I savor those first few moments of the morning before I emerge from bed where I experience no pain. I lie still and pray for healing, hoping today I might feel normal again.
I roll out of bed and do the stretches recommended by my physical therapist, but so far they’ve made no difference. Before my coffee is done percolating, the burning begins — in my feet at first, and then it slowly travels up my legs.
I fight the mental battle of whether to take the medication and succumb myself to the unpleasant side effects or persevere through the discomfort. I am reminded of the time I chose the latter, and so the medication wins — again.
On the medication, my thoughts are clouded, and I am more forgetful. Words that used to flow freely drip out like a leaky faucet. Activities that once excited me now exhaust every ounce of my energy. The long-term impact of this on my health, as well as my ability to write and parent well, concerns me.
“Rest for six weeks,” the doctor instructed after viewing my MRI. “Your herniated disk will heal, taking pressure off the nerve roots. Then the pain will subside.” It’s been eight months, including multiple weeks of bed rest since that diagnosis, but there’s still no change in my disk. I’ve seen seven different specialists, yet the pain persists.
With each new appointment, I prayed for answers for how to move forward. Each doctor had his or her own opinion for what I should do, but their treatment plans returned void. God has been showing me that I can pray for answers, but I can’t put my hope in them.
With each new referral, I prayed the new doctor could help me. To some extent, this has proven true. They’ve provided medications that make me more comfortable and exercises to rebuild my strength. They’ve shared stories of those who’ve been in similar situations and come out on the other side — stories that encourage me that I can get there too. But as my emotions ride the rollercoaster of optimism and despair, God is showing me that the inner calm I desire will only come from knowing that He, and only He, is in control — and then actually living out that truth.
I can hope for healing, but I can’t base my happiness on it. I can seek the doctors’ advice, but I can’t put my trust in them. My hope and trust lies in the Lord alone and, right now, surrendering to Him means slowing down, setting aside my ambitions, and letting go of trying to control my health so I can grasp tighter to His promises.
God’s Word tells us, “After we have suffered a little while, He will restore us and make us strong, firm, and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10 NIV). I remind myself that His timing is often not ours; I am no more qualified to define “a little while” in the context of eternity than I am to know His greater plan. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways are higher than my ways. But I can trust that He will work all things for good of those who love Him and that He is growing and shaping me through this (Isaiah 55:9, Romans 8:28 NIV).
Could God be using this to redirect me down a different path? To increase my compassion for others in pain? Is He asking me to wait, testing my faith, or teaching me perseverance? When I focus on having all the answers, my anxiety level rises, and I realize I need to reel my thoughts back in — to Him, His Word, and the foundational truths of my faith. Rather than fight against the discomfort, God invites me to use it to cultivate a deeper dependence on Him.
Each day, the pain is a reminder that my body is neither invincible nor eternal but a temporary home for my earthly assignment so that I might be better prepared for my heavenly one. Healing will come, and should God choose to wait until the day He brings me home, He is still good. He is still faithful. I can cling to Him for the hope and strength I need and have peace of mind in knowing He is with me. I can praise Him for modern medicine, His promise of renewal, and a shift in my perspective that profoundly impacts how I view suffering.
In our suffering, we experience the fullness of God’s grace. When our outside world is falling apart, God is making new life on the inside. While our present troubles may seem overwhelming, they are small in the context of eternity and will soon disappear, replaced by complete healing and restoration on the day we meet our Savior, Jesus Christ, in heaven.
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NLT)
This is absolutely beautiful. I am reminded that I need to seek first God, His Kingdom, and His righteousness (not outcomes or results). And, then…after seeking Him first and foremost, all these things shall be added unto me. I have had to reset my suffering lens to realize that this lifetime is but a “vapor,” a “shadow,” but our persevering will payoff in the lifetime to come. Though weeping endures for the night, joy comes in the morning. Awesome reminder and so needed!
Blessings and prayers for all who are suffering,
Bev xx
Thank you, Bev. These are all powerful truths to remember. I love how you described it as “resetting your suffering lens.” Instead of seeing it as an obstacle, we can look at it as an opportunity to partner with Jesus in His suffering and be transformed into His likeness. Praying for God’s comfort for you and all those who are in pain.
As someone who has suffered from chronic back pain for almost 10 years, this post spoke so loudly to me. Thank you for this reminder that our pain is only for “a little while “ and that there will be healing in God’s time. In the meantime He will use this time for His glory if I surrender it to Him .
