I used to tell myself, “I have to stop being a perfectionist!” Can anyone else hear the irony of those words?
One of the biggest traps I often fall into is the notion that I can get rid of perfectionism.
If only I had more confidence in myself . . .
If only I could let go of the past . . .
If only I trusted God more . . .
If only . . .
All this if only talk doesn’t help me. I criticize myself, spiraling into feeling frozen and discouraged, whenever I feel inspired to try something new. My focus to overcome my flaws keeps me imprisoned in doubts.
As you see what others are offering, you may be tempted to put your hopes and dreams back in your pocket and close the door to who you really are. Don’t listen to those voices. Step closer to the One who knows you, who created you with all you are. He knows what you’ve been through.
Jesus says to you, I still love you. Yes, your idea is good. I know it feels hard, but I will help you. Just look at My gaze, and feel My hand in yours. Yes, we can do it together. Say yes.
God isn’t waiting for you to be better. God wants to love you deeper.
I’ve found the voice of perfectionism always tries to stop me. The newer the step, the louder the criticisms of perfectionism become. It’s become so predictable that I realized it’s a good sign! It means I’m about to do something real and new with Jesus. It means I’m about to step out of my box of safety and hold onto God’s love instead.
Part of being human is experiencing our weaknesses, but it doesn’t have to control the choices we make. Whenever I’m afraid of failure or what others think about me, I ask myself, “What if I started relying on God’s love for me rather than on how I feel about myself?”
I call this taking The Soul Care Love Dare. I challenge myself to take better care of myself. I begin to refill my tank with joy and peace, rather than trying to fix my flaws or hiding my heart. I begin to practice soul care, and as I do, I find ammo to combat the top five lies of perfectionism.
Lie: I’m not good enough.
Truth: God loves what I’m doing anyway!
If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness . . .
God’s power works best in my weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT), 11:30 (ESV)
Lie: It’s too late.
Truth: It’s never too late. God saves the best for last!
Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine . . .
but you have saved the best till now.
John 2:10 (NIV)
Lie: Why bother starting if I can’t finish?
Truth: I don’t know how long this will take, but if God’s in it, I’ll make it!
. . . being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry
it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
Lie: People won’t like me.
Truth: Not everyone will. It will hurt, but God still thinks I’m wonderful!
It is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court . . .
I do not even examine myself . . . but the one who examines me is the Lord.
1 Corinthians 4:3-4 (NASB)
Lie: People will hurt me.
Truth: Even if that’s true, hurt won’t be my end. God’s love for me still wins in the end!
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good . . .
Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
God’s love will never grow tired or weary of you or your flaws. God’s love goes beyond our limits, and nothing — not even perfectionism — can keep God’s love from you. Jesus isn’t looking for perfect people. He’s eager to show us He can make something beautiful out of our lives today.
Ruth says
Thank you, Bonnie. I needed this right now. I have stepped out in obedience to God in a very difficult situation and have been very ‘humanly’ criticized and misconstrued. Instead of agonizing how I could have ‘done better’ to prevent this (which may not have prevented others choosing their response anyway), I have chosen to revel in God and His wonderful love. It is our choice whether we get depressed or rejoice when tribulation comes. I choose joy even in pain (great challenge in some situations) and pray I will always be prepared to pay the price for obedience to Him – even when I it doesn’t go to ‘my plan of perfection’ regarding the outcome and the end result is pain. God requires us to be faithful and obedient no matter the cost. Perfection belongs to Him and Him alone. He sees far further and deeper than we ever can. What a GREAT God we serve.
