Although I try my best not to get on my phone first thing in the morning, the other day I checked Instagram soon after I woke up. Twenty minutes later, I went downstairs, made breakfast, scrolled through Instagram again, and then hopped on Facebook.
I put down my phone, feeling like I needed to actually get something done and decided to read my Bible and a devotional. When I was finished, I took a shower and got ready, pulled out my Macbook and sat down at my desk to check email. Once my inbox was manageable, I hopped over to Instagram and Facebook — again.
It sounds crazy as I type it all out. And that day, when I caught myself checking social media a few times within a couple of hours, I wondered why I was doing it incessantly. Deep inside, I knew my constant checking was about more than keeping up with emails and updates.
My heart was chasing after something more.
Finally, I paused to ask myself why — Why do I keep checking online?
I sat there for a moment, waiting for my heart to respond when these words rose up in my thoughts: You keep coming back because your heart longs for connection.
I wasn’t sure if it was God speaking to my heart or me answering my own question, but I did know this:
No matter how many times I hop on social media, it will never be enough to satisfy my need for real-life friendships.
Back in the spring, when our country entered the startling uncertainty of navigating a deadly global pandemic, our lives and relationships changed in an instant. Walking through various phases of COVID-19 quarantine, being with only immediate family, wearing masks and social distancing, we all grieved the loss of real-life relationships that were getting reduced to quick conversations via text.
That morning, as I stared at my phone, I recognized how much face-to-face time with friends over the past six months (even those wearing masks) had been reduced to a bare minimum.
I was trying to fill a God-created need for real-life relationships with a screen and alphabet keys.
My heart craved something no amount of digital conversations could fill. So what did I do? I pulled out my phone and did the old-fashioned thing of calling a friend without texting her first to see if she could talk.
She was at work and didn’t answer so I left a message in voicemail. I told her what was going on with me and asked if we could get together soon. I promised we could sit six-feet apart on my front porch or backyard patio and wear masks if needed. I just needed time together, to connect in real life.
The following week we met for lunch at my house. Looking into a friend’s eyes, listening to each other talk, and being listened to was just what we both needed.
Jesus valued face-to-face connections and surrounded Himself with intimate friends — His Father, His close friends John, Peter, and James, and then the other nine disciples.
He also had friends like Mary, Martha, and Lazarus — people He spent time with over meals and with whom He had conversations about spiritual truths that applied to their everyday lives. Through His example, we see how important it is to satisfy our craving for connection by spending face-to-face time with friends, even if it means getting a little bit creative.
Do you ever catch yourself checking social media more than once in a three-hour span? If so, the next time you do, ask Jesus to help you get creative in connecting with an in-real-life friend. Maybe you could go for a walk together or sit outside and visit. And if that’s not possible, schedule time for more than a quick phone call, so you can hear each others’ voice or a zoom call, where you can see each others’ face. I promise you will be glad you did!
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Renee, this is so good. I feel this too. How helpful and necessary for us to identify what our hearts are really longing for and to pursue that true connection rather than a digital substitute.
I definitely check social media way too often! However, as a single woman living alone in a new town across the world from her family, it’s a lifesaver. I treat online friends as real friends, and perhaps because of a disability, I actually find it easier to connect with them through these means. While I do want to cut down on screen time, I also wonder what a good alternative would be – perhaps the church needs to be doing a better job in reaching out and recognizing that not everyone has the privilege of being around those they love, and also that in person doesn’t always mean a deeper or better relationship.
Absolutely agree Addie that online friends can be real friends and a wonderful source of encouragement!
I had to restrain myself from shouting, “Yes!” as I read your probing question. What in the world am I looking for in that continual check and re-check?
So glad you could relate and yet I wish it weren’t such a struggle for so many of us. Hoping my story will encourage us all to keep asking ourselves and Jesus for our why?
Renee,
I think you really hit a collective nerve. I find myself scrolling way too often. I do believe the underlying reason we do this is because we are deprived of experiencing live connections. Now, more than ever, I find I have to begin my day by connecting with God. I almost feel like He’s whispering, “Come to me Bev, now that I have your undistracted attention.” So, I’ve been asking myself, what can I learn from this season? The answer I keep getting is that I need to make the most of my One-on-one time with God. Before COVID, so many other things temporarily satisfied the hole in my heart, but now I am forced to focus on the only One who can truly fill the gap. Then, when I reach out to others by phone or a socialling distancing visit, I’m not putting pressure on those interactions to fill what only God can fill. Right there withyou, Renee!
Blessings,
Bev xx
This season has been so hard and yet there has been good coming out of it, like you shared. Your encouragement and honesty remind me tonight to ask Jesus to be my soul satisfaction, and enjoy others as an added bonus. xoxo
I have to agree with a comment above. Being a single woman during this whole thing has really been lonely. I do find myself doing this, so I also agree with you Renee. I find my relationships at church are more important than ever now that we are going back to services in person. It really is a time of prioritizing what really matters in life.
