This holiday season, I will pack up my family of six and caravan with my sister and her family of equal size to the house that first defined home for us both. We will travel across state lines to gather with generations and celebrate one last holiday season within the walls that sheltered us all as we grew. My mom’s plans for retirement mean that soon the house will be sold and she will travel north to be near her daughters — well, honestly, to be near her grandbabies.
I am looking forward to the festivities and hilarity that will surely unfold. Yet to say goodbye to a place that hides memories in its dust already has a piece of me aching. The ache only deepens when I realize that the collection of souls who will sit on the faithful couch that has offered comfort to us all is incomplete. While the room may be full, there will be empty chairs in each of our mind’s eyes.
The memories in that home are far more happy than sad, but it was those halls we roamed the nights when tragic news arrived like a punch to the gut. It was in that yard we laid when the earth shook and tempted us all to fear. It was behind those doors we mourned when the faces that belonged there never entered again.
Grief tends to be a surprise guest during the holidays. It can spring up in the form of a breathless gasp, an unforeseen rush of tears, or a whisper of undefined melancholy in the midst of celebration, but it does not show up to torture. It reveals itself because we’ve lost someone worth grieving.
The first Christmas when a loved one is gone can make the lights that line the streets we drive feel dim, and the beauty we wish our hearts could hold may be hard to find in the thickness of sorrow. Christmas trees in windows, hearing carols sung, and witnessing the joy of others may feel like an unfair taunt, but despite all the ups and downs mourning leads us into, the hope we have in Christ Jesus has not once failed to anchor the grief-laden soul.
Hard is too weak a word to bear the weight of the strength it takes to act like life goes on when it feels like life is over, but the great truth of Christmas is that death, despair, and disaster do not get the final word. As the angel said to the shepherds in Luke 2:10-11, ‘“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you . . . ’”
A savior for the heartsick. A savior for the lost. A savior for the mourning. A savior for us all — Jesus.
We can take every thought and emotion that tells us we are alone and let it be tended to by the truth we celebrate at Christmas. The virgin, Mary, conceived and gave birth to a son, and we call him Immanuel which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).
God is with us.
When denial, anger, and depression try to close in, we remember, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). It takes a step of faith to believe in this closeness, but it is there.
God is with us.
Throughout Scripture, God reminds us that what we have hoped for is true, real, and sweetly ours. In Zephaniah 3:17, He soothes the places within us that feel forsaken with these words, “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
For those who have lost but still put up the tree, wrap the presents, and cook the meal even though you know your precious one will be missing, may your courage be bolstered by knowing that God is with you.
To those who just couldn’t do it this year: it’s okay. Really. When we are too weary to fill a table because the shadow of death lingers, Jesus prepares one before us. Take comfort in knowing that God is with you.
This Christmas, when the one we wish could be there is no longer sitting across from us, let’s let the memories that warm our souls sit treasured in our hearts. They were here; their lives made a difference. We may not be able to look into their eyes, but the imprint of their days will not leave us. And neither will God.
When we are too weary to fill a table because the shadow of death lingers, Jesus prepares one before us. -@CharaDonahue: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
That image of Jesus welcoming us to His table when we are too sad to spread out the feast ourselves is so dear. Whenever grief barges through the door during the Christmas season we don’t know what to do with it, forgetting that the incarnation is a story tinged with blood and marked by Simeon’s prophecy of a sword of grief through Mary’s heart.
May God grant you amazing peace and joy during this last season of celebration in your family’s heart-home.
Oh, Michele you are so right. That sword of grief taken for us all. He is so good to us. Thanks for reading and sharing your wonderful thoughts.
Thank you Michael for what you wrote it is so beautiful. So true. I am finding Christmas strange this year as first year without my Mum. We did shopping together every year. But you know what you wrote is so true and has made me smile. Thank you.
Thankful to bring a smile to you during a challenging season. My own mum passed away last year, so we are walking a similar path.