Bonnie Gray says
Hi Ruth, so true. We can’t control how others respond to us, but we can rest in God’s love, always there to comfort and help us. May the understanding of a close friend be God’s heart and hands to you, as you pour out your heart and stories and feelings. Thank you for allowing us to be God’s heart for you, as you share this tender moment with us, Ruth. love, bonnie
Terri says
“Perfection belongs to Him and Him alone”. Yes, thank you for that reminder!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Bonnie,
Oh how many years I’ve battle with perfectionism. The truth you share is right on point. What I’ve learned is that Perfectionism = Relying on ME. I used to think that striving for doing things perfectly and being perfect in God’s eyes was a good thing….what a LIE. Like you pointed out, we will NEVER be perfect on our own. We can’t strive, earn, perform well enough to earn God’s love or the approval of others. What we CAN do is accept that we are NOT PERFECT…..But….God loves us right smack dab in the middle of our imperfection. If we have accepted Christ as our Savior, God sees us as beautifully perfect through the blood of His Son, Jesus. Can’t get more perfect than that. Realizing that truth first has enabled me to become less self-sufficient and more God-sufficient. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me not through Bev who strives for perfection. Perfectionism is built on fear. Relying on God is built on a foundation of love. It’s been a lifetime of learning, but letting go of the perfectionism lie is one of the healthiest things I’ve done (and continue to do). Awesome post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Bonnie Gray says
Dear Bev, may your journey continue to touch others and give others the comfort of a friend who understands! have a beautiful day, bev, soaking in the autumn sunshine
Lynn says
Yes! Let’s love ourselves and others as God loves us, now. His love doesn’t stop if we forget to turn the stove on, make a spelling mistake, or our audience is falling asleep. He wants us to step out and show how He is our strength in our weakness! Perfectionism gets me in how critical I can be of myself which is generally rooted in comparison. Your gentle, soul-bathing words are always refreshing Bonnie! Thank you.
Bonnie Gray says
yes, God’s love goes on (cue Titanic theme song)!! one time, a woman in the audience was yawning the entire time I spoke. I was thinking, Lord, she must be tired! Keep speaking and sharing! 🙂 lol it feels so much better when we can share our stories and then our imperfections turn out to be shared and God is near! xo love your heart and how you keep sharing your words, Lynn!! xo love, bonnie
Sarah Walker says
Beautiful Bonnie, thank you!!
Bonnie Gray says
Thanks so much, Sarah! hope you have a beautiful day, enjoy the autumn sunshine friend!
Andrea E says
Thanks for the perfect timing on this, Bonnie! Overcoming perfectionism appears to be a running theme the Lord keeps putting in front of me! Appreciate your very practical wisdom for this tricky topic.
Bonnie Gray says
Thanks so much, Andrea! I hope it encouraged your heart. It just means you’re running close to what God’s put on your heart – and you’re at the center of being the true, beloved you!
Angiel says
Hi, Bonnie~
Thank you for sharing from your heart as to who you are and how you and God relate to each other. God’s love for you (and for each and every person He creates) is unfathomable! All we can do is bask in His love, accept His love, and share His love with each and every person we meet. Life is glorious, no matter what is happening in our lives! God is with us and loving us through it!
I have a few thoughts on one of the lies mentioned above. “Lie: I’m not good enough. Truth: God loves what I am doing anyway!” There were times in my life when I was seriously sinning. I had rationalized that I had to do what I knew was wrong for a certain period of time–so it would have to be alright to do. God certainly didn’t love what I was doing. BUT, God loved me in spite of what I was doing because “I was HIS–He wasn’t going to let go of me–He wouldn’t let Satan have me.” (He told me this during a recent prayer time.) Jesus was right there with me, throughout my years of sinning, holding onto me, embracing me, loving me! I finally was convicted of my sin, and returned to Him weeping, asking for forgiveness. I carried the shame and guilt of this sin for 30 something years and was finally released from it 2 weeks ago when God spoke to me the above words. I was set FREE and my spirit soared!!! I am a new person today! God’s love is unconditional and so overwhelming!!! Alleluia!!!
Bonnie Gray says
Thank you so much, Angie, for adding to this post by sharing your voice, your story and your journey! wow. what a gift because there are women and sister-in-Christ who are resonating with what you’ve gained from your relationship with God. I’m SO happy for you – you deserve to feel as free, beautiful and beloved as you TRULY are, just as you are, as this very moment!! I’m cheering in my spirit with you, friend! YES. YES. and YES!!!! Gods love is AMAZING for you! Thank you for sharing!
Emily B. says
Wow. It’s good to know there’s someone like me out there, Bonnie. Do you ever struggle with ‘getting it right’? Something I’ve noticed is that sometimes God heals and removes the fear immediately and with a big show, but more often than not, He changes us slowly over time until we look back and realize we aren’t the same person we were. We can trust Him. Thank you. And thank you, Holy Spirit, for giving Bonnie the courage to share.
