Sometimes, the first thing I do when I come downstairs in the morning is apologize for sleeping “so late.” It is after 7am, I suppose.
I’m a night owl by design. My body’s ideal schedule would be sleeping from 1am to10am, like a teenager on a Saturday. I come by this desire naturally; it’s literally in my bones. My mom has been retired for more than five years, and when I’m up putzing around (or watching Netflix) at midnight I know I can text her to chat because she’ll be awake. The late-night to late-morning schedule that my body longs for? My mom has it too, and finally in retirement life, after single mothering and teaching in an elementary school for more than thirty years, she finally gets the chance to own her body’s natural rhythm to sleep late to late.
When my kids get up before 7am, my husband tends to be the one to get up with them. I mean, sometimes “getting up with them” equals setting out cereal for them and turning on PBS, but still. He’s awake, and I am asleep. Or dozing at its finest, I should say. I hear my kids running like a herd of elephants and asking for more food and enjoying their early morning; I just cannot seem to make my body do anything about it. When I finally amble downstairs, almost fully awake, I stumble in with apologies. And every time I do, my husband says, “Why are you sorry? We’re all good.” It’s both the epitome of grace and the best kind of real-life love.
Yet, even with his kind reaction and encouragement, the guilt floods and the apologies persist. Both are totally self-inflicted and due to the picture I’ve created in my head of what a “good mom” is:
Up before the sun.
Reading her Bible at the counter.
Waiting for her kids to walk in.
Coffee made. Dressed. Smiling. Ready.
I am none of these things. Not a single one. Some people are morning folk, chirpy like a robin. I am like a nocturnal hedgehog, all spiky and not at all chipper. You know what my son told me when he was six? One morning, my little angel boy told me that before I have my coffee in the morning, I’m like a Bergen . . . from the movie Trolls. In case you do not have an overly honest six-year-old boy around, the Bergens are gray, grumpy, cranky, snaggletoothed, snarly giants with really messy hair. So yeah, I guess you could say I’m not exactly on in the mornings.
But at 10pm, I am on. I write. I clean the toilets. I bake. I binge my current favorite series on Netflix. I read. I finish a crossword. I work. Basically, 10pm is when I am one of the sparkly, singing, shiny, nice Trolls (the opposite of a Bergen, thankyouverymuch.) I rock the midnight oil instead of the morning dawn.
My body’s internal clock does its own thing, but often I feel an urge to apologize for it. Here’s the thing, though — I think God instilled it into me on purpose, just like my eyes are blue, and I can (and love to) sing, and I’m right-handed, and my empathy level is off the charts. Those are God-given traits I can cultivate but not fight. It would never occur to me to apologize for any of those traits. And really, since He made us by His design, hand-picking each and every bitty detail of who we are, why should we feel a need to apologize for any of it?
This isn’t about nature vs. nurture. This is about shedding the guilt for that which makes us who we are, because who we are is His, and nothing about us surprises Him.
God is not surprised that I can’t function before 7am. He is not surprised that I wrote most of my books with James Taylor as my soundtrack, or that I cook while listening to terrible 90’s hits. God is not surprised by my tendency towards selfishness. He is not surprised when I procrastinate. God is not surprised when I get overwhelmed, when I cry at the drop of a hat, when I get silly with my family. He’s not surprised by anything I do because God wired me Himself.
Does God have other feelings about my actions and personality? I bet He does. There are always better choices I could make that lead me nearer to His heart. But surprise? I don’t think so. And when I begin to apologize for who I am, God cups my face in His hands and gently says, “Why are you sorry? They’re all good . . . and so are you.”
Tomorrow morning, when I stumble down the stairs around 7:30 to an already bustling kitchen and lean into my husbands open arms, instead of “I’m sorry,” I’m going to go with “Thank you.” I’m going to whisper thanks to the One who formed me (and knows I’m a late sleeper, too).
God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear or self-condemnation, but He has instilled in each of us gratitude. Let’s practice leaning into appreciation instead of guilt and stop apologizing for who we are. Because, friends, every part of us is unsurprising to Him — internal clocks, questionable music choices, selfish ways and all — and we can breathe deep with thankfulness for it all.
