I’ve been biting my fingernails a lot. I pick and play with my cuticles when I’m anxious. I’ve been nervous about a lot of things recently — more things than I care to admit.
I’m nervous about my kids drowning, the number in our bank account, the responsibilities I’ve committed to.
I’m embarrassed because I haven’t taught my kids how to do chores, memorize verses, or how to write thank you cards.
I dread so many things right now: I dread school starting, I dread the dentist appointment I have next week, I dread making dinner tonight.
I’m worried about my oldest becoming a teenager with his frequent emotional outbursts. I’m worried that my second son feels the weight of my anger. I’m worried my middle child is just that — the middle child. I am terrified that I am not present enough with my younger kids.
I’m ashamed because I don’t pray enough. I can go days without praying. I simply forget. As I’m typing this, I stop to pick at my nails. I told you I was nervous.
I clamor under my to-do list while my mind tries to fight off my emotions with logic. But logic can never appease my soul. Logic can never properly put my anxiety into place. It can never love me back.
When I stop, really stop, it makes me want to sleep. I’m so exhausted by the weight I hold in the middle of my chest. I can’t handle it all. I can’t handle all of me.
I whisper this prayer, “God, I have so many fears. I have so many lives and relationships to manage. I just might get swallowed up whole by the amount of stress I’m holding.” My heartbeat intensifies. But Jesus is here, and He says, “Come.” I don’t have to physically come, but I have to let my heart come out of hiding.
I let all my fears come up to breathe. I don’t push them down or away. I feel them. I take my hands and hold them open.
Come. I can let all my ache come up. I don’t have to fix, heal, change, or pretend I’m better than I am. I don’t have to manage my ache with “right” thinking or good behavior. There is room for my mess, chaos, and incomplete sentences to come up and be with God. I can let all of me come up and come undone. I can find Christ kindly motioning me to keep talking. He doesn’t roll His eyes, shame me with “shoulds,” or make me wait my turn.
Come. Over and over. Come.
Come isn’t one more thing I have to do. He is inviting me to let the truth speak. I give words to my internal world. There is room for me to be noisy, awkward, and to ramble on and on.
I come with my little problems, irritations, and big concerns. I bring it all. That massive bag of boulders I’m carrying — I bring it too. I talk about how mad I am at myself and my kids and my friend who never calls me back. I’m angry.
And just when I think God has had enough of me and my venting, I see Him. He is beside me. He is with me, shoulder to shoulder. He says, “That’s a lot you’ve been holding inside.” I nod and cry. And instead of biting my fingernails, I wipe my tears. I let all of me come up to be loved by all of Him.Leave a Comment
Krista C. says
I felt this so much. I needed this reminder so much today. Thank you for sharing this so honestly and reminding me that Jesus is right beside me. I am allowed to come & ramble, & rant & be loved by Him.
Yes, vent and e loved.
Beautiful words that resonate deeply. Thank you. ❤️
You aren’t alone, Dawn!
Diane P Burns says
I can relate to this in so many ways. I have a tendency to apologize for others mistakes, just to keep the peace. I am learning to not say, “I’m sorry,” and in the process I am also learning to set boundaries.
I read this bleary eyed after another night of restless sleep because of the “I worry” about… It is nice to know I am not alone with these thoughts and that I am never alone because of God’s grace.
Madeline, God keeps inviting you to – come. You are loved.
What a sweet reminder!
I love it
Jodi Kinasewitz says
Thank you for sharing. Yes. Life can be hard, even too much. But we serve a mighty, compassionate King. Keep turning your eyes to Jesus. He’s got you.
Holding up so much right now, thank you, this is exactly what I needed!
You aren’t alone, dear one.
I always wonder if He’s questioning me, annoyed with me, sick of my venting, my not trusting, my questioning……this post pretty much nailed me, especially as of late. I repent for all of it to Him but still feel some guilt for my behavior. Praying I can learn to let that go. Thank you for your honesty this morning. I needed to hear I wasn’t alone.
I can relate to how you feel. I would encourage you to explore your relational history with guilt. Perhaps you will find the source of your long-lasting guilt. All my love.
I am sure you have touched many with your honest words. You certainly touched my heart. So many of those same worries and guilt fill my own mind. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome. Have a lovely day, Susan!
You have a special way of voicing exactly how I feel so often. Thank you for assuring me that God will always be accepting and willing to listen to our concerns! He is an awesome God and you have just renewed that for me!
Thank you for your kind comment, Marilyn!
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to see this today and God knew that. Holding in so much pain and frustration and worries about my son and being alone and upcoming test results. God is faithful.
Thank you. I’m not sure I can ever express how much I needed each word today. It is like you wrote the thoughts I couldn’t put into words. I am so overwhelmed and trying to give it all to God. Every song I hear reminds me to do just that. Your devotion was just one more invitation to COME to the one who will rescue me from my pain, from myself. God bless you!
