There’s a game I like to play, and it never fails to catch people by surprise. Here’s how it works: I invite someone to grab coffee and once we’ve found a comfortable seat, our hands wrapped around a cup of something delicious, I look into their eyes and say these words: “So, what’s your story?”
Almost every time, they hesitantly respond, “My story? What do you mean, exactly?” I then offer to go first, to share with them the pages He has given me to live, and for the record, I don’t sugarcoat a single thing. By the time I finish, I can see the relief in their eyes, not because I have masterfully woven together life experiences into a beautiful story but because I’ve been honest, I’ve shown the mess of it all, and I’ve dared to say that the scars that remain are signs of His grace. My tests have truly become my testimony, my mess turning into my message.
After I finish the telling, I turn it over and ask again, “Will you tell me your story?” And this time, instead of uncertainty or panic, there is peace. You become a safe place when you share your story, both the broken and the beautiful, with another.
And so they begin and every time I’m in awe of the broken off pieces and the jagged scars from the hurting places — not because they’re messy but because His grace is enough for us all, running in and washing over, healing and mending, changing and cleansing.
We’ve all walked roads that have battered and bruised, wounding us deep. We each carry scars. I used to hide mine, the one on my head from brain surgery and the ones on my heart from the times community walked right out. But not anymore. I’m learning that scars tell the stories of battles fought and won, of fears conquered and dreams chased, of mighty healing and of Jesus meeting us in the dry valleys.
Your scars tell your story, and although you are more than your past, more than what you have experienced, gone through or done, every moment has been used to shape you into a new creation, redeemed and made whole, holy and blameless in the eyes of He who sees your scars and your burnt places, your struggles to join Him and walk on the water, as a page in a best-seller He is joyfully writing.
Too often we compare our beginning to someone else’s middle, our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing our painful places to someone else’s promised land, forgetting that we’re still journeying and we can trust the unknown of the future to the God we know is authoring its pages.
Every sentence He writes is written with the purpose of pointing people to the Friend who is always walking with us. We’re invited to live and tell our stories, giving Him all the glory. Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians:
We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! . . . God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.
We have been given the task of telling everyone what God is up to in our lives. He has given us a story to live and it may have twists and turns, roads we would rather not walk and ampersands (in between seasons) we would prefer to hurry through to the other side, but He calls us to speak from those places and glorify Him on every page, daring to say He is beautiful and true, loving and kind, no matter what story the next page may tell.
Kaitlyn,
I used to think telling my story was hard. Nothing big really happened. Then my parents got dementia really bad & now I have a good story to tell. How I saw dad take care of mom in his old age. Dad getting re baptized. Dad’s dementia getting worse being hospitalized & almost completely healed for a while. Now my story includes much more faith & trust in Him. I even witnessed a second “miracle” my FIL (90) had stage III bladder cancer surgery & survived. He is doing fair now. So much good I’ve witnessed mixed with “bad/ugly” I didn’t enjoy at the time. All the while He was molding me into a stronger person. I know He uses our trials for His good. Nothing is wasted in His Kingdom.
Blessings 🙂
Im sorry to hear about your struggles but am so glad God has used them to bring you closer to Him. I have undergone some rough things in my life as well and its truly amazing how God brings you through better and so much closer to Him. God bless!
Hi Beth, thanks for sharing here in the comments! I’ve heard a similar thing more times than I can count… some version of “my story doesn’t matter” or “NOW it matters but it didn’t before.”
I just don’t think that’s true! I believe our stories matters whether anything we deem as “big” happens or not. Because He is the Author, and He writes in pen… there’s no need for an eraser. You don’t need something the world calls “big” to suddenly bring importance to the story He’s always been writing.
WOW!! Thank you for that sentence in the comments, Kaitlyn: ” He is the Author, and He writes in pen… there’s no need for an eraser. You don’t need something the world calls “big” to suddenly bring importance to the story He’s always been writing.” That’s so amazing! I tend to believe that my story doesn’t matter, or when asked, I forget all of it. Thank you for this encouragement!!