I can’t imagine how lonely it’s been to walk through Covid as a single person without roommates for companionship. I’m so glad your friends at church have been a support and encouragement to you!
This. It resonates with me so much and what you’ve just described is what I also do as well – surfing social media not out of any real interest but because “my heart was chasing after something more”. You’ve pinpointed and articulated the issue so well. Thank you for the tips here!
Renee I don’t have Facebook or any of them about me. Would not have them about me. As I feel God was telling me they are taking up too much of my time. Dawn your not spending enough time with me. Your priging into other people business not spending enough time with me. Or my word the Bible and Prayer. Facebook is talking over your life. Anything that is taking over your life Dawn God told me get rid of it. Especially if spending more time on it. Especially if it not good for your life as follower of mine. So I wouldn’t have Facebook or Waps App or Anything like that in my life anymore. Only my daily readings from you guys like incourage or our daily bread. That help me grow closer to God. His word the Bible and Prayer. I look up very little on line. What I learn from you lovely lovely people is great. I can apply it too my life as follower of God. Grow closer to God. Then I not looking up things like Facebook or Waps App. Looking at things that God would not want me to. Or filling my mind with ungodly things. Or being nosey to see what this person or that person is doing. Yes I agree they are good in one way. To get the gospel out there and parts of incourage. But if making you do anything like that. Facebook or Waps App etc. God would in my eyes would say don’t have it. Get rid of it. As it taking away your God time. Especially if you looking things up on them that are not to do with God. They are not helping you grow closer to him. So with me it was better I got rid of Facebook. Never had Waps App. Never will. So Facebook I got rid of. I grown closer to God ever since. As not tempted to look up other things on Facebook anymore as don’t have it. I do my incourage reading and our daily bread. I read my Bible and say my Prayers. I am growing closer to God. God has been pleased with me. Plus he showed me to thank full for everyday I am alive in his beautiful world. I don’t have many friends. I did pray for God to send me a friend who I could go on prayers walks go for coffee with etc. As the good friends I have one don’t drive like me. One I don’t see that often. When we do she saved we just have good catch up. The other two now live 86 miles away from me. But we keep in touch. But once in a while we meet up they are saved. Then I was sad at one time God had not answered that prayer. I said Dawn stop it. Your alive you have alot to be thank full for. You still have your Marriage. Plus you have so many other things to live for. So many people have a lot less. So it taught me thank full. Plus thank God for what I have. I have the friends I have even if I don’t see them that often. I am saved. To pray for them. I have the best friend of all Jesus. Love today’s reading and you all incourage. Pray for you all. Xxx
Wow, Renee! You hit the nail on the head with this one! I do miss those real life connections. I will try harder to make them happen.
Yes! All these things and the comments! I just finished watching “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix. It’s a documentary from real people who founded and/or ran social media companies. It discusses how and why we are now { as people } a high selling/buying commodity, and I highly recommend watching it. It will really make you reconsider what you do and why on social media. But just as you said Renee, we crave a connection that is God-sized, and we need to fill it in real ways and with face-to-face connection. What if our church communities were able to pursue people with the same ferocity as these social media companies? With love, interaction, and real connection, we could bring people in to feel their worth, acceptance, and the love of Jesus! The world could be such a more beautiful space…
So true. Nothing like one-on-one time with a friend. And while I love time with the family, and treasure it most days, I need more connection than with just them. Yup, I’ve recently ran to the car needing to get away and shouting over my shoulder as they ask if they can come with me, or do I need help? “Nope, Nope, I got this.” Because sometimes I need other connection. So I’m off to meet a friend for lunch who just called me and who I haven’t seen in weeks. I think we are both at that desperate stage, and besides I’ve also been craving Mexican food. Two needs met in one lunch!
Yes and amen.
Renee,
I haven’t been much of a social media person until this year. Earlier this year I had lots of down time-no church, working less hours, etc. I found myself scrolling through Face Book more. Honestly it doesn’t satisfy the craving for connection. We need to start our day with God. Begin by praying or listening to Christian music & get us on the right spiritual path. If you feel lonely remember there are many many people in nursing homes & those just stuck at home who could use some interaction also. Give them a call or send a handwritten note or card. I know they would appreciate it very much. We get so busy with our lives that we forget about the elderly sitting alone at home or in nursing homes, assisted living. Let’s all try to connect with others any way we can.
Blessings ?)
I happened upon this and sorry to see so many feeling the same. I have been this way since long before covid. Due to abuse from an ex I lost all of my “support system”. They weren’t really a support system if they had bailed anyway but you get the point. For years I’ve been trying to fill that void with scrolling and have often asked myself what need is the really filling and the answer is none. I so desperately want connection and have even lost it with God. I haven’t felt Him in years.
I did delete everyone off my fb and keep it only to do my service dog training. I deleted all social media off my phone and iPad. I still have to accounts but it’s my hope to find healthy connection in other ways. Thanks for writing this and helping us all realize social media scrolling is going no where fast.