Michael we might not have our Mums on this earth. But we have good memories of all the nice things they did for us. It is so good to be saved. Have a Savior who is with us and never leaves us even when we are sad. We might not have or Mums on this earth again. But at least we have not lost them forever. When our time up on earth. No matter how much we miss them in person. If was just old age or sickness like sickness we see them in glory with bran new body’s. No more suffeing. When are time up on earth with Jesus. That also gives me something to smile about. Even though. I miss my Mum like you do on earth. Plus hearing her voice seeing her in person. I will pray for you. Thank you for what you wrote again it gave me a lovely big smile. I llive in Northern Ireland. Dawn God Bless xxx thank you for you lovely reply.
Incredible how good theology makes loss a bit more bearable!
This was just a beautiful piece and reminder. It is difficult each year yet there is also joy. The tears stream down our faces and although we mourn for those who have died, there is happiness and tears of joy.
I am so thankful that tears of joy are available to us as well. Our good God truly does hold us. Thank you for reading.
Thank you I needed this message. Jesus is with me helping me put on brave face make the best of Christmas. As that is what my Mum would have wanted. Jesus is the best present we can have or give anyone this Christmas. Especially all who have no one or lost someone close.
Dawn, I am praying for you this morning. That you would continue to be comforted and strengthened by our greatest gift. I too am so grateful for our wonderful Jesus.
It will be tough first Christmas for me. Loss will always be painful no matter how fresh or how long ago it was. We must remember that one day, we will see each other again. I know it is easier said than done. I have my real good days where I am super thankful for all the memories given to me and then the next day, I am struggling to find joy, barely able to face the day. It is an endless process and still I have hope that in time, the pain will soften like a scar. It is still present but slowly healing and in its place, a new skin to cover, a new healing to the heart. I missed you and am thinking of you Zer Cha and knowing that you are with your momma and most of all, The Prince of Peace makes me smile… Thanks for sharing this Chara.
Maylee, I am praying for you this morning. That on your good and bad days your knowledge that God is with you would bring joy even in the sadness. Thank you for reading.
I totally relate to this. Last year my mother sold and moved out of my childhood home, and I grieved for all the reasons you mentioned (happy memories, sad memories, milestones, etc). Christmas feels very different these days. Yet I know how blessed I am and that family isn’t just a building and it’s not just the family members who remain with us on this earth; it’s about the whole body of Christ which will be united one day.
Claire, it’s always nice to find someone who relates. 🙂 It does mean new memories and I am trusting God for what that looks like. What a great hope it is to look to the whole body united. Thanks for reading.
Beautifully said and comforting. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Francee. May God bless you and keep you.
Chara,
This will be a super hard holiday for my elderly neighbor. Earlier this year she lost her last living son. Now both her sons, hubby, & most of family are gone. She is left with just her grand daughter & grand son-in-law. Sad as she is getting dementia & has diabetic neuropathy. I feel sorry for her. This could well be the last Christmas for my in-laws. FIL 90 has stage III bladder & prostate cancer. MIL 84 is doing fair. Both my parents are gone. Mom died 9 years ago & dad March 2017. For me it is “weird” in a way. I don’t have to go & see anyone. No more hospitals or assisted livings for now. I was ok for years, but this year is different. I guess I feel a little sad. Missing what was. I realize they are better off in Heaven. Praying for you & your family Chara as you grieve the loss of the family home. Have a blessed Christmas with all the loved ones you have left.
Blessings 🙂
Thank you for reading, Beth. I am saying a prayer this morning for your neighbor, your in-laws, and you. Praying for God to meet all the unseen needs and speak comforting whispers to all of your hearts. Thank you for reading.
You’ve expressed so beautifully how God’s love sustains me. Loss occurs in different forms. I am mourning the absence of my daughter this Christmas, praying for her healing and that her heart will be open to His love.
Hi Karen, sorry I am so late to respond, but today I am praying with you for your daughter. Thanks for reading, Chara.
Thanks for making me feel validated about mourning the loss of a house even when there’s so much worse that could happen. <3