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Robin Dance says
Anna,
I had to smile when I read this line and thought you were getting personal: —> “Some people are morning folk, chirpy like a robin.” Because that IS me :). I think you know I have real sleep issues (under a doctor’s care), but I’m STILL a morning person; I’m a pumpkin practically after dark. I cannot help these rhythms of sleep…it’s ridiculous what time I awaken in the morning.
So rather than apologize for being an early bird, I find myself constantly apologizing when I’m around night owls who can go for hours longer than me :/.
Your post reminded me how quick we are in the South (*women*) are to apologize for just about everything! Not just our own peculiarities, but anything that someone doesn’t suit another or live up to their expectations. Your thoughts here are wonderful redirect for our thinking, remembering Whose we are and what that means for our lives and being :).
And for the record, I cannot imagine you as a grumpy troll, but only the best hugger I know <3. 🙂
xo
Elizabeth says
So true…As a fellow Southern gal, I feel like I am constantly apologizing!
Anna E. Rendell says
Wish I could wrap you in a big hug today, my friend. I am pretty convinced that as women in general, we apologize far more often than necessary. I’ve been focusing on this with my own self and with my daughters. We work on offering apologies when we’ve done harm, hurt or wronged someone, etc. as opposed to offering one up for things we can’t help (and actually aren’t sorry for!), like being a night owl or early bird. Nothing wrong with either! Love you friend.
Anne Capozzi says
I loved this article. I’m more of the morning person. We are all quirky in our ways and our good, good Father made us just the way we are. Thanking him for his goodness and for you for writing this and making me smile
Anna E. Rendell says
So glad it made you smile today, Anne! Thanks for being here.
Beth Williams says
Anna,
My philosophy has been “God made me this way. Deal with it.” I am who I am by God’s loving design. I don’t apologize for enjoying the outdoors or walking fast at work. Like you said nothing we do surprises God. He knows us intimately. Just love who you are & be the best person God made you to be.
Blessings 🙂
Anna E. Rendell says
YES! Deal with it indeed. Ha!!
Linda Wilson says
I too am a morning person for sure! I’m usually in bed by 10 with a book. The thought of being up late is not appealing! My husband on the other hand really enjoys it. So it works good for us as he’s not a reader so I go in and read and he enjoys looking at U tube videos about home repairs etc. But I love my time in the morning with coffee and my time with Jesus!
Betsy Wisler says
Thanks for a much needed message. While even at almost 81, I’m totally opposite of you. Up by 5:30 or 6. Devotions, warm up exercises and off for 1/2 hour or more daily walk. BUT find myself apologizing often for silly things or feeling guilty unnecessarily. With God’s help I’ll try to change.
Anna E. Rendell says
Betsy I’ve found that as women, we often utter apologies that are unnecessary. It’s been an exercise in discipline for me to try and stop apologizing for things that I’m actually not sorry about (for instance, the night owl thing!) and instead serve them up when I’ve harmed or hurt someone, etc. Thank you for being here today!!
Madeline says
Wow did this resonate. I am one of those chirpy morning types. Even though I am retired. no matter when I get to sleep, I am wide awake at 5. But I love watching the sun come up and the peace and quiet of my surroundings. But what really resonated with me was that I recently realized what has been bothering me. And thank you as I need to remember God wired me this way- high energy, loud voice, Brooklyn New York accent (although I have been gone from NY since 1983), pushy, impatient, ready to tell you what I think, etc., etc., etc. I am now living in a 55+ community (I am 67 and surrounded by much older residents) and have been trying to be something I am not. And spending so much alone time this past year+ has not helped. Rather I feel like I have a whole lot of pent up energy and craziness to get out. OK LORD, help me accept who I am and be thankful.
Anna E. Rendell says
Madeline I wish we could get together for a cuppa! I’d love to spend time with you and hear that loud accented voice 🙂 I love your prayer — “OK LORD, help me accept who I am and be thankful.” AMEN sister! Lean in to who God made you to be; I know she’s wonderful 🙂
Mary says
I love, love, love your message. I am a night owl by nature, and was always apologetic, but my adult daughter reminds me constantly, momma, you have earned your time to choose, go for it. Great advice from my wise daughter, and I enjoy late nights and sleeping in late. God bless you, enjoy being you, perfect in God’s image. ✝️ ❤
Anna E. Rendell says
Love this, Mary! Thanks for sharing your story.