Thank you Kaitlyn. I am walking out my husband having a few blood strokes that damaged his brain and his behavior is changed. I am awed at the way the Lord is changing me through all of this. Trusting in my Heavenly Father Who loves me far more than I can possibly understand is a wonderful new place for me to be even at age 81!!!
This is so true. When we allow ourselves to become vulnerable to others, we open that door to sharing the gospel. In today’s time, everyone is so quick to make comments without knowing the full story behind the reasons why things happen, why people leave each other, why family lose connections with each other. We must remember that everyone is struggling through something and maybe if we took the time to listen, we could possibly be the light for them, possibly change their life and leave our prints on them of how awesome our God is, of how much love God have in stored for them and how much they are worth it. Thank you for reminding me to share my story.
Maylee, the word that stuck out to me in your comment is “prints.” In my most recent post here at (in)courage (right before this one), I wrote about looking for God’s fingerprints. I love how, in a way, you’re flipping that… reminding us that we leave fingerprints, too.
I have never been interested in ‘telling’ my story. There is little that hasn’t been present in my life and it was so embarrassing. It makes me tired to think about it. Yet, in this third stage of life I feel that maybe I do need to collect my thoughts and experiences on paper so that I can see God’s gifts in all the pain so that I may be able to share with others. But I have no idea how to begin. Any thoughts?
Janet, I don’t think it has to be a formal “telling” or even anything in writing, necessarily (unless you want to). It could be as simple as being honest in a five minute conversation starting with “how are you?” ditching the “fine” we often use even when we’re really not. Or one prompt that helps me: how have you seen God at work in your life this week/month? Some of the most encouraging testimonies I’ve heard have been short, recent accounts bearing witness to the work God is doing. And it can all take place within informal settings: text/phone/email/Bible study/comments on blog posts/snail mail letters/video conference. Chances are you’re probably already doing some of those. Who do you know that needs to hear something God has done for you? May God give you great joy, Janet, (and take away any sense of drudgery or confusion) as you explore how to tell your story!
Janet, you don’t always have to start at the beginning. Sometimes just a piece of yourself shared can encourage or give someone hope.
This makes me think of the song My Story by Big Daddy Weave. It’s beautiful!! Just ask Jesus what He wants you to say and ask the Holy Spirit to speak through you. You will stand amazed. I would also ask for the opportunity to tell your story I know He will answer you!!
Jenifer
Janet, thank you for taking the time to comment and invite us in! What great advice Pearl, Jenny, and Jenifer have shared… I was nodding my head while reading their replies. I totally agree that it doesn’t have to be fancy or put-together or published anywhere. It may look like a one-on-one conversation or, like Pearl said, simply choosing not to answer “fine” and honestly sharing how you’re doing. It might be journaling or writing down gifts. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp is a great book for more on that idea. 🙂 My most recent post at (in)courage – before this one here! – is about looking for God’s fingerprints. That may be an encouragement to you? And one other thing that came to mind… there’s a small little book that I love called the One Line A Day Journal (google it!). You literally write one line each day, and it’s one of my very favorite things. No one sees it but me, but it’s been very helpful in my own life.
I enjoyed this. Sharing is not only a way to encourage, it’s encouragement to us. A way to capsulize and memorialize the work of God in our lives. It’s easy to forget, but as we share; stories are relived, details are remembered, and thankfulness will ensue.
Yes! Remembering can lead to thanksgiving.
I’ve gone through so much in my past from the abuse t caring for my mom with alzheimers, and so much more. I am so blessed to be here now. My past has made me the person i am today. Patient, brave,loved and more. God is always by my side. We all need to remember if we share our stories with others it will help another person get through the same thing and realize God is always there just be patient.
Kind of like the famous quote “You too? I thought I was the only one!” 🙂
And when the valley seems so long so painful I am blinded by the light and comforted by His grace. Thank you for the words today. You may never know how they came at such a dry time. Thank you and My God for your kindness
Diane, I’m so glad to hear that they arrived at the right time for you. Blessings. <3
This resonated with me in a deep way, because of my current chapter in my life story. Thanks for the poignant honesty.