Bonnie Gray says
yes, there is!! I’m here, sweet kindred spirit! 🙂 and yes, emily, I do struggle with getting it right. It’s a sign that I must really care about whatever I’m obsessing over, and now, with practice with taking better care of myself, I realize whenever I get in that tussle of getting stuck trying to get it right, I just close my eyes and take the Love Dare! I just do it anyway, before I start convincing myself to forget it! 🙂 I hope you will enjoy my devotional Whispers of Rest, because I had to fill myself with lots of words of affirmation – just like the ones in today’s post. I think it’ll really encourage you the way it encouraged me!! See you in IG and FB , I’d love to keep sharing encouragement with you!
Heather L. Mattern says
Bonnie, You spoke to my heart today. Thank you so much for this!
Bonnie Gray says
Sweet Heather, I’m SO happy that what encouraged my heart, touched yours too!! I hope you have a beautiful autumn day soaking up the sunshine, wherever you’re at! and I hope you feel as beautiful and beloved as you truly are, this very moment! love, bonnie
Kathy Cheek says
Wonderful encouragement today and grounded in truth that we need! Thank you, Bonnie!
Bonnie Gray says
Sweet Kathy, I’m SO happy that what encouraged my heart, touched yours too!! I hope you have a beautiful autumn day soaking up the sunshine, wherever you’re at! and I hope you feel as beautiful and beloved as you truly are, this very moment! love, bonnie
Christina says
“I criticize myself, spiraling into feeling frozen and discouraged, whenever I feel inspired to try something new. My focus to overcome my flaws keeps me imprisoned in doubts.” Wow…yes, yes yes! I resonated so much with this, Bonnie. Thank you for sharing!
Bonnie Gray says
Thanks so much for sharing you resonate with this too, Christina!! I’m SO happy that what encouraged my heart, touched yours too!! I hope you have a beautiful autumn day soaking up the sunshine, wherever you’re at! and I hope you feel as beautiful and beloved as you truly are, this very moment! love, bonnie
Leslie Newman says
Bonnie,
The voice of perfectionism always tries to stop me, too. I loved your perspective that hearing that voice isn’t always a bad thing because it means something new and real with Jesus is just around the corner. I needed that reminder today! Thank you all the verses, too!
Tara says
Bonnie,
This question, “What if I started relying on God’s love for me rather than on how I feel about myself?”, is revolutionary for me. A true game changer. I have a few statements in my arsenal for when I start believing lies about myself. This question is going in there, maybe even written in lipstick on a few mirrors in my home.
Thanks again for your words xo
Beth Williams says
Bonnie,.
You have taught us so much about soul care & loving ourselves as we are. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist. Just hard on myself. Mistakes would equate to “not good enough, smart enough, etc.” We must fight those flaming arrows with scripture. We aren’t perfect -NO one is except God Himself. We must quit striving to earn His love & do everything just right. Even King David & others in the Bible messed up big time! They didn’t get it right all the time. Yet God still loved them & called David “A Man After God’s Heart”. God loves us so much He rejoices over us with singing. We don’t need the world’s approval. It is fleeting. We need the applause & approval of Heaven. We will get it if we obey God no matter the circumstances.
Blessings 🙂
Diana Holvik says
Hi Bonnie. Thank you for sharing God’s Word and His words to you. I have been struggling with a decision for a while. I’m a writer of inspirational romance novels. I also have a chronic illness that frequently incapacitates me. I’ve been saying to God; “What’s the point of carrying on. I’ve received 4 refusals so far. I guess I’m just not good enough. I’ve been asking God to show me if I should just quit it all, or keep trying. After reading this blog post I was sure the LORD was speaking to me…Keep trying. Keep trusting Me with it. So thank you very much for allowing God to speak through you, and for blogging. I blogged for a few years and it’s actually quite a lot of work. Thanks, Bonnie. May God’s richest blessings in Christ be poured out on you.
Rebecca Jones says
I thought I had it all figured out but I was wrong, I hear people giving up on perfect all the time, the trouble is, His ways are perfect. So why don’t we listen to Him. He does want the best for us. I have had someone tell me I was perfect, not by a long shot, I just have a perfect Lord.