About the Author

Lindsay writes about letting go of the ideal and embracing the real -- in life, faith, and motherhood.

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  1. Lindsay,
    I love stories that have a beautiful God-ending!! Or beginning? How true that when we don’t get our way it forces us to wrestle with the big questions….Is God REALLY good? Do I trust Him…no matter how things turn out? Even when the end of the story doesn’t seem happy, is He still there? The biggest question is, If everyone and everything else fails me (my spouse, my friends, my health, my __________), is my relationship with God through the blood of Christ and my salvation…is THAT alone, enough? I’m so thankful that God loves and delights in us – His children – and wants to give us good things and wants for us to have life abundant. But, when you boil it all down…Is God enough? Thank you for sharing your story of honest wrestling and so happy that God’s way won out for you in such a beautiful testimony!!
    Blessings,
    Bev

    • I have been struggling with these same questions, Bev, as a 36 year old single woman who has desired family and children all her adult life. I can’t come to terms with why God would place this desire in my heart if he had a plan B all along. I’ve been praying for a husband and marriage since I was a teenager, and just like Lindsay, I believed everything would fall into place. I’m still trusting God for a husband and family, but I’m afraid to hope too much, lest I end up being disappointed yet again :(. My desires have sapped away my joy in the Lord, and I exist in a cycle of holding on to hope, bordering on disappointment, feeling guilty that I don’t trust good enough and wondering if God is truly enough for me. I just want to get back to the place of trusting God fully, being at peace in him, but what do I do about my desire for marriage and a family?

      • Joyce, my heart goes out to you, and I experienced some of the same emotions you describe when we were struggling through infertility. I wondered why God would give me a desire for a baby if it wasn’t His plan for me to get pregnant. Things always make more sense in hindsight, and NOW I can see what God was doing.

        I’m so sorry you find yourself in a place where your desires are unfulfilled and you don’t know why. I can’t offer you any easy answers. I would simply encourage you to keep bringing that desire to God…your desires are real and it’s valid to want those things. Keep surrendering your dreams and your life, bringing your full heart and longings to Jesus, believing you can trust him with it. Be honest with God about how you feel…he can handle our honest emotions! It’s definitely a process, and some days it will come easier than others, but keep clinging to Jesus. I love that your desire is to trust Him…He sees your heart, even when your trust and faith are wavering.

        • Thank you for the encouraging words, Lindsay and for allowing yourself to be used by God to remind those who like me, seem tired from the wait.

      • Joyce,
        Your questions make me think of my wrestling with God and I am reminded of Romans 5:3-5: We rejoice in our suffering (often waiting is a form of suffering), knowing that suffering produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint…

        Contrary to our thinking, God doesn’t get disappointed by us, nor, do I believe, does He disappoint us. His answer to our plea may not look like what our answer might have been, but I don’t ever believe that God disappoints His children.

        Like you, I wanted to get married and have children. I was married (at the young age of 23) and have two beautiful children. My marriage (of 26 years), however, turned out to be an emotionally and verbally abusive one complete with infidelity that eventually ended in divorce. (Certainly not my dream). For many, many years I had waited and longed for my husband to love me.

        What I didn’t know was that the husband who would truly love and cherish me would be my second husband. From my teen years, I easily waited 35+ years for this man to enter my life. That’s a LONG wait. But God was faithful to restore and surpass what the locusts had eaten. His answer did not disappoint – in fact if far succeeded my wildest expectations. I held onto hope, but God’s answer was not the one I would have anticipated.

        Like Zechariah and Elizabeth, God gave them a baby in their later, later years. God reminded Zechariah that “his prayer had been heard” and that “His (God’s) words would come true at their proper time.”

        Praying for you, sweet sister, to persevere knowing that God knows your heart and your desires and that His hope and His love never disappoint. Praying for patience in your journey…and the desire to keep seeking Him.

