It was the last period of the day, and I spent it mouthing the words of Mozart’s Requiem in D minor and staring out of the window while my chorus class sang, “Lacrimosa dies illa, Qua resurget ex favilla.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from filling up my eyes.
Those were the days when silence had become my song. I was sick, my rheumatologist told me, with an autoimmune disease triggered by my body attacking its own beloved self. Rheumatic fever, he called it — a rare complication of arthritis that comes from untreated strep throat.
As I sat there in chorus that day, surrounded by the sound of sopranos singing sorrow-filled songs written for dead souls, I couldn’t help but feel lifeless myself.
My endless bout with strep throat not only wreaked irrevocable havoc in my body, but it also weakened my voice which, for me, felt worse than the surging warmth that swelled within my aching wrists, hands, and knees.
Singing was the one dream that I clutched onto and held close. And it felt like God had taken it away — like He had ripped it right out of my reach, clawed it carelessly out of my hollow, Hollywood-hungry hands.
That was when it all began. That was when the words began to whisper — words that filled my head with lies, words that welcomed dark thoughts without light.
Your life is nothing, the words whispered. You’ll go nowhere. You are no one.
The words weighed heavy, pumping worry and wreckage through blood and bone. They washed me over with weariness, won my thoughts over until I believed I was a worthless mess.
Every vowel and syllable vexed me, until I vowed only to listen to the voice of truth.
Though these lying words whirled inside, I learned to listen to another echo of words that whispered within me. I learned to listen to the words that beckoned me instead of beat me down, words that with spoke reassurance to my weariness, words that breathed life into my brokenness.
At the sound of God’s words, I began to pour out my own.
Everything I felt and thought, every place in my heart that held tight to hopelessness and hurt. I took the words that whispered within me and pressed my finger pads to the piano to write songs. I wrote poems that read like prayers, and I raged through journals of empty pages.
The more I wrote, the more the whispering lies fell silent. The more the lies fell silent, the more I heard the heart of God. His words unraveled what had been entangled inside me.
And isn’t that always the way of God? That He would heal us as we hold our hearts out to Him?
Relief comes as we release our ruin to the God who restores. Hope comes as we hand our hurts to the God who hears. We arise as warriors as we write our way through the wounds that once wrecked us.
That’s why when words whisper lies, we write. In writing, we are given a safe and sure way to work ourselves away from listening to the lies and leaning into the Light.
With hands that scribble and script, we set our souls in the hands of a Savior that sees and redeems every tear we cry, every war we fight. We trust a Father whose love and care for us is so divinely and deeply sweet, that being with Him easily becomes our best dream — the one and only thing we come to really want and need.
So pen the poems that profess His promises, type up ink-less Instagram posts that point to His power. Let’s draw near to God on the page as much as we do through spoken prayer.
Let’s turn to hear and know His voice as we turn away from the voices of all others. May everything that we write — every swoop turned letter turned word turned work of art — always be for His glory, for the telling of His story.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)
Thank you, Rachel, for this encouragement to fight what’s false, to complete the circuit of truth with the laying down of words, one after another, but faith.
Michele, you are so welcome, dear sister. Thanks for stopping by and sharing space with me and hearing my story. Sending you lots of love!
Rachel,
First of all, thank you for these encouraging words about the power of writing to silence the lies we tell ourselves.
As for your question, writing helps me still the thoughts that constantly swirl in my head. It helps me focus on what truths God wants me to learn. I start to see His hand of providence in my circumstances as I think and write about the connections between what God’s word says and what I am experiencing. It gives me a voice to speak up and declare the positive power of a relationship with God when in my face-to-face voice is afraid, intimidated, or quiet. Writing has begun to build a boldness in me I didn’t have before.
Thank you for those encouraging words! May God continue to bless your ministry to help others! Keep up the good work!
So glad to meet you here, Margie. Thank you and wishing all the same back to you! Much love, dear sister.
Oh Kim, you’ve said so much that resonates with me. I, too, have found a boldness I never knew I had. I found my voice—and God has helped me use it for him. It also stills the whirlwind in my head and, in fact, if time goes by and I haven’t written I can feel it bottle up inside of me. Thanks for sharing your heart, your process, and this intimate piece of you. Much love.
Writing is communicating with another when you feel all alone and that no one is listening. It is a reminder to us of God’s ever-present nearness and if that is as far as it goes, that is far enough.
