I thought I was over the hurt. I was sure I had moved on, but as I slipped my thumb under the seal of the invitation to my ten-year college reunion, I realized I had not forgiven her.
During our last semester at school, harsh tones and accusing anger from a friend had been more than I could handle, especially in the middle of my battle with depression.
I was living with deep soul-sadness and overwhelming self-doubt I couldn’t explain or escape. When my friend questioned something I’d done, it was clear she was extremely frustrated with me.
Not having the mental or emotional strength to process her criticism, I allowed her words to shove me into a pit of shame.
Ten years passed, and I was a different person in many ways. Still vulnerable to others’ opinions but by the grace of God’s love and healing power, along with years of counseling and medication, I had been set free from the pain of my past. Or, so I thought.
Even ten years later, holding an invitation to attend an event where I’d likely see her, my heart was flooded with painful and paralyzing emotions that mirrored those I felt the day our friendship ended.
I put the reunion invitation in a drawer and tried to ignore it for weeks. Eventually, though, I got tired of being a prisoner to my pain. I wanted freedom. The kind of freedom I’d experienced during the ten years in between — the freedom of forgiveness Jesus died to give to me.
With every ounce of courage I had, I returned my RSVP with a brave yes.
In the weeks leading up to the reunion, I spent hours reading and praying through Scriptures about forgiveness, journaling through details I could remember about what happened and asking Jesus to help me see things from His perspective, and even hers.
During the three-hour drive to our college campus, I listened to worship music and messages on forgiveness and my identity in Christ. I asked God to drench me with His love and grace and give me security in Him that could not be shaken, no matter what happened when I got there.
By the time I arrived, I actually wanted to find my old friend and restore our relationship, and it shocked me. But as I walked into the room and saw my old friend, grace and healing came. I brought up what had happened, we talked and both apologized for hurting each other. We hugged, and Jesus did something I never could have done on my own.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive so we can be set free when we give away the same grace and mercy we’ve received.
That day felt like a miracle, and it was — a miracle started years before when Jesus extended His grace to us on the cross. In doing so, He showed us what it looks like to forgive: to be humble and gentle; patient, bearing with one another in love, to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave us.
Forgiveness is never easy. It’s some of the most excruciating faith work we will ever do. But we can do it because Jesus did the greatest work of all on Calvary. Christ in us enables us to give what we’ve been given as deeply loved, chosen, secure children of God.
Because of what Christ did, what we do with His grace and mercy makes all the difference. And now, as I get ready to attend my thirty-year reunion next month, I can say without a doubt it is worth the work that it takes to be set free!
Lord, help me process my hurt with You and let go of pain or bitterness that keeps me from wholeness and hope. Empower me to forgive as You have forgiven me.
Christ in us enables us to give what we've been given as deeply loved, chosen, secure children of God. -@reneeswope: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Beautiful and encouraging story. Thank you for sharing!!
Awesome–I am praying for that type of healing in a similar situation. Thanks for your encouraging words. God is Great!
Praying with you for healing. xoxo
Many years ago a pastor counseled me to let go of my anger toward my dad and forgive. It was life changing advice for me. I was able to forgive my dad and love him well to the end of his life. And I was greatly blessed. I’ve had opportunities to ask for forgiveness from people I have hurt also. What joy and freedom that brings! Your wise words echo my feelings about forgiveness. Thank you for sharing them with us.
It makes such a huge difference doesn’t it? So glad these words resonated with you and that you have experienced the same freedom in forgiveness!
Thank you. This is really encouraging as I went through something quite similar in college.
Thank you so much for this testimony. I realize I am not finished with deep rooted pain & unforgivingness & desire total freedom also.
“Lord, help me process my hurt with You and let go of pain or bitterness that keeps me from wholeness and hope. Empower me to forgive as You have forgiven me.” A beautiful and powerful prayer, Renee. Thank you, friend. xx
My heart needs let go of this pain thought my daughters would always be a part of my life as i grew older.my one daughter s husband dislikes me as I told them to wait to get married they are young and he is an unbeliever . So my daughter has not spoken to me for some time god seems silent.
Need to let go of all my hurt god seems so silent the hurt is heavy words hurt and letting go is tough. Any advice ? Maria
Thank YOU friend, for your sweet encouragement and love!
It’s very hard to forgive when you don’t know who it is you need to forgive! I’ve carried a hurt for many years when I received a unsigned letter from someone within my church. The words cut me apart like knives and hurt me to the very core of my heart. I do know God loves me and His grace and mercy do make all the difference!! I love the prayer you wrote! I am going to put it where I see it every day and keep asking God to take the pain away!
Bev, you are right. That kind of forgiving is extra hard. But you know what, Jesus knows. He knows exactly who it is, what they were thinking and what kind of hurt within them led them to want to hurt you in such a way. Honestly, if someone doesn’t have the courage to sign their name to their thoughts, their thoughts aren’t worthy of our attention or consideration. Im praying for supernatural forgiveness only Jesus can give to come to you, and through you, even in the not-knowing. Something beautiful between you and Jesus. He took those stripes for you – and in Him those wounds are healed – amen!!
Oh, Renee, I’ve been a tally keeper all my life, the more tally marks the more distance I put between me and the “offender.” God’s slowly allowed situations to gently teach me what it means to forgive. The biggest take away from this post is our gift of forgiveness, if we make the choice to forgive. Thank you.
I used to be a tally-keeper too. But I finally realized the damage I was doing – to myself and others, and how gracious God had been in not keeping a tally of all my wrongs. What a big dose of grace and freedom that comes when we throw our tally sheets away and ask Jesus to forgive through us and for us. I’m so grateful He’s working on us both. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this!
Renee,
Forgiveness is worth the work definitely!! Holding onto anger, bitterness & resentment only hurts yourself. You are causing yourself undue risk for depression & heart issues. Most of the time the other people involved don’t even know you’re still upset. If Jesus can forgive humanity for ALL the sins we commit daily then how much more do we need to forgive others? After all we hurt Jesus more than we know. We messed up His beautiful Eden-garden of paradise. Sometimes you may need to work out/process the hurt you’ve held for so long. Ask yourself why you still feel that way. Take the grace that’s been given by Jesus & extend it to others. There are times when you can no longer confront the other person. You must find it in yourself to forgive & let go. Ask God to help rid yourself of those old, negative feelings. Let Christ in you help you extend that grace & forgive. Be healed of past hurts.
Blessings 🙂
FORGIVENESS IS VERY HARD!!!!!!!! MY DAUGHTERS THROUGH ACTIONS AND UNKIND WORDS HAVE LEFT ME BROKEN HEARTED. NOT SURE WHY THEY WANT TO HURT ME ? THEIR WORDS CUT SO DEEP. MY DOGS ARE ALL I HAVE AND OVER THE EASTER HOLIDAY I LOST MY LITTLE DOG. GOD SEEMS SO SILENT.
Praying for your heart and His healing for your pain, Maria. I know that God may feel distant or silent but He is not. Im asking Him to help you hear His still small voice assuring you of His love. His nearness. His good. His comfort. His peace. In Jesus’ name amen.
Thank-you for sharing this Renee,
And I believe that the answer is yes.
I hope that you have a blessed Easter…..
Penny
Thank you!! ANd you too!
Thank you so much for sharing! This reminded me again that I need to forgive the person who continues to hurt me in a situation. That I need to pray and forgive and not have this anger in my heart. Though the situation will not be resolved, I can live as a godly woman and have peace.
PS You are one of my favorite authors <3