This sentiment orbits around me. The childhood trauma of my parents’ divorce acts as its gravitational pull. In the breakup of their marriage, my mom was awarded primary custody of my brother and me, my dad was given significant visitation rights, and nine-year old me inherited this false messaging:
You are disposable!
No one actually said those words to me. But in the upheaval, grieving, and wounding, I was left with this scarring. Like a skillful makeup artist, I learned to hide the bruising. Achievements and accolades were the perfect concealer, and having a boyfriend meant that at least I mattered to someone, even if he didn’t have the capacity to truly see me.
But beneath the homecoming queen crown, the college graduate honors, and the multiple degrees, the fear of being insignificant clung to me. It melded into me. It stayed with me. Even now, we seem inseparable. It speaks to who I am as a wife, as a mom:
You are disposable! You don’t matter!
It wants to be my forever song, the score to my life’s unfolding. It wants to be the lead vocals, and whenever I experience rejection, fear turns up the volume and presses repeat. It gets the spotlight and summons all my attention. Hearing this reverberating bouncing around in the recesses of my being is exhausting. It’s a constant tug-of-war.
You are disposable! You don’t matter! You are insignificant!
Recently, the noise of my fear has been deafening. I have been losing sleep and agonizing over the pain of feeling invisible and invaluable. And yes, I know that God sees me and values me. I don’t struggle with that at all. My strife has been with humans devaluing me. I am deflated when people treat me like I don’t matter. I can tell myself that it shouldn’t matter what people think of me, that I should solely be concerned with how God sees me and knows me, but that doesn’t reconcile the countless times that in someone else’s decision-making process, I’ve been overlooked and felt like an afterthought or a pawn.
The anxiety pushed me to desperation, and I cried out to El Roi — the One who not only sees me but who sees everything. In moments like these, I feel like I shouldn’t need God to affirm me, that mature faith doesn’t need to be coddled. But desperation overrode my ego. In my exhaustion, I was like a toddler crawling into a nurturing lap to be embraced by grace-filled arms.
As I surrendered, my life’s major events unfolded in my mind like a movie recap. But in the re-viewing, I heard a different score of songs. I began to clearly see elements at work that I had not given much attention to before. I grabbed my journal and started writing.
Who saw me when I thought I was invisible?
- During my parents’ divorce, my grandma Pearline made sure I knew I was special to her.
- When my mom remarried and it seemed as though her new husband wanted her without her children, my grandma Virginia brought attention to my loneliness and pain.
- When I needed support along my academic journey, several people played key roles in escorting me from being a first-generation college student to becoming a college professor. It was a series of miracles.
- When I was in situations where someone was taking advantage of me, my husband intervened and shut down the whole operation.
Names and events flowed like a waterfall. I journaled for pages. The list went on and on of how love manifested through people seeing me, hearing me, and valuing me. As I reflected and recorded in my journal, the volume on the old song (which does not bear repeating) began fading to the background. I had given too much attention to my story’s antagonists. I had allowed shadows to consume my life’s stage. I was ready for the protagonist to take its rightful place, front and center. I was now seeing all that had been invisible to me. I was ready to sing a new song:
I matter. I am seen. I am valued. I am heard.
When you feel vulnerable, invisible, or forgotten, remember that God not only sees you, but comes alongside you and cares for you. Matthew 6:26 reminds us,
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
When lies try to deplete you, ask El Roi, the One who sees you, to remind you of your visibility, your value, and your significance. Bring yourself back to truth. You matter. You are seen. You are valued. You are heard. Rehearse truth’s song. Turn up the volume and allow it to refresh you.
Leave a Comment
Bomi says
AMEN!!! Love this. Thank you so much for sharing! Amen, Amen, Amen!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Bomi!
Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Susan says
Thank you so much for sharing your inmost heart. It’s so easy to feel less than. I love the idea of journaling about all the people who have lifted you up along the way. That’s an excellent idea for all of us when we live in the shadows. God’s richest blessings to you today and every day.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Susan.
Thank you for reading! I am happy to know that my words inspired you in some way.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Laura says
Thank you for reminding me of those who God placed in my life to stand in the gap.
His faithfulness is unmeasurable, vast is His mercy.
You are heard. You are seen. God is good.
Amen!
Adrienne says
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I too as a child was made to feel invisible. For years I felt no one saw or heard me. It wasn’t until I found God. God showed me so much love and still does. When I feel misused, or taken for granted, I call out to God and he comforts me. I’m a widow, mother of three and suffer with fibromyalgia. My God and children look after me. I know now I am seen and heard. Thank you for opening my eyes to what really matter in life. Blessings to you and family
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Adrienne!