“When no one is listening.” Oh, Florence, our souls are in agreement. So thankful that he is always listening, always caring, always loving. Hoping you feel that nearness today. Thanks for meeting me here, dear sister.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us today! A much needed reminder. God bless you as you reach souls with your words, His words! Keep on keeping on!
Lydia—so glad to hear these words brought a reminder to that lovely heart of yours. (I was reminded, myself, while writing it.) So glad to meet you hear, sister. Let’s keep on keeping on together.
Rachel,
Writing has been my sacred “go-to” even when I was a young girl and didn’t realize what processing feelings was all about. As I’ve gotten older, I find that the best way to praise God amid the storms is to write out the truth I know, deep in my soul, about Him. There is something impactful about seeing written words on a page. Writing scripture reinforces truth in my mind and heart and writing out my prayers are a holy halleluiah. God welcomes it all. Sometimes I discover answers to my prayers when I process my thoughts in writing. Words are so powerful in so many ways. Thank you for the encouragement to keep writing even when the ink seems to be dry.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bev, your heart is beautiful. I just love the way you show up in this place—a steady presence, your words are, I hope you know. Love how you said “writing out my prayers are a holy halleluiah.” Amen and amen to that, sister. God is so good, in that he gave us this gift knowing we would need it and enjoy it. I, too, began writing (journaling) as a young girl. Didn’t know the weight of what I was doing but I felt its impact on my soul. And now—can’y stop whispering out those holy hallelujahs with my words. Grateful for you. Much love.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, Light filled reminder of God’s loving providence. Your words are lyrical and refreshing. Chronic illness remakes us but when we are listening to the Lord we are remade more in His image. Thank you for offering us the words He taught your spirit to sing. Glory be to God.
Oh Amy, your words are lyrical, too. Thank you for this sweet gift of encouragement and love. You are right—illness remakes us, but even more so we are remade in his image. He is good, even when we don’t see or notice it. Hoping your spirit sings, even dances, today.
“Relief comes as we release our ruin to the God who restores.” I’m going to be chewing on that feeling a while. Thank you for this post.
Subi—you have a beautiful name, sister. Thank YOU for meeting me in this space. Grace upon grace over you as you work through the meaning of that line.
Rachel,
I’ve not pondered this question in a long time, so thank you. Looking back over the many years that I’ve scribbled in journals, having burned some even as I let go of past sins or dark thoughts, writing has brought me closer to my Savior. I have penned prayers in private, pausing to cry or even giggle at times at the scriptures He would partner with my written thoughts. Writing has been an integral part of deepening my understanding of and relationship with Jesus. And the more intimate I become with Him, the less room there is for those lies you are referring to.
Kellie, I’m so glad you showed up here—sharing your story and what writing means to you. I have also burned old journals that held memories too dark to go back to. It’s powerful and liberating. I went through some old journals this past weekend and, as you’ve said, teared up at some entries but also laughed. And then, again, I was also inspired. I saw a freedom (almost a foolishness) that my younger self had, one that I’d like to try to discover again. I used to write about the littlest things. Yes, the big things. But even the littlest things. To think, to believe, that God cared about those little things. I want that faith and enamor again. Much love to you, dear sister, as you scribble in your journals.
I was encouraged today by what you wrote. And I agree with you and all the other comments posted that writing is a powerful tool. Different for each of us and how it serves us but a lot the same in what it produces…. Inner peace and a deeper relationship with God. When all is wrong in my life, going to a quiet place with my journal to spill out into, I come away with a sense of being heard.
It’s my way of processing my feelings in a clear way and my audience is God. There is something really comforting about freely expressing my thoughts on paper and often God quietly speaks to me as I pray and write and have my Bible open.
Sometimes I am very lonely and my journal is my friend. I am a grandmother raising a teenager whom I’ve had since birth. I am divorced because my husband had an affair. Many hard things to walk through but writing has honestly been the one thing that has preserved my sanity and my walk with God.
Linda, you almost had me in tears. That last paragraph—I hold it with much compassion. I wrote (and write) because for me it is also loneliness that I am trying to fend and fight off. I can’t imagine the many worlds that you hold and feel you hover between. Even deeper, can’t imagine the hurt. My soul is in agreement with yours–writing saved my sanity. I am so glad you met me here—heart in hand. Words full of weight and worth. Thank you for your story, your life. All my love to you, dear sister.
Love it! Writing is definitely a form of prayer for me too.
So thankful for you showing up here, Tiffany. Love your heart, and your words, sister. So much love for you!