        Blessings,
        Bev xx

      • Joyce, I am sorry for what you’re going through. I got married just before I turned 35, and adopted after a few years of infertility and miscarriage. My best friend longed for a husband and children and it looked like it was never going to happen. Then she got married at 42 and got pregnant on her first try. That doesn’t mean that it will work out for everyone. Sometimes we have to somehow trust God, mourn the loss of our previous dream, and somehow find joy in a new dream. But there is still hope. On a practical side, I would recommend taking advantage of the great Christian dating resources that are available. Prayers that it works out for you.

        • Thank you, Claire. I’ve tried online dating sites with limited success, but still keeping that option open.

      • Joyce, I have been down your road. I am now married, but didn’t get married until almost 31. I totally identify with the feelings you’ve shared. As for me, one evening laying on my bed, I had a teeny tiny vision — a split second glimpse of Jesus’ eyes as He looked at me as His bride. It was a true “ah ha” moment. I was able to say, “Lord, I get it! You ARE more than enough to satisfy my every longing.” Little did I know, I’d already met my husband. The man the Lord brought along was actually finding his way out of a gay lifestyle. Woe! But what an amazing man – amazing husband – and amazing God.

        Then, just like Lindsey, the pregnancy didn’t happen. Once again I felt the denial of not getting what we women were created to get – children. Like Lindsey, we also adopted – five: three at once, and later two more. Talk about the death of a dream. These kids came from Russian orphanages with baggage loaded with weapons of intimate destruction.

        Like you, I don’t know why God seems to deny some of us what seems to be the most basic of entitlements. I had followed God faithfully all my life.What did I do to deserve such denial?

        The answers God has given me probably won’t satisfy you. I mostly want to validate your feelings. I can assure you, Gods’ ways are best. This journey you’re on is one of learning deep trust in Father God.

        I remember when I was still single getting to the point of saying to God, “I feel like I can’t trust you anymore.” It was an honest confession but one satan used to erect a wall between God and me. Once that wall came down, I determined to never again allow such a wall to be rebuilt – even if it meant remaining childless – even if it meant parenting broken children of another mother.

        So, dear sister, if I understand your heart’s cry, I promise you so does your Father. I don’t know what He has in store, but as Lindsey has said, it’s always, always the best. In the meantime, here’s a huge virtual hug.

      • Joyce, my heart hurts for you so much. I understand your pain as I have had many of the same dreams that haven’t come to pass. Bev, I read your story and it was like reading my own, but without children, family, with divorce and loneliness. Its so hard to wait, to have desires that seem so large. I read once that every desire we have points to the Lord. Its hard to remain trusting and faithful, seeking His hand in the midst of pain. Yet He is still good and love itself and somethings I now understand why they happened and didn’t and it was good. Place your hope and trust, no matter how small, in the Lord, dear sister; pour out your heart to Him who knew you before all creation. He is working there even when we can’t see how He is preparing us for He is so faithful to continue his work in us as we surrender; He sees and knows and understands. Let this time be one of developing that deepest relationship with the Lord for He is the fulfillment of every desire and dream that He has given 🙂 May you know His love and the love of each of us here holding you in prayer 🙂

      • Joyce,

        I, too, was a 36 year old wanting to get married. I had to sit and wait 4 more years before God sent my sweetie. Perhaps God is molding you and your spouse into the people He wants you to be. Have hope and do not despair. All things work out in God’s perfect timing. They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31.

        Remember Moses and Sarah–they waited many many years for the promised child. Finally in old age they had Isaac. God is at work in all situations-we are to just wait and hope!

        Blessings 🙂

  2. Allowing grief to do its work.
    Oh, Lindsay — this is the human condition! Thank you for sharing how you have come through the fire, because our grief can be the very place in which we meet the heart of God and allow Him to change us from the inside out.

  3. Now what if your dream dies and you haven’t found or been given a new one? There’s just a gaping hole where your desires have been crushed and are yet to be filled? What do you do in the time between. And how do you support someone going through that?

    • These are such good questions, Diana, and there are no easy answers. The main thing I would say is to remain in a posture of surrender in the space of waiting, and don’t avoid the place of pain. God wants to do something in you that will prepare you for whatever is next. It’s so tempting to avoid the pain, but God will use it to make you more like Jesus IF you are surrendered, listening, and lean in to His presence.

