Every January 1st, I become an idealist.
Rarely do I want to be like the rest of the world, so last year I signed up for the gym on December 30th. This will be the year! I told myself as I paid for a gym membership at the front counter. This will be the year I suddenly transform into one of those shiny, athletic women with the high bouncy ponytails.
I felt like a fraud walking into the gym. My hair was not high or bouncy but was falling further and further out of the messy bun I had half-haphazardly pushed it in. I had never stepped foot inside a gym before. My level of confidence fell below zero. I watched the muscular lady at the front counter hand me my pass.
“Here you go,” she said smiling. “You’re now a VIP member.”
“Oh,” I said, accepting the key card. “Thank you.” I think they call you VIP so you feel more important; it wasn’t quite working for me.
She pointed toward the large staircase behind her. “All of the equipment is up there. Don’t worry, there are diagrams on each machine that explain how it works.”
“Right . . . ” Could she tell I’m the least athletic person in Canada?
I took my plastic water bottle — which was glaringly un-eco-friendly — and my running shoes, putting my coat and boots in a locker. I forced myself to walk up the giant staircase toward the machines.
Three thoughts before we move on:
- In gyms, why are there mirrors everywhere? Do I want to constantly be looking at my sweaty self? Short answer: no.
- I now understand why people go to the gym with friends. For an extroverted person, it’s a lonely experience on your own.
- I think my body missed the “endorphins” memo. I have yet to feel them release. Everyone talks about these magical endorphins that make you want to work out. What do they feel like? So far, I feel only tired. I’m hoping these endorphins eventually get the memo and kick in.
I plugged in my earbuds and began listening a podcast, looking at the people around me. Everyone was different. I had a picture of what the gym was supposed to look like in my head, consisting of tall, confident, beautiful people. Those people were there, of course, but there were so many more.
You’re on Day One of your journey, I told myself. Don’t compare your beginning.
Two seconds later, I almost fell off the machine I was on. I stopped looking at the people and focused harder on what I was doing — some sort of leg workout, I think. (My legs felt like jello afterward, so I’m assuming I did something right.)
Each January, I’m hit with a fresh recognition of how utterly human I am. I become an idealist, I set a goal (or ten), and then I fail. I become disappointed and bitter, and then I give up. Rinse and repeat. Take bullet journaling, for example. I lasted approximately ten minutes doing that before writing it off forever.
It’s true that January can act as a clean slate. That’s what we love about it, isn’t it?
We’re all longing to be made new. But Jesus is teaching me that, with Him, each day — each moment — is a clean slate. We don’t have to force ourselves into a rigid routine but instead start to recognize the unforced rhythms of grace.
Last year, after I bought my gym membership, I certainly did not become an incredible gym person. (I don’t even know what those people are called.) But that’s okay. One of my goals, not only for 2019, but for my whole life, is to become a more devoted, a more in-love, follower or apprentice of Jesus Christ. I’m working on carving the entirety of my life around who He is.
There is not a five-step process to falling more in love with Jesus. This is a lifelong journey.
Recognizing that my life doesn’t need to be a structured, rigid routine (although there is a time and place for that) but instead a rhythmic journey set to the tune of grace — that is what provides true freedom.
I set a goal. There is grace.
I fail. There is grace.
I try again. There is grace.
Tomorrow, I’ll wake up, and my goal will be to go back to the gym. Eventually, I’ll become more confident. (Maybe the endorphins will wake up and kick in.) Eventually, I won’t trip when getting off the treadmill. Eventually, prayer will be words I find myself whispering, and Jesus will be the first person I think of in the morning.
But these are all eventual. Here’s to failing a lot. Here’s to grace. Here’s to being on Day One.
There is not a five-step process to falling more in love with Jesus. This is a lifelong journey. -@alizalatta: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Aliza,
Life ins’t a simple 5-10 step program. We are so conditioned to having various programs to fix things. Do these steps & this is fixed-you’ll lose weight, be a better speaker, writer, etc. That is not how God works. Learning to be more like Jesus is no different. It is a life long process. Jesus completely understands our faults & failures. He became man in human form. He knows we won’t get it right down here. That’s why He allows clean slates each day & each new year. This life is a journey of baby steps. We get up try again, fail. Redo next day. Each day He starts out giving us mercy & grace anew. Lamentations 3:22-23 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Good luck in the gym. Maybe one day you can become a gym rat. Meantime let’s take a journey with God & fall more in love with Him.
Blessings 🙂
Hi Beth – this life is a journey of baby steps! I’m learning that every day. So grateful for God’s grace.
I’m trying a new and different approach to 2019. I know I have a lot to work on, there’s a lot I could resolve to change, and I’m open, but oh . . . My heart needs to persevere one task, one sentence, one God-given insight at a time, so the least-athletic person on the other side of that northern border is working at healthful practices and remembering the grace you’ve written about so beautifully today.
Thank you for this. I need to pay sit on the forefront of my mind.
Amen, we all need to remember his GRACE. I sure do! Does anyone ever battle with the voices and doubt that we are less than and underserving of Gods blessings? I know I do! It’s ok I know God loves me but I need to love me the way God does, to see myself the way He does to be confident in my abilities to serve him.