Becky Beresford says
Anna!
I was literally just praying about guilt this morning and how it wrecks havoc in the heart and body… Thank you for this! I was like, “I’m sorry God for not being more ______ with my kids.” The list was loooooong. And you know what He said, “How about you tell me what you are doing right.” What grace and love! Thank you for these words, my friend! They were just what I needed today.
Blessings to you and your lucky fam,
Becky Beresford
Anna E. Rendell says
Sooo much grace and love. Thank you for your words here, Becky!
Jen C says
Anna,
Although my daughter is now a young adult and married, I get this! In general, I apologize all day for tons. Most often I apologize for things that I can’t do because of my rare heart and lung disease. But again, sometimes, I apologize for being sick and needing to rest.
We didn’t remember to offer grace and empathy to ourselves as we do for others.
For all of you at home with young kids, you’re doing so much right. Try to remember and hold on to those things.
Susan says
Just what I needed to read this morning! I’ve Ben struggling this week with just this. Thank you!
Ada Orie says
Anna,
This was such a refreshing read. All of us are different. God made us different on purpose. This why we need to give each other grace. I appreciate you being honest. I spent a lot of years apologizing for having a career that had me working six days a week with long hours. Then God reminded me that he is with me and he has sounded me with a group of people who not only understand but they empathize with me and I do the same for them. This was an excellent read. I needed the reminder.
Anna E. Rendell says
So glad the words met your heart, Ada. Thanks for being here!
Stephanie says
Needed this! Thank you, Anna! ❤️
Anna E. Rendell says
I’m so happy it met your heart, Stephanie!
Louise Bell says
It was wonderful to read your “post”. as I like many others who commented, am a “night owl” and just like your Mom, I “spoke” to God and told HIM that if he would “get me through” my 33 years of teaching and getting up at 6, that I would like to start a new pattern of getting up at 10 and going to bed at 1. And so far, it has worked! We are all created different and need to find what works best for us! Stay Blessed all of you “out there”!!
Anna E. Rendell says
I love it, Louise! It sounds like you and my mom would get along well 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story!!
Pauline Crory says
Beautiful….. let’s have more of this …. freedom to be who we are called to be ❤️
Louise says
Dear Anna
Thank you for this different aspect on our unique body clocks. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Obstructive Sleep Apnoea so between them both jostling for me to stay awake, there’s not much sleep happening at night. My problem is trying to get to church and when I manage to get there, I struggle to keep awake during the sermon which I really want to hear. Sometimes I find myself leaving early as I can’t keep awake. I’m slowly starting to realise if I need sleep during the day to just do it. Thankyou so much for your encouraging writing.
Tina says
Dear Louise,
I understand exactly what you mean. I to have fibromyalgia. It is so hard to get a good nights sleep & don’t even think about wake up refreshed. I have been diagnosed for 19 years now. I have realized over the years that when I excepted the fact of not being able to do things it made it so much easier. I still struggle with feeling like I have to apologize for so much that I can’t do. Sending hugs.
Michelle says
Thank you!! My body’s internal clock is sleeping 1am-10am too. I’m at my most productive from 10pm – 1 am, yet I always feel the need to apologize for my sleep schedule because it’s different from “the norm”. Nice to know I’m not alone
Anna E. Rendell says
Michelle you are for sure not alone!! We need a night owl support group 🙂
Janine L says
You just described me all the way down to the blue eyes & right handed. I’m always embarrassed when people realize that I can sleep until 10am or later. I have to set an alarm to wake up, every day. Thank you for reminding me that it is ok to be a night owl.
Anna E. Rendell says
No embarrassment necessary, Janine, but I sure do understand where you’re coming from and have felt the same way myself. We just need to hang our hats on that God made us and there’s nothing wrong with being a night owl!
Kris Dahl says
Loved this. God made me sensitive. So super sensitive that I feel everything….and carry it all with me. I have 4 kiddos so you can imagine how I feel overwhelmed most of the time. So your writing helped me to think and accept this about myself.