      This morning I read James 1:4 which I think speaks so beautifully to this: “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Even when we don’t understand what God is doing, we can cling to Him in the waiting and trust that He is moving in us, even when we don’t see it.

      As far as supporting someone else, acknowledge their pain, give them permission to grieve and be sad without trying to offer easy answers, while still pointing them to Jesus and reminding them there’s hope.

      Hope that’s helpful!

  4. Lindsay,
    This is beautiful and so much of my story as well. God took our infertility and turned it into something beautiful through adoption. Now I too love sharing that hope and encouragement on my own blog as well. I would love to connect! Do you have a personal blog?

  5. I’ve enjoyed these post for years now, but I rarely comment. However, I have to share this post was a reminder of God’s grace to me. For a few years, it felt like every door I thought was meant for me was slammed in my face. Doors of relationships, job opportunities, and new chances. The word surrender popped up as a I prayed in disappointment as another date went nowhere. Thanks for the reminder that living a life of openness to God’s way is so much better than mine.

    • Wow, thank you so much for sharing that, Taylor. I love that you are listening to God’s promptings in the midst of disappointment. Surrender is a constant process, and I believe God has much to show you during this time!

  6. I had the same dream. It wasnt until i gave up the dream God gave us a beautiful baby girl. What filled my soul. She was chosen for us. She now is 20 and in college. He is an awesome God.

  7. Thanks for sharing your story. My husband and I got married 9 years ago and have been trying for 6 years. We done lots of tests and all appear normal. But, I was in full time ministry do 10.5 years in highly stressful position. I suffered from depression for about 5 years but The Lord has healed me. We did grieve the loss of our dream but it was hard to admit at first. Questions of worth used to plague me. I used to hurt so badly when I saw families it pregnant women. But, my hubby has always been so positive and supportive. We trust God for His best as He is growing us up to look more like Christ. It still hard sometimes but then I give the pain to the Father. One of the things The Lord has helped me do is celebrate with and pray for those who are parents or expecting. We also babysit for our siblings too-2 nieces and 4 nephews all in the age range of 3-10. More recently a cousin who has been married for 16 years had her first child- she is 42.

    • I relate to so much of what you shared, Toya. Even as we trust God, the pain is still very real. Keep giving that pain to the Father and lean into Him. I love that you are celebrating with expecting parents…that takes so much humility and courage to do, as you hold both your own sadness and your joy for others. I’m praying that God will continue to meet you in the places of pain and surrender, and that you’ll keep trusting His goodness in your lives!

  8. Lindsay, my husband and I are struggling as we try to get pregnant and we pray about it everyday. This article was meant for me to find this morning. Thank you and God bless you!
    – Natalie F in Atlanta

    • Natalie, I’m glad this was an encouragement to you. I know how painful this season is for you. Keep praying, surrendering, and believing that God is moving even when you don’t know what He’s doing. Blessings to you and your husband.

      • Thank you so much; yes, trusting in God’s amazing plan…even through the tough days – especially through the tough days.

  9. I needed to hear that today. All year I have been struggling with surrender. You have given me a lot to think about. God bless you.

    • Thanks for sharing that, Ellyce. Surrender is incredibly difficult, and a constant process as we keep laying down our dreams and plans before the Father. Blessings to you as well.

  10. God answered our desire to be parents in much the same way 25 years ago…in fact, I have said the exact same thing as your husband when sharing the story of our miracle babies, “I couldn’t have one baby so God gave us two!”

  11. Lindsay, thank you for being real about your struggle. I can relate to much of what you shared. Recently, God clarified a past season of my life by helping me understand that it’s ok if my hopes are crushed, if a better hope is introduced. Painful lessons though.

  12. Many of the comments are from younger women. It’s a whole different pain when you see the death of a dream in your late 50’s or 60’s. There’s not much time or opportunity to go a different direction. The only direction is to Jesus – with pain and struggling to find hope.