Michele – I love this! You have such a way with words. Thank you.
Dear Aliza, those people who frequent the gym are called “gym rats” or at least that’s what my daughter and I called ourselves. And maybe you need to find a friend to do the gym with. Or find a friend at the gym. I haven’t done the gym thing for years. I walk and I work out at home. You just need to find what works for you. And, no, I haven’t missed your whole point about new beginnings. Yes, every day, every hour is a new opportunity to be better. And God’s grace is always there. Thank you for your honesty and your reaching out to us.
Great ideas, Irene! Thanks!
Thank you for being real Aliza. I fail all the time and for some reason I feel like I have to wait for the next day to get a clean slate (especially with food failure.) I love giving gifts and encouraging others, but I have a hard time receiving gifts (I would rather give than receive). I think it’s hard to receive God’s grace in the same way. I need to be more receptive to His gift of grace and in turn, forgive myself. Thank you for writing this devotion. Blessings on your 2019!
I agree, Jen. Why is it so hard to accept grace as a beautiful, free gift that Jesus is excited to give us over and over again? I’m not sure, but I’m right there with you, friend.
Dear Aliza,
Thank you for words of encouragement on beginning again and God’s amazing grace for us. I have found that reading God’s love letter (the Bible) to us all helps me know Him, know Jesus more each day and fall more in love with Him. It’s perhaps obvious and seemingly easy but like going to the gym takes time to make it a constant habit. Here’s to grace in that as well. With love and prayers for you, Gretchen
I love that, Gretchen! Thank you for this reminder.
Hi Aliza, I was truly blessed to read your candid sharing, so refreshing and real in its human struggles we may face one way or another.
THE UNFORCED RHYTHM OF GRACE
is like resting on His everlasting arms, or taking His Hand and walking through the days of our life together. Never alone as His light shines on every situation we may face. What a comfort, what an assurance, Unconditional love promise. We believe it, but we can now do it, live it, walk in it in the rhythm of His Grace. Thank you so much for this much needed doze of encouragement.
Hi Lynn – thank you for the picture of resting in Jesus’s arms, or holding his hand. What a beautiful thing to think of.
Dear Aliza,
I had a good laugh reading your comments because I can so relate to many of your experiences!! It’s really embarrassing when you fall off the big rubber ball you’re sitting on (to strengthen your core) as you lift your weights to firm up your arm muscles. There really is no graceful recovery for that lol. Getting in shape has really improved my ability to laugh at myself 🙂 Maybe, just maybe, God chuckles when He sees us taking on these mammoth goals that set us up for failure. Like a baby learns to walk one small step at a time, I am learning (yes I’m a slow learner) that I need to approach many things one small step at a time. Just like a parent doesn’t chide a newly cruising toddler if he/she falls, God doesn’t chide us. He lifts us up, dusts us off , and encourages us to keep taking steps. His mercies are new every morning…in fact they are new every five minutes when it gets right down to it. So thankful for His grace that abounds. With every breath we breathe, there is new grace. Great insights and encouragement, Aliza.
Blessings,
Bev xx
ps. I keep my eyes closed if I have to do something in front of the mirrors lol. I focus on how God sees me vs. what the mirror tells me. It works….that is until I fall off the rubber ball…..
Bev – thank you for the laugh! I love your encouragement.
Aliza,
Thank-you for sharing your honest and encouraging words…….
As I read, ‘A Psalm of David’ Psalm 19:1-6 1 “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands,” this morning during a typical Coastal BC storm, the thunder roared louder than I’d heard in quite awhile. The gale winds slowly died down, and then the rain completely stopped. When I read about how you tripped on the treadmill I remembered the time when I was playing tag with my son and his friends. Somehow I managed to fall off the sidewalk and break my wrist. I was so embarrassed that I jumped up, and started to laugh. So yes, sometimes in life we might fall, but we can always trust that God that created the Heavens and Earth will pick us up when we do………
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Penny – you’re a fellow Canadian! How fun is that. (Although I haven’t been to BC, but I’d love to go.) Thank you so much for your encouragement and that beautiful word picture.
Thanks for this honest reminder of the precious Grace of God. We are so hard on ourselves. … “a rhythmic journey set to the tune of grace”… I love this!! My word this year is delight, and you just brought that to mind again. I want to take my focus off of me (and ALL my failures) and delight in the grace available to me!
Debbie – delight has become one of my favourite words. I am so glad it’s your word of the year.
Dear Aliza,
My word for this year is “courage.” So take courage, that you’ve started those first awkward steps and gradually, you’ll be more confident and STRONG. 🙂
I’m in my middle years and take a seniors strength training class. We are wide mix of individuals both in age and ability. Luckily, if we can’t do something exactly as the trainer demonstrates it, he will show us a modification. I’ve always been a walker as well, and after a good, brisk walk, those endorphins do kick in and I feel refreshed. This will come for you too, in time.
Blessings, eh, Sandy
Sandy – thank you so much for your encouraging words!