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
I know I a day late writting this. Yes we have to stop apologizing for who God made us. We are different and unique in in his eyes and Loved. Made in different ways to do different things. Yes we feel guilty at times for different things and for different reasons. I don’t have kids. As I said before incourage I do love them. Just not brave enough to give birth ever. But I get in my head from time to time. As I sisters who ask Did you see Dad today? Our Mum is passed away 3 years ago. Then one as said we all have to pull our weight for him. Especially one time after he was not well. They have kids I don’t. I the only saved in my family. Not even my Dad is saved. So I know they say Dawn will do it for Dad. Yes they do there part to help him as well. As he is 80 years old. I feel they would expect me to more because I don’t have kids. I don’t mind doing it. Even if I was not saved. I do it as I love my Dad. I do what I do for my Dad on to Jesus too. I pray for his Salvation. You can’t tell my Dad he needs to get saved. As he is a very stubborn man at times. He say keep all your religion to yourself. Then I get my sister’s saying if they ask did you see Dad today. I say yes. Well how was he what did you do for him. If in that mood. I never ask them. As they look at me. I find myself answering there questions. Then If something happens in my Dads. It would happen when I am doing something to help him. I find then myself apologizing. I was there when it happened. So it much be my fault. If it broke. It was something that was going to brake in time. I get all worked up about it. I go to tell my Dad or my Sister’s. They say be more careful next time. My Dad could say how did it happen or what were you doing. Or don’t worry about it. I then get I scared to tell them. I pray to God for wisdom. God has said Dawn you nothing to worry about. It was not your fault. Theses things happen. Stop apologizing. You are you. You were only being helpful. Just tell the truth. I do. Most times it ok. But that is me. We have to remember we are all different. The people God made us to be. You Anna are not a Morning person. But you are you. I am me. God made us the beautiful people we are. We have to stop feeling guilty for who we are. Stop apologizing for things we don’t have too. Just be the people God wants us to. That he loves. Me when it comes to telling about things that were not my fault. It just happened as it would have broke in time. Just tell the truth and not apologize for it. By saying sorry for it because it happened when you were there. You Anna stop apologizing for not being a morning person. We are all who God made us. Love this reading. Love you all incourage. Dawn Ferguson-Little xx
Amy Littrell says
Thank you so much for this message! I find myself apologizing multiple times a day for things that I now see could be part of how I’m made. The idea that God likes me as I am, that He created me with these traits that I feel the need to apologize for, is a huge encouragement. Thank you!
Connie G says
Thank you for sharing your heart today! I often am the more extreme of staying up late and sleeping the day away by nature. Friends and family will lovingly fuss because at the time I get up most people are heading home from their jobs. I work (retired) making tiny miniatures for dolls and dollhouses. 3:30 or 4:00 in the afternoon I am getting my energy of the day or have just gotten up and moving. It gets quiet as hours tick away and I realize that it is almost daybreak as I finish the tiny plate of donuts or cheeseburgers and fries for my miniature shop. I look at my finished work and feel good inside that I got so much done. I head to bed and then sleep finally comes. I am finding myself needing help as I get older and I can’t do some things for myself. I will be slow to involve help. This past year has been one of many health issues and I need help from family that is very difficult for me to ask for. God is teaching me and I am learning that we lift each other up, we help others and we praise Him for creating us and loving one another and get used to different. Don’t apologize for being you! But remember to love one another as He loves.
Brenda Vollrath says
Oh my goodness this describes me to a T and I needed to hear it because I’m always apologizing for who I am. I’m apologizing to friends about my anxiety during a global pandemic and I’m apologizing that I stay up late and sleep in late, I’m apologizing because I’m a very sensitive person who can cry at the drop of a hat and this helps me realize that God knows about my traits and he made me this way and I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. I’m definitely not a morning person lol but my husband is. Thank you for sharing this. I definitely needed to hear it.
Theresa Boedeker says
I am a night owl married to an early morning sunshine. And yet none of this surprises God. Love this. Let’s embrace the gifts God gives us.
Dawn Camp says
Friend, you’ve reminded me how alike we are. 🙂 I recently stepped down from my one day a week teaching job and the thing I’m most excited about is not having to get up and be somewhere early. I had to start preparing for it a couple of days in advance. And all the other ladies were morning people. I spent a lot of time apologizing until one of them told me I didn’t have to, and sympathized with the extra effort it cost me to be “on” in the morning. Love you, friend!