  13. Really inspiring. Surrendering our pains, frustrations and all to Jesus without ceasing , is what I have learnt from all your sharing
    Thank you

  14. This is beautiful and brought me to tears. You are right that it is so hard to remember God’s goodness when you’re in the middle of the messy, waiting part. That’s why it’s so encouraging when believer’s share their stories of God’s faithfulness. Thank you!

  15. Fantastic devotion this morning!! Thank you for sharing and baring your soul – wonderful inspiration!

  16. Lindsay,
    Congratulations on your two daughters. I am the adoptive mother of 2 girls, 14 months apart. They are now 31 and 30 and one will be a mother of her own in February. I had endometriosis also and after many surgeries and a hysterectomy I thought I would never have a child. I finally was “allowed” to adopt and got 2 wonderful girls, aged 2 and 3. I waited for the Lord and He gave me the two wonderful children. I married a wonderful man 2 1/2 years ago. As we wait for this new grandbaby we Praise You over and over for our wonderful life with you.
    Mary

  17. Lindsey,

    Have you ever hit a sensitive nerve! I’ve walked a journey similar to yours. You can read it in a reply I sent to Joyce. Thank you for sharing.

    • Wow, powerful story, Cheri! I love how you shared that the wall came down between you and God when you were honest with how you felt. I’ve definitely experienced that as well. Thanks for reading and for sharing your own story!

  18. I enjoyed reading your precious story today, Lindsay. Thank you so much for sharing. I visited your blog and saw your darling daughters. Indeed, I love your husband’s word from the Lord, “You asked for one; I’m giving you TWO!” So often God tries to bless our socks off and when the blessing doesn’t look just like we had planned we balk. But what a beautiful blessing!

  19. Lovely story. And it shows that what God has for us is better than what we imagined. We just need to “trust and obey,” as the song goes. Which of course is easier said than done, but so worth the rewards.

  20. My story is similar to Joyce,I have been waiting a long to meet a husband and have a family. Its hard to see my friends happy in relationships while I get to go home to an empty house. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when I’m invited to dinner and there’s couple’s present and I’m the only single person. I’m holding on to God to bring the right person into my life.

    • Ellen, I’m so sorry you find yourself in a place of waiting, and I’m sure it’s so hard to see others around you getting what you dream about. Keep holding on to God, even when it’s difficult. Thanks for sharing.

  21. Thank you for sharing your heart and your journey of dreaming, surrendering and redeeming love. I will never get tired of hearing how God is Faithful and overwhelming with his love and promises, especially when we receive it in unexpected packaging.

    I find myself wrestling and trying to fully surrender my dream to Him. I keep telling myself that His ways are always higher than my own. Your words were so encouraging.

    I loved this, thank you for your words!

    “It’s hard to feel hope when you’re living right in the middle of a messy story. When you aren’t getting the answers you want and change is nowhere in sight, hope feels like a dangerous thing. Because from where you stand, it looks like choosing hope will only lead to disappointment.

    But what other choice do we have?

    We can give up in despair when we don’t get what we want, or we can choose to hope that there is another way.”

  22. Lindsay,

    I had hopes and dreams. Graduate High School, get a good job, enjoy life. It took a while to find a good job. Then choices, and life events got in the way. I got married (finally) at 39-turned 40 that year. Through all this my aging parents have had health issues I had to deal with. Now I’ve had to quit my good state job to be more available for my aging dad. I thought I would be enjoying this time of my life (50s). Working a good job, getting house fixed up, saving for retirement, etc. I know that the death of a dream doesn’t mean the death of me. God has bigger and better things in store for me and my family!

    Blessings 🙂

  23. Thank you! I am reminded by your writing that God is working things out for me in far greater scales than what I imagine for myself. I am given new hope that He will provide me strength and wisdom to understand His plans. I just have to trust in Him!

  24. I am in tears! Beautiful story! Love these words you shared:

    It’s hard to feel hope when you’re living right in the middle of a messy story. When you aren’t getting the answers you want and change is nowhere in sight, hope feels like a dangerous thing.

    I just came from that place, which is what inspired me to start blogging. Thank you for sharing this story of hope! I am actually going to pass this along to a friend, too!