I sit quietly in the chair as hair falls to the ground. She works quickly and with each snip of the scissors, another question comes my way: Remind me what you do for work? Are you dating anyone? Did you want layers today?
I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I answer each one, ask a few of my own in response, and then hold my breath wondering if she’ll ask about the scar suddenly on full display.
You’d never know it unless I were to pull my hair into a ponytail, unless I put it into a bun, unless you stood behind me at a hair appointment — and then there’s simply no missing the bare skin where hair no longer grows.
I’m permanently marked. There’s a four-inch scar on the back of my head, and the truth is, I don’t think about it very much anymore. I have to use two mirrors to see it, and the pain of nerves coming back together, throbbing headaches, and dizziness have lessened over the years.
It’s been eleven years since brain surgery and at this point, the scar is simply part of me. But every time I sit in a hairdresser’s chair, I wonder if she’ll ask something, say something, or carry on as if it doesn’t exist.
Here’s what I know, over a decade later:
1. We can’t always see the scars that mark a person. We all — each and every one of us — have been bruised or cut in one way or another. We all have tender places that are still being healed, and we would do well to be gentle with one another.
2. Scars are signs of survival, a mark of a cutting open that didn’t end in brokenness but in healing. In mending. In life. In the turning of a page, a story that wasn’t yet over.
Maybe, somehow, scars are actually miracles written on skin.
After His resurrection, after the piercing and the crushing, after death gave way to glorious life, Jesus appeared to the disciples. I don’t know about you, but when I imagine a perfected body, I don’t picture scars, wounds, or bruises. But Scripture doesn’t say Jesus showed up with perfect skin and perfect hair and a perfect smile. No, Scripture says that in response to their fear and doubt, Jesus shows them His . . . wounds.
“Why are you frightened?” he asked. “Why are your hearts filled with doubt? Look at my hands. Look at my feet. You can see that it’s really me. Touch me and make sure that I am not a ghost, because ghosts don’t have bodies, as you see that I do.” As he spoke, he showed them his hands and his feet.
Luke 24:38-40 (NLT)
We don’t know exactly what Jesus’s resurrected body looks like, but Scripture is clear on this: Jesus still has scars. It’s His wounds that show it’s truly Him, His scars that the disciple Thomas wanted to see (John 20:19-29).
I wonder if one day we’ll lean in close to see for ourselves, only to find His still-scarred hands reaching out for us.
I wonder if we’ll look for a wound and discover the scar is in the shape of our very own name, inscribed forever on His palm (Isaiah 49:16).
(I wonder if I’ll cry at the sight, and chances are good since I’m crying now just writing this sentence.)
Perhaps it’s worth saying again: Scars are signs of survival, a mark of a cutting open that didn’t end in brokenness but in healing.
Your scars show what you’ve been through, yes, but they also show that you made it through. You’re still here.
If Jesus didn’t leave His scars behind, if He chose to keep them for the rest of all time, maybe we can choose to see our own as something beautiful instead of something to wish away. I’m talking about the ones we bare on our bodies and the ones that can’t be seen on our skin.
I’m not advocating that we all walk around showing everything to everyone or sharing every part of our story with complete strangers. But maybe we could simply say “thank You” next time we look in the mirror. Maybe next time something that bruised us deeply is bumped by words or actions or the date on the calendar, we could bring our hurt to the One who truly understands. Maybe we could begin by asking the Healer to help us see our scars through His eyes.
I wonder if they look like beauty marks.
Kaitlyn, This is beautifully written. Metaphors that relate our experiences with our physiology are particularly appealing to the nurse in me. I especially like your lines,
“Scars are signs of survival, a mark of a cutting open that didn’t end in brokenness but in healing.
Your scars show what you’ve been through, yes, but they also show that you made it through. You’re still here.”
Thank you for putting voice to something I have felt. Your words inspire me.
Jennifer
Thank you for your encouragement, Jennifer! But even more so, thank you for the good and important work you do as a nurse. It truly matters and makes such a difference to patients and their loved ones.
Jennifer,
Great insights on this post. May God bless you & keep you safe & healthy as you work. May you not get Covid or any other disease. Praying for you & all hospital workers.
Blessings 🙂
Simply beautiful. Thank you for these thoughts and words today.
So much weighty truth in your story. Thank you for sharing so beautifully! Scars tell the stories of survival, over coming & redemption. Simply wonderful!
Weighty truth… and yet, free and light and glorious, too. <3 Thank you for the kind words.
Kaitlyn, this is beautiful. I often ponder the scripture from Isaiah that says he has engraved my name on his palms, but I never connected it with His scars. It makes perfect sense. Thank you so much for this. And you’re right, our scars are signs of survival and we can be thankful for them.
It’s certainly an idea that isn’t explicitly stated in Scripture, so I don’t want to stretch and say it’s Gospel truth! But the thought of it leads me to praise Him and leaves me overwhelmed with gratitude! He is such a personal God.
This made me think of Casting Crowns’ new song “Scars in Heaven.” Our scars will be gone when we get there and we are embraced by the nail-scarred hands of Jesus. Maybe He kept His scars as an eternal reminder of His great sacrifice and love for us.
You know, I heard someone mention that song earlier this summer but I forgot to look it up! I’m going to go do that right now.