I’m so glad to hear that it did, Tonya. Blessings to you.
“An excerpt from ‘Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between’, and published here with permission. Copyright (c) 2015. All rights reserved. If you’re struggling today, facing a chapter in your story that you wouldn’t have chose, you’ll find encouragement and hope through Kaitlyn’s vulnerability and honesty. We really can trust the kindness of the Author, even in the in between.”
“We can trust the unknown of the future to the
God we know is authoring its pages. –
@Kaitlyn_bouch in #evenifnotbook:
CLICK TO TWEET”
Do the above quotes mean that I cannot make a copy of this e-mail to share with others as a way of intro-
ducing them to the precious “(in) courage” program? I do not do ‘TWEET’, ‘FACEBOOK’, or “PIN”. I have not seen this aforementioned material on any other previous “(in)courage” e-mails sent to me.
Does your answer apply to only this e-mailing & not to all the previous ones I’ve received or to all the previous ones too?
Thank you. Your e-mailings have been a blessing to me! Have I SUBSCRIBED? I am NOT COM-
COMPUTER SAVY.
Hi Brenda!
The first part of what you’ve quoted here is copyright information about this specific post. Because the content is excerpted from my published book, it is not okay to republish or reproduce it in any way without permission from the author (me). However, you are always more than welcome to share (in)courage blog posts on social media — and we love when you do!
The second part of what you quoted is something called a Click-to-Tweet plug-in. It’s a fancy tool that is really neat for those who have Twitter. When the box is clicked, it automatically pulls up the tweet (message) so that all you would have to do is hit send and you’ve shared that message with Twitter followers. The Click-to-Tweet is at the bottom of all posts on (in)courage, but it has nothing to do with copyright — it’s to make it easy for you to share.
From what I can tell from your comment, you read this post in an email. If that’s the case, then you are already subscribed! 🙂 Again, you’re more than welcome to share (in)courage posts on social media — but this particular post does have the copyright information included because it is published and is not to be reproduced without permission from the author. If you’d like to share it with others, one great way to do so is by sharing the book page with friends (it’s linked in the copy you quoted and at the bottom of the post: http://kaitlynbouchillon.com/even-if-not) or by re-sharing any of (in)courage’s social posts. I hope this helps!
DEAR Kaitlyn,
Thank you! I think I understand most of it…
Brenda
Could we forward the email to friends?
Sharing is a key to opening up a conversation…but remember to keep it brief and succinct. You want to allow time for others to share, especially if it is a one on one situation. To help them begin, ask an open ended question…”I appreciate you listening so. Was there anything I said that maybe sparked a memory that you’d like to share with me? I’ve just been through a workshop on Coaching. It really opened my eyes to the fact that there are so very few places and people with whom we can verbally share/process our lives. Giving the gift of time to others to share your life, and them to allow them to share theirs with you is a priceless!
Kaitlyn, I just finished reading your book last week, it was wonderful! At first, I thought you were writing my story, as I had been treated wrongly by a friend, went through a church split, and went through cancer surgery and treatment, of course it was your story. The amazing thing to me is that I am 68 and you so young (probably 40 years younger at least) and here God has brought you through so much already, including the recent happenings I have read about on your blog. God has a wonderful story He is writing for you and you are barely past the first 1/4 of the book. You are in my prayers, young lady, just keep on looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our stories!
You’ve blessed me today with your kind words. Thank you! You might have heard/seen me say this elsewhere, but I don’t read reviews on Amazon or other retailers. They make a huge difference for books, but I’ve chosen not to read the ones left for Even If Not. So I only know what readers tell me… which means your words here sure do mean a lot. AND that you’re reading my blog and taking the time to care about what’s going on… what a gift. Thank you! I love how God writes a unique story for each of us, and yet we can see His fingerprints running through.
Kaitlyn – love, love this excert. Because everyone matters… No matter their story..