Yes! God promises to work all things for our good and His glory. Pain can actually propel us toward wholeness when we turn to Him in our suffering.
God so speaks through this today. “I don’t have to have all the answers.”
A deeper understanding of God—isn’t that what my soul longs for? His nearness is our treasure.
Thank you.
Jo Ann, it can be so hard when the future seems uncertain, but like Job, we need God’s presence more than we need our questions answered. His love is what we long for. Thank you for reminding me that a deeper understanding of God is more important than a deeper understanding of my pain. God gives us the answers in His time, but for now He is calling us to trust Him.
Thank you for sharing and encouraging us to hold onto hope. The hope we have in the Lord is more than just ordinary hope!
Amen to that! It is a hope that never fades because God’s promises are true. Our hope in Jesus is as constant as his character and as everlasting as His love!
Your post really spoke to me as I’ve been dealing with back pain for a year now. I’ve gone thru physical therapy which in the long run made it a bit worse. Then I had an MRI & found out that I needed to go a different route. My daughter is a neurologist so she helped me get into a pain specialist right before Covid hit. I was terribly afraid of steroid shots & what I’ve heard about them but that did the trick the first couple of times. But after awhile they don’t seem to help either. Lastly on Oct 12th I had some nerves burned (ablation) which has helped but it takes 3 weeks to recover. I do have some burning still going down my legs & into my feet but the procedure helped considerbly. I don’t know who the author of this devotional is but if you’d like to personally talk with me about what I’ve been thru please e-mail me.
Lord bless you & I hope that you find relief soon!!!
Barbara, I have been to a pain specialist numerous times. To date, I’ve had 8 injections – 3 in my back, 1 in each hip bursae, 1 in each piriformis muscle, and 1 in the SI joint. Like you, the first one or two provided relief, but the others did not. I am under the care of a neurologist now, but COVID has delayed everything. It has taken me months to get an appointment, but I am scheduled to have a “telehealth call” on Friday. If you’d like to reach out to me personally, I’d love to chat. My email is jenroland@gmail.com. God bless!
Jen, I am at the same place! Asking God to heal my disks and take the pain…doing all I can to be wise and do what doctors say and still live in faith that my God is able! 15 months have passed and yet I am not whole but my heart is steadfast in my belief that God is still on the throne and He will see me through! Thank you for sharing…it gives me hope to know I am not alone in this.
Teresa, You definitely are not alone! I wrote this post over a year ago and I have seen numerous ways that God has used my pain to minister to others and grow my faith since then. I recently spoke at a conference on how pain can propel us toward wholeness rather than lead us toward anxiety and defeat, which I am turning into a free 5-day video series on my blog. If you’re interested in checking it out or talking further, you can reach me at jenroland@gmail.com. God IS able and is in the business of healing – whether that’s our broken hearts, relationships, or physical bodies. Keep praying and holding on to that hope!
Jen,
This is a very encouraging & uplifting post. My belief is that God allows pain & suffering down here to bring us closer to Him. The bigger the problem the more we run to & depend on Him for our healing. We must realize that God’s economy & timing are not our own. In light of eternity our light afflictions here are nothing. Paul states it best in Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. We need to persevere to win the ultimate crown of victory & live eternity with Jesus.
Blessings 🙂
Dear Jen, what a touching story. I’m praying for you and praising God for the example of faith you are.
Marinalva Sickler
Thank you so much, Marinalva!
Thank you for reminding us of Gods grace and the God of Hope we have. I’ve been through five oral cancer surgeries with constant mouth pain but Gods been with me all the way. Keep looking unto Jesus. ❤️.
JoAnn, I am so sorry to hear about your mouth pain. When pain becomes constant, it can be hard to deal with the discouragement we feel, but God invites us to keep bringing those feelings to him, as you are doing. I will be praying for you, friend – that God would provide you with His comfort and relief and that you would come to know Him better through your trials. Thank you for taking the time to read my article and comment. God bless!
Beth, I agree with you that God often uses pain to bring us closer to Him and develop a deeper reliance on His power. In our weakness, His power is made perfect, so when we operate within our limitations He receives the glory! I love the verse you cited in Romans 5. These are good ones to cling to when we are going through difficult times.
Thank you for sharing,am encouraged, having had surgery recently, taking long to recover am holding unto God