There I was, standing in the middle of my classroom surrounded by my students thinking, God, what were You thinking here?!
And He was gently whispering to my heart, Will you stop thinking so much and just trust Me?
Looking back, I’m glad I did. But doesn’t it always feel crazy in that moment? The moment after God shows you just what He has planned for you, and right then it feels a lot bigger than you are. That’s exactly how I felt standing there in that moment. As if my fear was just about to collide with my faith and I had no idea what to do.
I had been offered this job at a private school teaching middle schoolers from South Korea for the next nine weeks. I was thrilled and terrified all at once.
Now at the end looking back, I have to smile. You got it right, God.
Because those 8th graders came into my life and taught me more than I could’ve ever taught them. Was every single day easy? Not at all! But every single day, God showed me more about His love than I ever imagined.
I remember days when I just stared at them and thought to myself, Were you listening to anything I just said? Parents and fellow teachers, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about it! So many times I would spend ten minutes explaining in detail every instruction for their projects and in return I would just get blank stares. Then the first hand would go up . . . “What am I supposed to do?” (Teachers, you feel me?)
I would get so frustrated because If they’d just listened the first time they would know what to do! Instead I had to spend half the lesson “shushing” them and reminding them to pay attention.
And right in the middle of one of those moments, God whispered to my frustrated heart, Don’t you do the same thing to Me?
It stopped me in my tracks. Of course not, God. I tried to protest the same way my students would when they were caught red-handed.
But I couldn’t come up with an excuse, because He was right. So often when God gently shows me the way I should go, I’m so distracted with my different “fidget spinners” (teachers, you know it’s true), that I miss everything He says. Then suddenly I’m face to face with a giant in my path, looking up and screaming, God, what am I supposed to do? I’m so confident that I’ve got this, but before I know it I’m face down on the floor and tearfully wondering where I went wrong.
If you would’ve just listened to Me the first time…
I act just like my students. I picture God as my teacher and me sitting in His classroom, more often than not daydreaming and missing all of His precious advice. I wondered how He could still love me so much that He’d be willing to just keep picking me up time after time, and once again repeat His directions.
But it was on the last day of school as my students crowded around me for hugs that I understood. I could repeat instructions a hundred times until I got so frustrated I felt like giving up . . . but I never stopped caring about my students. It was this unexplainable love that no matter what they did, no matter how bad they acted, they couldn’t take it away. And I had only known them for nine weeks!
Can you even imagine how strong the love of God must be?
He thought of me before I was born and has been with me every step since then. When I was listening to Him, and when I wasn’t. The times I was walking beside Him, and the times when my face was on the floor.
As I said goodbye to my students, there was a soft whisper to my soul, This is how much I love you, My child. No matter what you do, you can’t make it go away.
How thankful I am for His kind of Love.Leave a Comment