“How beautiful you are, my darling. How very beautiful!”
How Beautiful You Are
The other day I asked my husband to come out to our backyard so I could show him a project I needed help with. As he walked behind me, I cringed a little when I remembered that I was still wearing the old pair of jeans I had pulled on earlier that morning when I let the dogs out. You see, I’ve always been self-conscious about my curves. I found myself wishing I had thrown on a long sweater to try to disguise from his view what I felt was an unflattering fit.
Even though I am learning to be more accepting of my curves, I still succumb sometimes to a more destructive commentary in my head over what I feel are my physical imperfections.
With every step I took, I even imagined my husband must be following behind thinking about me what I was thinking about myself.
Now, you might think the conclusion of this story will reveal that he was actually enjoying the same curves I was cursing. Maybe he was, but my shape wasn’t what he was focused on. I know what he was thinking because he said it out loud so I could hear his thoughts, too.
“You have such a cute little walk.”
What? I made him repeat himself to make sure I heard him right.
“You have such a cute little walk.”
He wasn’t behind me assessing my faults like I was in my own head, he was simply finding and appreciating something of beauty he saw in me as he walked with me.
The example of love my husband set that day (and many other days) inspired me. His words weren’t just a reflection of what he saw in me, but they spoke volumes to me about who he is and how he walks, too.
Through all the curves and ups and downs and challenges we’ve navigated over nearly three decades together, I see his daily decisions to still find beauty in me as his wife and to choose to love me as a reflection of his ultimate commitment to live and love like Christ.
How easy it is to only notice the flaws, to focus on shortcomings, or to dwell on failures in ourselves and in our spouse! Yet a commitment to pursue love in spite of imperfections can help refine us and inspire others when they see Christ working in us.
How beautiful you are, my darling. How very beautiful!
Are there practical ways you are inspired or challenged to offer more words of loving affirmation in your marriage and relationships?
Paris Renae says
Wow, that is me, always worried about the wrinkles and sags and aging ‘imperfections’ – I think to myself he must be disappointed. Yet, I have a husband who affirms me often, how easy it is, as you said to focus on the flaws. Thanks for the reminder…
Rhonda Arnaud says
So just like me!!! I am constantly avoiding the mirrors and when I do have to look at myself, I cringe. My daughter in law and others tell me that I have facial and body dismorfier, but I don’t like what I see. I have to remind myself that what’s on the inside is what is important. I know that I am a good person who sees the good in others, I am soft hearted and although I am human, I do my best to live the Christian life. Thank you for the positive outlook and for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing these precious thoughts. As a single woman with similar insecurities about “curves”, I need to constantly seek contentment in God’s affirmation and love for me – just the way I am. Online Christian dating has been devastating because of the barrage of rejection I feel as men pour over photos of “less curvy” women and decide who is worthy of their time based primarily on appearance. I am rarely chosen as desirable to get to know. Yet the Lord is teaching me contentment. How wonderful for those with loving husbands. Cherish your gift.
Terri Kyle says
Beautiful story. So reflective of most marriages, and even the way many barriers begin in relationships.. All in our imagination ! Thanks.
When I start thinking about my flaws and how my husband might see me, I think of how I perceive him. I don’t see his flaws but the man who he is. All his good qualities, especially how he is inside is what I “see”. Then I realize that is how he sees me, since he doesn’t dwell on my flaws either.. even the ones inside. I am so blessed.
Rebecca L Jones says
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. That why we should see Jesus as altogether lovely and look at ourselves the way He does.
This does hold true. My husband has never told me I am gaining weight, when clearly I’d put on 30 lbs that winter!
He has always told me I look fine, with my hair all over the place, and my makeup smeared from the night of sleeping in it!
How God’s light shine through those examples in our marriage. Thank you♡
Beth Williams says
I have a tendency to put myself down easily. One mistake or misspoken word and I’m in a tizzy. To often I do the same with my hubby. I try to compliment him often. He does it with me. I will say “I’m fat”. He says I like you just the way you are. You are beautiful. Makes me feel good. Now I’m going to go compliment my wonderful hubby!
I can totally relate to this Melissa, I often feel self-conscious about my ‘curves.’ I have sometimes thought that they might even be preventing me from meeting my ‘husband.’ Ultimately I know that this is a lie from the enemy, and that the man that the Lord has for me will love me for who I am!! Right now though, I’m learning to receive God’s love and see myself the way he does. I have realised how important it is not to compare ourselves to other women, and especially not to let the media define how I “should look.’
Great reminder that often what we are thinking is not what others are thinking. Why are we so harsh on our self when others are not?
As a plus size woman what makes me feel comfortable in my own skin is doing what I need to do to feel presentable, especially when I leave the house: clean hair, minimum of mascara, foundation and lip product and clothes that fit well (in other words not clingy). Years ago I had a woman tell me she could see my light shining and this was a woman I knew at church so she was seeing God in me and I try to carry that attitude no matter who I am dealing with in public.