Writing. It has been instrumental in my growth from a young age, and I know it is a deep part of my soul created by the ultimate Creator for His glory. I’m still making that transition of my writing becoming something for others instead of just therapy for me; but, I keep showing up and God keeps meeting me here in words. So, I will write.
Katie—I love your heart. 2018 and was the most pivotal year in my transition from writing for myself to writing for others. You know what changed that? You. All of you. Indelible Ink Writers changed that. It’s a hard transition—messy and confusing. But there is growth to be gained and, on the other side, glory. Yes glory, all for HIM. I’m with you, my friend. And I love you. We are doing thing together—side by side. Love you.
Rachel, you put words to the silent stirring in my heart. Yes, yes, yes 1000 times yes! It is when we manifest the words that God forms from the groanings of our hearts that we are able to allow God to touch our soul. He is so patient and loving in allowing us the time and space to bring these words forth.
Rebecca, sweet sister. I love how you said “the groanings of our hearts.” I think we forget that we have them, deep inside. That we groan and wrestle deep within—and that sometimes we can’t put words to it. All that we can do is take it to our heavenly Father—mumbled and jumbled as it is. And he hears us. Words, writings, songs, cries, sighs, groans. All. Thanks for meeting me here, lovely. I’m so glad to be on this journey with you. (Secretly hoping you never ever stop, sister!)
Your gift of words is a gift to us all. Thank you for reminding us we find truth when we write. The words whispered in our mind that convince us lies are truth are often found to be darkness when we bring them to the light by finally doing the work and writing them. On a page. On a screen. On our skin.
Life has a way of convincing us we don’t have time to write, but I personally need it to stay sane and process everything, whether it’s in my journal, on a blog, or a poem. I keep waiting for life to feel more normal so I can write more again, but maybe writing will make life more normal again.
Katharine—you bless me, you bless me, you bless me. Thank you for showing up here, but thank you for also always showing up with your words. In Indelible Ink Writers, with your cards, with your encouraging emails. I love what you said here—”finally doing the work and writing them. On a page. On a screen. On our skin.” So true, sister. And I think I’m with you in that I’m waiting for life to feel normal again, in order for writing to feel normal again. But I’ve been feeling inspired to carve out a new path. Hmm, I think our next prompt journey will help us do just that : ) Love you, friend. We’re doing this together.
Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt message today. I have found that writing poetry has been my best way of expressing my sheer delight and even excitement and Awe upon learning some “new” facet of our Awesome God. I have finally published and pray they will bring Glory to Him and perhaps bring some souls to investigate Him further.
Oh Camilla, yes! Poetry has a way of calling us inward and onward. It’s a beautiful tool, and a beautiful gift! Congrats on publishing some poems! Echoing your prayer—that they bring glory to God and usher in souls to seek the truth of his love. Thankful to have met you in this place, sweet sister.
This was truly a blessing using the gift God revealed when you thought He had taken away your gift. It is the gift within the gift. You explained it when you said “relief comes when we release our ruin to the God who restores ,hope comes when hand our hurts to the God who hears” . I am definitely stealing that. God’s continued blessing.
Rachel,
Christian music is my go to. I listen to gospel or contemporary Christian music & sing along. That is my praise to God-making a joyful noise. I also try to hear the words being sung. It is in those words that I can defeat the lies the enemy tries to whisper. I write out prayers on my computer & go to them almost daily. My prayers include scripture that simply recounts everything Satan is trying to tell me. I find music & writing helps get our emotions out there & we feel like we are talking to someone about our situation. I’m tuning out the worldly voices that call me less than & listening to the one who says I’m more than enough.
Blessings 🙂
Rachel!
Thank you so much for this! I’ve experienced a lot of trauma in my past, and it has been writing that has been my only steadfast, healthy companion in life (aside from the Lord). Writing has been the one thing that has always made sense to me in an otherwise tumultuous life. It’s the one thing that could see my shame, ugly, broken, puffy-eyed crying, hurt, and fear and not judge me; writing saw my heart and drew me closer to God. Now I blog under rheasofhope to share God’s faithfulness and mercy through trials, and how He never abandons us even when we want to (or are actively) abandoning ourselves.
Also, I love how similar our names are.
