I drive down the road enjoying a rare moment when I control the radio in spite of a car full of kids. My taste runs toward 80s, jazz, and the Avett Brothers, while my kids’ tastes veer (sadly) in other directions. Control of the radio dial involves a battle of reflexes and wills.
A catchy song comes on, an old favorite, and I join in with the singer as he laments a love that’s falling apart, a lack of common ground, two people who’ve misplaced each other in the day-to-day like a set of lost keys.
{When it comes to music, I’m a word-person: I need to turn the lyrics over in my mind and try to figure out what the songwriter wants to tell me before I can really appreciate the song. My mother, a voice major who held private recitals, was not a word-person. Are you?}
The singer eventually repeats the chorus five times: a hopeful plea, a fragile foothold, a tentative lifeline connecting a passion grown cold to the warm memory of what once was.
And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
She said I think I remember the film
And as I recall I think, we both kind o’ liked it
And I said well that’s, the one thing we’ve got
He gropes for common ground in a strained relationship and finally settles on a favorite movie. If nothing more than a shared love of Breakfast at Tiffany’s — merely a distant memory, a forced recollection — breaches the gap between them, then so be it. For him it’s enough. It has to be enough.
I’ve been married now for over half my life, and I can testify that there’s an ebb and flow to the marital connection, both physical and emotional. While maintaining that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling of new love on a day-to-day basis is unrealistic, remaining connected is a must.
I read once that every couple should have an indoor activity, an outdoor activity, and a board game they enjoy doing together, and I believe it’s sound advice.
Do you share a love of DIY projects, live baseball games, or Monopoly? List your three things.
What did you like to do while dating or before you became parents? If you delighted in leisurely walks; movie dates; or sitting across a table staring into each other’s eyes, learning all there was to know about each other, then intentionally make time for those things again.
Bryan and I met at the end of high school, but we still have fun comparing notes on what music we listened to and things our families liked to do before we met. (We played in the same piano recital in elementary school and attended the same concert at the civic center when we were in high school.)
It’s easy to lose touch with each other in either the chaos or the routine of the day-to-day.
Sometimes you need to stop and recall your own Breakfast at Tiffany’s. What’s yours?
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Dawn,
Word people unite!! Like you I’m a word person. So much so that I find myself correcting the grammar of the sports announcers while my husband and I enjoy one of our shared interests – watching our Pittsburgh sports teams. Ice hockey, baseball, football, if it’s black and gold, we get into it! Every so often I do have to break up the testosterone with a mushy chick flick lol. Outdoors we like long walks together or with our dog. Grabbing a cup of coffee at one of our favorite little coffee places, and talking, is also a favorite activity. Rummikube (spelling??) is one of our favorite board games though it’s more fun with more players I have to say. Thanks for the reminder to work at holding on to that “lovin’ feeling” – to quote a song 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
Dawn Camp says
Bev, it sounds like y’all have this staying connected thing down. Congrats! 🙂
Kathy says
This is sooo weird. (BTW, I am a word person)
Recently, we have had our share of illnesses in the family. One of the medications my husband had to go on for 27 days had strict rules of NO ALCOHOL for the duration. No biggie to most but, we have really enjoyed checking out the local “Craft beer tap rooms” lately so I guess our Breakfast at Tiffany’s is more like a happy hour at the tap room.
Until it wasn’t.
What do we do? He watches golf on TV and I go outside for walks. He complains its too hot to be out and I think he keeps the A/C way too cold/low inside. He enjoys playing video games on his iPad I loathe video games. period. I see things around the house which need to be taken care of and he says its fine.
I am literally wondering what we do have in common these days. An inside activity? Can’t think of one. Outside activity? Not sure. Board game? Nope.
Bonnie says
Right there with ya, sister. My husband has staunchly refused — for the entire 35 years of our marriage — even to try to find something we could enjoy together. The whole point of his (many!) hobbies, I think, is that he doesn’t do them with me. He (we) have missed out on so much. It’s frustrating but mostly sad.
Dawn Camp says
Bonnie, does he have a hobby that you might enjoy too? Copying part of my comment to Kathy here: I would love for you to search your memory for common ground from your dating and early married days and look for new things you would enjoy doing together (think fun board game, binge watching a new series on Netflix, discovering a restaurant with live music, exploring a museum) and then please, pretty please come back here and comment on how it goes.
I’m praying for you too!
Dawn Camp says
Kathy, your comment here sounds like a challenge. (I am so sorry about your husband and the health problems, but it sounds like he’s following doctor’s orders, which is admirable considering the fun nights out it’s costing you!) I would love for you to search your memory for common ground from your dating and early married days and look for new things you would enjoy doing together (think fun board game, binge watching a new series on Netflix, discovering a restaurant with live music, exploring a museum) and then please, pretty please come back here and comment on how it goes. Praying for you today, sister!
chelsea jacobs says
I love that song! Such a sweet way to apply it to relationships, too.
Dawn Camp says
Chelsea, you probably won’t be surprised to learn Breakfast at Tiffany’s has been playing in my head all day. 🙂
Angela says
Thank you for this encouragement!
Dawn Camp says
You’re welcome, Angela!
