“I do it myself!”
Determined little creatures, sometimes tight-fisted and defiant, my babies declared I do it! upon “mastering” any new skill. It didn’t matter that mama could do it faster and better, that would have entirely missed the point. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom — baby stepping toward independence, each one reason enough to celebrate.
Buying that last pack of diapers was tantamount to winning the lottery. Child and parent happy dances, yes?
Every victory, milestone, or accomplishment proves we’re getting something right as parents, doesn’t it?
While it’s easy to feel like you’ve blown it (sometimes daily, or on those days, hourly), we need these little trophies to signal success.
So we keep at it, cultivating and nurturing independence in our children so one day they’ll be decent citizens who contribute to their community; so at some point they’ll make a good mate for another.
Remembering that we’re raising our children for someone else is a sobering thought when they’re young, but as they get older, it’s one of those guideposts that helps keep in mind the end game.
Independence is good reason to celebrate because it means something.
I stumbled across a letter from one of our country’s founding fathers (and eventual presidents), John Adams, to his wife Abigail. This was following the vote to end Great Britain’s rule and after the writing of the resolution to explain the vote (what we now know, of course, as the Declaration of Independence). He knew that day would be . . .
“[T]he most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.”
While I love and appreciate his heart in how to commemorate our nation’s independence (solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty), I’m amused by his characterization of solemnity — “pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other.”
Adams knew how to celebrate, and he rightly understood the significance of the birth of a nation.
It’s why we continue to celebrate the Fourth of July today. Independence is commonly defined as “not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion” and “not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction.” In the case of our country, 13 colonies joined together to declare they were no longer under the authority and governance of the British Empire, but instead the United States of America.
With the birth of our nation, independence was viewed as strength, virtue, and declaration of freedom. And I suppose that’s what defines a country, distinguishing it from all the others — establishing an autonomous government for its people.
But in the case of raising children, independence is an entirely different thing. Yes, every day our babies should become increasingly less dependent on Mama and Daddy to take care of them. Resourcefulness, work sensibilities, self-reliance in basic care, problem-solving, and relationship-building skills are all necessary for healthy well-rounded adults.
What I want my children to understand — what took me too long to conclude on my own — is that utter dependence on God is liberating.
How many times have I tried to rely on myself or others to solve problems tucked between rocks and hard places? How often have I found myself spinning on a hamster wheel, going no where fast? It’s exhausting just thinking about it.
But . . . but . . . when I slow down long enough to remember Whose I am and what He promises? The circumstances might not get easier, but there’s seismic shift in my heart and head.
The Lord is My strength and My shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him. The Lord is the strength of His people; He is the saving refuge of His anointed. {Psalm 28:7-8}
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’ {Isaiah 41:13}
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. {Psalm 73:26}
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. {Ephesians 6:10}
But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. {2 Corinthians 12:9-10}
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. {Proverbs 16:9}
The way I see it, independence and dependency are two sides of the same coin; you can’t have one without the other. It is letting go of one thing — even a good thing sometimes — to grab hold of the best thing.
I don’t have to figure out all the answers; I don’t even have to know all the questions. I just have to trust that God is who he says he is, and that his ways are far better than my own.
And best of all?
I don’t have to do it myself.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Robin,
In our society “dependence” is a four letter word. We are supposed to be self-sufficient – not dependent on anyone or anything. Yet, like you said, dependence on God is truly liberating. The more we depend on Him, the more we lean in and utterly rely on Him for our every breath, we find the abundant source of life that comes from abiding in Him. Teaching our children to become independent of us, but dependent on God is a real challenge, but it’s our highest calling. Great post, Robin! Happy 4th!
Blessings,
Bev
Martha McNeal says
Right where I seem to be so choosing that God’s got this next seemingly hard thing, and in dependence on God alone,I choose to listen and believe the voice of truth that all things are working together for my good according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Praise Him
Barb says
This week I celebrate my second birthday, the day I received Christ, 45 years ago. Yet I also realize I need Him more now than ever and how much I need to utterly and totally depend on Him. This was a great combination of my favorite verses, and perfect illustration.
An says
Robin, I praise the Lord for these great words of grace He was worked through you 🙂 How much I need my Savior, especially in these healing times. He is so present with the peace of Himself as we depend on Him and bear with those He places in our lives. I am grateful for the truth in these scriptures that uplift for He is always there helping and comforting 🙂 May we each lean in and press on Him today, experiencing His great love and grace 🙂 Happy 4th of July!
Joanne Peterson says
Robin, I also know my kids are watching me to observe how dependent I am on Jesus. Like the reference in Deuteronomy 6 of talking of the Lord all of the time, seeking by example. How much do I let them grow up and become independent and take the time to teach them the skills or do it myself because I can either do it faster, or don’t want the mess, or the meltdowns? This second round of kids are proving to be just as challenging as my first round of kids even though I know better and know to live in today, but look beyond today toward our future and their future. This is such a good reminder of our goal for us as their parents to work, train, and disciple for our children to be Jesus followers, spouses, and parents, so that they may be the next generation of Jesus followers, spouses and parents. Happy 4th of July! Blessings, Joanne
Rebecca L Jones says
All too often I’ve been on my haster wheel or stationary bike to nowhere, He is the saving refuge of His anointed. {Psalm 28:8} Love it, He doesn’t just get you out of your cage and pat you on the head. He really loves you! That is freedom. ( Let’s alll be nicer to our pets, too. There’s a lesson in that. )
Kristen says
Robin, your words fall like rain on thirsty ground. Wonderful post!
Beth Williams says
Robin,
Our church had a Praise and Thanksgiving ceremony last night. We named quite a few miracles and blessings God has bestowed on us. I, personally, have witnessed 4 miracles/answers to prayers this year. I fully depend on God to get me through each and every day. Knowing that God is there ready to help me in each and every situation is liberating. I can’t/don’t have to do it alone!
Happy 4th!! God Bless!!