Lies have so much opportunity to come as I lay in bed waiting for treatments to do their thing. It’s slow, one thing at a time. One illness gets incrementally better as the others gain. The treatment for one illness counteracts the treatment of another. Writing with Indelible Ink Writers (heavily supported by your honest encouragement dear sister) has helped me process so much of this fellowship with Christ. I find feelings and thoughts I didn’t know I had – some precious and good, others half truths and lies. Writing them down and seeing them outside of myself helps me tell the difference.
Lately though, as the Lyme Rage/Psychosis comes more frequently, it’s hard to have any words at all. The trauma of it steals my words leaving behind only grunting syllables. I see now that when a person seems mentally gone, it’s possible that they are simply wrapped up in a battle that only the Holy Spirit has words for. So when I don’t have words of my own, I grope for His. When I’m strong, just a passage from the poetic texts. When I am weak, just a tiny slice from Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word. But most of the time, when lifting my eyes is overwhelming I allow a hymn to sing His Words to me. When inflammation presses my brain causing me to lose myself, only a hymn of God’s truth can talk me down.
Our words are powerful. Being able to write or speak them is a gift. And when we can’t, the Lord has gone before us, having already spoken life giving words.
Rachel, this is beautiful! Thank you for giving others a glimpse into the mind/heart of a writer. Your word, as always, are so thoughtful.
When answering the question, why do I write, my immediate response is, I write so I can remember. I want to look back on the battles and triumphs, so I can see where Gods grace has been so evident in my own life. And maybe by sharing those stories, I can point others to Jesus as well.
“Relief comes as we release our ruin to the God who restores. Hope comes as we hand our hurts to the God who hears.” Yes! This is such a powerful and beautifully written post, Rachel. It’s a joy to host your words at (in)courage. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Becky, it’s so nice to hear from you! I think that line hits me deep too because it’s the epitome of my testimony. God is just so graceful and faithful with our broken hearts. I’m always so glad to share on (in)courage—thanks for welcoming me in!
Rachel, thank you for sharing your story. I love how God worked in your life with words of truth and has now expanded that to go beyond yourself and touch others like myself. Reminding us of a very valuable to to fight the lies of the enemy.
When answering your question my first response would have been, “I’m not a writer.” But reading your words reminded me that I am and have been since college. I just never viewed myself as a writer. I journal. For 26 years I have journaled during my quiet time, writing my thoughts, questions and understanding of God’s word. I’ve written my prayers, the cries of my heart and reminded myself of how much God loves me. I have created family scrapbooks that hold more words than pictures. The words in my scrapbooks remind me of God’s blessings, His answered prayers, the strength & comfort He gave during trying times and reading them bring me joy! I wrote in those scrapbooks for myself but also for friends & future generations to be able to see the hand of God in my life, to be an encouragement to them when they are facing hard decisions, struggles, sadness and loss.
So writing (journaling) crushes the lies because I can see in my own words what God did in my heart & my life. I can see in my own words the miracles (just in case I forgot them). I can see in my own words how God has ALWAYS been there for me.
Leslie,
It’s so funny, because when we sat together, not too long ago, you were telling me about some things that you had saved and wrote down in your journal. And I thought to myself, “Yes! She’s another one. A journaler.” Your heart is kindred and your soul is deep—your prayer life is so, so alive through the pages you’ve been writing into all these years. I’ve been thinking that, someday in the future, I want to have a journaling party. Now I know at least one person who would come : )
I cherish your thoughts here—the ones about not considering yourself a writer and then realizing you’ve been writing all of this time. And also the part of your story with scrapbooking, which is such an underestimated healing and legacy-leaving art. So grateful to call you friend, and so thankful you showed up here with heart in hand. I love you.
Very well done & written my friend.
I started writing a blog very recently and noticed that many bloggers
merely rehash old content but add very little of value.
It’s great to read a useful post of some real
value to your readers and me.
It is going down on the list of things I newed to emulate
aas a new blogger. Visitor engagement and content quality are king.
Many fantastic suggestions; you’ve absolutely made
it on mmy list of people to follow!
Continue the excelkent work!
Well done,
Ivonne
Rachel, every time you write anything, your words always bless me. This blog post is no different. What a great reminder to me that writing is not a task or a duty but can be a form of worship and connecting to our Heavenly Father. Thank you for these words. I have been truly blessed.
Elisha—you know I <33 you, lady. I'm so glad this blessed you and I hope you continue to lean into writing as a way to worship HIM <33 XOXO, sista!
I have never read such powerful blog posts as I have read in this monthly letter. God is moving in extraordinary ways through those who believe.