Thank you for reading! I am happy to know that my words inspired you in some way. I love that you know that God sees, values, and cares for you!! Your life is an expression of His love.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
MA says
Lucretia thank you for sharing your very encouraging and inspirational words. I too have felt that way many times – “I am not enough, I am not worthy, it’s my fault…” I still do but I have God and he defines me and I am enough. I am blessed with a husband that sees me as beautiful despite all my ugly. I have 3 beautiful daughters who show me every day that we are strong, kind, funny, smart; the strength, love and Bond of sisters; despite their differences there is nothing they would not do for each other. I found my validation and I am enough, I am worthy, I am loved.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi MA
Thank you for reading! I am happy to know that my words resonated with you in some way. I loved the affirming words you shared.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Rita says
Thank you! I needed this and your timing is perfect. Abandoned at 3. Left at a Catholic orphanage in Berlin, Germany. Foster care and kind people took care of me. There were too many. Don’t misunderstand,I consider myself very blessed. Unfortunately, I did not escape the scars from the trauma of feeling unwanted. Today, I’m married to an amazing man and my life seems perfect, however, I carry my fear of abandonment daily and never feel like I’m good enough. You’re message helped.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Rita!
Thank you for reading! And thank you for sharing your story. Your’s is a lesson on how though trauma may stay with us, we can still know love.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Madeline says
Such powerful words. And I understand more than I can explain here. Long story made short but basically grew up believing that I was an “accident” ( born during a time when an my older sister was battling a brain tumor) and then raised (primarily by my maternal grandparents) in her shadow when she died at age 9 because “she was so perfect God did not want her to be tainted.” So, unwanted, unworthy was the least of how I saw myself. It’s been a long road and still have occasional moments of doubt. But I have a wonderful daughter who won’t tolerate the pity parties.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Madeline!
Thank you for reading! And thank you for sharing your story. Your’s is a lesson on how though trauma may stay with us, we can still know love. I love how your daughter helps you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Susan says
You are amazing, this is amazing and touches so many. Thank you
Lucretia Berry says
HI Susan!
Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Ruth Mills says
AMEN!!! Bless you & thank you for sharing an all too common camouflaged issue for alot of us.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Ruth!
Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Jessica says
always amazing when mrs berry gives me a great devotional! i love it and needed to hear this today – especially today. thank you!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Jessica!
Thank you for reading and for your words of encouragement. I am glad to know my words resonated with you.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Rebecca says
“ My strife has been with humans devaluing me. I am deflated when people treat me like I don’t matter. I can tell myself that it shouldn’t matter what people think of me, that I should solely be concerned with how God sees me and knows me, but that doesn’t reconcile the countless times that in someone else’s decision-making process, I’ve been overlooked and felt like an afterthought or a pawn.”
Lucretia – this is the place that I stand today and I wish I could say that I had positive experiences or people to help along the way but I can recall only a couple. I can recall one significant moment in my life where life giving cards were sent ahead by coworkers when I had a weeks long visit to the Mayo Clinic. I have recently moved for a job and my new boss is awful. I feel like 5 year old all over again being shamed, blamed, criticized, belittled, etc.
thank you for your post. It at least helped me not feel so wretchedly alone today.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Rebecca.
Thank you for reading! And thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you have experienced being unseen or feeling like an afterthought.
I pray that in the midst of this, God shows you that you are loved, seen, and valued. I pray that you experience that TODAY!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
kimmieg says
This came at a perfect time. The weight of our church “thing”. Our pastor retired. My husband and I were both on the board for the daycare and preschool. Things have blown up. My husband said things in anger. And. I just want to go to church and hear. We got an “invitation” to meet with elders to talk through the situation. I sent an email to the elder I consider a friend. My brain and anxiety will not allow me to go to this meeting OR wait a week to spill all the junk in my head. Thats what it is….junk in my head.
Lucretia Berry says
Thank you for reading!
WOW! You are going through a lot! I pray that peace wraps her arms around you. May clarity invade your chaos and bring you deep inhales and long exhales. May you know that you are loved by the One who is Love.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Beth Williams says
Lucretia,
Thank you for a much needed devotion. Many people feel unseen, unwanted & unheard. We have become a fast-paced, throw away society. Don’t want or need/want thing or person then find a way to dispose of it. Such a tragedy. But God sees us & puts people in our paths that see & value us as humans. They go out of their way to make us feel loved. We need to ruminate on those people & journal it. Then when the lies get loud go read & change the song. Remember God sees, loves & values you.
Blessings 🙂
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Beth!
Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
p'titeflower says
Bonjour, Thank you for your publications which boost
Each article afford comfort & encouragments with kind love
Being visible, accepted & appreciated for whom we are, it is not always easy
This blog site is a privileged place where there are human beings who are worthy, be respected & esteemed
Thank you for yours writting sharings
Thank you for giving your readers a way to express themselves while respecting their sensibilities
It is such blessings, Thank You
Love is the foundation of life in Christ Jesus
Although we may feel insignificant some times, it is comforting to know that our Creator has for us an immeasurable, incomparable & unfailing Love
There are some human beings who are able to perceive that there are living beings who have wisdom & heart’s values,
When it’s recognized & admitted, it is such a warm blessing with a thankfull heart
“She is more precious than rubies”, Proverbs 3:15
So, you are more precious than rubies
Wishing you all happy holidays to celebrate Christ Jesus
Blessings, love in Him
Lucretia Berry says
Thank you for reading and for your words of encouragement. I am glad to know my words resonated with you.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Julie says
THANK YOU for putting into words what I have experienced my entire life!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Julie!
You’re welcome.
Thank you for reading.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong for and about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Nancy says
Thank you for this very meaningful and beautiful message of hope. I am one of ten children. I have sibling who has always made me feel less than, like my thoughts, ideas and opinions do not matter. From children to this day she has had some kind of invisible hold on me. Well until this past March when things came to a head and I realized with the help of friends and family it was time to stop. I am strong, I am loving, I am a good person and I do not need her opinion or insecurities to define me.
Thank you.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Nancy!
You’re welcome. Thank you for reading! Isn’t it liberating to know the truth about yourself!! You are seen, valued and loved!!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Becky Keife says
Friend, I relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing your deep heart and allowing us to be healed alongside you. El Roi. Praise His name!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Becky!
Thank you for reading! May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Terry Law says
Thank you so much for writing this Lucretia! Wonderful words to live by and learn!
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Terry!
I am glad that my words resonated with you! Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
ELMorehead says
Amen, Amen, Amen!
Lucretia Berry says
Thank you for reading ad sharing.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Carol Brown says
Your story is so profound. Because we often feel we do not belong and try to hide it, sometimes in positive ways as you did, but sometimes in negative ways, others do not discern our loneliness. Each of us need to reach out to the people we encounter with a simple hi and how is it going and then LISTEN to for clues, so we can be God’s heart and hands. Thank you for sharing.
Lucretia Berry says
Carol,
Thank you for reading ad sharing.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Anna says
You reminded me of one of my favorite verses:
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
… I imagine the Lord’s tender lullaby and myself a cradled child…. especially when my spirit is colicky.
Lucretia Berry says
‘when my spirit is colicky’
Anna, this is the perfect description of what happens when we succumb to lies.
Thank you for reading ad sharing.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Kathleen Burkinshaw says
Lucretia,
Your posts always bring comfort to me. But this one went straight to my wounded heart. Thank you for your faith filled words. They are like a hug to my soul.Wishing you and your readers a healthy joy and peace filled Christmas season ❤
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Kathleen!
Thank you for reading. I am glad to know that my words resonate with you!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Marie says
Although the life story trauma is different, I’ve always wondered what the underlying lie and you nailed it… “I am disposable, replaceable”.
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Marie!
May we turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about us: We matter, we are valued, we are seen, we are heard.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Loretta says
Oh Lucrecia, how my soul connects to you and your story. Mine is not exactly like yours but close enough that I can relate. I’m 76 and I can still remember all the pain and heartache this ‘ol world can dispense. But I, like you, have been given a new name and a new song to sing through the love and mercy of God our Father and through the sacrificial love of Christ our redeemer. In my mind and heart I have claimed the whosoever in John 3:16 as my “club.” I am a whosoever and that is the only requirement for membership. The only way to join is to become a whosoever. It truly is that simple. Why do we make it so hard? What a merciful and loving God we serve. Thank you for sharing your story.
Lucretia Berry says
Thank you for reading!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Loretta!
I love your club requirement!
It’s difficult because we’ve been taught that we are unworthy. So we have to re-acclimate ourselves to the truth. We must re-member the truth!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Lucretia Berry says
Loretta.
I love your club requirement!
It’s difficult because we’ve been taught that we are unworthy. So we have to re-acclimate ourselves to the truth. We must re-member the truth!
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVEsong about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB
Terri Scharn says
PRAISE THE LORD!!!THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR ❤️ HEART!THIS HELPED ME IN THE PLACE I AM!!!ALSO HELPED ME KNOW HOW/WHEN TO JOURNAL(I LOVE JOURNALING) I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING A PART OF THIS FAMILY
Lucretia Berry says
Hi Terri!
You’re welcome. Thank you for reading.
May you turn up the volume on GOD’s LOVE song about you.
Happy HOLYdays!
LCB