Do you believe it’s okay to fail? If you asked me, I’d be quick to say, “Yes! Failure is a part of life. Failing means you’re human. Failure is an opportunity for learning. Failing means you tried.”
But turns out, what I know is true doesn’t always translate into how I feel.
Recently I messed up. I was talking on the phone while driving (yeah, I know) and I missed a turn. I didn’t realize my mistake until much too late. So late in fact that by the time I turned around, backtracked, and made it to my appointment, I was told that the doctor could no longer see me. The appointment I had waited months for. The appointment I had taken time away from work and arranged childcare for.
I stood in front of the receptionist, flustered and sweaty and desperate to turn back time, and I started to cry. Tears of frustration and embarrassment. And also tears of shame. The receptionist’s demeanor didn’t help. She avoided eye contact, and her tone was void of compassion. But as I drove home, silently wiping tears and berating myself for my mistake, I realized that my response was less about the inconvenience I caused and the unkind attitude I received and more about what I believe:
I believe I shouldn’t make mistakes.
I believe I should always be focused and timely and efficient.
I believe a string of bad nights’ sleep shouldn’t affect my clarity of mind.
I believe failure is an indictment on my character.
I share this in the spirit of gloss-less honesty. As I type these words though, I can name for myself all their slippery slopes and half-truths. I would never believe these things for you.
But sometimes it takes missing a turn and crying in front of a stranger to realize you’ve got some work to do in the department of self-kindness.
Self-kindness doesn’t mean making excuses or justifying poor behavior. But it does mean making space for mistakes. It means acknowledging that you’re human. Perfectionism is a myth. Performance-based living is soul-crushing. So why do we live like a mistake-free existence is the ultimate achievement?
I drove to my mom’s house to pick up my kids. I thought I had collected myself, but as I sat on a little stool while my mom putzed around the kitchen, the flow of tears started again.
“I just feel so stupid,” I confessed.
My mom hugged me and affirmed that failures big and small can just feel plain devastating. Then she made me a plate of sausage and sweet potatoes.
Space to cry. To be held. Loved. Fed. Those were gifts I wouldn’t have received if I hadn’t missed that turn and seemingly messed up my whole day.
And this is the beauty of God: He loves us at all times, and He works in all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) — not just on the days when we have our ducks in a row and everything goes as planned.
If you are prone to feeling like your mistakes define you and disqualify you from God’s love and goodness, lean in here, sister, because I want you to hear something:
- Losing a library book will never make you lose God’s love.
- Flopping on a presentation or misspeaking in a meeting will never make you miss out on God’s goodness.
- Snapping at a family member doesn’t make God snap judgment on you.
- Flaking on a friend will never cause God to flake out on you.
- Forgetting to switch over the laundry again isn’t an indication that God will ever forget you.
I’m absolutely convinced that nothing — nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable — absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
Romans 8:38-39 (MSG)
When we view our mistakes through the lens of God’s Word and His never-ending, unbreakable love, we are gifted a new perspective.
Psalm 119:96 says, “To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.”
We aren’t going to miss out on God’s blessings because we’re imperfect human beings who get distracted and miss turns. As long as we keep turning back to the infallible roadmap of Scripture, God will keep gently turning us back to the gift of His love.
Thinking back to my doctor’s appointment mishap, I ask myself, Should I have been leaving a friend a voice message while driving? Probably not. Could I have ensured I was on the right track by activating turn-by-turn directions on my phone instead of relying on the little map my mama gave me? Sure. But failing to do so doesn’t make me a failure. It makes me a person.
Today I want to hug the me from that day and tell her that she is no less valuable or loved because she messed up. Today-me knows that appointments can be rescheduled and God’s mercies are new every morning. I cannot miss His love.
Is failure hard for you? What does today-you want to say to former-you?
So timely for me. I need to remember no matter how much I mess up, and I do so often, God still loves me. This Sunday, I am (others too) supposed to share some thoughts at worship based on an excerpt my pastor gave me. It is extremely challenging and after a week of reading the passage, I am still not sure I understand. I will keep this in mind that I am not looking to make a mess of this, but if it happens God will still love me. Amen!
Oh thank you for this, so timely!
I have struggled with perfectionism my whole life. Definitely my own worst critic, beating myself up for any mistake and questioning my words. I have relaxed a lot since retiring, so there is hope. But the struggle is real. And I’m sure it is true that God would have us move on, learn from the missteps and keep going, following Him. Have a wonderful day!
So beautiful. Thank you, Becky Keife. ❤
Ahhh I love your mama ❤️
Good Word again I read today from the blessed (in)courage family..
Thanks Becky.. I’m needing this today even still at 65 years young❣️
All that comes to me after reading this is THANK YOU! I have been having a month of feeling I have failed as a human. Thank you for reminding me I am loved,I am human so I will make mistakes,but that doesn’t mean I’ve failed at being a child of God. I havent missed out in his Mercy. God bless you and all your readers.
Oh Becky, those were just the words my tired, weary heart needed to hear. And truth be told, I didn’t even realize it. He is so good that way.
Thank you for being open and honest with us all in your sharing.
Thank you Becky, perfectionism can surround us sometimes and pull us down for unrealistic reasons. So comforting tp hear that we all make mistakes, and we are human. Take deep breaths and realize God does not expect perfection. Each day and each moment are meant to be lived in joy without the pressure of perfection … a much needed read today … God love’s us as we are Thankyou.
Becky, this really spoke to my heart! Failure is a tough little monster. But we have a big God in our corner. Let’s not forget.
Becky, wonderful reminder. I recently did some short videos for someone. They didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. Growth for me was to send them anyway. My schedule was full and to redo them didn’t guarantee they’d be better. But it would take valuable time away from my family and another project.
I made such a mess online and on the phone trying to order pizza for my family last night! My oldest teenager was right there witnessing Mama not holding it together to well, and looking so foolish in my eyes. After my son helped me get everything ironed out, I apologized for being such a mess. I apologized a few times actually cause I felt so ridiculous afterwards. My son continued to say….Mom we are all a mess sometimes. This really didn’t help my pride much at the time. I continued to hold onto my messy mistake. But after reading this my mindset has changed. It is good that he saw me like that…imperfect and messy and very human! I am all these things, and Jesus loves me no matter what. I want my children to see in me, that perfection is not the goal……loving Jesus and expecting His love….is the goal for me here on this sin filled earth. Praise God for His timely encouragements for each of us. Thank you Becky.
Becky,
Jesus used imperfect people to spread His gospel. The Samaritan woman was His evangelist, Rahab-prostitute-helped the spies, Peter denied Christ three times. Yet God used & loved them despite their imperfections. No one down here is perfect. Each of us has faults, but God can still use us. My today self wants to tell my yesterday that life will go on despite any & all mistakes, miss turns, or failures. Actually failures are a good thing. They teach us lessons. Don’t worry or fret about past mishaps, wrong turns, etc. Just remember that God loves you no matter what! Keep plugging along & allow God’s love into your heart!!!
Blessings 🙂
I LOVE you Becky Keife!