I used to keep a mental highlight reel of my worst offenses. At the end of even the best day, my brain could hit the play button, and as scenes of my sins scrolled across the screen of my mind, I became so depressed and discouraged it was hard to see the light.
Although I confessed those sins to God and asked for His forgiveness, I couldn’t seem to forgive myself. I continued to beat myself up for the same things, over and over, with no end in sight, until one day I heard something that both shocked and shook me to the core: To confess a sin, repent, and then continue to ask God’s forgiveness for it multiple times (when you aren’t repeating the sin) is a form of pride.
Did I believe my sins were so enormous and unique that they were beyond His ability to forgive?
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9 (KJV)
Why was I rejecting the forgiveness He offered me? In spite of the magnitude of God’s mercy and of the sins I know He’d forgiven, why did I act like He couldn’t handle mine?
We see divine forgiveness in action in the story of King David, who took what wasn’t his in Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite, and then orchestrated Uriah’s death by sending him to the front of the fiercest battle where the other troops withdrew, leaving him unprotected. David compounded his original sin against Uriah in order to cover up the fact that Bathsheba was pregnant with his child, not Uriah’s.
David did not recognize the scope of his sin until it was exposed to him by the prophet Nathan, using the parable of the ewe lamb. David repented and then followed the Lord the rest of his days, serving and honoring Him. God is merciful and forgives even the biggest of sins when we repent and follow Him. He uses broken people like David, the Apostle Paul, and you and I for His glory.
David could have removed himself from the narrative and wallowed in his own guilt for the rest of his life. Instead he confessed and repented before God and then led Israel as God’s chosen king for forty years. David was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), and for David’s sake, the Lord blessed his descendants even when they didn’t follow Him as David had (1 Kings 15:3-4).
David’s story comforts me because how often do we beat ourselves up for past sins even after we’ve confessed them to God and asked His forgiveness? We can dwell on them until we sink into inertia and no longer believe we have anything to contribute, but surely God prefers we take Jesus‘s advice to “go, and sin no more” (John 8:11). Accept the forgiveness, resist the sin next time, and continue to serve Him.
Once I recognized how prideful it was to believe God could forgive the sins of others but not my own, I’ve never looked at myself in the same way. Our difficult experiences, both the failures and the grace that covers them, can deepen our capacity for sympathy and empathy toward others. And our darkest trials can become our greatest testimonies.
God’s grace and capacity for forgiveness are beyond comprehension. When we give in to guilt and focus too much on our role as the villain in our own life story, we forget that God is the hero who has redeemed us. Let’s remember that we are covered in grace. Let’s live in the freedom of His forgiveness.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:10-12 (KJV)
Bomi says
Thank you for sharing, Dawn! 🙂
Psalm 103 is one of my favorite psalms. It is such an encouraging reminder of God’s tender mercies! 🙂 Thank God.
I am being reminded again and again to not be too hard on myself. Earlier this morning, I was also reminded that God has the power to cause everything to work out for good – even my mistakes, mishaps, sins, and unwise decisions.
Thank you for this reminder: “our darkest trials can become our greatest testimonies.” Amen, Amen, Amen.
Irene says
Hear! Hear!
Dawn Camp says
Yes, Bomi, that Psalm gives us a visual reminder of the depth of His mercy! I once heard a preacher comment that if it had said the north from the south, it would be different: if you keep traveling north, eventually you will be traveling south. But you can travel east and never stop traveling east. He has removed our sins so far from us!
Cindy Clayton says
Thank you Dawn for this beautiful reminder of God’s mercy and grace.
Dawn Camp says
You’re welcome, Cindy!
Ruth Mills says
OUCH!!! But thank you for this beautiful truth!!! Confessing my pride of not letting go of what I say I believe God is able to forgive in my life & in the lives of others who have hurt me. Beautiful Savior turning ashes into beauty!
Dawn Camp says
Ha! I’m laughing at the OUCH!, but I get it. It’s a hard truth but so freeing.
Jodi Kinasewitz says
Thank you for this! Yes, we must repent and trust his forgiveness. But it is hard! Reminds me of Acuff’s book- Soundtracks. We need to go to His Word to quiet the noise of our negative self talk.
Dawn Camp says
Jodi, I told someone yesterday she needs to read Soundtracks! Yes, the negative talk can be so bad.
Diane says
Thsnk you for your wisdom and Glory to God. Your words come at a perfect time
Glory to Him and the Lamb forever
Dawn Camp says
Diane, thank you for letting me know this was what you needed to hear today. Have a blessed day!
Irene says
Thank you Dawn! I have a tendency to dwell on past transgressions. Your concept that doing this is a form of pride? That’s enough for me to want to quit doing it! Not to mention the fact that it’s painful and a bottomless pit. Thanks for the helpful insight!
Dawn Camp says
Irene, I hope it’s as much a relief to you as it is to me.