Brenda, I needed this reminder too! Come, come, come.
Anjuli, I loved this so much! Thank you!
You are welcome.
These words filled my heart today, as I feel this way so many times. Thank you for sharing your insight and lovely words for us all to savor.
Becky Keife says
Come. The most tender invitation. So grateful this is who Jesus is.
Love you so much, my friend. And so grateful for these words.
I love this, Anjuli! I’m retired and my kids are grown, but sometimes the stress of what I don’t accomplish weighs me down. Sometimes I’m ashamed for not reaching out enough to help others. Or for not carrying my weight with household chores. Thank you for your reminders about the safe place we have with Christ.
Anjuli, This met me right where I am. Thank you for being so open and honest. It gives space for others to do the same.
Peace and blessings to you.
Elaine Diller says
I am crying as I type this. Perfect for me today.
Carol Brown says
I can so relate
Tracy Bolwyn says
I felt a little better after reading this. I tend to hold my anxiety inside until I can’t take it anymore and I burst into tears and pray ” God help me.” I can get so overwhelmed so quickly lately. Thank you for reminding us that it’s ok to fall apart into the arms of Jesus.
What an honest devotion-probably how most women feel but scared to admit it because we feel the need to have it all together. Jesus’ invitation is always, “Come.”
Such beautiful articulation of what so many of us feel. Thank you.
I feel this so deeply today. Going to read it over and over.
Brenda M. Russell says
Hello Anjuli and Everyone on the site. I am thankful for all of you who pray for our society and our children getting ready for school. I love to see young people learn about Math, Science, History, English and Music.
When I was in school, I was very concerned about being obedient and getting wonderful grades. When I saw the smile my mother and grandmother wore because of my grades, it made me happy. The other side to my story is that I found myself worried about not making all A’s, then I worked overtime with my homework and it made me tired. If someone could have pulled me aside and said you are going to be just fine, making B’s are good also.
Now forward flash ahead, God blessed me to do well in High School and graduate as Valedictorian. What a beautiful blessing ! ! !
But going to college thinking it was going to be like High School, was a rude awakening. It was not easy for me. I had to ask for a tutor and it did help. Now after college, I got married because my grandmother said a “girl” should not leave home without being married because it could send the wrong message to onlookers. So I told myself to be obedient. Yes, I thought I was in love but I was marrying my only true boyfriend ever. He seemed happy to be getting married. I didn’t know how to navigate this new adventure.
Now I am in counseling and I do believe that God directed me to Christian Counseling so that I can learn how to accept healing for my emotions. God made us so meticulously and we are Beautiful and Creative. We need spiritual guidance to walk this Christian journey.
Being nervous, tired, overwhelmed and scared to make decisions sounds like a lot of women, including me. We belong to God and we bear His image. We breathe because of our Creator. He knows what we all need but His timing may not appear to be in line with our calendars.
Don’t give up please. Keep placing one foot in front of the other every day and I believe you can learn how to become healthy in your emotions.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will keep teaching us God’s truth and comforting our hearts and lifting our heads. We are God’s Beloved Daughters. Please be encouraged today.
Thank you all for listening. God bless your steps.
Sally B. says
Thank you for sharing. I love you so much! God sent me here today. How i praise Him!!! <3
Thank you for this powerful word COME..
It is so comforting knowing Him is always with us.
No longer fearful and anxious Anjuli.
I needed to see this today and it really resonated with me especially as time has passed these past many months. Thanks for the reminder we are all welcome to Come, just as we are.
I needed to see this today and it really resonated with me especially as time has passed these many months of Covid. Thanks for the reminder we are all welcome to Come, just as we are.
This. This is what most mamas feels these days. Thank you for sharing and letting me feel like I’m not alone!
Beth Williams says
You are not alone. I, too, forget to pray. It upsets me that I don’t pray over my prayer lists daily. Every time God puts someone on my mind I take time to pray for them or the situation. I try to use shower time as prayer time also. Women today have a lot on their plates. Life can be overwhelming at times, especially now with a pandemic. Jesus understands our fears & frustrations. He is ready to give us the rest we desperately need. All we need to do is ask. Thankfully He is ready at any time day or night & never tires of our ranting. This sums is up best: Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Women everywhere run to Jesus & lay your heavy burdens down & let Him carry them.
Erin Peet says
I love this and I needed this! We had a health scare in my family this week and it left me feeling scared and heavy with worry. Thank you for reminding us that Jesus walks with us in everything. I am grateful for you friend and your kind words
Oh how so true we let everything get the best of us forgetting that Christ died on the cross in order that we could be forgiven and seen white as snow and always held in the palm of His hands. He walks our walk with us at all times. Thank you for this reminder! Praising God!
Awesome & honest….you just spoke for a million of us! Thanks for showing your heart!❤️