We were all struggling in our own ways since my husband left on his latest deployment. For my oldest son, and let’s be honest, myself at times, this looked like extra tears, sass, and sleeplessness. With each passing day, I noticed the weight of his dad’s absence cracking his little spirit more and more like a heavy boot stepping down on a thin piece of glass.
Awake much too late one night, my son appeared next to my bed. In the shadows, I could see an angst contorting his face and heard it thicken his small voice. He spilled out his hurt to me like a hurried confession, “I miss Daddy.” And tears gushed.
I understood his breaking and longing. I knew what it was like to ride an emotional roller coaster and suffer sleepless nights. This wasn’t my first rodeo with deployment or longing for something.
As an Army wife of eleven years, I’m what they call a “seasoned military spouse,” which means I’ve endured numerous deployments and separations from my husband. Throughout my life, I’ve held passionate desires and faced various losses, and for half that time, I’ve walked with Jesus. I’ve come to learn a thing or two about finding comfort in the longing.
[God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)
I spoke softly into my child’s ear, “Sometimes when I miss Daddy, I go into his closet and smell his clothes. Sometimes I even sleep with his shirt next to me. It makes me feel like he’s here.” My boy’s wet eyes flashed to mine with a spark of hope at this idea.
Standing side by side, my son and I peered into my husband’s closet. Our eyes squinted as they adjusted to the light in the otherwise dark house. I watched as he reverently approached his dad’s clothing. He ran his small fingers along the row of neatly hung cotton shirts just as I imagined he longed to run them across the rough skin of his daddy’s face.
After some thoughtful deliberation, he declared he’d found the two shirts he wanted to sleep with. Proudly, he tucked his daddy’s faded Green Bay Packers t-shirt and a soft, maroon Old Navy classic tee under his arm. Back in his bed, he surprised me by putting both of his daddy’s shirts on over his pajamas. He was taking refuge and covering himself in his daddy’s love as best he knew how.
I laid my head next to his on the pillow. I told him how I felt sad to have his dad so far away for so long too but how our Father God is always near. God wraps us in His love and listens to our prayers when our hearts hurt, and we can’t sleep at night. We can call upon God to comfort us because He cares for us and promises this to us.
My words turned to prayers, and without missing a beat, he tagged on a prayer of his own, a lament of sorts. “I want Daddy to come home now, I want Daddy to come home now . . . ” Over and over again, he cried out his heart’s longing, so earnestly and quickly that at times his prayer sounded like a tongue twister. I could have stopped him as he went on and on, but I knew better than to silence the cry of a heart approaching the Father’s throne.
After all, in 1 Samuel 1, we see Hannah bring her heartbreak to the Lord and cry out her longing before Him in such a way that the priest thought she was drunk. And how many times have I cried out to God in similar ways in the midst of my own longings?
Like my longing to sit with my husband on our front porch and watch our boys play or to feel the warmth of his hug when he walks in the door from work. Like my longing to feel settled while living a lifestyle that uproots us every one to three years. Or like my longing to hold my little girl who passed away eight years ago.
We all have longings. They don’t discriminate based on age, gender, ethnicity, or anything else. The ache of unmet desires is a universal one that can take us by the hand and lead our aching hearts into dark and painful spaces if we’re not careful.
Maybe you long for your spouse to return home safely from a deployment too, or maybe it’s to hug a loved one who has passed, or maybe it’s for a child, a job opportunity, a healing, or a breakthrough of some sort. I don’t know, but God does.
You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.
Psalm 38:9 (NLT)
Much like a child seeking comfort by wrapping himself in his daddy’s shirts, we can receive our Father’s comfort when we wrap ourselves in His love. God longs to comfort us in our longings. Let’s bring our longings to Him and wear His love over them today.
What are the longings of your heart that keep you up at night? How have you experienced God’s comfort, and who can you pass along that comfort to?
We can receive our Father’s comfort when we wrap ourselves in His love. - Kristin Vanderlip: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
First, Kristin, let me thank you for the service you and your husband are offering up to our country–and to those of us who enjoy the privilege of spouses and parents living with us with us full time in safety because you are giving up that comfort.
And your train of thought about the pain of life being our training ground for comforting others is so gospel-oriented and helpful to my thinking.
Blessings to you!
Michele, Thank you for your support and your kind words. I’m so thankful that no season that comes with waiting, pain, or longing is wasted. Our Good Father uses it all to draw us close to Him and allow us to in turn bless others with an outpouring of His love and compassion. Blessings to you too, Kristin
Kristin,
God bless you, our husband & family for the service you all are providing us. We are blessed to live in a free country thanks to the heartbreak & generosity of men & women, boys & girls like yours. (((((Hugs))))).
There are times I long to go back to my younger days & redo life. Wishing I could fix mu mistakes & undo stupidity. With holidays approaching I miss family. My parents are both dead now & my family is spread out over the world. It will be just me, hubby & his family for Thanksgiving. Grateful to have that, but missing my siblings, nieces & nephews. We can receive our Heavenly Father’s comfort when we wrap ourselves in His love. He allows trials so that with the comfort He gives us we can then comfort others. YES YES!!!
Praying for you all right now. May your hubby come home soon!!
Blessings 🙂
Beth, Thank you for your support and I appreciate your comments! This time of year can be especially hard on so many of us. But we can hold both gratitude and longing simultaneously in our hands and bring them both to Our Good Father. Praying for His comfort to wrap you in his love as you go and empower you to love and comfort those around you. Blessings back 😉 Kristin
So beautiful Kristin. I know just how your little one feels, except my mom has been deployed to heaven. Praying right now that your husband comes home safely and soon!
Oh Donya our loved ones going to heaven sure seems like a deployment too doesn’t it? Praying for God’s comfort in your longings and as you miss her. And thank you for your prayers and support, he’s home safely now, but it will continue to be the ebb and flow of our lifestyle. Blessings to you, Kristin
Kristin…..This is so beautiful and sad for your little guys heart all at the same time. Thanking your husband for what he does for us all and you for taking care of his family while he serves his country. This is beautifully written and I can’t wait to share it with my friend who is struggling with a longing….. May God bless you richly!
Anne, Thank you for your comments and support. I hope your friend finds encouragement and comfort here. Blessings, Kristin
Wow, this met me right where I am at today. Thank you for helping me see I am not alone in feeling longing. And I am so glad you are there to support your son and can share how to find comfort.
Hi Kristin (great name, by the way!),
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. My four-year-old daughter and two-year-old son miss the father that left us two years ago to pursue his own lifestyle. And if I’m honest with myself, I miss the support I imagine a loving, Christian husband could be. Thanks for sharing how you have helped your child find comfort and point Him to the God of all comfort. I am praying my children will come to know and trust God to be the Father who is always near and ready to help and comfort them as well. May God bless you and continue to use you as you continue on your journey with your family. Thank you for your transparency. The next time my daughter and I pray about her missing her daddy, I hope I can recall the language you used with your son. Being wrapped in our Heavenly Father’s love who keeps tears in a bottle is a special place to be!
Kristin, May God keep you and your family in His Perfect Peace. Thank you for sharing your story and speaking aloud the feelings of our collective hearts.
Thank you Tonya for taking the time to read and share your kind comments. Blessings, Kristin
Beautiful words my friend!! Keep sharing your truth with the world, it’s inspiring!
Thank you friend!