Tarrah says
Dawn,
Such a beautiful reminder for couples. We find ourselves lost in the day, the weeks, and the months making very little time for one another. We’ve designated the first Sunday of every month for our brunch date. This is a time we look forward to that’s free of kids, and it’s just us enjoying the company of one another. One of my friends once told me, you have to take time out to remember why you like each other. I love the indoor and outdoor activity as well as th board game. I definitely want to incorporate those. Thanks so much for sharing!
Dawn Camp says
Tarrah, your friend has some solid advice: “you have to take time out to remember why you like each other.” It sounds like you and your husband have done a great job at being intentional about making time for each other. Our routine is Sunday date nights, although I was out of town most of last week so we had a family outing Sunday afternoon/evening, tubing on the Chattahoochee River (so we’ve got a date night tonight).
Mindy says
My husband hears the music and I the lyrics but we enjoy listening together. We dated when gas was cheap and spent many afternoons driving in a music filled car.
LaToya Brown says
Dawn,
Locking the bedroom door has reconnected my husband and me. We dated in high school and married three years after graduating. Kids came along four years later and our lives changed drastically. We were best friends while dating and in our early years of marriage. We genuinely enjoyed doing things together. With children, our time together was mostly at night. And for many years we kept our door open because I “needed” to hear the kids through the night, making intimacy, for lack of a better word, kinda sneaky. Well, we’re finally closing the door and locking it! Reconnecting. Lol
Dawn Camp says
LaToya, we’ve just started locking the door too—I highly recommend it! 🙂
Michele Morin says
We’re connecting this year over the Word of God, reading it together — out loud. I look forward to that time every day!
Dawn Camp says
Michele, this is a great way to connect. One of my sons used to study the Bible over the phone with his out-of-state girlfriend, whom he married last summer. We were at their house recently and their Bibles and notebooks were sitting on the kitchen table; clearly they still practice this good habit.
Michele Morin says
You’re melting my mama heart with that one! Can’t help but think of that verse: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
Pearl Allard says
Dawn, I’ve heard this song before but won’t ever view it the same way! What a neat way to tie the song to a reminder to love our spouse. I especially like the indoor/outdoor/board game suggestion. Ours would be movies, hiking, and Scattergories (but just about any board games are good!). Thank you, Dawn!
Nancy Gladwin says
I’ve never heard that before, have three things you like to do together, inside, outside and a board game. I know what our outside and inside things are, I’ll have to work on the board game. Thanks for a fun perspective on love!
Sarah Geringer says
One of our shared loves is the Jason Bourne movie series. I am looking forward to our date night next week when the latest movie premieres. Your post is a good reminder to keep in touch in practical ways.
Dawn Camp says
Sarah, I actually plugged in a Sunday evening movie date next week for the Bourne movie on my phone’s calendar, knowing it would sync up with my husband’s. We’re all about movie date nights!
Jim & Charlene Lovett says
Jim & I have been married for 51 years. We met on a blind date the first weekend, had a one-on-one date the next weekend, and got married the next weekend! (not recommended for everyone!) We didn’t have any time before we married to have any memories to look back on, but we began forming our connections as we went along. We both love to read, and have a shared interest in what we read, and so discuss each of our latest books with each other. Unfortunately I can relate to you, Dawn, about who has control over the radio when we’re going somewhere. He loves country music, whereas I love light jazz, classical, easy listening rock. He loves the “old” hymns while I enjoy the contemporary style. So we’ve compromised…he listens to one from his station then I can switch to one from my station! We both love going to flea markets, thrift stores or yard sales, and we both love to travel, especially cross country by car. We may not have had the benefit of dating memories to pull from, but we made our own after we were married :)!
Dawn Camp says
Charlene, y’all sound wildly compatible in spite of your brief courtship. Congratulations on 51 years!
Beth Williams says
Charlene,
I thought I got married quickly. My husband and I met on line and emailed for about 3 weeks. We had a “blind date”. A few days later he asked me on a “real” date. I knew then and there I was to marry him. We dated 10 weeks and I asked him to marry me. I was always over at his house and enjoyed falling asleep on him while watching movies. That was 12 years ago. Congratulations on 51 wonderful years!
Blessings 🙂
Beth Williams says
Dawn,
I’m not a word person, per se. I am a grammar fanatic. I can spot a mistake a mile away. My husband I went to a live theatre play. Each weekend we were together. We both enjoy music and used to go to concerts. He has taught me to like Marvel Comic Book movies. We’ve seen them all and own most of them. Hiking is another outdoor sport we enjoy. I truly love sitting on the back porch talking about daily life. Our the most favorite things to do are walking/hiking, watching movies-mostly comic book, and playing Magic card game with special cards. Life has had its twists and turns and there were times we “lost touch with each other”. Prayer and well meaning “let’s talk” has helped.
Blessings 🙂
Cecilia Espinosa says
Dawn,
This is very true, although we may not have butterflies every day we must continue to have a connection. Recently I decided to do the Husband Project and it was incredible! It gave me great ideas for spending quality time with my Husband and allowed me to think outside the box. My husband and I met when we were 16 and started dating soon after. We have now been married for 3 years, together for 5 and with two little ones. Before our munchkins made their arrival we enjoyed our days at the movies and I am happy to say that we make a movie night at least once a week and enjoy some type of activity together daily, whether it is board games, projects, or simply sitting on the porch to talk.