my way that day. As I carpool, my children and I share what we are grateful for about ourselves and why. This allows us to show an appreciation for assets we might otherwise take for granted — our bending knees, hearing ears, seeing eyes, curly hair, melanated skin. We then express our gratitude for the things that touch our lives, like books, friends, and grandparents. At night before bed, I look at the calendar to review events, appointments, and to-do’s for the following day. I say a thank you for each person and project that I get to touch. I then take a moment to reflect on the day’s moments, events, wins, insights, and lessons. And for each I say thank you.
While I don’t pretend that night’s darkness does not exist, in gratitude, it doesn’t overshadow the sunny days.
Friends, it is God’s will that we practice gratitude — not because God needs our praise but so that we don’t miss out on living in the glory of His bigger picture.
NancyM says
“As I carpool, my children and I share what we are grateful for about ourselves and why. This allows us to show an appreciation for assets we might otherwise take for granted — our bending knees, hearing ears, seeing eyes, curly hair, melanated skin” – I love this! What positive affirmations for your children, especially as they grow and go through the teen years when we all think we aren’t good enough. And even now as an adult not thinking we are good enough…
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Yes, Nancy! Thank you for that affirmation, ‘we are good enough!’
One of our daughters is 14, and I am elated each morning when she appreciates something about herself.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Brenda M. Russell says
Good morning Everyone, how Precious to be reminded that Gratitude overshadows Negative attitudes. I grew up learning to be thankful because my Grandmother taught me to say thank you for gifts that I wanted and those I wasn’t prepared to embrace yet (squash, okra, peas, carrots, spinach, etc). Oh my goodness, now I need all those vegetables and I am very thankful to embrace making more wise meal plans for myself, even if I have to purchase the meals from a cafeteria.
I heard someone say, “we live forward but we learn looking backwards.” I am 63 years wise and I still make mistakes and unwise choices. I wanted to be further along in my decision making skills. So when I listen to my children comment on matters, I think to myself and I say to them often, mama still needs prayer for many things. God is available and willing to help us. We just have to surrender our will to His Will and He will help us. Remember, His calendar is not like our calendar so plan to be patient and have a good attitude.
Practice gratitude and kindness, use encouragement and compassion to listen to others. Book end everything with forgiveness.
Enjoy your day.
Brenda
Your Sister in Christ
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Yes, Brenda! “His calendar is not like our calendar so plan to be patient and have a good attitude.” Thank you for this affirming reminder!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Ruth Mills says
Lucretia, I love this encouragement so much! Gratitude expands our view to the big picture instead of focusing on a “small” negative. May God make me a big picture girl! So thankful He is able! Bless you for sharing!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Ruth,
Let’s be BIG picture girls!!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Madeline says
A wonderful reminder of the power of gratitude which I so need these days. I always feels better when that is my focus. I seem to have forgotten this which may be part of why I have been feeling the way I do. I have been focusing on the negative. Time to get out the gratitude journal. Thank you.
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Hi Madeline,
It is so easy for me to focus on the negative. I am learning to put practices in place that make it easy for me to let go of the negative.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Jessica Sommer says
So fantastic!!! LOVE the scientific facts you paired with God’s intent – fascinating! His every tiny detail in creating humans has a purpose with our souls. Thank you for pointing that out!! You rock!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Jessica,
I am glad you appreciated the brain science facts! Understanding how we are wired and why helps us navigate our experiences.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Joanne says
I am in the midst of a painful, challenging situation that has an uncertain conclusion. Last night I went to bed overwhelmed with discouragement. This morning your thoughts have helped me refocus on the many blessings I have in the midst of this struggle, the mercies of God that are new every morning, the truth that God’s many promises! Thank you!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Joanne,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I am glad to hear that you were able to refocus your thoughts so as not to drown in sorrow. I completely understand. I will continue to lift you in prayer.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Irene says
Lucretia, a thousand thank you’s for this brilliant post! I am going to take your words to heart and start living my days in gratitude. Amen!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Irene!
You are so welcome!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
d says
Thank You Lucretia!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
You are welcome!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Shauna says
I also tend to focus too much on the negative. An elderly friend many years ago gave me a journal to write down things I was thankful for. I ran across that little book when I was cleaning out a desk to move; it was blank except for the first page where I had written that I was thankful for her friendship. She had passed away by then. I have a bad habit of sticking things in piles and forgetting where I put them, lol. But I have found if I at least PRAY about things I am thankful for, it totally sets the tone for my day.
Sometimes I need to remember those prayers hourly while I am working!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Shauna!
I can certainly relate. I, too, need to be encouraged hourly as I work. I have begun collecting all the ‘Thank you’ notes that people have sent me so that I can create a gratitude college.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
BC from BC says
Thank you for this reminder, not to focus whose not here but to celebrate with those that showed up. When we got married some of my husband’s family members didn’t show up (including his parents), due to me not being Catholic. It was hurtful at the time. Thank you as I can give this to God and know that who was there was there for us to celebrate. God know us intimately and what best. We might not see it at the time, as we look back we see and feel our Creator’s hand protecting and guiding us. No matter what we deal with in life, those that show up are a gift and encourage, support and are prayerful in my life. Thank you for the Blessing these people who are walking with me.
Lucretia Carter Berry says
AMEN!!!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Becky Keife says
“Practicing gratitude helps me see the story unfolding from God’s perspective. It helps me anticipate and recognize God’s grace.” Yes! Thank you for this beautiful and encouraging story, Lucretia!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Hi Becky!
You are so welcome. Of course, I needed to read it again the day after it published…lol. I WILL live in gratitude!!!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Nancy Ruegg says
I’m surprised the Apostle Paul didn’t include gratitude when he wrote about the armor of God in Ephesians 6. It’s a powerful weapon against discouragement and dissatisfaction. Thank you for sharing your experience, Lucretia!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Nancy! Great point!
Come on Paul!!…lol
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Anita J Billian says
The distraction of your brother brought a healing that changed your whole perspective. You could have joy and not negativity. Gratitude can change our hearts! Thanks for sharing!
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Anita!
That’s right. I’m so glad my brother was there to help me.
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
fannetta h gore says
Thank you for the inspiring words. In all things I give thanks. I try to focus on God- not myself, those around me, and what is happening. Not taking gratitude for granted.
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Hi mom!
I love that: not taking gratitude for granted!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia
Beth Williams says
Lucretia,
It is easy to get down & depressed–especially in our world today. When that happens to me I simply make a “thankful” journal. I list each & every thing, person, place I am grateful for. My list includes God, home in heaven, family, friends & goes on down to small things like paper, paper clips, etc. It helps me see the bigger picture. Then I can praise God for ALL the blessings I have & stop being negative about the few things I don’t have. It changes one’s perspective just like your brother did with you at the wedding.
Blessings 🙂
Lucretia Carter Berry says
Beth!
Thank you for sharing your gratitude practice with us!
May we refuse to miss out on living in the glory of God’s bigger picture.
Thank you for reading!
Shalom,
Lucretia