Just simply well written! I struggle with my scars and I have a lot, some are very visible and affects how I feel on a daily basis. Your devotional hit me! I need to look at my scars differently. Thank you for this message of redemption, healing and hope.
My scars are internal and have made me into the strong woman I am today! I made it through and came out on the other side better and living the life god intended. Grateful for my scars. Thank you for this beautiful passage!
All I could do was lift my hands in praise!
Praise God for that!
I’m on a plane today with actual time for deep reading, and was just chewing on C.S. Lewis’s 2 criteria for believing in miracles: Knowing what’s part of the usual and acknowledgment of the existence of Someone outside nature.
So grateful for eyes to see the unseen behind your everyday miracle!
And now I’m sitting on a couch reading and re-reading that quote several times. Ha!
This is very moving, Kaitlyn! I have never thought about my scars in this way.
Thank you Kaitlyn for a wonderful devotional. You are right!!! My husband went thru melanoma surgery back in 2005 on his face leaving him permanently scarred & having to deal with it on a daily basis. He was cut from his right eye down to his mouth cutting all of the nerves on that side. He was blessed with a wonderful plastic surgeon though who put him back together, you can still see the scars & it’s hard for my husband to be in pictures but he’s alive!!! The cancer had spread to his lungs & he had to have another surgery a year later. Another scar! Then 6 years later the cancer came back in his intestines – another surgery & scar! However, I’m so thrilled to relate he’s survived a 40% chance & I’m so thankful for my handsome, wonderful & loving husband of 47 years!!! Through the years we’ve been able to encourage others going down this road & I can help the caregivers as well. We give all the glory to the Lord for allowing Jerry to live to see 2 granddaughters, all of our children getting married & another little blessing coming in Oct!
Lord bless you Kaitlyn in your walk with the Lord & encouraging others along the way!
Barbara
Goodness… you have been on such a journey together. Blessings to you AND Jerry as you prepare for another delight coming soon. 🙂
Barbara,
Thank you for using your trial to help others. It lets them know they are not alone in their struggles & points them to God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says Praise be to the God & Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who comforts us in our troubles troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Blessings 🙂
Loved today’s reading. Katylin. You sharing your story of your scar on your head. Mine is a different scar. It reminds me of how God now that I am saved. Used a Friend of my Late Mum and Dad’s who was Doctor to is also passed away since. To call visit my Mum and Dad this one day. As I was 7 or 8. No older. I took a pain in my side a few day earlier. Now 50 past there in February. My Mum decided to keep me of school one extra day. My Dad would have sent me. But I was what I thought was getting better. So I was riding round our house as child then on my bike. This Doctor a friend of my parents then when alive. Happened to call to visit my parents. My Mum say to the Doctor what has you come visit us. He said the Doctor. Oh I just decided to call. As not seen you both in while. Then the next thing my Mum remembers is me screaming in offal pain. The Doctor Friend of my parents. Says we’re the phone. After coming over to examine me on the ground outside in offal pain. He just said the Doctor on the phone get theatre ready. All my Mum remembers. Then telling my Mum to pick me up. Get into his we brown mini. My appendix had burst. I had only so long to get to theatre. To get my appendix out. As then posin would have set it. I would not be hear today. So I just remember getting to Hospital. Was taken right away to theatre. For the operation to have my appendix be out. Mum said she never heard me cry like it before. With offal pain. Plus my Mum was so scared. She hadn’t got time to prepare me for the appendix operation. It happened so quickly. My appendix is a scar that today I am saved reminds me even though I don’t think of it that often. How God used that Doctor friend of my parents. To call to visit my parents that day. If he not called. By the time Ambulance would have got to house. It could have been too late. So I am thankful to God for sending the Doctor friend to the house that day when I was 7 or 8 years old. I hear today to tell of that story. What a mighty God we have. As he knew to send the Doctor friend to visit that day my parents. Like you Kaitlyn. With your scar on your head. It reminds you of how wonderful God is. That like me you are here to tell your story. How God with you during your operation. I hear today to tell mine. I thank God for that. Love you all incourage in my prayers. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Thank God for His provision in the timing!
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this. The tears have arrived.
<3 <3 <3
With tears streaming down my face I had to tell you thank you for the beautiful, touching devotional. I have a brain surgery scar of my own, paired with a part of my skull still missing from the infection that went into the bone one month after the initial surgery. That scar truly is, to borrow your words, the beauty mark of the miracle that God worked in me. I love the chances I get to give glory to Him by sharing the full story and hope to be able to do that on a grand scale through a book someday (God willing). In the meantime, I use my experiences to help/counsel others I meet who are fighting cancer. Again, thank you for sharing this part of your story through this devotional!
Aww, thank you for taking the time to share that this touched you! One chapter of my book shares my health story in more detail, but I think part of the gift is “hidden” even in that sentence… one chapter. There’s more — the story wasn’t over. Yours isn’t either. 🙂
Kaitlyn,
God never promised us a rose garden down here. He said we would have trials & tribulations. I believe He does so for two reasons. The first is to woo us back to Him & keep us close to His side. Secondly to comfort us & allow us to comfort others with that same comfort. Also to give us a testimony. As you pointed out “your scars show what you’ve been through, yes, but they also show that you made it through.” We can testify that although it was a rough & rocky road-Jesus helped us get through to the other side to see the light of day. I’m thankful for some of my trials. They have shaped me into the Christian woman I am today.
Blessings 🙂