Linda says
This article really hit home with me. I know I have confessed my sins and asked forgiveness. I haven’t ever thought God hasn’t forgiven me but I have a hard time forgiving myself. This article really made me stop and think about my life and how I can live it better and do more good for others as God wants me too. AMEN thank you.
Dawn Camp says
Thank you for this, Linda! I agree that the inability to forgive ourselves can keep us from moving on and doing more good. We are broken, but never too damaged for Him to use!
Carolyn says
Dawn, thank you for this much needed spiritual truth.
I was in this place years ago and have felt the weight of it literally fall off! It is an inside job and the freedom that followed made all the difference in my walk with Jesus and my relationship with others. And the joy of forgiving, accepting and loving myself the way God created me for His glory is something I will never forget! Oh the wonderful grace of our Father is so far reaching. Mark 12:30-31
30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[f]31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[g] There is no commandment greater than these.”
Dawn Camp says
This is beautiful, Carolyn. I love your comment: “it’s an inside job.” Truth!
Mary Tullila says
Sin comes with consequences…with redemption it grows us up!
Dawn Camp says
Yes, Mary—it grows us and maybe we are able to help others more than if we’d never stumbled.
Dale says
Thank you so much Dawn! We are broken, but never too damaged for Him to use us.
Dawn Camp says
Dale, that’s a beautiful truth. Blessings to you!
Theresa Boedeker says
God really is the hero in our stories. I heard this a few years back and like to remind myself of this truth.
Dawn Camp says
And He’s the hero who always wins. 🙂
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Dawn thanks you for what you shared. I know my sins are under the blood. So is all the people I have forgiven. But at times I see the sin of things they do coming to my mind at times. That I get annoyed and end up saying things to myself about them. Or to my Husband. That I know I shouldn’t. Especially when I forgiven them. It just when I see them and they do something that has annoyed me. That they have never change or I know will not change until they get saved. By the way they do and say things. I end up sinning as I say to myself or my Husband why do they keep doing that or saying that. They are never sorry. I gossiping about them to my Husband. I have to them think I shouldn’t have said that to my Husband about them. Or let what they got annoy me. That I go over and over it in my head so many times. I find myself going to God and saying sorry. Asking him to forgive me for doing this telling my Husband how they annoyed me. Or I go over it in my head. So many times. God has said Dawn you have forgiven them for all they have done to hurt you. They will not change until they get saved. So don’t let it get to you. Don’t talk about them. Pray for them. As you talking about them to your Husband is Gossip. That is wrong my eyes and sin. So I have to re say sorry to God for that. It is a learning process. That if anything bad about them comes into my mind.
I have to Remember I have forgiven them. Not to talk about them. Pray for them and leave them in God hands. I know this also happened in my life with a saved person. I think to myself they should know better as they are Saved. They shouldn’t be doing what they are doing. God reshows me. Dawn no don’t Gossip about them either. Pray for them too. Leave all these people in my hands. I will deal with them in my perfect timing. That is so true. So I am slowly learning to do that. Love today’s reading. Love you all incourage. Praying for you all Love big hugs Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Dawn Camp says
Dawn, it’s incredibly hard to forgive someone and then let it go, but keep trying! (Isn’t it wonderful that God can do it?)
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Yes it is wonderful God can do it. We can forgive them too with God’s help. We just need to keep trying as you say Dawn. With God help we will get there. It will get that what we are forgiving the people about. Will no longer annoy us. But we have to keep praying and asking God to help us not to let theses people who have annoyed or hurt us. Get to us. That we talk about them or keep going over it in our heads about them. We will get there. As I know it does work. With one person. They done something wrong to hurt/annoy me. It took time for me not to let it get to me. Even though I had forgiven them. I prayed and left them in God’s hands asked him to help me not let it get to me. Help me truly forgive them. Especially when I see them. Now the thing they did to hurt/annoy me. Does not even come into my mind any more. Even though I will never forget what they done. I can talk to them. Pray for them as they are not saved. God told me they will not change until they get saved. For me just to pray and leave them in my hands. I did that. So that is Good. But it did take time. For me to be able to do that. Thank you Dawn for your reply to my comment. For today’s incourage reading. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little God Bless xx
Tracy Biel says
For me, it isn’t the belief that He can forgive, it’s the He wants to forgive my sins because he loves me. I know He can, but I doubt He wants to.
Beth Williams says
Dawn,
I, too, beat myself up over mistakes or mishaps. Do one stupid thing & I tell myself “stupid, dumb not smart.” All I really need to do is confess that sin, repent & ask God for forgiveness. It’s that simple. We don’t need to keep praying about it. The amazing thing is that God can & will use our trials to give us a testimony. We can tell others how God forgave us & helped us through the situation. God grew my faith & trust muscles after a lengthy trial with my aging dad’s psych issues. He doesn’t waste anything.
Blessings 🙂